Hermann/Hermione

Disclaimer: None of it belongs to me.

“But Draco,” came a pouty voice from the fireplace, “you have to come.”

Draco suppressed a grimace. “Think again, Pansy. I’ve got other plans.”

“Right,” came a second voice, deeper and filled with amusement. “And these plans entail what, exactly?” Blaise’s head popped up behind Pansy.

“Work,” Draco replied instantly. “Big deal. Has to be done by tomorrow. No way around it I’m afraid.”

“Liar!” Pansy squealed. “You left work early today! I flooed your office and your secretary told me that you’d wrapped everything up and left early for the weekend.”

He couldn’t suppress a wince this time.

Blasted secretary…

He made a mental note to fire her immediately and find someone with enough stealth to assist him in keeping Pansy off his back.

“Fine,” he snapped. “Just let me get my coat.”

Pansy and Blaise had been going on about this new nightclub all week long. He hadn’t paid much attention, as he’d assumed he’d get out of going somehow, but he gathered that it featured some variety of live performers and was quite the rage with wizarding London.

He couldn’t imagine a more torturous way to spend a Friday evening.


*************************************************************


After three firewhiskeys and an exquisite meal, Draco was willing to consider that he’d been too hasty in his evaluation. The entertainment hadn’t been outstanding, consisting of several mediocre singers and a jazz combo that played fairly decently. The company had left much to be desired, as Pansy insisted upon clinging to him and simpering in an exceedingly nauseating fashion while Blaise devoted most of his concentration to ogling the many handsome wizards, quite obviously looking to pull. While the establishment wasn’t outright a gay nightclub, it certainly appeared that the vast majority of the clientele swung that way.

He was, however, feeling quite mellow, as he finished his fourth drink and signaled for another, and had decided that the evening could have been worse.

Suddenly the lights dimmed in the club and the band struck a low, soft chord. A muted trumpet began a sultry solo as a spotlight appeared on the stage, highlighting a lone figure swathed in voluminous folds of black silk. The silk gradually unfurled, revealing the slender form beneath. A low, sensual voice began singing over the lone chord and as she threw off the cape, the singer was revealed.

Long, silky, ebony hair tumbled down her slender back as she looked coyly over one bare shoulder and continued to sing in a deep, husky voice. Her dress was in a halter style, revealing the pale skin of her back all the way down to the curve of her hips. Draco felt his mouth go dry as she turned slowly, arching her back and swaying seductively as the tempo of the music began to pick up.

He couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to her song, but just let the sound of her deep, sultry voice wash over him as he watched her slinking around the stage.

“Ahem.” Pansy was watching him with an expression of great irritation, her narrowed eyes darting from his face to the stage.

He rolled his eyes in response and turned back to the stage. A row of backup singers and dancers had now joined her and took over the chorus while she danced seductively, the sequins and rhinestones of her costume flashing as she moved. He wondered briefly why such a beautiful woman would dress in such an appallingly gauche manner, but was quickly distracted by the glimpses of her shapely legs through the slits in her dress.

He tugged at his collar, undoing the top button of his shirt and removing his tie. He could feel Pansy’s angry glare as he did so, but was far too absorbed in the singer’s performance to care. He’d never seen or heard a more enchanting performance. There was something indescribable in her voice, something unspeakably beautiful and seductive about her entire performance.

Far too soon, the performance was over and the audience broke into riotous applause, leaping to their feet and stomping wildly in a standing ovation. Draco and Pansy appeared to be the only two still in their seats, although for very different reasons. Pansy sat pouting, while Draco shifted uncomfortably in his seat, willing away the evidence of just how much he enjoyed the beautiful young singer’s performance.

The singer moved forwards slowly, nodding in appreciation, and slowly reached up to the top of her head. Draco watched in confusion as she yanked at the hair, ripping the wig from her scalp, his jaw dropping in horror as comprehension dawned.

Pansy, meanwhile, watched the motion with glee, a delighted smirk spreading across her face as the performer removed his wig. She leapt to her feet, whistling loudly and laughing with delight as she joined in the thunderous applause.

Over the din, the emcee’s voice could barely be heard. “Ladies and gentleman, Count Hermann von Engel!”

Draco’s head dropped into his hands. The object of his lust, of his enchantment, was a man in drag.

***********************************************************


“You were brilliant Hermione!” Harry’s voice was hushed and awed as he pulled her into a hug backstage. “I’ve never seen or heard anything like that before.”

Ron watched with an expression of pride, a smug smile upon his lips. “Now you tell us, Hermione. Who knows best? Who takes care of you?”

Hermione rolled her eyes, but was unable to suppress the glowing smile. Her adrenaline was pumping and she felt invincible. There was no feeling in the world that could compare to performing for a packed house and knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she had each and every member of the audience enraptured by her singing.

“Come on, I want to change. These heels are killing me.”

She dragged her two best friends toward the dressing room.

****************************************************************

“Draco Malfoy!” A booming voice was sounding from somewhere behind him.

He turned, slightly disoriented from the rather massive quantities of alcohol he’d imbibed that evening, largely due to the unwelcome discovery of the true gender of “Count Hermann.”

“Pucey,” he greeted his old friend.

“What brings you to my little establishment?” the older man inquired with more than a hint of pride in his voice.

“Your establishment?”

Adrian nodded.

“Well. Congratulations then.”

“Thanks. Enjoy the show?”

Pansy snorted, coming up behind Draco.

“He enjoyed it alright. He was nearly-“

“Pansy.” The tone of voice bore no argument as Draco’s steely eyes narrowed at her.

“Ah,” responded Adrian instantly. “Hermann. You’re not the first, my friend. Would you like to meet him?”

Before Draco could respond with a resounding negative, he found himself dragged towards the backstage area, a giggling Pansy and Blaise in tow.

“Count Hermann!” Adrian called across the bustling area. “Your adoring fans demand an audience.”

Hermione turned slowly and felt her heart skip a few beats as she noted the identity of her admirers. Harry and Ron had refreshed her glamour charms after the performance, which obscured enough of her natural appearance to throw off all but those who knew what to look for. Nevertheless, this would be her first confrontation with actual acquaintances, and she couldn’t suppress the raging butterflies in her stomach as she sauntered over.

Draco watched through narrowed eyes as the young man approached. He was dressed in a tailored suit, his deep brown hair short and spiky without the cover of the wig. There was something distinctly feminine about the slender frame and the graceful walk. He watched silently, nodding as Pucey introduced them.

Pansy’s incessant babbling cut through his musings.

“I have to admit, I was really annoyed for a while in there. Draco was practically panting in his seat when you came out, but when you took that wig-“

“Pansy.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t you have some mingling to do?”

She stormed off in a huff in search of more companionable audience.

“Brilliant show. I still can’t believe you’re actually a man,” Blaise was looking Hermann up and down, a speculative gleam in his dark eyes.

“I don’t believe it, actually.” Draco’s eyes were calculating as he spoke, trained intently on Hermione.

She could feel her stomach lurch as she fought to keep her composure.

“Yes, well. Most heterosexual men do have a hard time with the fact that they were attracted to another man.” She paused, looking him over with a cool glance. “Especially those who feel that they have something to prove.”

His pale cheeks flushed slightly at the implication, the pink tinge spreading across his cheeks.

“I assure you, Count,” he spat the title disdainfully, “that my skepticism is well-founded.”

As he drew in a deep breath, no doubt preparing to expound upon his skepticism, warning bells began to sound the alarm within her anxious mind.

“Oh,” she began abruptly, “I’ve just seen an old friend. Won’t you excuse me, gentlemen? It’s been a real pleasure,” she finished, her smile frosty as she bid them goodbye.

The two men watched her disappear into the crowd before speaking.

“Let’s get Pansy and go,” Draco muttered, storming off to find her.

He spotted her in the corner, talking with one of the musicians from the band, and dragged her away with a grumbled explanation.

The three left the club in a hurry at Draco’s behest and apparated back to the Manor. After a quick nightcap and a bit of chat, Blaise excused himself to floo home. Pansy, giving Draco one last sullen look, turned to follow when Draco suddenly cleared his throat.

“Why don’t you stick around for a bit Pansy?”

The look of triumph and sheer delight that met his request was almost enough to make him reconsider. Alas, beggars couldn’t be choosers, and he felt very much obliged to reassert his masculinity.

It was unfortunate that doing so would require him to shag Pansy again, but if that was his only choice, well then, best to bite the bullet and get it over with.


********************************************************************

“Draco?”

“….”

“Draco, it’s no big deal.”

“….”

“It happens to lots of guys. You can’t let it get you down. Erm, no pun intended.”

Draco could feel the beginnings of a migraine as he listened to Pansy’s shrill voice. She had tried to cuddle up to him, but had eventually given up after he shoved her away a few times. Now she strolled across the room, pulling on her clothes as she continued her little speech.

“You mustn’t dwell on it. The more you think about it, the more you worry, and everyone knows that a watched cauldron never boils.”

The dull throb in his head gained in intensity as her voice droned on.

“Think, worry. Worry, think. It’s a vicious cycle.”

He gritted his teeth, praying that this was the end of her speech. To his chagrin, she continued.

“And before you know it, you are impudent!”

The dull throb exploded into stabbing pain.

Could she not even manage to insult him properly?

The scream from the bedroom drew every single house elf of the Manor to Draco’s suite of rooms. One by one they apparated in with loud cracks, huddling together in fear at the sight that greeted them.

A very angry, half-dressed Pansy Parkinson came storming out of the bathroom. An astonishing abundance of frothy soap bubbles poured from her mouth as she spat and shrieked at the top of her lungs. Right behind her came a quite complacent looking Draco, holding a bar of soap.

“Ah. Good, you’ve arrived,” he addressed the house elves nonchalantly. “Won’t you be so good as to show Ms. Parkinson out?”

With a satisfied smile, he turned on his heel and strode back to the bed, his head blissfully calm as he listened to Pansy’s caterwauling.

Impotent, indeed.

He settled into bed for a peaceful evening’s sleep. “Count Hermann” and the disturbing implications of his reaction to him/her could wait until morning.


*A/N* Thanks to everyone who reviewed! In answer to a few questions, this will be a Draco/Hermione het fic. There will be no slash other than references to Harry/Ron and perhaps one other couple to be unveiled at a later date (not involving Draco or Hermione). ;)

That said, hope you enjoyed it! Everyone go and watch Victor/Victoria now!

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