The man behind the mask

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down...

Harry felt colder then he’d ever felt. He had once thought that this moment would bring him joy. He felt no joy in this. His joy had long since faded in the shades of gray. He looked at the people standing beside him. All members of Dumbledore’s order. All of them had no problem with what they where about to do.

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

It was cold, the middle of summer yet Harry felt like it was the coldest of winters. When had he become his enemy. The body of peter Pettigrew lay at his feat crumpled and shaking. They stood in a semi circle around him. Dumbledore at the head.

“Voldemort has put charms on him. Truth serum will not work. There is a way, it will cause him great pain but it is for the greater good. He will reveal to us where Voldemort has plotted his Manor.” He spoke to the gathered members of the order.

There was a time when Harry would have sworn proudly that he was Dumbledore’s man; had in fact done so on more then one occasion. However now he felt as far from him as he’d ever felt. As the years had passed and they got closer and closer to their goal of defeating Voldemort the white of truth that had been his life had slowly faded to gray.

Dumbledore, who had denied dozens of times the position of minister he was fast discovering was not as scornful of ambition as it seemed. His talent lay in molding young minds. It wasn’t that he felt Pettigrew didn’t deserve what was coming to him. Every time he looked at him he wanted to murder the bastard. But he didn’t. Because everyday the more this war dragged on the more death and pain he saw the less he could distinguish himself from his enemy.

I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders

It weighed on his soul this ever present sliding into gray. What was real, he had thought all of this was real. Looking around himself at their faces, people who would have once shouted in outrage at what Dumbledore told them was necessary instead stared at him in rapt fascination. In blind obedience.

Some, like Sirius and Remus looked disgusted. Ron looked edgy he glanced towards Harry to gage his reaction. Hermione looked nervous like she didn’t quite agree with what was going on but didn’t want to go against authority. She too turned to look at him, as if asking for his help.

I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it

He gave them a brave smile and stepped forward. Dumbledore smiled at him warmly and he felt slightly guilty for his derogatory thought towards a friend and a mentor. “Dumbledore I’m not defending Pettigrew, that’s the last thing I would ever do but this spell you’re talking about. It will probably kill him. That brings us too close to our enemy doesn’t it?”

At his words Sirius flashed him a smile of support, as if glad that someone here had some sense. Dumbledore nodded. His eyes took on their familiar warmth and twinkle and Harry felt comforted. But when he spoke suddenly he was chilled again.

“It does Harry. That is why we must keep our hearts vigilant. It is never right to take life but when it is for the good of man kind certain things must be done. Voldemort must be killed, so too must young Pettigrew here. I wish it could be done any other way, I wish…” Dumbledore did not finish his head bowed slightly his eyes misting slightly.

The people present all nodded their heads in agreement. They even flashed Pettigrew sympathetic looks. Harry felt sudden revulsion for the whole thing. He felt like a puppet on strings dancing to somebody else’s beat. He felt like….

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers

Like a tool. Like a toy and they where all just marching to the beat. He was right though, as Voldemort’s secret keeper this was the only way to find him. If the charms prevented Dumbledore from using truth serum then this was the only way. He gritted his teeth fighting down his revulsion.


Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

Dumbledore was raising his wand everyone was staring on in fascination waiting to watch Pettigrew be tortured. Harry was cold. Colder then he’d ever been. Dumbledore looked pained as if by doing this he would be destroying part of himself. He felt a wave of regret rush over him, this man had cared for him guided him since he was a youth.


There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it.

“Stop! This is my battle! If you insist that sacrifices must be done, I’ll do it!” He shouted. There was absolute silence as every one stared at him in shock. Remus went to stop him but Harry would not be deterred.

This was the part he hated the most, when the people he loved got hurt. He couldn’t stand it if one more person he loved got hurt. He whispered the words and sent the spell flying into Pettigrew.

He shuddered, the sounds of his screams resonating in the clearing. And Harry was falling forward. He could see everything of Peters thoughts and his memories. It was like he was drawing the very thing that was peter and bringing it into his own body. It hurt like hell but a heady sense of power accompanied it. He knew everything that was Peter.

That was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I want to destroy something I helped build

He had never killed anyone before, in the doing of it he felt more in control then he had ever before. It was dark it was seduction. As Peter died and he took in everything that he was he felt more power then he had ever felt in his life. It shook him to his core.

Their had been no charms. Dumbledore could have used truth Serum. He had wanted this feeling.

Voldemort was not as stupid as they had assumed. He had deliberately sent Peter to be captured.

His body was thrumming with power, but rolling with sickness. He was horrified.

He had not just taken life and enjoyed it. He wasn’t evil. He wasn’t anything like him.

“HARRY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!” Dumbledore was demanding he placed a pale hand on Harry’s forehead. He looked so worried, so maternal like that. As if he actually care.

Harry lay there shivering. Shaken. Their had been no charms. Voldemort actually wanted the order to come. He planed to kill all the others when the came and keep him, but for what? Harry shivered.

“Harry where is Voldemort. Where so close to all of this being over, so much pain let it be over Harry.” Dumbledore soothed.

Remus and Sirius where staring down at him with concern. The only two people here he was sure of in a world that had become shadowed with gray. If he told Dumbledore that he now knew exactly where to find Voldemort an attack would be ordered and they would insist on coming. And they would both die.

Their loyalty to us is worth more than any award is
But I’m not trying to have any of my people hurt and murdered
It’s not worth it I can't think of more perfect way to word it

No, he was never going to let it happen. This had always been his battle. It was him Voldemort wanted. He would go on his own, he would end this alone or die trying. “We were wrong, Voldemort thought he was too weak willed to be secret keeper. He didn’t know.” Harry bit out a shiver of pain going through him. He could tell Dumbledore knew he was lying they stared back at each other.

Then to just say that I love you too much to see the verdict
I'll walk away from it all before I let it go any further.

“I hope you will not do anything brash, remember what I said about the asking and seeking of help.” At this piece of advise Harry felt a spurt of rage, in his most innocent tone. He said.

“oh I do, I wish he had known. Then this would all be over I feel terrible, oddly enough their where no charms on him when I looked.” He said. He stared innocently up at Dumbledore daring him to deny that he hadn’t known all along. The old man didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“That’s the thing the curse is powerful enough to shatter any charms on his body. In a way its almost ironic that the charms forced us to so grievous and act yet they are broken by the act itself.”

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers

Was he right, was he telling the truth? Who could tell all he knew was that soon very soon he would have to strike out on his own. This war was going to end either with his death or Voldemort’s. He had had enough of shadows and cold.

Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

Authors note: song is Like Toy Soilders. Poor Harry his world is about to rock