Fixation

2/2.

Harry woke up and stared. With some hesitation he recalled the events of the previous day and buried himself deep into the pillows and covers. He shook his head and repeated ‘that’s not true. that was just a bad dream.’ several times in a row. He turned over and felt something shift and rustle under his weight. Harry sat up and saw a package on the side of the bed. Curiously he unwrapped it and found that it contained a green dress and a pair of matching shoes. Harry smiled as he read the note attached to the package.

‘I decided to take it upon myself to find the items that might suit you. I believe they will be quite adequate for your morning wear. My sincere apologies for any prior inconvenience. LM.’

Harry produced quite a sensation as he made his way downstairs. Narcissa Malfoy couldn’t look anymore shocked or ugly at the sight of ‘Miss Potter’. Lucius was smugly pleased with himself as well as with Harry. Draco’s jaw hit the floor and even Snape looked as if he was hit by Petrificus Totalus.

Enlisting the help of a house-elf Harry got into the dress and the shoes without a hitch. The said house-elf also helped to arrange Harry’s short hair into a pretty picture supplying it here and there with silver barrettes that couldn’t help but glitter. Thus there was no comparison with what they saw the last of Harry: exhausted, miserable and dirty wrapped in a too big travelling cloak.

Despite the fact that the circumstances of his life were now rather strange and uncertain Harry felt fresh and exciting as if he was made anew, though after taking into consideration what had happened he decided that he was indeed. To this state of general elation and unreasonable happiness added the fact that Lucius Malfoy himself took the trouble of making him feel better and did what his wife had failed to do. He couldn’t help but smile when he caught Lucius’s appraising gaze, however he moderated his facial expression to neutrality as he caught Mrs. Malfoy’s death glare. Breakfast, therefore, was a very strained affair.

Lucius and Snape left soon after breakfast and Harry obtaining permission to use the library went there to think and to make his own research. Intellectually he knew that this fixation with Lucius Malfoy was not healthy and should be battled down at once but for the life of him he couldn’t stop being drawn deeper and deeper into the pools of those cold grey eyes. It was not long before Harry forgot about the unfortunate-ness of the curse that changed him into a pretty female and instead started treating it as a blessing, at least where Lucius Malfoy and his attentions were concerned.

That’s why his handkerchief and a black and white moving picture cut from the Daily Prophet were now permanently residing under Harry’s pillow. It was quite safe there. And no one would ever know that coming back to the refuge of his room Harry would endlessly stare at the picture capturing the look of those eyes that he was too scared to capture in real life or rub the soft piece of cloth against his cheek.

This way under the pretence of recovering Harry continued his sojourn in Malfoy Manor while the best part of the wizarding world was putting back together what was left. Lucius was constantly engaged at the Ministry and was just as constant in supplying Harry with all the necessary clothing.

As far as Harry’s leaving the house was out of the question until the wizarding world restored its composure and complacency Harry (who had no objections at finding his own peace in leasure that he’d never had before and self-indulgence that he was equally deprived of all his life) endeavoured to help as much as he could within. That’s why he could be often found in Lucius’s study helping the older wizard with the papers that overpowered his desk and seemed to concern the future fate of the said world’s peace and quiet.

Harry was happy to be of use to Lucius Malfoy. After all he was a very grateful guest. And it gave him ample time and opportunity to be one on one with the object of his fixation. However often enough the close proximity to the man of his dreams made Harry rather uncomfortable and decidedly wet. It was wrong and silly and in all probability his growing feelings of admiration and infatuation that were under an imminent threat of transforming into that of pure and unconditional love would never be answered. But it was already too late. Harry’s heart was set and could be considered forfeited.

And Lucius a smug bastard that he was couldn’t help paying attention and taking notice of certain things. Like shy covert glances, almost ever present squirming and shifting, the flush of the cheeks, the trembling of hands, the biting of lips, the awe-struck attention with which Harry would listen to his instructions, and solemn promises to be at his service ‘As long as you need me, sir.’

It left Lucius amused, pleased, entertained and rather cruel in his selfishness as he decided one particularly strenuous day that Harry would promote his happiness and satisfaction in the department where his wife failed miserably. It was easy enough. No additional encouragement was needed on Harry’s side in order to be taken to bed to make Lucius Malfoy a very happy man.

Lucius was sitting behind his desk looking through the papers and feigning much more of the fatigue than he actually felt but it was enough for Harry to show his concern and to offer his help with all the artlessness and eagerness that he possessed. Quickly crossing the room and standing behind the man he employed himself in massaging Lucius’s neck with unsteady fingers whose pace and movements grew bolder as the blond wizard allowed a few groans to escape his lips in order to show his appreciation and pleasure. Harry was wrapped up in his ministrations to such an extent that he missed the point when Lucius manoeuvered him with no difficulty or strain or any sign of previous tiredeness onto his lap.

The sudden movement made Harry grab onto the neck that he was so diligent in easing from pain mere seconds ago. This way his head hit Lucius’s shoulder and his breath caught in his throat before it became very fast and shallow and his whole body trembled as Lucius’s hands started their lazy exploration.

Naturally curious Harry never once stopped to discover more of his body than met the eye. He decided that he didn’t want to go that far all alone and that he would prefer someone else’s hands to do the exploration to his own ignorant ones. Lucius Malfoy in his opinion had those very hands he wouldn’t mind or (if he became desperate) even would beg to have all over him. And now he just had to hold on tight so as not to faint from all the sensations that coursed within and without him.

Harry nuzzled the side of Lucius’s face and neck that were exposed to his advantage placing soft hesitant kisses wherever his lips could reach and rubbing his cheek in keen enjoyment against the roughness that greeted his soft skin. He was completely caught off guard when Lucius’s hand snaked between his thighs. Harry invitingly parted his legs so that those hands and those fingers could get closer to the spot that was now desperately calling for their undivided attention.

But Lucius was in no hurry teasing and gently petting his inner thighs before changing tactics and roughly scraping their smooth quivering surface with his nails. At times he had to steady Harry whenever he pushed and thrusted downwards by grabbing his hip in a manner that would no doubt leave bruises. Harry was distracted when Lucius captured his lips into a slow lingering kiss and gasped into the man’s mouth when he felt one of his fingers finally reaching the desired destination and persistently stroking the soft twitching nub.

The kiss stopped. Harry opened his eyes. He watched panting his eyes wide and wild as Lucius’s hand withdrew from within glistening with moist. Lucius’s gaze travelled from his fingers to meet Harry’s eyes. Bringing the finger to Harry’s lips he asked in a low husky murmur that sent shivers down Harry’s spine.

‘Is this for me? My, I think you are too grateful.’

Harry licked the tip of his finger and shivered.

‘I don’t mind.’

Lucius smiled not unpleasantly as Harry sucked the finger into his mouth.

‘No, I don’t suppose you do.’

Harry’s lips descended onto the palm nuzzling and licking it.

‘I’m sorry.’ he whispered.


‘Don’t be. I’ll take care of you.’

Harry looked up hope shining in his eyes.

‘Will you?’

Lucius bent down and hungrily licked his lips.

‘Count on it.’

Shuddering Harry leant back to kiss.

That night Harry removed the handkerchief and the picture from under his pillow anxiously waiting for Lucius’s visit. He wasn’t disappointed and his whole body tightened in anticipation as he fixed his eyes on the man in front of him. Looking straight back a slight smirk gracing his lips Lucius joined Harry in bed as his dressing-gown slithered hissing onto the floor.

Hesitantly Harry brushed a trembling hand against Lucius’s chest. He was mesmerized, stunned, enthralled by what he saw. Bending down he started placing butterfly kisses along his face, neck, shoulders, chest and abdomen. And if Lucius had a less cold heart he would have been humbled by sheer innocence and earnestness of the inexperienced touch. But as far as to derive his own pleasure and satisfaction was his primary concern it was not long before he was brutally and carelessly pounding into Harry’s virginal hole.

Harry didn’t mind because he was too overwhelmed to know anything beyond the feeling of total surrender and possession but when the haze was finally slipping away and he was once again treading softly down Lucius’s body (who was by this time sated and fast alseep) with soft lips and trembling fingertips he couldn’t help but think that it could have gone gentler. But as unreasonable as he felt fixed on the man he would rather have it this way than no way at all. That’s why he tightened his hold on him and fell asleep pressing his face into Lucius’s chest only to wake up cold and alone.

Mrs. Malfoy was neither stupid nor unaware of her husband’s habits, that’s why she casually asked the next morning.

‘What’s so special about the new whore of yours, Lucius, that she is permitted to have meals with your family?’

Lucius raised an eyebrow as he addressed his wife pleasantly.

‘I’m afriad I don’t know what you’re talking about, Narcissa-darling.’

Narcissa smiled casting a mean look at Harry.

‘Well, at least Miss Potter does, judging by her blush.’

Harry was burning with shame and humiliation though it was nothing in comparison with the agonizing burning he felt inside. But though the name-calling mortified and hurt him as well as Lucius’s casual treatment it didn’t put a stop to his midnight trysts with the blond wizard. Naturally Lucius and Narcissa were not the only ones to notice things and when Snape came with a visit and observed the situation he said as soon as he and Harry were left alone.

‘Don’t get used to him, Potter.’

Harry looked up sharply from the papers he was studying.

‘What?’

Snape sighed.

‘Potter, don’t be stupid. Though I suppose it would rather contradict your nature of a foolish sentimental Gryffindor. I’m afraid to say that this gender-change of yours rather damaged your faulty brain as it was.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ hissed Harry heat rising in his cheeks.

‘Then I’ll repeat myself. I’m talking about your fixation with Lucius. You are more stupid than I thought you could possibly be if you think that he will choose you. Lucius is on the point of being elected as the new Minister for Magic. The last thing he needs is a clandestine affair with hardly within the age boy-who-lived-to-be-turned-into-a-girl. What he needs is a respectable face and a happy family facade that his wife and son are more than able to provide him with.’

He took a long assessing look at Harry’s now standing form dressed in another pretty tight dress of Lucius’s choice and fancy. Harry’s eyes sparkled dangerously, his cheeks were flushed and his lips parted and closed in a pouty and very enticing manner.

‘Of course, I’m not denying the fact that he might be tempted to fuck you once or twice. Yes, I suppose it would be rather sweet and gratifying for him. But if I were you I wouldn’t expect more than that and place my hopes high. Unless Lucius decides to make your stay permanent...behind bed-chamber doors and within its walls.’

Harry decided not to give Snape the satisfaction of seeing his face crumble as the Potion master’s words hit this much close to home.

‘So I’ll be Lucius Malfoy’s mistress. It doesn’t seem such a bad prospect from where I stand. He will have his wife for social and ministry affairs and me for his pleasure. Not such a bad life, wouldn’t you say?’ he drawled instead wincing just a bit at the words that left his mouth quite of their own accord.

Snape raised an eyebrow before sneering.

‘But what will your friends and fans say?’

Harry shrugged.

‘They are too occupied with their losses and concerns to pity mine. Besides, I don’t fancy living in a huge house all alone. And, anyway, who knows how will the wizarding world react to my new looks? For all I know they will turn their backs on me once again. At least here I get to do something...useful. Even if it is only to warm Mr. Malfoy’s bed.’

Snape smirked.

‘I admit that you surprise me. I would never expect such a speech from a Gryffindor Golden Boy.’

Harry’s eyes flashed brighter before dimming.

‘Well I’m not a boy any longer, am I? So go your way Snape and don’t worry about me. I’ll survive.’

Snape bowed his head.

‘Of that I am sure.’

When the day came for Harry to finally make an appearance in front of the wizarding world in his new state he once again produced quite a sensation standing in the spotlight and sharing Lucius Malfoy with his wife. Lucius decided that seeing as how Harry had lived in his house and under his care and that it was a well-known fact among wizards it was only right for him to escort Harry as his guest and charge.

It took some time though to impart this piece of information to Narcissa but having not much choice in the matter she acquiesced after a satisfactory tantrum and generous financial incentive. The general reaction of the wizarding world after the initial shocked silence of quarter of an hour was pleasant and favourable. At least at first. But as they drove back home the situation became quite unbearable for Harry.

The strain of meeting and talking to his friends, and the press, and the reports that started circulating within an hour after his stepping into the room about the true nature of his relationship with Mr. Malfoy and the real reason of his stay within his care that could very well cost him his reputation had its toll on his state both mental and physical. And the fact that Narcissa’s mouth didn’t shut once during their ride complete with obscene name-calling and unflattering characteristics towards Harry that Harry would never have expected from a woman of her class and consequence was the last straw.

With a wretched cry Harry appealed to the driver to stop the limousine. He left it immediately and started walking away from the car imagining it to drive off but not at all expecting it to drive off leaving Lucius Malfoy behind. Harry’s face was tearstained and his whole body shook. Without thinking he sat in the middle of the road wringing his hands in heartbroken agitation.

It turned out harder than he’d originally believcd. He was not prepared to be once again treated with hate and disgust at being discovered to be the Mistress of the newly elected Minister for Magic. He was not ready to be called it to his face. He was not ready to see the disappointment and reproach marring his friends’ happy faces. To see them turn away from him. They were tolerable enough to accept his new looks (though by no means was it his fault) and to deal with the fact that he was pretty much used to his new lifestyle and didn’t mind it one bit, but that he actually degraded himself to a life of a whore, an expensive one that much could be admitted, but a whore nevertheless, they would neither understand nor accept.

Harry knew now that he quite misjudged his own conscience and abilities. He could never live a life locked up in a cage even as luxurious as it was. Not now that he was out and about, talking, laughing, spending time with his friends, listening to their future plans and projects and making his own. Here amidst their joy and happiness Harry understood that he would not be able to go back to the life of a commodity that he had led for the last two months.

But what was he supposed to do? What was he to do when he (for whatever unfathomable reason his original fixation produced) loved a man who saw him only as someone at his beck and call, someone who was always eager and ready to give pleasure either by spreading his legs or using his mouth. The bitter truth was, Harry realized, that Lucius would never let him be anything more prominent or valuable than that.

So the question was why Lucius Malfoy was walking towards him in the dusty cloud that the departure of the car produced and seconds later facing him on the ground. Harry didn’t care. He didn’t want to hear. He shook his head as more tears spilled down. His eyes were quite in agony. Lucius was holding another handkerchief but this time he was the one to do the gentle rubbing. And no matter how miserable Harry felt he couldn’t help but rub back against the soft material and the familiar dear scent that he used to inhale every time the man himself was not available.

The tranquillity was long in coming but neither was in a hurry, though they were sitting in the middle of the road Harry’s dress splashed like a piece of midnight sky. Lucius’s arms gradually encircled Harry’s waist soothing away the distress and thinking that a fuck or two would never do. But for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what to do. Lucius admitted to himself that it could very well be the end of all his ambitions. But then again it could very well be the beginning of the greatest love of his life.

finis

A/N: wouldn't mind knowing what you think