My Feelings of Life

My Feelings of Life ch.2

(A/N. Back for the second round. And no, I have never cut though I have seriously thought about it many times. I always come to the conclusion that if I’m gonna’ go, I’m gonna’ go with a bang and not by my own hands. Sorry about the poem thingy it mainly for emphasis, my real reaction to being in hospitals.)

I wake to a bright room

It reminds me of a hospital

I hear beeping and figure out that’s exactly where I am

I reach to touch my wrist and recoil in pain

I lay back and cry

I hear someone come in but its distant to me

I see someone tower above me

I can tell they are speaking, but what, does not register for me

I silently whisper “I was meant to be free”

The lady swoops down on me

She speaks to me again but I don not notice

She frowns and comes to see if I am alright

When she touches me I pull away to a sitting position and bury my head in my knees

I start my mantra

“I was meant to be free”

She walked out but still I sat and chanted

Two people came in this time

They both came forward

I pulled my knees closer and continued my mantra

I started to shake

Both walked up to try to treat me

As soon as he touched me I flinched then went ballistic

They held me down as two more came in

The strapped me to the bed mindful of my bandaged wrists

I screamed and hollered until I was exhausted

Finally I fell into a fitful sleep

When I woke sometime later I found someone staring at me

The same woman from last time I was awake was above me

She came to my bedside and let my right wrist free

To tell you, it was not this one I mutilated

She handed me some pills and held a glass of water

I shook my head no

She gave me all the reasons why I should, but still I shook my head

She took a step forward

I tries to make myself smaller but cried out as I couldn’t move

She rushed forward to help but it only caused me to struggle more

I hate hospitals and doctors and did not want to be there

Being smart, she stepped away from me and I calmed a few minutes later

She gestured at my hand

I shook my head then threw the pills as far as I could

She frowned

I heard a knock on the door and she turned to answer it

Two more doctors walked in and over to me

He spoke and asked me a few questions to none I answered

He gestured towards my bonds and told me they could not be removed unless I cooperated

I glared at the man then nodded

He started questioning me again

Still I did not answer

Finally he came to if I trusted him

I shook my head no

There, the first question I answered

“I understand” was all he said

He stepped towards my bed

I watched his every movement

He slowly approached and walked around the bed

He seemed not to be fazed by my steady gaze but relaxed as if he was used to doing this

He unlatched my bandaged hand and I pulled it back so fast he hadn’t had time to completely
take it off

He walked to the foot of the bed and reached forward to unlatch my feet then thought better of
it and walked back to his chair

I was rather glad that he was giving me some kind of space

I always hated feeling closed in, I was a loner

He told me of therapy etc. and again I shook my head no

He sighed the said I would be kept under close watch and gathered his things and the two
doctors left

The nurse asked if I was hungry and I shook my head no

She left and left me to think of what I’d done

(A/N. Okay, it will end up three chapters.)