50 Ways to Effectively Annoy Draco Malfoy

I woke up, opened my eyes and shut the immediately. Standing in the middle of the room was a shirtless Draco Malfoy. How he got there I'll never know.


All I know was that he was kissing Suzy. She has REALLY bad taste.




A minute later I reopened my eyes and saw Suzy glaring at me. "If you EVER tell anyone that I got Draco up here then you're so dead bitch."


"Like I'm going to go up to my friends and say 'Oh guess what? When I woke up this morning I saw my slutty roommate making out with Draco Malfoy. And judging by her reputation kissing isn't the only thing they were doing. AND EVEN BETTER! It was RIGHT by my bed.' Yeah, RIGHT."




"OH MY MERLIN YOU STUPID SLUT!"


"I'm not the one fucking blondie."


"Yes you are! I'm going to tell everyone that you fucked Draco Malfoy."




"Wow, and I thought I had problems." I said with sarcasm.


"STOP BEING SARCASTIC! It's ANNOYING!"


"Eh, It beats killing people."


Suzy shrieked and threw a pillow at me. It fell short.


"Ah. Pain." I said with the sarcasm DRIPPING from my voice.


"I HATE YOU!" Wow, Suzy is really easy to piss off.


"I love you too."


"AHA! I always knew you're lesbian."




"I know you are."


"OH MY MERLIN! No I'm not! How could you say that about me?" Suzy tried to run out of the room crying but bumped into the doorway and fainted.


I stared at her seemingly lifeless body sitting there and debated whether I should help her or not.




Leave her.




I agree."




I got dressed in my uniform and threw on a "Fall Out Boy" hoodie so I could put the hood up during class and listen to my iPod.


I skipped down the hallway listening to "Dead on Arrival" by Fall Out Boy. Why not? They kick ASS!


(Meh: So true, so true.)


I was dancing like they did on the iPod commercials so I knocked down/punched out many people on my way to the great hall. When I finally got there I ran over to 'my' plate. I didn't write my name on it or anything. *Innocent look.*


I looked down at the gold engraved letters that said 'Kira' and smiled. I loved my plate.


Stop acting crazy. People are staring.


Oh yeah, like who?




Draco Malfoy.




You count him as a person?


I sat down at my place and began grabbing food.




"Let's see. Eggs, toast, OOH, they have pumpkin bread, blueberry muffin, shortbread cookies for breakfast sounds good, bagels, doughnuts, ham and cheese sandwich, monkey, waffles, pancakes, wait... MONKEY!?!?!"


I looked down at my plate and saw an ADORABLE little capuchin monkey sitting on it. "AHH! MY PLATE! GET YOUR FURRY MONKEY ARSE OFF IT!"




Suddenly a boy I had never seen before came up to me. "HiI'mMikeandthat'smymonkey." He said really quickly.


"Wait... what?"




"Hi I'm Mike. And that's my monkey."


"Then take it. AH! IT'S EATING MY WAFFLES!"




Mike ignored my and the monkey's game of tug of waffle. "Well actually I've been looking for someone to take him in and he seems to have taken a liking to you so GOODBYE!" Mike said and took off.




In my state of shock I dropped my waffle and the monkey gobbled it up. I looked down at the monkey. "HEY MY WAFFLE! I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT!"


The monkey looked up at me with the cutest face and I couldn't help but forgive him. "If you're going to be my monkey I might as well name you. Hmm. How about... FABIAN!" The monkey cocked his head to the side. "No then... what about... I KNOW, Waffles!"


The monkey didn't do anything so I decided that his name would be Waffles.




"What's that?" I heard someone across from me say. It was Kaylie.


"Waffles."


"Waffles?"


"Waffles is my new pet monkey."




"Since when do you have a pet monkey?"


"Since..." I checked my watch. "Five minutes ago."




"Ooh." Kaylie wasn't one to ask questions.


Then (dun dun DUN) Celine came. (gasp)


"Kira... What the bloody hell is on your shoulder?"


"Waffles."




"Trust me, it's not a waffle."


"You're right. It's not a waffle, it's Waffles." Kaylie started cracking up at my comment.




"That's not food it's a freaking monkey."


"Named Waffles."


"I hate you..."


"Love you too."


Celine grabbed a tuna and lettuce wrap and chocolate chip cookie and took a bite of the sandwich.


After breakfast Celine, Waffles, and I all said our goodbye to Kaylie and headed down to potions with the (growl) Slytherins.


We were just sitting and talking when... A BIG BALL OF GREASY FUR ROLLED IN AND MADE THE WHOLE ROOM SMELL. Oh sorry, that's just Snape.




"Everybody up." He said in a voice that sounds like he had just been punched in the nose. "I'm reassigning seats."




He 'reassigned' seat every week. Last week I had been lucky enough to sit next to Celine but with Snape these things never last.




Soon enough there were only 4 people left. Me, Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, and this girl named Hannah something... I can't remember her last name.


"Kira Ottens and Pansy Parkinson." I groaned simultaneously with Pansy. There were two table left. One was directly in front and the other was right behind it. I walked to the one in back but when Pansy saw that she went to the front table.


I groaned at her stupidity which made Snape look over at us. "Ms. Ottens please go with your partner."




I got up and walked over to a smirking Pansy. "You know, I love your name. At first I thought it was a flower though. But then you convinced me that it's a type of whale." That wiped the smirk off her face.


Then I heard Snape call out the remaining two people. Hannah ran over and sat behind Pansy so I was stuck with Draco behind me.




"I don't know what you did Ottens but somehow you were behind the whole Potter thing yesterday."


"What Potter thing?"


"YOU did something to make him kiss my girlfriend."


"So THAT'S why you fucked Suzy." I said knowing it would piss Pansy off.




"WHAT!?!? Drakie you had sex with another girl? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" Pansy started wailing.




Snape heard Pansy crying and came over to shut her up/comfort her. (who DIDN'T hear her?)




Draco started banging his head on the table.


50 Ways to Effectively Annoy Draco Malfoy


1. Have Harry make out with his girlfriend


2. Tell Pansy that Draco fucks other girls.