A Secret Fantasy

A/N: I still can\'t believe I\'m doing this. I have to admit I\'m curious if any of you guessed correctly.

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“I…” His head dropped back to her shoulder, and he groaned quietly in embarrassment.

“Severus, please, just tell me.”

“Hermione, I want you to know, I love you. I truly do. And, I respect you greatly…”

“I love you too Severus. Now, please, tell me what it is,” she said, a note of exasperation creeping into her words. At least her back was to him, he wasn’t sure he could say it to her face.

“Iwanttourinateinyouranus,” he mumbled into her bushy, brown hair.

“Um….I didn’t quite catch that.”

He took another deep breath. “I. Want. To. Urinate…in your…anus.” He bit out every word as if it were painful. His stomach churned, he felt like he was going to be sick. Hermione had stilled beneath him, and was silent. His heart pounded, clenching painfully. Fuck, now I’ve ruined it! he thought.

The tick-tick of the grandfather clock seemed deafening in the silence, rivalled only by the rush of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. Hermione was still silent, even her breathing seemed to have stilled.

“Hermione, please forget I just said that,” he said quickly. “In fact, I’m fairly good with memory charms, I can Obliviate the last ten minutes from your memory with no ill affects. Please, let me Obliviate that…or you could use a Pensive, no, not a Pensive, then you might find it again. I shall get my wand,” he said in a rush, rising off of her and turning to the edge of the bed to get his wand from the bedside table.

“Severus, wait,” Hermione said, turning over and putting a hand on his shoulder just as he was about to rise from the bed. “You don’t need to Obliviate me. That just took me a little by surprise is all. I promised I wouldn’t laugh, and I wouldn’t think you’re a horrible person, and I don’t. Besides, performing memory charms when you’re obviously a bit out of sorts isn’t the best idea.”

Severus sat on the edge of the bed, cursing himself internally. She was just being nice, telling him she didn’t think he was horrible. He couldn’t believe he’d actually told her. He found the patterns of wood grain in the hardwood planks of her floor suddenly fascinating and studied them closely.

“Severus?”

“Hermione,” he intoned stiffly.

“Tell me more.”

“More?”

“Yes, more. Such as, under what conditions you would want to do this…and I assume that when you said it isn’t technically unsanitary if you do it correctly that you have thought enough about it to…well, have a plan?”

Severus gulped audibly. “I don’t expect you do go along with that.”

“I said I would seriously consider whatever it is you told me…I haven’t decided yet. Just…tell me more for now, okay?”

“Very well,” he began stiffly. “First, as I’m sure you know, urine is actually sterile when it leaves the body. So, technically, it is not unsanitary. Secondly, you already know a thorough enema charm completely cleanses the bowel and anal area, I believe that would also be an appropriate preparation. I would imagine…” he paused, clearing his throat, “I would imagine that the actual…process, would feel similar to a slow enema for…for the person who might be on the receiving end of said…act.” He couldn’t bring himself to imply that Hermione would be on the receiving end of the activity.

“Yes, that makes sense,” Hermione agreed.

“And,” he continued, closing his eyes and gripping the coverlet in his fists, “if one were to perform this…act…it would probably be best done in a shower…to prevent…” he trailed off, hardly believing he was actually voicing plans for possibly going through with it.

“A mess?” Hermione finished for him.

“Yes.” He sat silently for a moment, waiting for her to tell him no, that it was disgusting, that she would never allow such a horrible, seemingly degrading act. But, it wasn’t as if he wanted to urinate all over her…just in an area that was already well equipped to handle such a thing.

She had been silent for a long time when he finally turned around and looked at her. She was sitting just behind him, a thoughtful look on her face. “If you tell me no, I promise never to speak of it again,” he assured her.

“Well…Severus,” she began, he braced himself, “actually, with the provisions you’ve listed, it doesn’t sound like anything terribly bad. Have you ever done this with anyone else before?”

“No, never. I’ve never even mentioned it to anyone before.”

“Hmm. And, why do you think you would enjoy that?” she asked.

Questions…more questions. He hadn’t asked that many questions when she wanted him to drink from her breasts. Then again, he had to admit that was something he thought was quite arousing as well. “If it is something you don’t believe you would enjoy, just say so. I know you probably think it would be degrading.”

“I didn’t say that, Severus. If I thought it was degrading, I would have said no right away. I haven’t, stop putting words in my mouth that I haven’t said or even thought. I know you wouldn’t want to do something to try to degrade me. Now, can you answer my question?”

“It is hard to explain. I’m not sure why, precisely,” he said.

“Do you have any guesses?”

“Perhaps…” he paused, looking up at the ceiling a moment as he gathered his words. He was always so articulate, so precise in his speech, that now in his mortification he was having a very difficult time. “Perhaps…as I imagine the feeling would be…it would be very, satisfying. Relaxing. I think about it on those occasions when we engage in anal intercourse…think about just letting go afterwards. And when I get up when we’re finished, and go to…relieve myself, I think about what it would be like to still be inside you whilst I do it; to fill you…but most of all for you to enjoy the experience. I know it is highly unusual, Hermione…it’s probably abnormal to even think of it.”

*****

Hermione watched what she could see of his face from behind and slightly to the side of him. His lank, black hair covered his face for the most part, hanging down just below his shoulders. She’d never seen him so at a loss for words, so inarticulate. The muscles over his back were taut with tension, his arms also tight, every stringy muscle on his lean frame standing out.

When he’d told her, finally, she had been a bit shocked. It certainly was unusual…and her immediate reaction had been to think: “yuck” …however, looking at it biologically speaking, technically it wasn’t unsanitary or unhealthy. She’d heard, of course, of people who were into ‘watersports’ as they called it…she remembered when she had taught Ron to use the internet…of course he had immediately found porn, and he’d told her, laughing so hard he could hardly speak, that he found a website where people liked to pee on each other. He’d chalked it up to Muggles being strange. They’d only dated for about a year, and mostly because everyone around Hermione told her they were perfect together. But, she wanted to strangle him most of the time, and had finally decided to end it shortly after the disastrous experience of telling him that she thought of having someone drink from her breasts.

He’d looked at her as if she were crazy. Even now, nearly six years later the memory made her cringe. “That’s for babies!” he’d exclaimed. “That’s, like, incest or something!” She had to admit, it was a strange fantasy. But, it was something she wanted to do, and when she had finally done it with Severus, it had felt so…fulfilling, nurturing…she wasn’t sure she ever wanted children, but that simple act had felt so good in so many ways. She remembered the relief she felt after she’d finally told him and his reaction; a thoughtful expression and then his smile and offer to look up a temporary lactation Potion and make it for her. He hadn’t judged her, he’d accepted her. And, though this was a little strange, she understood how exposed he must feel sharing something that he thought was very strange, and that would likely cause most people to recoil in disgust.

So, she reached up, and touched his back. He flinched, but settled down. “I’d be willing to give it a try, Severus,” she said gently.

“Hermione, don’t agree to this just because I want it…I can certainly live very happily without ever trying something like that. Please, don’t agree to anything you might hate me for later.”

“Would you feel better if I slept on it, and then, if I still want to try it in the morning we can?” she asked, hoping that he would see the logic in that.

“If, in the morning, you do not want to…simply don’t speak of it. I won’t bring it up again,” he said.

“Okay…I understand. Come on now, let’s get to sleep,” she encouraged. She knew, even though he might have trouble sleeping after this, he would feel more comfortable in giving her more time to think about it.

“In a moment, I need to…oh bollocks,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose then rose quickly, entering the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind him. Hermione couldn’t help but giggle…very quietly so he wouldn’t hear, of course. She quickly regained control of her features, knowing if he came out of the bathroom and she was laughing, he would be mortified. She straightened the coverlet over herself, and turned down Severus’s side. She reached for her wand at the bedside table, and extinguished the already dim lights to save Severus’s dignity.

He joined her momentarily, pulling the covers up to his chin and laying stiffly on his back. Hermione, understanding he was probably feeling rather insecure, sidled over to him, rested her head on his shoulder, and wrapped an arm over his chest.

“Sleep well,” she said softly.

*****

The next morning, Severus woke to the scent of bacon and eggs cooking in the kitchen. It had taken him a long time to fall asleep the night before, and now it was well past his usual rising time, the sunlight gleamed through the window brightly. He closed his eyes again. “No…I didn’t…I didn’t…it was all a bad memory,” he muttered to himself.

As he sat up on the edge of the bed, preparing himself to face Hermione, she entered the bedroom, smiled at him and announced that breakfast had been prepared. She entered the bathroom and he sighed. Then, when he heard Hermione pronounce the enema charm in the bathroom, his heart began to pound. Was she actually going to agree?

He grabbed a shirt from the chair where he’d left it the previous night, giving him a semblance of being dressed along with the trouser portion of the flannel pyjamas he usually wore, they’d been a gift from Hermione soon after they began dating, she’d thought his grey nightshirt needed replacing.

He entered the living area, and found breakfast, along with large glasses of cranberry juice on the counter which divided the kitchen and living room areas of Hermione’s cosy home. Taking a seat on one of the barstools, he poked at his scrambled eggs, his appetite not really with him. Hermione sat down beside him after a moment as he was listlessly chewing a bit of toast, and began munching on a piece of bacon she’d speared with her fork.

“Well, I’ve thought about it,” she announced after she’d finished her bacon. Severus put his fork down with a clink, and rested his forehead on his hand. “And, I’d still like to give it a try. So, you should drink your cranberry juice…there’s more in the fridge.”

He looked at her in surprise.

“Well, if you’re going to do it, might as well make it count, right?” she reasoned at seeing his stunned expression. “I figure two or three glasses of cranberry juice should do the trick.”

Severus stared at her, then glanced down to the full, frosty glass filled nearly to the brim with the rich, red juice. Tentatively, he reached for the glass, and looking back at her watching her closely for any signs of hesitation, disgust, or embarrassment on her part as raised it to his lips, slowly but steadily drinking the full contents of the glass. It was sharp and tangy, the cool liquid quenching his morning thirst. He set the glass back down on the counter with a quiet thump, and Hermione smiled, took another bite of her scrambled eggs, a sip of her cranberry juice, then rose, walked around the counter and opened the refrigerator and poured him another full glass of juice, winking at him as she finished.

With a surer grip, he took the second glass, and drank a third of the contents. Then settled in to eating his breakfast. He finished the second glass by the time his plate was empty, and watched in anticipatory silence as Hermione cleared their dishes, cast cleaning charms on them, and put them back in the cabinet. She came back around to him, putting a hand on either shoulder as she leaned over to kiss him gently. “Well, I feel like a shower this morning. Care to join me?” she asked, smiling, then she turned and disappeared into the bedroom.

Heart pounding and stomach churning, he followed her.

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I can write the rest of this, but only if people actually want to read it. I decided plenty of warning should be given ahead of time (ergo, the cliffie on the last chapter, and the squick warning, before I delve fully into the depths of depravity.