Untrue Fantasies
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Harry/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
5
Views:
14,719
Reviews:
20
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Harry/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
5
Views:
14,719
Reviews:
20
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
MY FINGERBONES!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it.
Chapter 2 - My fingerbones!
The next day, the three comrades went to Herbology to study the study of plants. Hermione, still a little edgy over reading vivid writings of herself being impaled, raped, and bestiality'd, was in a pale mood and made sure not to get close to Harry or Ron or any other male at all. She had no become absolutely obsessed with being a virgin that even pickles made her reel back in terror.
Wait, Herbology, yes...
Sprout came waddling to the front of the classroom with what appeared to be a Venomous tentacula.
She dropped it.
Crack the pot, and leaving the tentacula to strangle her unconscious and then devour her whole.
The students paid no heed to this since it had happened before. She was only being saved in one of the plant's sacs and would be extricated later in the day.
Basically, the students cosnidered Herbology a free period as long as they keep cracking the pots beforehand.
As the students began conversing and exchanging gossip, Hermione began putting on heavy duty dragonhide gloves.
Curious, Harry asked, "Hermione, what's with the gloves? Are you going to go catch...dragons, with them?"
"No, just making sure cooties don't get onto me."
Ron spat out a mushroom and asked, "'Cooties'? What are you, an elementary schooler?"
"No," she said bluntly, "I'm just afraid of boy germs, cooties, and so forth."
"Oh come ON!", said Harry "You honestly believe in 'boy germs'?"
"Very much so, yes."
"Goodness grac-"
"Well it's what I believe in, so nuts to you."
Ron held up his rosary and said, "Well I believe in Jesus! At least he's real!"
Jesus came by and said, "No I'm not."
"Really?" asked Ron "I'm pretty sure you're right in front of m-"
"NO."
"Oh...okay."
"Great" and with that, Jesus exited the greenhouse.
Silence...
"...um, well, I just want you two to know that-"
"I bet you can't say that five times really fast!" said Neville.
Harry faced Neville and asked, "What?"
"'I just want you two to know', I'm saying that you can't say that five times really fast."
Ron hit Neville sideways across the face with a mushroom and said, "Nobody cares what you think, Neville! you're only a minor character in the series!"
"Well I might be a bigger character if forum speculations about the 'prophecy' are correct."
Ron smashed a pot on his hand and said, "OW! I think I did that wrong!"
Hermione just continued, "Well, I'm just saying that neither of you will be getting any from me. So there! Harumph!"
"AUGH! SON OF A BITCH! THIS POT REALLY HURTS!"
Harry just sighed and replied, "Fine, fine, I understand. Ron does, too, don't we Ron?"
"HOLY CRAP! I CAN SEE MY FINGER BONES! THEY'RE SO RED!!!"
"See? Ron understands, too."
A/N: The chapters will progress with a story, but it's mostly going to be random, like Monty Python and Family Guy. Don't worry, there will be some hot moments and erotic times, but my focus is to make this into more of a funny story than a sexy one.
Chapter 2 - My fingerbones!
The next day, the three comrades went to Herbology to study the study of plants. Hermione, still a little edgy over reading vivid writings of herself being impaled, raped, and bestiality'd, was in a pale mood and made sure not to get close to Harry or Ron or any other male at all. She had no become absolutely obsessed with being a virgin that even pickles made her reel back in terror.
Wait, Herbology, yes...
Sprout came waddling to the front of the classroom with what appeared to be a Venomous tentacula.
She dropped it.
Crack the pot, and leaving the tentacula to strangle her unconscious and then devour her whole.
The students paid no heed to this since it had happened before. She was only being saved in one of the plant's sacs and would be extricated later in the day.
Basically, the students cosnidered Herbology a free period as long as they keep cracking the pots beforehand.
As the students began conversing and exchanging gossip, Hermione began putting on heavy duty dragonhide gloves.
Curious, Harry asked, "Hermione, what's with the gloves? Are you going to go catch...dragons, with them?"
"No, just making sure cooties don't get onto me."
Ron spat out a mushroom and asked, "'Cooties'? What are you, an elementary schooler?"
"No," she said bluntly, "I'm just afraid of boy germs, cooties, and so forth."
"Oh come ON!", said Harry "You honestly believe in 'boy germs'?"
"Very much so, yes."
"Goodness grac-"
"Well it's what I believe in, so nuts to you."
Ron held up his rosary and said, "Well I believe in Jesus! At least he's real!"
Jesus came by and said, "No I'm not."
"Really?" asked Ron "I'm pretty sure you're right in front of m-"
"NO."
"Oh...okay."
"Great" and with that, Jesus exited the greenhouse.
Silence...
"...um, well, I just want you two to know that-"
"I bet you can't say that five times really fast!" said Neville.
Harry faced Neville and asked, "What?"
"'I just want you two to know', I'm saying that you can't say that five times really fast."
Ron hit Neville sideways across the face with a mushroom and said, "Nobody cares what you think, Neville! you're only a minor character in the series!"
"Well I might be a bigger character if forum speculations about the 'prophecy' are correct."
Ron smashed a pot on his hand and said, "OW! I think I did that wrong!"
Hermione just continued, "Well, I'm just saying that neither of you will be getting any from me. So there! Harumph!"
"AUGH! SON OF A BITCH! THIS POT REALLY HURTS!"
Harry just sighed and replied, "Fine, fine, I understand. Ron does, too, don't we Ron?"
"HOLY CRAP! I CAN SEE MY FINGER BONES! THEY'RE SO RED!!!"
"See? Ron understands, too."
A/N: The chapters will progress with a story, but it's mostly going to be random, like Monty Python and Family Guy. Don't worry, there will be some hot moments and erotic times, but my focus is to make this into more of a funny story than a sexy one.