Life with Harry and Draco: Into Every Life...

See chapter one for disclaimer, etc.

Author’s Note: Somehow two-thirds of chapter one was cut off when I first posted it. It has now been corrected. Please check to make sure you read the whole chapter. Sorry for the mistake!

Chapter 2 – Fear and Self-Loathing in London

Later that same morning…

“Do you have any ideas on what we might do today, Harry?” inquired Draco.

“I thought perhaps we could go into Muggle London and hit the book shops. There are a couple of new novels that I’m dying to pick up. Afterwards, we could get a bite to eat. How does that sound?”

“Brilliant! Shall we?” said Draco.

Harry agreed and the two dressed for their day on the town. They each bought more books than they could carry, as well as a large assortment of CDs and DVDs. Draco even purchased a new video game, much to Harry’s chagrin. The novelty of the video game was taking much longer to wear off than Harry had anticipated. Although Draco was not as completely obsessed as he had been after Christmas, he still spent enough time in front of the telly to try Harry’s patience. On many occasions, Harry tried his hardest to distract Draco away from his electronic friend, using any method he could think of to get the blonde to turn off the blasted box – kisses on the side of the neck, whispered words of an extremely naughty nature, pleading, threats of a severe hexing, curse words – none of it worked. Harry even went as far as slipping himself between Draco’s legs and giving him the best blowjob he could muster. This was the only tactic that succeeded in getting Draco’s attention for at least a few moments. He somewhat reluctantly paused his game while Harry went at it until he came with a mighty shout. After catching his breath, Draco pulled Harry to his feet and gave back as good as he had gotten, not wishing to appear ungrateful. It had been a spectacular blowjob, even if it had interrupted his game. And besides, Harry had the most delicious cock Draco had ever tasted; payback was no hardship at all. Draco greedily lapped up every last drop of Harry’s come and then tucked them both back inside their jeans.

“That was lovely, Harry. Thanks,” said Draco with a broad grin as he reached for the controller.

Harry sighed loudly and threw himself down on the couch beside Draco.

Not taking his eyes off the screen, Draco said, “Just remember, my love, YOU were the one who bought me this.” Harry sighed again; he couldn’t argue with that.

Harry and Draco stepped into an alley and peered around them – they were alone. They quickly cast a spell over their many purchases to shrink the entire contents of their bags down to a size that was easily stowed away in the breast pocket of Draco’s coat. Having relieved themselves of their burden, they stepped out into the busy street and headed for the restaurant for a leisurely lunch. Harry reached out to take Draco’s hand in his but quickly caught himself. They were in Muggle London, a place where two gay men holding hands was frowned upon. Harry stuffed his hands deeply into his pockets to keep himself away from temptation. There was no sense incurring stares and rude comments from strangers, or even worse, violence. There had been a few attacks on gay men of late. Neither Harry nor Draco was afraid; they were more than capable of taking care of themselves – a quick curse or two could leave any would-be attacker wondering what the hell hit him. However, the two lovers preferred to keep a low profile and thus avoid any trouble. Harry found himself wishing they had selected a restaurant in Diagon Alley; at least there they could be free and open about their relationship. The wizarding community didn’t look twice at a gay couple. In a world where the weird and unusual was commonplace, a gay couple holding hands or snogging in public was almost as normal as you could get. In fact, it was downright boring. Harry was grateful he was a wizard for many reasons, the general acceptance of his sexual orientation being just one of them.

Draco walked quietly beside Harry, listening to him chatter excitedly about the book he had just purchased. There was a little something off about Harry, something that Draco couldn’t quite put his finger on. Harry seemed to be in good spirits but he was just picking up some odd vibes. Draco kept silent – he knew that Harry would share whatever it was sooner or later. The Gryffindor was very good at that.

They made their way to their favourite Jamaican restaurant and were greeted by the owner – a large, jovial woman by the name of Mae. She was always glad to see Harry and Draco, her ‘boys’ as she called them. She showed them to their table and made a few suggestions about the menu. Since she had never steered them wrong, they let Mae order for them. The food was delicious as always. Harry couldn’t help but laugh at Draco – he had a penchant for spicy food and Mae had made his jerked pork extra spicy, the tears running down his very red cheeks being a testimony to that fact.

“Too hot for ya, me dear?” asked Mae.

“No,” squeaked Draco, “not hot enough.” His reply tickled the woman no end.

“You’re going to regret that flippant answer next time we come here, Draco,” said Harry with a grin as he bit into his beef patty.

“No way, love. I was serious. It isn’t hot enough.”

“Masochist!”

“Yup,” replied Draco as he dug in for more, wiping the sweat from his brow.

After their meal, Harry and Draco decided to walk home in order to take advantage of the beautiful weather, a rarity of late. The very second they crossed into the wizarding section of London Draco pulled Harry close for a kiss.

“That’s what I hate about going into town,” said Draco. “I can’t do that whenever I want.”

“We can always make up for lost time, love,” replied Harry as he in turn kissed Draco. “Love you, Dray.”

“Love you, too, Harry. Do you still want ice cream?”

“You know I do! You can keep your spicy food – give me a big dish of ice cream topped with chocolate sauce anytime.”

“Florean Fortescue’s it is, then.”

Draco watched in amusement while Harry tried to decide what he wanted. He was just a big kid at heart, especially when ice cream was involved. In the end, they shared a sundae of four scoops of ice cream, different flavours, of course, topped off with whipped cream, nuts, cherries, chocolate AND butterscotch sauces. Harry ate three-quarters of the treat, not that Draco minded. He loved the way Harry ate ice cream, the way he licked the spoon and the little noises of pleasure he made. Only Harry Potter could make the experience into something sensual!

Harry scraped up the very last trace of sweet from the dish and dropped his spoon with a clatter. He sat back, well satisfied, and rubbed his belly.

“Enjoy that, did you, Harry?”

“Uh-huh,” replied Harry enthusiastically.

Harry had a smear of ice cream at the side of his mouth. Without thinking, Draco leaned over, licked it off with his tongue and then kissed the spot gently.

Laughing, Harry said, “I have a napkin, you know.”

“So do I. What’s your point? Isn’t my way…more interesting?”

“You make a pretty good argument, love. I’ll get this and we’ll go.”

Harry arose and went to the counter to pay. Draco heard him order a pint of chocolate sauce to go.

“We don’t have any ice cream at home, Harry.”

Harry said with a smirk, “Who said anything about ice cream?”

Draco sprung to his feet. “Let’s go!”

Draco was quite disappointed when Harry stowed away the container of chocolate sauce in the cupboard.

“I’m keeping this for another time, my love, when you’re not expecting it. Just think how much fun it’ll be then. Surprise is half the fun.”

“No, it isn’t,” moped Draco, even if he knew Harry was right.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m going to start my new book. Coming, Dray?”

“I suppose,” said Draco as he followed Harry into the living room.

Draco eyed Harry surreptitiously over the top of his book. At first glance, he appeared to be reading, but further investigation let Draco see that Harry was not reading at all. His book was open on his lap all right, but pages were not being turned. Harry was worrying his lip; something was indeed on his mind and that something was bothering him greatly. Draco waited and waited for Harry to open up a discussion about whatever it was that was troubling him, but Harry kept silent. Finally, Draco could stand no more.

“Are you going to tell me?” asked Draco.

Harry looked up from his book in surprise. “Tell you what?”

“Whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

“There’s nothing bothering me, Draco.”

“Yeah, right. You’ve just been sitting there for the last hour reading I suppose?”

“You can see that I am.”

“Show me your book. There, just as I thought! After an hour, you’re only on page two.”

“Oh,” said Harry quietly. He couldn’t hide much from Draco.

“So, what is it?”

Harry took a deep breath. He found that he couldn’t look Draco in the eye. He was too afraid of the answer that might be coming. With his eyes downcast Harry asked, “Am…am I enough?”

“Huh?”

“Am I enough for you? Do I satisfy your needs?”

Draco was quite perplexed and more than a little stunned by the question. “Well, yes, you do.”

“Are you sure, Dray? I mean, well, if you have to…you know…everyday…”

Draco rubbed his face in his hands. “I regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth. I was kind of hoping that you hadn’t picked up on it. I wish to bloody hell I’d never said it.”

Harry continued. “The point is that you DID say it. It suggests to me that our sex life isn’t what you need it to be. Were you trying to tell me in a roundabout way? Is that it?”

“No, Harry, of course not.”

“There has to be something wrong then. Draco, if you need to make love more than we already do, why didn’t you just ask me?”

“I don’t need more sex. What we do together is perfect. Hell, we do it at least two times a day! I’m not a sex maniac, you know.”

“I’m sorry to keep bringing up your habits, Draco, but why do you masturbate everyday then? There has to be something missing for you.”

“Harry, believe me. I am satisfied with our sex life.”

“How can you be?” said Harry loudly as he jumped to his feet. He began to pace back and forth in front of Draco, his mind racing. “If it’s not the quantity, then it must be the quality.”

“What are you on about?”

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Harry came to a realisation that hit him hard. He sunk down into a chair, his hand covering his mouth in shock. “Merlin, it’s…it’s me that’s the problem.”

“Harry, you’re being a complete and utter berk. You are not the problem. What am I saying; there is no fucking problem!”

Harry wasn’t listening. “I should have known. I’m not the man you need, am I?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You are exactly what I need.”

“It’s me – what is it, Draco? Am I too dumb? Not tall enough? Not well enough muscled? Is my cock too small?”

“Harry, look at me, will you? Listen to me!” cried Draco. Harry was too caught up in his self-doubt to hear what Draco was desperately trying to tell him.

“Draco, you are so beautiful. I know I am not that attractive. I can’t hold a candle to you.”

“Harry…” was all Draco managed to say before Harry started again.

“You need someone else, don’t you? Someone who can give you everything you need and deserve; someone with a better mind and body; someone who can fulfill your needs completely. Oh Dray, I’m sorry – you’ve probably been trying to tell me that for some time now but I couldn’t see. I’ve been foolish to think I was the one for you. Forgive me for being so bloody thick. It’s all crystal clear to me now.”

“If you think you’re seeing things clearly, then you need to go back to wearing your glasses. This whole thing is in your head, Harry, and nowhere else. It’s some wild tale you’ve cooked up, a work of fiction, utter and complete rot. What you’ve said couldn’t be further from the truth,” said Draco trying to remain calm in the face of Harry’s words.

Harry looked up at Draco with doleful eyes, “It’s no use trying to spare me, Draco. Go ahead and say it. Say it and be done with it.”

“What is it I’m supposed to say, Harry? Why don’t you enlighten me?”

“That you want to move out,” whispered Harry, the words catching in his throat.

Draco shook his head in dismay and disbelief. “Remind me again, why would I want to do that?”

“B-because of m-me,” stammered Harry. “I’m not the man you thought I was.” Tears had formed in the dark-haired man’s eyes.

Draco had known that Harry had a tendency to be insecure, but this went way beyond a little self-doubt. Harry had a serious problem and Draco had to help him and he had to do it quickly.

Draco held out his hand to Harry. “Come with me.”

“W-what?”

“I said come with me, Harry.”

“But I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to understand anything. Just do as I say. Give me your hand and come with me. If you don’t, I’ll take you by force.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Just try me.” The look on Draco’s face said it all – he was more than serious. Harry placed his hand in Draco’s and was immediately pulled up and into the hallway. It soon became clear that they were headed for the bedroom.

Draco brought Harry into the middle of the room and said, “Stand there and don’t move.”

Harry watched as Draco pulled out his wand and murmured a quick spell. Much to Harry’s surprise, a huge mirror suddenly appeared before him. Draco returned to Harry and stood behind him.

“Okay, tell me what you see, Harry,” said Draco.

Harry gazed into the smooth glass and replied, “Us.”

“Exactly! That’s what I see as well. Not myself, or you, but us. Us Harry, you and I, together. That is where we belong, side by side, together always, my love.” Draco heard Harry swallow hard.

Draco pushed Harry slightly forward and asked, “What do you see now?”

“I still see us.”

“No, no, forget about me.” Draco moved his hand up and down in front of Harry.

Harry caught on. “I see myself.”

“Good. Now, tell me what you see.”

Harry caught Draco’s eyes in the mirror; he didn’t know what it was Draco wanted him to say. “Um, I see myself, Harry Potter.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“How do you see yourself?”

“Draco, this is ridiculous!”

“No, it isn’t. Tell me what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror, Harry.”

Harry was very obviously uncomfortable with what Draco had asked of him. “I see me, that’s all. Can I go now?”

Harry made to leave but Draco caught him and pushed him back in front of the mirror. “No, you can’t go because I haven’t finished with you yet. Answer my question, love. Please?”

“I…I see a man, fairly tall, with messy black hair…Draco, this is so stupid!” Harry’s pleading look held no sway with Draco, who stood arms crossed, waiting for Harry to continue.

With a sigh, Harry began again. “Okay, the sooner I answer you, the sooner I can go. I’m fairly tall, with black hair that I can’t tame as much as I try, green eyes, and a nasty, ugly scar on my forehead. Oh, I am of average build, too. Satisfied?”

“Do you consider yourself to be handsome?”

“Fuck, I hate this, Dray!” cried Harry in frustration. He was squirming, most anxious to leave. “Why are you doing this to me? No, I’m not. I’m just plain, average Harry – nothing more, nothing less. Can I go now? Please?”

Draco approached Harry and put his arms around him, still staying at his back. “Sorry, no, you can’t.” Draco whispered into Harry’s ear, “Shhh, my love, relax. I’m not doing this to hurt you. Do you trust me?” Harry nodded. “Good. I want you to calm down.” Draco felt some of the tension leave Harry’s body as he leaned back into his arms. Draco tightened his grip and kissed the side of Harry’s neck gently. Draco looked up into the mirror and saw that Harry’s eyes were downcast.

“Look up, love.” When Harry’s eyes met his own, he continued. “You have told me what you see when you look in the mirror. Now I am going to tell you what I see when I look at you. Is that okay with you?”

“I suppose. Do I have a choice?” Draco shook his head. “No, I thought not. Get on with it, then.”

Draco smiled. “I’ll start where you did. You said you were fairly tall. To me, you are just the right height. You’re a little shorter than me and that means you fit perfectly in my arms. Our bodies are made for each other, Harry. Don’t you think?” Draco turned Harry around and pulled him in close. He felt Harry snuggle against his neck with a sigh. “Look at us in the mirror. How do we look in each other’s arms?”

“Perfect,” whispered Harry.

“Yes, prefect,” came Draco’s soft reply. He pulled back and turned Harry to face the mirror once more. “Now, as to your wild hair,” said Draco as he ran his fingers through the dark tresses. “I love it – the way it feels, the way it smells, the way it looks. It is so different from mine. My hair is too fine; it just lies there. Yours has body and life.”

“I love your hair, Dray. It’s like golden silk.”

Draco held his head next to Harry’s. “See how we contrast and complement one another? Dark and light, it reminds me of night and day. But we’re not that different, you and I, inside. We’re alike in so many ways, Harry. Most importantly in the love we feel for one another. I love you more than words can ever express, Harry. You have to believe that about me, if you believe in nothing else, please trust in my love and our love.” Draco pressed a kiss to Harry’s temple. “Our differences are important as well. Where I am weak, you are strong. Together, we are more than we could ever be individually. You make me a better man, of that I’m sure.” Draco ran his fingers over the blush on Harry’s cheek.

“Draco, I don’t…”

“Hush, Harry. I’ll have no more of that.”

“But you don’t know what I was going to say!”

“I don’t want to know. It was going to be some negative remark about yourself.” Harry’s eyes were downcast once again. “You see, I was right. I do not want to hear you put yourself down ever again. Do I make myself clear, Harry?”

“I am only speaking the truth about myself.”

Draco grabbed Harry’s upper arms and gave him a little shake. “All these things that you think about yourself are not true, Harry. That’s what I’ve been trying to get through to you! We had this very same conversation on our first night together. I was sure you believed me, but now I realise you never really did. You have to listen to me now. Not only that, you have to believe what I’m saying about you.”

Harry shook his head and looked away. “Easier said than done, I’m afraid.”

“I know, love. I haven’t finished saying all that I want to say either. Shall we continue?” Harry didn’t really want to continue, but he realised he had no choice.

“Now, where was I? Oh yes, your scar. Nasty and ugly you called it. To me, it’s a thing of beauty.” Harry snorted. “I’m not joking. It’s not a scar. It’s a badge, a medal of courage. It is a symbol of everything you’ve been through and triumphed over. When I see that mark on your forehead, it reminds me just how strong you are, Harry. My heart swells with pride until I think it might burst.” Draco pressed a kiss to two of his fingers and then ran them over Harry’s scar underneath his fringe. “So proud of you, my love.”

“I’m proud of everything you have accomplished, too, Draco.”

“Shhh, thank you, but we’re talking about you now. I’m not telling you all this just so you can pay me compliments in return. Okay?”

“Okay. Are you done yet?”

Draco chuckled. “Not even close, my darling.”

Harry allowed himself a small smile. “That’s what I was afraid you’d say.”

Draco put his hand under Harry’s chin and lifted it up. Steel grey eyes met brilliant green by way of the mirror. “You said you have green eyes, Harry. You make them sound so very ordinary. I remember thinking when we met up again at the reunion, how come I never noticed your eyes were so amazingly green. They are like the greenest grass on a bright summer’s day, like the rolling hills of Ireland. On second thought, those don’t come even close. Your eyes are like emeralds, Harry, clear, deep green, so green that they seem to burn. And they do burn; your beautiful eyes burn into my soul. They are so expressive, too. Do you realise they tell me just about everything about you? That is how I knew that something was bothering you tonight. Those perfect, green eyes are the window into your soul, Harry, and I’m hopelessly and happily lost within them.”

The two lovers never glanced away from each other, not even for a second. Draco’s words were having a very powerful affect on Harry. He stood transfixed by the emotions that the slender blonde man was avowing. Harry’s own feelings were beginning to well up, threatening to spill over at any moment.

“You described yourself earlier as not that attractive and just plain average Harry. Merlin, nothing could be further from the truth! You are without a doubt the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life.” Harry was shaking his head in denial. Draco slipped a hand under Harry’s jaw and once again pulled his regard back toward the mirror. “Why won’t you look at yourself? What are you afraid of, Harry? That I might be right?”

“I’m not afraid to look at myself. I just can’t see myself the way you do. I am not beautiful like you are, Dray. Let’s face it.”

“YES YOU ARE!” shouted Draco. Harry cringed and once again looked away. Draco lowered his voice and continued. “If you are so unattractive, perhaps you could explain to me why almost everyone, male and female, was after you six years ago?”

“That was because of what I did.”

“Do you seriously think that if you defeated Voldemort and you looked like Filch or Hagrid that you would have had everyone throw themselves at your feet just the same?” Harry didn’t know what to say. “You know I’m right about this. Yeah, sure, there were those who wanted you because you were Harry Potter but it went way beyond that.”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t think so. They all wanted me for the celebrity and for the chance to say they had bedded Harry Potter.”

It was Draco’s turn to shake his head. “Harry, Harry, how can I get through to you? Don’t you notice the looks you get when we’re out together? And before you say once again that it is because of who you are, think again. You get stares all the time, even when we’re amongst Muggles. In that world, nobody knows you from the next bloke. Explain to me why both men and woman look at you?”

Harry’s first instinct was to say it was because they can’t believe someone as plain as himself would be with someone as gorgeous as Draco, but he thought better of it. He knew if he said that, Draco would give him hell. “Dunno,” muttered Harry.

“Well, love, I know. It is because you’re beautiful, face and body, and drop dead sexy to boot. You must get hit on when you’re out on your own? Tell me the truth.”

Harry blushed and replied, “I…I guess I do, sometimes.”

“I know you do. You’d think I’d be jealous, wouldn’t you? I’m not in the least.”

“You aren’t?” asked Harry in surprise.

“Nope, not at all. I’ll tell what I am though; I am proud.”

“Why would the fact that I get hit on make you proud, Dray? I don’t see it.”

Draco pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek and whispered, “It’s because I have what they all want. When I walk into a room and I see people practically drooling over you, it makes me want to shout, yes, he’s gorgeous, he’s mine and you can’t have him, so there! Harry, you are mine and mine alone.” Draco smiled when he heard the gasp escape Harry’s lips. “Just as I am yours and yours alone, love.” Harry nodded, pulled Draco close and held on tight. He moaned deep in his throat as he felt Draco’s hands on his arse. “Gods, you drive me mad,” breathed Draco as he once again took up his place behind Harry. It soon became obvious that they were not yet done with the mirror.

Draco’s hands caressed Harry’s chest, his nimble fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt. He slipped the garment off, letting it fall to the floor, and ran his hands up Harry’s arms and shoulders, taking his time to appreciate their strength. “Your build is just right as far as I’m concerned. What do you think I want – some no-neck beast with the arms the size of a tree trunk and an IQ to match his shoe size? Not me, Harry. Did you ever hear me say that I found that type a turn-on?”

“Um, no, I guess not.”

“Your muscles are plenty big enough for me, love.” Flicking one of Harry’s nipple rings, Draco said, “It’s amazing how a little piece of gold can turn me on so bloody much. “ Draco let his hands wander down to caress Harry’s flat belly and then began to divest Harry of his jeans. “This is taking too long,” said Draco impatiently. A few whispered words and Harry stood gloriously naked before the mirror, watching intently as Draco’s eyes seemed to drink him in. He leaned back against Draco and felt a hard cock press into the firm flesh of his arse. Both men moaned at the contact.

“I love this little part of you,” murmured Draco as he ghosted his index finger from Harry’s hipbone down to his inner thigh. “I love the way you squirm when I run my tongue up and down just here.” Draco captured one of Harry’s hands in his own and pulled it towards him, placing it over his crotch. “See what you do to me, love? Can you feel how hard I am?”

Giving Draco a firm squeeze, he breathed, “Gods yes! I want you Dray; I need you so much.”

“Soon, soon; just a little longer,” said Draco pressing a kiss to Harry’s shoulder. He began to stroke Harry leisurely, eliciting a series of whimpers and moans as he went. “Why would you think I want someone with a bigger cock, Harry? Yours is plenty big enough. Maybe it’s you wants bigger?”

“No!” cried Harry. “Don’t want anyone but you.”

“We’re even, then. I’m going to use a word I’ve said a few times already but it fits. Your cock is perfect for me. I love the way it feels in my hand.” With his words, he pumped a little faster.

“Don’t stop, Dray. Feels so good.”

Draco’s voice became a whisper. “I love the way it feels in my mouth. You taste so sweet, love.”

“Oh gods!” groaned Harry at the memory of all the times Draco had taken him into his hot mouth.

“I love the way it feels inside me. Ever since the first night we spent together, Harry, it is all that I crave.” With a wave of his hand, Draco, too, stood naked before the mirror. “Make love to me, Harry. Give me what I need most. Please!”

Harry spun around and captured Draco’s lips in a heated kiss. He clung to his lover desperately, his heart completely filled by Draco’s tender words. His doubts had vanished and he was once again secure in his relationship and his life with Draco. “No need to beg, love,” replied Harry as he manoeuvred Draco to the bed and began to shower his body with kisses. “Need you, too,” he whispered before engulfing Draco’s cock.

Draco’s back arched up off the bed as he ran his fingers through the mass of unruly black locks. “Yes, oh fuck, yes! Harry!”

Harry teased Draco just short of his climax. “Don’t want you to come just yet. Kneel for me.” Draco quickly complied. He was positively vibrating with want. Harry positioned himself at Draco’s entrance, murmuring the lubricating spell as he went. Harry kissed his way slowly down Draco’s back, taking the time to savour the smooth skin as he went.

“Please, love, please!” begged Draco. “Need you, need you in…oh, yes!” The blonde cried out in ecstasy as Harry slipped into him in with a sure and steady movement.

Harry’s head fell back as he moaned, “Dray, my Dray, so good…so…damned…good. Gods!”

The two men moved against one another with the skill of seasoned lovers, no words of guidance needed, no demands spoken. They slid across each other’s skin in a perfect, well-practiced dance, giving and receiving pleasure, revelling in the joy of the moment and of their love. Each one grew closer and closer to their peak, needing to attain the summit with heated desperation and yet not wishing to arrive too swiftly, lest the bliss be over and done in the blink of an eye.

It was Harry’s turn to use the mirror. “Watch us, Dray. Can you see how deep I am inside you?” At his question, he grabbed Draco’s hips tightly and thrust himself forward as far as he could go and then stilled.

Draco’s breath hissed through his lips and his head snapped upwards sending his blonde locks into further disarray. His gaze met Harry’s. “See it and feel it too, love,” he panted. “So deep, hmm, so good.” He clamped down on Harry’s motionless cock and then relaxed, only to repeat his actions over and over, milking the hard length with all his might.

Harry gasped, “You’ll make me come if you don’t stop!”

The words caused Draco to pick up the pace. He added a roll of his hips to the mixture, just enough to cause Harry to move in and out of him a tiny bit. Draco gnawed his lip and then looked up at Harry with smouldering eyes. “That’s what I want. Harry, oh gods, Harry, come inside me. Leave part of yourself in me, my love.”

Draco’s words and actions sent Harry over the edge. Draco watched Harry in the mirror as he rode out the waves of ecstasy that overtook his body. His head was thrown back, his face flushed, his eyes closed as bliss coursed through him, keeping him still save for the single word that issued from his lips.

“Draco,” keened Harry, drawing the name out, letting it flow from his tongue as if it were a song.

Harry rode down the other side of his orgasm, the waves of pleasure gradually waning until they were no more. Harry tipped his head forward, opened his eyes and gasped. He found Draco staring at him with a look of such complete and utter love on his beautiful face that it took his breath away. How could he have had such doubts? Harry felt very foolish. He bent down and kissed Draco on the shoulder and then the nape of his neck.

“Love you so much, Dray,” he whispered. He pulled Draco up to his knees and said, “Let me give you as much pleasure as you have just given me. Lean back against me, my darling.”

Harry nuzzled into Draco’s neck, kissing a spot that he knew was particularly sensitive. He nipped and sucked his way upwards until he captured an earlobe between his lips and tugged and then ran just the tip of his tongue around the shell of Draco’s ear. His hands were by no means idle. His right caressed and pinched sensitive nipples while the left travelled down, appreciating the heft of Draco’s balls and the hardness of his cock. The blonde whimpered and moaned under Harry’s careful ministration.

“Harry, oh my gods!” hissed Draco as Harry began to pump his cock in a slow, teasing manner. He knew very well what his lover needed and this was not it. Draco needed release and the leisurely pace that Harry had adopted was agonising, almost torturous for the blonde. Draco soon begged for what he wanted. “Please, please, love, let me come.”

Harry’s hand moved faster. “Is this what you want, Dray?”

“Yes!” exclaimed Draco, unable to say more.

Draco was completely lost in his world of pleasure. His eyes were tightly closed and he held his breath as he rose higher and higher, closer and closer to his goal. Harry watched in the mirror as his fist stroked the hard length faster and faster, totally entranced by the erotic sight he beheld.

Sensing that he was very close, Harry urged, “Come for me, Dray.”

Suddenly, Draco’s whole body tensed and he cried out Harry’s name as he at long last reached his climax. Harry held him tightly and whispered words of praise and encouragement softly into his ear. Spent, Draco collapsed back against Harry, trying valiantly to regain his breath and composure. He peered at Harry by way of the mirror once again. He watched through heavy-lidded eyes as Harry brought his hand up to his lips and licked his fingers clean of the pearly cream they had captured.

“Hmm, delicious,” said Harry as he pulled the last digit slowly from his mouth, letting it linger so he could savour the taste for just a little longer.

Draco’s knees turned to jelly and he fell to the bed, pulling Harry down with him. The two lovers entwined their arms and legs around each other, chest meeting chest, mouth meeting mouth, so close that it was hard to distinguish one from the other. They kissed deeply, passionately, unhurriedly until Draco broke free and rested his head against Harry’s neck.

“That was…” whispered Draco.

“Perfection,” answered Harry before Draco had even finished. Draco sighed contentedly and snuggled closer.

After awhile Draco asked, “How do you feel now, Harry?”

“Wonderful,” replied Harry dreamily.

Draco pondered for a moment and then added, “And what about everything I said to you?”

Harry pulled back so he could see Draco’s face. “About us – same answer, wonderful.”

Giving Harry a quick kiss, Draco replied, “Good! And?”

“And what?”

“What about how you feel about yourself?”

“Oh, that,” said Harry quietly. He hesitated before answering. “What you said about me, love, well…it was very kind of you.”

“I wasn’t being kind. I was speaking the truth,” added Draco quickly.

“Um, thanks. However, a lifetime of feeling like this can’t be erased by one little pep talk, no matter how good it was. Do you understand what I mean, Draco?”

Draco was a little disappointed that he had not succeeded, but now realised that his expectations were too high. “Yes, I understand. I suppose I was being a little unrealistic when I thought I could solve all your problems with a few words. What I don’t understand is how someone as intelligent, handsome and sexy as you are can feel this way about himself. Can you explain it to me, love?”

Harry sighed. How could he make Draco comprehend all the pain that had caused him to feel this way about himself? He wasn’t sure if he would be able to find the right words, but he had to try. He needed for Draco to understand it and him.

“I don’t see what you see when I look at myself, Draco. That must be quite obvious to you now after your little experiment with that mirror.” Draco nodded silently. ”Speaking of which, would you mind?”

“Oh, sorry, love,” said Draco and with a wave of his hand, the large mirror disappeared.

“Thanks. It’s like I said before, I just see me, nothing special to look at, rather ordinary old Harry; Harry who doesn’t deserve praise, who doesn’t deserve to be happy, and who, most of all, has no right to feel good about himself. Part of me, deep down inside, still feels like that worthless child.”

“My gods Harry, you’ve never been, nor will you ever be, worthless!” exclaimed Draco in shock.

“I know, but that is exactly how I felt as a child – completely and utterly worthless, barely deserving the scraps I was given. Believe me when I say my dear aunt and uncle never missed an opportunity to remind of it, either. They constantly told me how lucky I was that they had taken me in. Ha, some luck that was! I think I’d have been better off in an orphanage.”

“I daresay you would have in many ways, but didn’t you tell me that you had to stay with them while you weren’t at Hogwarts?”

“Yeah, for my own safety. Of course, I didn’t know that until the end of our fifth year. That knowledge did nothing to make staying there any easier. Merlin, I hated it!” said Harry with a shiver of disdain.

“Harry, you never speak of the Dursleys. When was the last time you saw them? Do you keep in contact at all?” inquired Draco, quite sure of the answer he would receive.

“I haven’t seen them since the day I left for Hogwarts to begin our final year. Since Voldemort was gone by the time the year was over, I had no need to return. I didn’t even have to go to collect my things. I had nothing there. Every single thing I owned was with me at Hogwarts. And as for keeping in touch, if I never see any of them again, it will be too soon.”

“Do you ever want to go back just to tell them off for what they did to you?”

“To be honest with you, I have thought about it. What good would it do? It surely wouldn’t change their opinion about me.”

“It probably wouldn’t change anything, you’re right, love. It would, however, give you the opportunity to get it off your chest. It could make you feel better.”

“Perhaps,” said Harry with a sigh. “I might do it one day, but not just yet. I don’t feel…ready.”

Draco offered, “If and when that day comes, Harry, I’ll go with you.”

Harry kissed Draco gently. “Thanks, I appreciate the offer, but I’m not so sure me showing up with my gay lover is such a good idea. My uncle always called me being a wizard my abnormality. I wonder what thoroughly nasty term he’d come up with for a gay wizard? I shudder to think of it!”

“Your uncle sounds like a right piece of work. Was your aunt the same?”

“She was horrible to me as well, but it was different. She was so cold, so unfeeling towards me, her own sister’s child. I will never understand how a woman, who is a mother herself, could treat a child so cruelly. How can someone treat their own flesh and blood like that, Draco?”

Draco seemed to be lost in thought. He pondered Harry’s words for a while and then added, “Dunno, love. I can’t for the life of me understand it either. So horrible...” Draco’s voice trailed away as his grip on Harry tightened.

Harry continued softly. “Look at how I grew up. I slept in a cupboard until I was just shy of my eleventh birthday. I never had any new clothes. All I ever got were Dudley’s old cast offs that were way too big for me, not that it mattered if I looked ridiculous. I never had a proper present, not for my birthday, not for Christmas, not ever. I never even got a lousy fucking happy birthday, Harry. There was nothing at all. My cousin got the complete opposite. He received an obscene amount of stuff, half of which he really didn’t even look at. As the years went by, it got worse. I would watch him unwrap it all and then complain that he didn’t get everything he wanted. I would have been so happy to get just one little something, anything as long as it were mine. It never happened, though.”

“Were you jealous of Dudley, Harry?” inquired Draco.

Harry thought for a bit and then answered, “Yes, I guess I was. I mean, who wouldn’t be in my position? He got all the love and attention and I got piss all. I look back on it now and I can see that my aunt and uncle did no favour to their son. Spoiling him rotten, letting him do whatever he wanted – I’m sure he hasn’t turned out to be any prize as an adult. I would hazard a guess to say that he’s just like dear old dad.”

“That’s a frightening thought.”

“Just what the world needs – more people like my uncle and cousin,” said Harry with as much sarcasm as he could muster. “You thirsty?”

“I could use a little drink. Why Harry? Are you volunteering?” asked Draco with a grin.

“Bollocks! You beat me to it! I was going to say if you were, bring me something too,” replied Harry. “You are too fast for me Draco Malfoy. Juice okay?”

“Juice would hit the spot nicely.” Draco watched Harry pad out into the hall. Harry’s tales of his sad childhood always made his heart ache. He hoisted himself up and arranged the pillows behind his back so that he could drink comfortably. He smiled up at Harry’s appearance in the doorway.

“Here you go,” said Harry handing a large glass to Draco.

“Thanks, love.”

Harry climbed up on the bed and sat cross-legged in front of his lover. They both drank deeply from their glasses, savouring the cool, sweet pumpkin juice. Harry rubbed the rim of his glass absentmindedly, his eyes downcast.

Draco reached out and ran his knuckle lightly over Harry’s cheek. “A Knut for your thoughts, love.”

Harry smiled shyly and replied, “You must be fed up hearing about my childhood. I think I’ve said enough for tonight.”

“Nonsense Harry! If there is more you want to say, say it. I’m listening.”

Harry nodded and then sighed. “It’s just…well, it’s just that I was thinking about the way they all treated me. It was always do this, do that, shut up, go to your room, don’t this, don’t that, don’t let anyone see you, don’t let anyone know what you are, and most of all, don’t say the ‘m’ word.”

“The ‘m’ word?” asked Draco.

“Magic. To them, it was the filthiest, most foul word in the English language. I had to hide anything related to magic away from them. I kept my things under a floorboard in my room. I was terrified they’d end up in the bin if they were found.”

“But Harry, you’re a wizard! That’s who and what you are. How could they expect you to deny your true nature? It’s absurd!” cried Draco.

“I know it is, but that is exactly what they would have loved for me to do – anything for me to be their kind of normal.” Draco shook his head in disbelief. “The reason I’m telling you all this, Draco, is so that you can understand why I feel the way I do about myself. All those years of doing without, of being made to feel like I was something that should be scraped off your shoe…it takes its toll. You start feeling that you’re getting what you deserve and you’re not good enough for better. I remember thinking when I was quite small that my aunt and uncle must be right – they’re adults, they know about these things. I wasn’t worth more than I got. Dray, I…I c-can still h-hear their v-voices in my head at times, telling me what a piece of shit I am,” sobbed Harry.

Draco gathered Harry into his arms and held him as tightly as he could. “Shhh, Harry, it’s all right, I’m here. You’re safe with me. Shhh, love.”

Harry pulled away and wiped his eyes. “I know it’s silly, but I can’t help it. These things stick with you, no matter how old you are. Our childhood can screw us up so badly.”

“You’re not a child anymore.”

“No, I know I’m not, but those feelings are still there. There is that little voice telling me that I don’t deserve you or the wonderful life we have together. I’m not supposed to be this happy.”

Draco took Harry by the upper arms, looked deeply into his eyes and said, “Harry, you have as much right as anyone to be happy. As far as I’m concerned, even more so, after everything you’ve endured in your life.” Draco broke into a sly grin. “As for deserving me, you make it sound like I’m some kind of prize. I’m not. I’m just a man, a mere wizard who loves you very, very much.”

Harry’s lips flew to meet Draco’s and when the kiss was done, he whispered, “You’re not a mere anything, Draco Malfoy, and you know it. I love you so much and this brings me to another little hang-up of mine.”

“What is it, love?” asked Draco gently.

“I am absolutely terrified to lose you.”

“I thought I made it clear that I’m not going anywhere, not now, not ever, Harry.”

“Oh, you did and I believe you! Really, I feel much better now. But before, it was a different story. I was sure you were going to leave me like the other people who loved me – my mum and dad, Sirius, all the people who meant so much to me.”

“Not everyone has left you, Harry. Besides me, you still have Ron and Hermione. Merlin knows how much they both love you.”

“I’ve often wondered about that. How come they escaped my curse?”

“Harry, you’re not cursed. Don’t say things like that. You were just unlucky. People that we love die sometimes – it’s a sad fact of life, I’m afraid. It does not mean that we are all going to leave you, at least not for a very long time. You’ve got me and your two best friends and we all love you like mad.”

“Thanks,” replied Harry snuggling down into Draco’s arms. “Can you see now why I feel the way I do? Why it’s hard for me sometimes?”

Draco kissed the top of Harry’s head and answered, “Yes, I can see it very clearly. I’ll try to be more patient with you and, more importantly, I’ll try to tell you how wonderful you are more often. Maybe then you can start to believe it yourself.”

“I’m going to try very hard to do just that. With your help, my darling, I might actually get there one day.”

“You will, Harry, you will. You’re a very strong person and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, even this. I’ll be right here by your side every step of the way. I’ll convince you, love. I can be very persuasive when I want to be.”

Harry chuckled and asked with a sigh, “May I sleep here in your arms tonight? I feel so good right now that I don’t want to lose it.”

“Wouldn’t have you anywhere else, love. Sleep well.”

“You too, Dray.”

“Nox” said Draco as he pulled Harry closer to him in the darkness. He lay for the longest time, listening to Harry’s breathing growing slower and deeper. Sleep was elusive for Draco that night. Harry had given him so much to think about. He had opened his soul to him and had shown him the deepest, darkest corners. One sentence seemed to come back to him more often than the others – our childhood can screw us up so badly. The words would not leave him be.

TBC