A Very Sirius Christmas Carol

Chapter 2

They didn’t so much as land, but appeared in the center of a road. The feeling was not like apparation, but just a sense of movement, a slight shift in Sirius’s perspective. Snow swirled around him, but as he felt James’s arm on his own, the bitter caresses of winter could not reach him.

“I know this place, I have been here many times before.” Sirius looked down the open road with wonder on his voice.

“And yet so scarce you have made yourself.” James kept his eyes focused on the end of the road where there was a small cottage seated at the end of s short cul-de-sac.

Sirius inhaled the smells that seemed to waft right down the street and into his mind. Things that he had assumed that he had forgotten came rushing back in a blur of recognition. A light scent of jasmine and a deeper musk brought visions of the Potters back to Sirius. He hadn’t seen their faces in many years, and he wondered why he now thought of these people. Why hadn’t he come around after what happened? Surely these good people would have understood what had happened among four of the closest friends.

They walked down the street, Sirius able to remember every crack in the road, every house and gate along the way. Familiar faces of people he never really knew, but recognized their features after seeing them often enough when he came here.

Wizards out aiming wands and lighting their houses for the holidays. Exuberant wizards trying to outdo one another, adding and adding to the holiday decorations until their wives came bursting out of the doors to reprimand them.

Sirius wondered if these people could spot the two of them walking down the road. He looked to James, noting the sharp contrast between James’s gaunt and somber attire and the festive decorations that flickered and illuminated everything around them. None of the light seemed to land on his best friend, it seemed to stop dead before it reached him, and while everything around them was bathed in a sea of colors, James walked amid it, a solitary gray figure, wandering.

“They cannot see us. They are a past that we have no place in.” James still did not meet his friend’s eyes.

Sirius knew that many of his fellow students lived here and he watched them as they filed into their homes, their faces rosy from the chill on the air, greeted by their mothers as they crossed their thresholds. Sirius knew what was to come by the single hot coal of shame he felt as a foreboding settled into his stomach. Sirius watched as a younger version of the man beside him scampered to his own door and was flung into the arms of his waiting father. The specter beside him closed his eyes.

“I came home that day alone.” James said in a voice not much louder than a whisper.

Sirius remembered and was almost floored by the wall of emotions that came to his mind.

They walked on further, and in a rush of scenery flashing before their eyes, they were before the gates of Hogwarts. The highest turrets of the castles were obscured by the clouds and swirling snow that had started to fall. Sirius hadn’t viewed the castle in this light for many years and again he was bombarded with emotions and a sense of nostalgia.

They entered the castle and walked the deserted halls. Not a sound was heard, no one was left at the school for this, the greatest of holidays. Picture frames were empty, their occupants gathered in some tapestry to celebrate, and the ghosts were not even to be seen. Sirius remembered the emptiness of the place well.

As they entered the Gryffindor Common room, passing the portrait as though it was a film, they spied a small boy with shaggy black hair reading by the fire. Sirius never read in front of his friends, he was always making fun of Remus for being a bookworm, but faced with long hours of loneliness, he scoured the library for anything to keep his restless mind occupied.

All around the boy, images swirled, Merlin and his great staff, proclaiming words of wisdom from the stairs to the dormitories; Nicolas Flamel, reciting the portents for the Philosopher’s Stone; Demsela Diabolique, singing her laments to the sea and lost love; King Arthur and his round table; knights, wizards, witches, goblins, trolls and beasts all ran rampant in the room. All memories of the friends that Sirius had made in the hours he whiled away in front of the fire, and as Sirius named them all he started to sob.

“If only… If only I could have swallowed my pride.” Sirius looked to his friend who had again closed his eyes.

“If only what, Sirius?” James’s solemn question came in a deep voice.

“If only we hadn’t fought the night before you left.” Sirius gasped as he remembered the night. They had fought over a stupid bag of candy. First years, they had many squabbles, but to fight before Christmas, Sirius realized that he should have spent his time with his fiends better, “I was so daft! I’m so sorry James.”

The specter did not reply, nor open his eyes. A flicker of pain seemed to cross its face, but when Sirius looked closer, it had been schooled away.

“Let’s move on, we have much to see tonight.” James waved his arm, and although they did not move, the scene around them subtly changed. Tables were moved, different chairs faced the fire, and again, a younger Sirius was before them. He paced the floors with a determined look in his eyes.

All three of the figures turned when the portrait was flung open, the fat lady yelling that the visitor was not allowed in another houses’ common room. The little girl that had burst in didn’t heed the warning as she flung herself into the younger Sirius. She pulled away from the friendly hug and Sirius gasped at the flash of red hair that shimmered like the setting amber sun.

“Sirius, Sirius! Come on! I’m here to take you home for the holidays!” Lily laughed at his confused expression.

“What do you mean?” His younger self asked. Sirius remembered the shame that he felt that day as Lily revealed that she knew he spent the holidays here alone. She told him that he needed to swallow his pride and spend these times with his friends rather than here alone in the castle. She dragged him to the door and through the halls, ignoring his arguments that he was just fine there alone.

Dumbledore saw them to the door and conjured his luggage for him. The Knight Bus arrived at the edge of the gate and Sirius remembered the moments alone with Dumbledore as he said goodbye to the castle for his first holiday away. There seemed to be a warning from Dumbledore as he saw them off, a condescending look that he had never before seen from the headmaster and would never see again.

“My Lily had a heart of gold, never have I seen so fine a creature.” James again closed his eyes.

“I know it, mate.” Sirius nodded his agreement.

“She died her finest hour as the woman I loved.” James continued, “And we had a child.”

“Harry, James I know this already.” Sirius looked to the specter whom still had its eyes closed in reverie.

“Your Godson.” James’s voice would have cracked had it been a bit louder.

Sirius was uncomfortable with his friend’s silence after the last two words, and tried to break it. “Yes. My Godson.”

But nothing could clear the ache that had settled in both men’s hearts as they stood in front of the school that night. It settled in the very marrow of Sirius’s bones and chilled his already icy blood.