A Thoroughly Unwelcome Proposal

Chapter Two

Thanks to my reviewers: Amalthea, BrianDarksoul, and angelmorph - always nice to know some people share my twisted sense of humour ;-)

Some of you have ideas about who petitioned Snape, this chapter should make it pretty clear.

(Still no smut, sorry)

The Burrow, Mid-morning Monday Oct 25, 1999

Molly Weasley was looking at her floors, wondering if anyone would notice if she did not clean them and lounged in her chair listening to the wireless instead, when someone knocked on the door. She opened the door, expecting to see some solicitor, only to find a flustered, wild-eyed man staring down at her.

\"Professor Snape?\" she exclaimed, taking a step backwards.

Snape must have noticed Molly\'s reaction to his appearance, because he took a deep breath, flicked some dust off his robes, and then spoke with deliberate calmness. \"Good day, Mrs. Weasley. Is Mr. Weasley here?\"

\"Arthur\'s at work,\" Molly answered, still watching Snape with a worried expression.

\"Work?\" he said, beginning to look agitated again.

\"Yes, work,\" she answered. \"It is Monday.\"

\"Of course,\" he said with a nod. \"Mr. Weasley is at the Ministry then?\"

\"No,\" Molly said slowly. \"Arthur\'s in the field today. What is this about? Is it ... is it Order business?\"

\"No, it\'s a personal matter,\" Snape answered, and then glared at Molly with suspicion. \"You wouldn\'t happen to know anything about this abominable marriage petition sent to me, would you?\"

\"Marriage petition!\" she exclaimed. \"You!\"

\"You needn\'t be that surprised,\" he muttered, running a hand through his shoulder-length black hair. \"There have been one or two females who found me somewhat less than repellent.\"

\"Oh, I didn\'t mean it like that,\" Molly said, although it was evident she had. \"It\'s just too soon. I mean, the law was just passed on Friday. Why, yours may very well be the first petition entered.\"

\"I\'m flattered,\" he said dryly. \"Tell Mr. Weasley to expect a visit from me this evening. I want a way out of this contract.\"


The Griffindor Heroes, Lunch Monday Oct 25, 1999

\"What\'s the big news?\" Ron asked excitedly, barely remembering to swallow his food first, when Hermione came to join him, Harry, Neville, and news reporter Luna Lovegood for lunch.

\"And hello to you, too,\" she said. \"Give me a moment to eat, first. I\'m starved.\"

\"Oy, Hermione,\" Neville said some time later, when Hermione was half-way through a sandwich and still keeping mum. \"Quit trying to build suspense, you\'re the one who asked us to come and hear some \'incredible, disturbing Marriage Law news\'.\"

\"Yes,\" Luna said, her eyes shining as she pulled out a notebook and quill. \"Something scandalous you hinted at. Details! I want details!\"

\"Oh alright,\" Hermione said, smirking slightly. \"Mrs. Weasley called Ginny to gossip this morning, and I was fortunate enough to be there. You\'ll never guess who got a petition first thing this morning.\"

\"We\'re not guessing,\" Ron snapped when Hermione waited for a response. \"Just tell us.\"

\"Professor Snape!\" she admitted, smiling smugly at the shocked looks that greeted her announcement. \"Can you believe it? And he\'s not too happy about it, either. Molly said he looked absolutely distraught. Practically ordered her to have Arthur meet him tonight to discuss the Law.\"

\"What!\" Harry exclaimed, a look of horror on his face. \"That ... that greasy git got an offer before I did? Oh merlin, how humiliating.\"

\"Harry!\" Hermione scolded. \"This is serious. Professor Snape can\'t put the marriage off like you can. He\'ll have to get married within thirty days. It\'s a terrible tragedy.\"

\"If he doesn\'t want to get married; he\'ll have to leave the country,\" Neville mused, and a dreamy smile spread over his face. \"No more Snape, ever again.\"

\"You people are horrid,\" Hermione said, scowling at both Harry and Neville. \"If you can\'t feel sympathy for the Professor, you should think of the other poor souls who will be in his situation. Forced marriage; it\'s tantamount to slavery.\"

\"Hah!\" Neville said, still with a dreamy smile on his face. \"I can see it now; Snape bound,gagged and tied naked to a bed. About to be punished by a whip-wielding, leather-clad slavedriver.\"

The group looked at Neville with horror. \"Mate, that\'s not something normal people want to picture,\" Ron said for all of them. \"It was bad enough when you put Snape in your grandmother\'s dress.\"

\"I didn\'t mean it like that,\" Neville protested. \"I just meant that Snape\'s such a horrid man that I\'d love to punish him, uh, I mean ... see this woman who petitioned him punishing him.\"

\"Neville, that\'s disgusting,\" Hermione scolded, and shuddered. \"Why, if I wasn\'t already engaged to Ron it could be me getting one of those horrid petitions. We have to put a stop to the whole sordid business. That\'s why you\'re all going to help me set up the Anti-Marriage Law Association. A. M. L. A.\"

\"AMLA?\" Ron said with surprise. \"Sounds tame, it doesn\'t have the flare that SPEW did.\"

\"Will you stop bringing S. P. E. W. up?\" Hermione groaned. \"That was years ago, and it had no similarities to A. M. L. A.\"

\"AMLA, fighting for the rights and freedoms of all wizarding folks,\" Luna mused, nibbling on the end of her quill. \"If I write this up properly, all the talk in wizarding Britain tomorrow will be about the Law and its abuses. I know; I\'ll feature different victims each issue to humanize the suffering. Starting with Snape.\"

\"Bad idea,\" Neville said. \"Snape\'s not exactly the sympathetic type. You know what my first reaction to his \'predicament\' was? How can I put this? Bwaaaaaaa hahaha!\"

\"Oh dear,\" Luna said. \"Perhaps I could keep the identities of the victims secret. For their own protection. Yes, that will work. How does this sound: Decorated War Hero Faces Legal Enslavement.\"

\"They\'ll think you\'re writing about Harry,\" Hermione pointed out. Harry moaned and buried his face in his hands.

\"Don\'t worry, mate,\" Ron said, patting Harry on the back. \"I\'m sure there are dozens of petitions headed your way.\"

\"They\'ll think it\'s about Harry,\" Luna repeated, growing excited. \"That\'s perfect! People will be moved by Harry Potter\'s private torment. Especially if he\'s cheerful in public, and they think he\'s just putting on a brave face. AMLA will be big, guys, really big.\"


The Burrow, Early Monday Evening, Oct 25, 1999

\"Let\'s get this over with,\" Snape snarled when Molly let him into the house. \"Where is Mr. Weasley?\"

\"Really,\" Molly sniffed. \"I know you are a bit distraught, Professor, but such rudeness is uncalled for.\"

\"Good evening, Mrs. Weasley,\" he said through gritted teeth as he stepped into the foyer and handed her his cloak. \"Now, where is that Ministry lackey husband of yours?\"

\"Arthur is waiting for you in the parlour,\" she said, carelessly tossing the cloak into a corner and rushing after Snape. \"I should warn you that he\'s ...\"

\"... not alone,\" she finished lamely as Snape stepped into the parlour and froze at the sight that greeted him. The founding members of AMLA were huddled together on the old chesterfield (with the exception of Neville who was at home laughing his head off, or doing something no one wanted to think about,) and a sheepish-looking Arthur stood half-forgotten in a corner of his own parlour.

\"What are they doing here?\" Snape whispered to Molly, who shrugged.

Harry looked up, and nudged Ron beside him. Soon the whole room was staring at Snape, who stared back. Silence reigned until Harry stood up and approached the professor with a challenging look in his eyes.

\"Three petitions, so far,\" he said triumphantly. \"How many have you gotten, sir?\"

\"Congratulations, boy,\" Snape drawled. \"Do you want another medal?\"

\"This isn\'t a competition,\" Hermione hissed to Harry. \"A terrible injustice has been committed, and we must right it.\"

\"There is no \'we\', Miss Granger,\" Snape said, shutting his eyes briefly. \"Why are you children here? No, I don\'t care. Anyone who is not a Weasley - Get. Out. Now.\"

\"We\'re here in an official capacity, Professor,\" Hermione explained. \"We represent the newly founded A. M. L. A., and we\'re going to help you, and other victims of this heinous new law.\"

\"Not another SPEW, Miss Granger,\" Snape groaned.

\"Of course not,\" she said, turning red. \"The Anti-Marriage Law Association will do things right.\"

\"The Anti ...\" he repeated in a pained voice. \"I take it Miss Weasley is not a member.\"

\"Ginny was here, but she disappeared into her old room just before you arrived,\" Luna offered. \"Strange girl.\"

\"Yes,\" he agreed, and then turned to Hermione. \"I will not require the assistance of your little organization, Miss Granger,\" he said, holding up a hand to stop her from speaking. \"Mr. Weasley can simply tell me which ministry official I have to bribe to see that this petition disappears.\"

\"It\'s more complicated than that,\" Arthur said. \"The committee that drew up the Law, well, they made all sorts of provisions which boil down to: once a petition is entered it cannot, under any circumstances, be withdrawn. Not even by the petitioner.\"

\"I will not accept that,\" Snape spat. \"There must be a provision for ... what are you doing, Miss Granger?\"

\"Um,\" Hermione said, blushing as she pulled down the hand that she had been waving in the air.

\"Miss Granger, you are no longer in school,\" Snape said irritably. \"If you have something to say,\" he paused and winced. \"Just say it.\"

\"Yes sir. I\'ve been studying the Law every spare moment I had today,\" she said with a broad smile as she stood up, scattering notes on the floor that Ron promptly bent down to pick up.

Hermione clasped her hands behind her back and took a deep breath before beginning. \"I\'m afraid Mr. Weasley is right about it being nearly impossible for you to avoid marriage.\"

\"Thank you for that, completely useless, bit of information,\" Snape sneered.

\"I\'m not finished!\" Hermione barked. \"As I was saying, there is a clause, subsection 24, paragraph B, that allows the petition to be nullified if the petitioner can be shown to have malicious intent towards their prospective spouse. Ah, beyond the strictures of normal matrimonial relations. That is, simply wanting to force you into marriage and the resulting ... ahem ... acts that are ... required ...\"

\"We get the point, Hermione,\" Harry said, looking more than a little uneasy. \"What she means, sir, is that if this woman is a former death eater, or someone who may wish you harm ...\"

\"Not applicable,\" Snape said.

\"That\'s a shame,\" Hermione said. \"There is another clause that could apply. Since the whole purpose of the Law is ... er ... propagation, then impotency or sterility is also grounds for nullification of a petition.\"

\"Definitely not applicable,\" Snape growled when Harry and Ron both chortled at Hermione\'s words. Even Luna covered her mouth with her hand.

\"I am not impotent,\" Snape said, clearly enunciating each word.

\"Would you like to be, sir? We\'d be more than happy to help make you impotent,\" Ron asked, making Snape snarl in response.

Ron\'s eyes grew wide as he tried to look innocent. \"What?\" he said. \"It would solve the Professor\'s problem. I\'m just trying to be helpful.\"

\"Close your mouth, Harry,\" Ron whispered when Hermione started speaking again. \"It\'s not like the old bat can take house points off us anymore.\"

\"... or you could find another pure-blooded witch to marry,\" Hermione concluded. \"If all else fails, you can always leave Britain. The Law doesn\'t apply internationally.\"

\"So,\" Snape said, crossing his arms defiantly. \"The truth at last. All of this is a scheme thought up by you fucking Griffindors to force me into exile.\"

\"Well,\" he said, glaring at Harry. \"I won\'t go!\"

\"Don\'t be silly, man,\" Arthur said, blinking rapidly. \"Why would we possibly want to drive you out of the country?\"

\"Nobody trusts me,\" Snape said, still staring defiantly at a visibly nervous Harry. \"Oh sure, the Wizengamot was forced to absolve me of any crimes, faced as they were with overwhelming evidence of my loyalty to the light, but I know there was more than one person who thought the evidence false, or misleading. You can\'t convict me in a fair trial, so this is what you\'ve come up with to punish the dark wizard.\"

\"Get a god-damned grip,\" Harry said, as his nervousness gave way to irritation. \"I testified in your defence, didn\'t I?\"

\"See?\" Hermione said soothingly. \"Everyone in this room trusts you. We\'re sure your loyalties were always to the side of the light during the war.\"

\"Sort of sure,\" Ron muttered, and Hermione clouted him on the shoulder. \"Reasonably sure. Ow! Alright, we\'re all sure of your loyalties, sir.\"

\"Thank you for that vote of confidence, Mr. Weasley,\" Snape said. \"It was quite unconvincing.\"

\"I don\'t see why you\'re treating this marriage thing as such a tragedy,\" Ron said, scowling as he rubbed his shoulder. \"Why don\'t you try taking advantage of the situation, like Harry plans to?\"

\"Take advantage?\" Snape asked suspiciously.

\"Ron,\" Harry hissed, looking worriedly towards Molly and Arthur.

Ron continued, oblivious to Harry\'s distress. \"Harry plans to meet the women petitioning for him and see what they have to offer him. You could do the same. Meet the girl for a trial shag; maybe you\'ll like it.\"

\"Ronald!\" Molly said, horrified.

\"Aw, gee, Mom, we\'re all adults here,\" Ron mumbled.

\"Your idea may have some merit,\" Snape said thoughtfully. He pulled out the petition from his pocket and handed to Ron. \"Do me a favour, boy, and go fetch the girl for me. Tell her I\'d like to \'see what she has to offer\'.\"

Ron looked with surprise at the parchment Snape thrust at him. With a slightly trembling hand, Ron reached out and snatched the petition. He opened the parchment, glanced at the name prominently displayed at the top, and fainted.

\"Ron!\" Hermione gasped, and rushed to his side. She sat down beside Ron and pulled his head onto her lap, making soft, cooing sounds as she stroked his hair.

Harry picked up the petition, read it, blanched, and handed it to Molly without saying anything. Molly read the petition, read it again, and then calmly stood up and walked over to the stairs.

\"Ginevra Molly Weasley!\" she bellowed. \"Get down here, at once!\"