Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell

Authoress: Undenialbly_Raziel

Story: Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell

*DISCLAIMER*

I don't own J.K. Rowling’s characters, *sighs* nor the world they interact in. I just take them out to play for my own twisted designs. I'm not making any money off them, but I enjoy writing about them because I have no life. My characters and situations they are put into are of my own creation.


Authoress' Notes:

No Lemons yet. But Plenty of Angst in this Chapter. I have to warn my readers it will be several chapters before there is lemon... Hope you can wait. I have to set the stage first. I hope to get to lime by the 6th chappie...Possibly the 7th, depends on how long they are. This is an ongoing story...

Feedback:
Yes please. Its all constructive you know

*** Two Weeks Earlier ***


HERE WE GO:

Blast from the Past: Two weeks earlier…


“The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just you.”
- Leo Buscaglia

“Oh, god! Come ON Chevill, quit primping, and LET’S go!” Phoenix stamped her foot in her usual utter and blatant impatience. This is ridiculous, She thought to herself. Chevill is sometimes so intolerable in her habitual tardiness I am about ready to strangle her! Phoenixx, although 5 ft 2, short in stature (she considered it to be,) her fiery temper and wicked sense of humor made up for what her height lacked, or so people told her. Phoenix’s rebellious hazel-green eyes flashed dangerously in annoyance, petite nostrils flaring, accentuated by a small, gold piercing of an emerald stone. She wore a jade, spaghetti strapped green top, very low cut to reveal ample cleavage (purposefully,) a mid-thigh black skirt, fishnet stockings, and black, knee high boots with tall heels. Tossing her auburn hair in impatience, Phoenix was about ready to kill her fair-haired sister in annoyance and disdain. But before Phoenix could harbor another murderous thought towards her, Chevill’s smug, smiling face appeared in the hallway, apparently satisfied with her appearance, and they were finally ready to go to the theatre to view the movie both of the them had been anxiously awaiting release: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Avid fans they were of J.K. Rowling’s work and it would be a happy and distracting interlude from the darkness of the previous months Phoenixx had experienced. Although 23 years of age, Phoenixx enjoyed reading Rowling’s work on the wonderful world of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which she found to be an immense and welcome escape, as did her other two sisters, (though not for the same reasons,) and they followed the movies just as reverently.

*FLASH BACK*

Phoenixx’s life was filled with trials and tribulations. Herself, and her sisters endured the hardship of a broken home due to alcohol abuse that caused her mother to behave in violence, emotionally, and physically. Her father left when she was eight, due to irreconcilable differences between him and her mother. He moved across the country to the west coast, and she rarely saw him. The outcome entailed their mother becoming bitter, excessively turning to the drink to ease the pain. Because Phoenixx resembled her father in more ways than one, her mother began to hate her as well and Phoenixx was succumbed to various degrees of punishment and emotional torture. However, that was only the beginning. When Phoenixx was at the young, tender age of 11, her uncle on her mother’s side began his violation of her which continued until she was thrown from home at the age of 15. It tore at her heart that her mother blatantly sneered at her daughter, weaving with drink in hand, her disbelief of Phoenixx evident when she confided to her mother of the truth of her uncle’s actions. In utter hatred and intoxication, to the horror of Phoenixx’s sisters, she threw her daughter out on the streets, to fend for herself, alone and forsaken with no remorse.

Of course, as soon as the incident happened both of her sisters immediately contacted their father and informed him about what had commenced. Although they lacked the knowledge of the abuse Phoenixx suffered at the hands of her Uncle, they finally let him know exactly how life had been without him, about mother, and about the treatment of Phoenixx. Although her father reacted in an admirable and hurried manner to retrieve all three girls, his ignorance of the past and lack of actions, and the ongoing events had already caused the irreversible damage to her psyche. Phoenixx hated herself; she blamed herself for what her uncle had been doing to her body. She cut herself, her arms, her legs to release the pain letting the blood run, seeping down her limbs.

Jagged little Lines
That declare the unhappiness I Possess
Running down my arm,
They carry to all a Message….

Crying out, they multiply,
Their Message grows stronger,
Deeper and farther they run.
In their plight for release

Jagged Little Lines,
A Declaration of a lack of hope.
Copyright: Chantel Fain, 1997

It didn’t stop there. She was fixated with death and continuously devised ways in which she would end her pathetic life. The only release she could conjure, without divulging to her sisters what had really occurred was writing in her diary:

SO MUCH TO ASK?

Life is a race, a game I must complete,
But right now I’m losing; I’m ready to turn my cards in
And admit my defeat.
Some would wonder how I could view my life with such scorn.
I’d tell them, “Everything’s gone wrong, beginning with day I was born!”

A reason to live, I don’t possess, wanting to live, less and less.
This hopelessness smothers me; I’m desperate for air.
But I can’t escape the clutches of this devil’s lair,
For I truly lived damned in hell and I fell as though
I’m trapped eternally in the bottom of a dark, evil well.

When I try to escape and leave this hellish place,
A punishment too hard to bear I must face.
And I cry but no one hears,
All I wish is for someone to soothe by burning tears.

But I cry alone in my pain and
Cruelly put, my mother told me by this there is nothing to gain.
She said I was putting on a show for all to see,
To try to make people think a martyr of me.

But the fact is, I truly hurt because
No matter my actions I’m treated as If I had the value of dirt.

But didn’t I have the right to a reasonable opinion?
She must understand I’m her daughter, not her minion.
But she’s really messed-up and just didn’t give a care.
Why can’t she realize she has made my life completely unfair?

All I wish is to have a normal life
And not to have so much strife…
Copyright: Chantel L. Fain, 1998

While life became increasingly better for Phoenixx and her younger sisters, the dark ghost of the past continued taunt her, to remind her of the darkness of her trials and tribulations, to haunt her.
In the end, Phoenixx became a junkie. With all the pain in her life, she chose something much more temporarily relieving than religion or hope, drugs. Drugs that scarred her arms, marking her mistakes too blatantly upon her fair skin…Track marks…Marks that would remind her of her mistakes, her choices, forever…The repercussions would be irreversible.




*BACK TO THE MOVIE*

Phoenixx shuddered and shook off her dark, morose thoughts and somehow continued the movie she and her sister were attending.

“That was pretty good,” Phoenixx stated after they had exited the theatre. “It was okay,” drawled out Chevill, “They cut a lot of detail out,” “they always do.” She continued in an irritated voice, “There wasn’t even a mention about Hermione and her goal to free the house elves.” Phoenixx giggled. “Always the pessimistic one, eh Chevill?” Chortled Phoenixx. No, I just pay attention, that’s all, replied the younger, a little haughtily. “Whatever,” Phoenixx shrugged. Chevill rolled her eyes, lit a cigarette, and inhaled thoughtfully. After a momentary pause, she sighed. Her thoughts were directed to more morose details. “How you doing?” Chevill cautiously questioned Phoenixx, with genuine concern. “Huh?” Phoenixx’s thoughts were interrupted. “Ya, know, with the whole recovery thing?” Phoenixx shrugged. “Its hard sometimes, but I deal with.” She continued, “I got my good days, I got my bad days, but I manage.

Phoenixx had previously admitted herself several months ago into drug rehab, and had miraculously been released recently as a recovering addict. Like she said, she had her good days, and she had her bad days. Phoenixx shuddered at the thought. On those days, those dark instances when she felt as though the only release she had was to…NO! She mustn’t think of it. But during those dark times, there was nothing more Phoenixx wanted or would rather do than release the pain through the form of a syringe and needle. Nothing in the World mattered to her and she struggled to stay sane. How she was able to stay clean and keep her sanity was a mystery beyond her understanding. Maybe she had a guardian angel, or maybe it was a miracle. Whatever or whoever it was, Phoenixx was damn sure she wasn’t doing it alone.