Mystères Érotiques

Author’s Note: JK Rowling gets all the pleasure of owning Harry Potter and related materials. I just sneak in the middle of the night to ‘borrow’ the HP characters to do dirty, dirty things with them.

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Harry and Hermione’s Invitation


\"What does it mean, Harry?\" Hermione Granger whispered. She was sitting on Harry Potter\'s bed, examining a pair of strange letters they had received that morning; they had arranged with Ron to skip lunch and look at the letters together. Harry was looking across the room, out the window.


\"I dunno,\" he simply stated.


\"Where\'s Ron? We left Charms together, how did he get lost?\"


\"I dunno,\" Harry repeated.


\"We should go to Professor Dumbledore,\" Hermione blurted, as if she had been waiting all day to state the obvious. \"This is too weird... It has to be some kind of trap.\"


Harry turned his attention back to the letter. \"If you are unsure if you ought to accept, I ask you to search your feelings, dear Harry. Why is she calling me \'dear\'? I don’t know her. Where is the Mystères Érotiques, if its address says ‘Diagon Alley’? Why have I never seen it? What sort of a shop could it be?\" He thought vaguely of those Muggle stores that sold porno videos and dildos.


\"Let\'s just go to Dumbledore. We should have gone to him straight away,\" she said, folding her letter over, looking upset with herself.


\"D\'you think we\'ll get in trouble?\" Harry asked seriously. \"I mean, Érotiques....\"


\"No, we won\'t get in trouble, we should--\"


\"I know. Go to Dumbledore.\"


\"Well, why not?\" Hermione asked matter-of-factly.


Harry didn\'t have a chance to answer, as Ron Weasley came hurtling through the dormitory door. \"I\'m sorry, I went to the Great Hall and got halfway through a plate when I remembered,\" Ron panted. \"What did you want to show me that you couldn\'t do it at breakfast?\" Ron flopped down on Harry\'s bed next to Hermione. Harry handed Ron the letter.


As he read, silently mouthing the words, Ron\'s eyes began to steadily bulge out of his skull. \"Blimey, Harry,\" Ron said simply, letting the parchment fall from his hand. He looked stunned for a moment.


\"What, Ron? What is it?\" Hermione asked impatiently.


A huge grin spread over Ron\'s face, and suddenly he was clapping Harry on the back animatedly. \"Well done, well done! I don\'t know how you did it, Harry,\" Ron said cheerfully, \"but I\'d wish you tell me, so I could get invited, too.\"


\"I didn\'t do anything,\" Harry said honestly.


\"And neither did I. What is the Caché Aimé?\" Hermione asked Ron pointedly.


Ron goggled at Hermione for several beats. \"What, you got one too?\"


\"Yes,\" Hermione said with irritation. \"What is the Mystères Érotiques, Ron?\"


\"Where\'s my invite?!... You lot don\'t know, do you,\" Ron said slowly, comprehension dawning. \"All right, I\'ll tell you what I know.\" Ron leaned in for effect. \"The Mystères Érotiques,\" Ron put on a heavy, fake, French accent, \"is this shop, easy to miss, where Diagon Alley meets Knockturn Alley. It\'s on the corner there, small shop, long drapes over the windows all the time, so you can\'t see what\'s going on inside.\" Ron paused, and shook his head slowly. \"I can\'t believe you don\'t know.\"


\"Never mind that, just keep going,\" Harry said forcefully.


\"Right. Well, Madam Gwynne is a bit of a recluse. No one really knows that much about her. She has these parties at the store, they\'re invite only, and everyone who gets to go has to swear to never repeat anything that might have gone on,\" finished Ron with a significant look.


Hermione stared at Ron, waiting. \"That\'s all you have?\"


\"Well,\" began Ron, blushing, \"when Bill came back from his first party--well he couldn\'t say what happened, of course--but he did say that he had.... become a man.\" Ron looked slightly queasy at the thought.


Harry and Hermione now had their turn to gape at Ron. \"What, its some kind of sex club?\" Harry blurted incredulously. \"Me and Hermione got invited to a fuck club?\"


\"That is sick!\" Hermione declared, her voice unnaturally high-pitched.


Ron looked scandalized. \"Are you saying you aren\'t going to go?\"


\"Of course we aren\'t going! We\'re going to go directly to Professor Dumbledore, and make sure that he has the Order look into this. Right Harry?\" Hermione looked over at Harry, whose face had flushed with an apparent violent inner battle. \"Harry--!\"


\"We should just wait a minute,\" Harry said with difficulty, though turning to look steadily at Hermione. \"We should just--\" Harry took a deep, shivering breath, \"--just think about it for ourselves before we go running to Dumbledore.\"


\"You can\'t be serious, Harry, I just don\'t believe it.\" Hermione crossed her arms and looked away from him.


\"Go on, Harry, you go then,\" Ron said. \"Don\'t let Hermione stop you. You might not get another chance to go, in your whole life,\" he looked horrified at the thought. \"Hermione, you should take Harry\'s advice and think it over. Or at least write to ask if I can go in your place...\"


Hermione gave Ron a piercing look. \"Don\'t encourage him Ron. You have completely lost your mind if you can tell Harry he should sneak out of school, without telling anyone, to go to some dodgy fuck club, knowing full well that You-Know-Who is looking for Harry--\"


\"C\'mon Hermione!\" Ron said loudly. \"This doesn\'t have anything to do with You-Know-Who! This is just the Caché Aimé! Anyone would want to go, I bet if you showed Dumbledore your invite, he\'d ask if you could get him in.\"


Harry looked up sharply. \"You think Dumbledore goes to the... Caché Aimé?\"


Ron shrugged. \"I don\'t see why he wouldn\'t... But don\'t worry, Harry, Bill didn\'t say he had to snog Dumbledore or anything.\"


\"How could Bill say anything about anything?\" Harry mused darkly.


\"Look, Bill was really happy after his Caché Aimé--\"


\"Stop it, the both of you.\" Hermione snatched Harry\'s letter off the bed and stuffed it into her bag.


\"What\'re you doing?\" Ron sputtered. \"That\'s Harry\'s property!\"


\"Even if you don\'t care about Harry, I do,\" Hermione seemed to be gearing up for a good fight. \"I\'m not going to let him sign some contract saying he\'s got to do whatever this nutter, Gwynne, wants him to do!\" Hermione stopped, as she had caught sight of Harry, who was standing over her looking rather pink, and also looking rather fierce.


\"I can make the choice on my own, Hermione,\" Harry said seriously. \"I can decide for myself if I want to do it.\"


\"But, Harry--\"


\"I mean it, Hermione, I can make up my own mind!\"


\"Fine, take it,\" Hermione flung Madam Gwynne\'s letter at him. \"I never thought you were a pervert, Harry,\" she said with unflattering airs of superiority. \"I\'m really disappointed in you. And you too, Ron.\" Hermione turned on her heel, and marched to the out of the room, slamming the door behind her for emphasis.


\"Better off without her,\" Ron said shaking his head. \"Caché Aimé, Harry! You\'ve got to put in a good word for me or something when you go....\"


Harry sat back down on the bed. Am I really going to go? It\'ll be a lot of trouble to get to London, Harry thought.


Ron seemed to read Harry\'s mind when he said, \"Don\'t worry, we\'ll figure out a way to get you to Diagon Alley on Thursday night. You\'ve got your cloak, for one thing....\"


He did have the invisibility cloak. Harry was starting to feel his stomach flipping. I am going to go, Harry decided, I was invited, so I am really supposed to be there. He was going to go, so he could come back, and tell Hermione that she had missed out.

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