The Secret Diary of Severus Snape

Title: Severus Snape’s Secret Diary (entries 9-18)
Author: Mimine (mimine101@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Too many to mention. Mostly SS/LM for now
Rating: Big fat NC-17
Disclaimers: Not mine, JKR’s.
Archive: Sure, just ask

10/11/1975
Blown, bent and buggered sums up things rather well in the sexual front lately. All it takes is a sideways glance. Or his pointy pink tongue licking his lips. A discreet or not so discreet touch under the table at lunch. His hand casually stroking my thigh under our desk at Potions or Defence. We disappear and I’m all his.

13/11/1975
Yesterday he came to my bed. I was ashamed. I told him to leave (not too forcefully, I\'ll admit). He promised he\'d be quiet but my bed creaks horribly. I tried oiling the hinges but it’s still making enough noise to wake everyone in the dormitory.

Lucius kissed me, drowning my half-hearted protests. His mouth moved lower, renewing the fading love bites on my neck. My prick had jumped up ready for the moment his mouth would close around it but he kept his attention to my upper body for a while longer than usual. His lips moved a little higher and caught my earlobe. He’d never done that before. I had no idea ears can be so sensitive, so heart-stoppingly erotic. I moaned from that… just that… and arched to rub against him. I was in for a shock. He wasn’t hard.

“Lucius,” I said slowly, not sure of what I was going to say. Whatever it might have been I didn’t get a chance to say it. He kissed me again keeping his lower body away from contact with mine. I drew in a shuddering breath when he finally freed my lips. My chest hurt. Not just from oxygen deprivation, a vague fear had gripped my heart.

“I needed you,” he whispered hoarsely. “I woke up and all I could think of was you.” He pressed his face on my chest, his hands gripping my upper arms with bruising force.

“You’re hurting me,” I hissed. I’d lost my erection. I was terrified.

He weakened his grip a little. “This isn’t normal. It can’t be normal,” he whispered brokenly.

I squirmed from under him and managed to sit up. He had dropped on the bed, his face buried in his hands. I asked him if he was alright. He reached back, took a hold of my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“I should leave,” he whispered and made to get off the bed but I didn’t let him. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I turned him around and I started kissing him. I couldn’t do it as violently as he does. I’m always cautious, afraid of hurting him, bruising that fair skin, those soft pink lips. He pushed on my head with an urgency punctuated by his hardness against my thigh. I slid down on his pale body and took him in my mouth. He grew even harder. I closed my eyes and willed my throat muscles to relax as I took him fully in. Had my mouth not been full I think I’d have announced to the world that I was finally there. My nose was buried in his golden, wiry hairs. I pulled back a little when I realised that I’d been so focused on pleasuring him that I’d forgotten to breathe.

I felt his hands in my hair, stroking, then easing me off. I groaned in disappointment.

He brought me to eye level with him and kissed me softly and before I knew it I was on my back under him. He lifted my legs until my knees were on his shoulders. How had it never occurred to me before? Fucking face to face is very much possible if you think of doing that. I hanhim him the lubricant and he prepared me silently. He bit on his lip and stayed still for a moment as he was rubbing the lubricant on himself. I suppose I’d brought him very near to the edge and he was trying to get himself under control again. It was good to be able to see his face as he was getting ready to take me.

He entered me swiftly. My back ached under his weight, complaining about bending in two to accommodate him. I ignored it and focussed on the pleasure. He hit the prostate right away. I thrashed under him, clamping my own hand over my mouth to keep quiet. He was fucking me slowly, so slowly I thought I was going to go crazy. Pulling almost fully out then plunging back in. So quiet, so focussed, his teeth bared in a soundless snarl. I was rubbing myself against his flat stomach. It wasn’t enough but I knew he wouldn’t let me slip my hand between our joined bodies and take care of myself. He plunged in and I felt his pre ejaculate in me, he was close . Very close. I clenched my inner muscles around him and forced his orgasm from him. He bit viciously on the junction between my neck and my shoulder as he came inside me. He collapsed on top of me. Gods, how my back hurt! It still hurts. My prick was crushed between our bodies, leaking.

I struggled under him. He let me get my legs off his shoulders then collapsed on top of me again. I rubbed against his sweaty stomach until I came.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured sleepily. “Forgot about you.”

I applied some of my “after sex cleansing lotion” (very useful invention when you’re fucking someone with Lucius’ libido) on a towel and started cleaning some things which are best cleaned before they dry. I dumped the towel to the floor, sparing a guilty thought to the unlucky house elf assigned to my bed tomorrow. Lucius pulled me to his arms again. I would have happily stayed there had it not been for a pressing need to use the bathroom.

When I got back he was gone.

“He left.” Evan’s voice gave me a start. I went to him. I wanted to apologise about waking him up. A musky scent hit my nostrils as I got to his bed. He told me to go away.

“Evan, I’m sorry.”

He started to cry. Pathetic sobs, snivelling. He fought me off when I raised his curtains and tried to quiet him down. He scratched me, kicked me. His hand was sticky. I left him and staggered to my own bed, shocked with his outburst.

14/11/1975
Everything hurts. I’m never doing it face to face again.

Evan hasn’t said a word to me today. Nor have any of my other roommates. Lestrange didn’t even tease me. I feel very guilty.

Lucius was cold with me. He was teasing a girl in his year at breakfast. In Defence we weren’t paired together. I got paired with that other fifth year, Remus Lupin. Prof. Slinkhard just doesn’t get that Slytherins and Gryffindors don’t mix well. At least Lupin was focussed on what we were doing instead of pulling idiotic pranks. When he’s not with Black and the rest of them he is not too bad. Can’t believe I just wrote that…

I wasn’t any good in class, today. Kept looking at Lucius, the way he joked with the girl, pulled her hair. Lupin followed my gaze and seemed to understand what was up, more or less. I shrugged off his concern and tried a particularly nasty hex with him which he blocked. Of course. He always blocks them. I think Professor Slinkhard doesn’t pair me with Lucius anymore because he must have noticed that I’m not that intent on hurting him when we duel, quite the opposite. I don’t show any restraint with Lupin. Neither does he.

I should have paid less attention to Lucius and that girl and more to the duel. Madam Pomfrey walked in a moment ago. She saw me writing and said I should rest my eyes. Everything keeps getting in and out of focus. The headache potion seems to be finally working. She promised she would hide my diary and not try to read it. (Ha! As if she could if she tried). She told me that Lupin would like to see me to apologise. I told her to tell him that there was nothing to apologise about, I should have been more careful. She stared at me as though I’d sprouted an extra head for a moment then quickly recovered. She said I’d better stop writing and try to get some sleep. I think I’ll follow her advice.

Lucius didn’t come. Neither did Evan. Lestrange and Avery made an appearance. Lestrange called me a pathetic pansy who let a Gryffindor make a fool of me. Then he told me to get well soon or else he and Avery will be forced to kill Evan who’s been driving them crazy, worrying about me.

15/11/1975
Finally released. I couldn’t take it anymore. Lucius came to see me in the Infirmary. I left with him when Madam Pomfrey said it was alright. He sat with me at the Common room. He asked me whether Pomfrey had said anything about all the marks on my body. He avoided my eyes when he said that. Could it be that he was afraid? I don’t want to think that. I don’t want to think of Lucius that way. To me, he’s above anything as mundane as rules in this school. I told him that Madam Pomfrey never says anything, never asks, never tells.

19/11/1975
I’m studying more than I strictly need to study. The library has become a sort of refuge to me. Lucius has been polite and distant. It hurts.

Evan came to me for help with the History of Magic essay (I thought with Binns dying and all we’d get out of that one…) We just talked as though nothing had happened. He could see that I was not too well. I couldn’t tell him what it was about because I didn’t want urt urt him but he guessed ae wae was hurt anyway. Lestrange and Avery found us working silently, hardly speaking to each other. Lestrange tried to cheer us up by reading out loud from a sex manual he’d discovered and attempting to practice what it described on a very unwilling Avery.

Lestrange and Avery were kicked out of the library, the manual confiscated and ten points came near to being taken from Slytherin. At least Evan smiled a little.

I wish I could talk about thiing ing with Lucius with someone. Evan is out of the question, Lestrange will just laugh at me, and Avery is an idiot.

23/11/1975
We did it! Up at the Astronomy Tower… what a cliché… Still it’s something.

He found me in the library writing the Defence essay that’s due after the Christmas vacation. He started trying to draw my attention, playing with my hair, looking over my shoulder at what I was writing. I pretended to avoid him. I was mad at him for the way he’sn win with me lately.

“I wrote to my parents about staying here for the holidays.”

I looked up from my parchment, my mouth hanging open. He reached and felt up my thigh under the table.

“How about a celebratory fuck in the herbology section?” (it’s almost always deserted and quite dark. Lucius gets off at the thought of getting caught but he doesn’t want to push it too hard).

I pressed his hand against my crotch, closing my eyes for a moment. I was tempted to say yes. I suggested instead that we went somewhere less public.

I think he’s taken others to the Astronomy Tower. Taken others in the Astronomy Tower. It’s the traditional trysting ground in Hogwarts after all. I did see quite a few stars when he sucked me off. He then sat me on top of his prick. I’d had hardly any preparation, the only lubricant was his spit. It hurt a little. He rocked with me sitting on him and I felt some blood ease the slide. I squirmed on top of him then reached to touch my feet on the floor. I raised my body a little and he took a hold of my thighs and started fucking me in earnest.

Felt good, but then again, it always does. He walked us to a wall where I pressed my elbows, crossed over my face. He hardly touched me and I came. It’s as though our bodies truly become one, as thougl itl it takes is for him to come and I come as well. We stayed joined for a while, facing the wall. We must have looked ridiculous, both still wearing our robes, our pants at half-mast, panting… I hissed when he withdrew from me. I felt him pull up his pants, straighten his robes. I didn’t have the strength to do the same. He did it for me, dressed me as though I were a doll. I was sticky and I could feel some of the pain that is now throbbing down there. I made a potion ft but but it hasn’t taken effect yet.

He walked me back to my room, his arm around my shoulders. I doubt that anyone who saw us failed to guess what we’d been up to.

24/11/1975
I think I’d better start carrying a little of my lubricant wherever I go. You never know when Lucius, the arse-bandit, might hit and I do need that orifice for other things as well. I tried adding some more laudanum to the potion I made yesterday buneedneed to be careful. I’m running very low and I doubt that Filch will agree to another raid of Jigger’s stores so soon after the last one (two weeks ago). Not to mention that I doubt even Jigger is that much of an idiot and will not notice that several of his bottles now contain more water than anything else.

25/11/1975
Lucius got a howler today! Most of what his mother said was in French but it wasn’t that difficult to understand. He’d tried to run out of the Great Hall with it but didn’t manage to get very far. He said his parents wanted to show him off this Christmas and he ruined their plans.

Father has never sent me a howler. He hardly ever sends me actual letters. I didn’t need to owl him and tell him I wouldn’t be going home for the holidays, it’s what he always expects. I wonder what he’s going to send me this year. Last year he sent me a volume on Potions that was actually required reading for sixth year.

Lucius’ mother had sounded very upset. I wish father would get that upset over something I did. I wish he’d want to have me over for the holidays so I’d get a chance to snub him.

(secret appendix to previous entry)

I debated writing about this. I have to trust my wards about everything, I\'ll trust them with this entry as well. Still on the subject of parents.

Lucius\' parents adore him. He says it is becausey fey feel guilty. I asked him why and he replied that all parents feel guilty whether or not there is a reason.

\"I don\'t t my my father is most parents,\" I told him. He laughed.

Lucius asked me if I knew about the big Malfoy secret. I played dumb though I have heard countless rumours about the lost Malfoy heir. According to the most persistent rumours the child was a squib and the Malfoys killed him or somehow made him disappear not to embarrass them. More obscure rumours claim just about everything about the lost Malfoy, down to the boy having been born half Centaur and Lucius\' father having hidden the shameful fruit of his wife\'s unthinkable adultery.

Lucius narrowed his eyes at me when I said I hadn\'t heard anything but didn\'t argue.

He trusted me with the secret. He trusted ME with the secret. He hasn\'t told anyone in Hogwarts and says that if it comes out he\'ll know who is to blame.

There never was another child, squib, dead or half Centaur. At ten Lucius slipped in his father\'s study unattended and touched something he shouldn\'t have. He lost consciousness and woke up four years later. (at that point I shifted in his arms and asked him to stop pulling my leg. I turned to face him. He looked dead serious). I settled again, cushioning my head on his chest. I liked the way his voice rumbled in his ribcage. I asked him whether it was some sort of enchanted sleep but he said it was something much more sinister. I then asked how he got out of it but that\'s something he, himself doesn\'t know.

His parents did something. Dark Magic, infinitely darker than what it was that got him in that state. He said that all they had been willing to say to him was that they made a difficult barter.

A life for a life perhaps? I wonder… I asked him whether he remembered anything from the four years he lost. He said there\'s nothing. One moment he was playing in his father\'s office, another he woke up, his father\'s hair was white and his mother crushed him in a hug and started crying and wouldn\'t stop.

No one knew about what had happened to him. His family had moved to France so the circumstances surrounding the accident would not be known. But people knew about the Malfoy heir that had been born and wondered why 11 years after his birth he wasn\'t attending a school.

That would make him 21 then? He doesn\'t look it. He says most of his growth was stilted. He did grow up fast as his body overcame the effects of the accident (I wish I knew what it was! He says all he remembers is reaching to touch something shiny.) In his second and third year he looked more or less as he does now. He also had the same sex drive, he says so that was a bit…hard. He found a sixth year perverted enough to debauch a second year. He told me her name but I didn\'t recognise it

So there. I didn\'t tell anyone. I would NEVER betray Lucius\' confidence but I couldn\'t stop myself from writing it. I think it means something that he trusted me with such a secret. He looked strange after he had finished talking. Almost as though he had just woken from a trance, a trance for which he somehow blamed me. I just stretched and kissed him. It was a Hogsmeade weekend but his dorm mates couldn\'t be expected to stay in Hogsmeade forever. We had already wasted precious time talking.


9/12/1975
Last game before the holidays and this has to happen! I’m so angry I can hardly see straight. It’s not that I care that much about Quidditch but games with Gryffindor are a whole different story. Seeing James fucking Potter and his idiotic friends celebrating… I’d better stop, I might throw up. And all those Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs so happy about Gryffindor beating big, bad, evil Slytherin… To hell with them! We don’t need them!

I’d better start at the beginning. Lucius was droning on and on about the game and strategy and what have you, yesterday. I pretended to listen while all I wanted was to peel off his clothes and ravage him. The chances of him letting me do the ravaging are of course still very slight. Yesterday they were more than slight since today he would have to spend the better part of his day on a broom. At some point I managed to get him to be quiet for about ten minutes while he was sucking me off but that was all he was willing to do. Didn’t even let me reciprocate. He probably believes all that bollocks about how important it is to save your energy before a game.

I was watching from the sidelines today. I always do. I’m supposed to be a beater but Jigger will not risk my fine chopping hands out there wielding a stick. It suits me just fine. I hate flying. I don’t want to be in the stupid team anyway but Jigger knew that my father could not possibly have that. At least Jigger didn’t go as far as making me Seeker. Pleasing my father is not worth the entire House of Slytherin lynching me after every game.

I had to admit that, as Qudditch goes, that was a very interesting game. Gryffindor was ahead, Potter and Black scoring like crazy (while my traitorous mind couldn’t help noticing what finecimecimens they both are and how much more rewarding a show they would provide if they were to start shagging mid air instead of chg ang an ugly old quaffle). We were counting on Avery catching the Snitch before Gryffindor would cover the difference in points (as it always tries to do since they know that Lockhart wouldn’t be able to find his arse with a map, let alone the Snitch. I wonder why McGonagall is keeping him on the team. Perhaps there is truth to those rumours about him giving her sexual favours… I’d better stop this thought here or I’ll lose my dinner).

Avery is an excellent seeker. Might be an idiot on the ground but up on the field, it’s as though he belongs there. Sometimes I get hard observing his fluid grace. Lucius is a fairly decent flyer but Avery is really something else. For a few moments after he lands with the Snitch I want to go tm anm and beg him to shag me right in the middle of the Quidditch field. Then I take a good look at his face and hear his nasal voice saying something like: “Oh… got lucky again, I reckon” and the magic is gone.

Evan had the quaffle during the last seconds. He was going on with it, passing Gryffindors right and left. Lucius was free, on his right. All Evan had to do was pass to him, Lucius later said that he even waved at him though I’ll admit I didn’t seet. Mt. My heart was pounding on my chest, if the Snitch was caught at that moment the score would be even.

Before I knew what happened, hurricanes Potter and Black had fallen on Evan, fouled him (though that prejudiced cunt of a referee didn’t see anything, once more) and scored, throwing the quaffle so viciously that Julie Parkinson ended up hanging upside down from her broom (perhaps there was also some hex involved there). And at precisely that moment, Avery caught the Snitch. He saw what happened, just as his hand was closing firmly oe wie winged ball… what was he supposed to do? Let it go? It all happened so quickly we didn’t manage to stop him and even if we had, Lockhart was at his heels and would have probably caught it.

It’s one thing to lose but to lose like that? From Gryffindor? There was such wailin thn the changing room, you’d think someone had died. Lucius was kicking things, swearing in French since he’d ran out of English even before he left the field. Mungo Crabbe was yelling what he was going to do to “that little fuck, Rosier who didn’t pass to Lucius”. I had Avery weeping on one shoulder and I was patting his dirt blond hair and telling him it wasn’t his fault and Julie Parkinson on the other, sobbing, and snivelling, her fuzzy locks tickling my neck. She has gotten very friendly with me hoping that since Lucius and I are such good friends I’ll help her win his heart (proof that females have nothing between their ears).

Trapped between my weeping team mates all I wanted was to find Rosier and a) try to save him from Crabbe’s wrath and b) try and be a decent friend to him and tell him that it was just a game and those two wankers fouled him so it wasn’t his fault that we lost. I deposed Roger and Julie to Lestrange who had managed to make it in the changing room at last, ranting and raving about how we should aransransfer to Durmstrang away from all those “Muggle-loving, mudblood cunts”.

I found Evan in one of the two closed showers. He was naked, standing under scorching hot water. (as I discovered when I leaned to turn it off – ouch). His normally milky white skin was an angry red. It took him a moment to realise it was me and even then he didn’t relax. He dropped on the tiled floor, curling up until his chin was resting on his knees.

I was still mostly dressed and the steam in the little cubicle made my clothes cling unpleasantly on my skin. I quickly took my clothes off and let them all fall on the wet floor. I knelt next to Evan. He didn’t raise his head from his knees. I reached to touch his shoulder which was heaving with silent sobs. He flinched. I tried to reach him with words instead.

“Evan, it’s me,” I said softly. “Come on, mate. It’s only a game, it’s not as though we lost the championship. We’d lose at some point, it’s only normal.”

He shook his head. I reached a hand and stroked his reddish blond hair which had darkened to a light brown from the water. Absentmindedly I noted how thin it is. He will probably lose it when he gets older. I had one of those horrible feelings at that moment, a kind of premonition that I get. I hate it. I hate Divination. Professor Vablatsky said I was one of the few students she’s ever gotten to teach who truly had a gift. The next day I quit Divination and took Arithmancy instead. Missed Lestrange taking the piss in class (he is devoid of any kind of gift whatsoever) and Arithmancy is hell (at least it is Gryffindor-free, in fact only 12 Ravenclaws and I have taken it). However, Vablatsky often corners me in one corridor or another and goes on and on about my gift. She even went to Jigger to get him to force me to take her idiotic class.

The voice inside me had said “if Evan gets older”. It’s nothing. I’m sure it’s nothing but I felt my whole body shiver at that moment and I broke in goosebumps despite the steam.

Evan let me stroke his head. Little by little he raised his eyes to meet mine. Emerald green and red. He looked as young that moment, as when I first saw him in the Hogwarts Express, crying because he was going to miss his parents and his baby brother. He didn’t know he would sort in Slytherin yet and that Slytherins don’t cry. My father had made it clear to me that I should not even think of sorting anywhere else (as if the choice was mine to make) and I already knew. Not to mention that the last thing I wanted to do was cry, since I was finally getting away from father.

“Leave me alone, Severus,” he croaked.

I shook my head.

“I saw him,” Evan said, more to himself than me. “I could have passed to him but I didn’t. I wanted to score. I’d seen that Roger was heading for the Snitch and I wanted to score the winning goal.”

“Black and Potter fouled you,” I said quietly.

He raised an eyebrow. “What else is new? I should have seen them coming. I should have passed to L… Lucius…” he started sobbing again. He let me draw him in my arms.

“Come on, now. It’s nothing, no one’s blaming you,” I lied, hoping that Crabbe wouldn’t discover us any time soon. I can’t tell how long we stayed like that, Evan sobbing on my chest while I rocked him gently. He relaxed after a while and raised his face. Not a very pretty sight, red eyes, red nose, snot. I smiled and released him, looking delicately away while he blew his nose, turning on the shower to carry away the contents. I tempered the water and let it fall on my chilly skin to warm me up a little. Evan stepped under the spray as well. I reached and turned off the water then looked at the pitiful state of my Quidditch robes. A cursory glance around the cubicle produced no towel which meant we would both have to get out of there naked. Hopefully the mourners would have left the changing room by then.

Evan grabbed my arm as I was making to get out. “Stay with me,” he whispered.

“You can’t hide in here all day, Evan.”

“Just for a moment. I hardly see you lately.”

I wanted to say that it was him who had been avoiding me but I stopped myself. He had a point. Outside the classes that I had to have with my own year I’ve been spending almost all of my free time with Lucius.

“I’m not really crying about the game,” Evan said. “Not just the game.”

I nodded, not knowing what to say. “I know that Lucius was with you before,” I said quietly.

Evan laughed humourlessly. “Is that what you think it is? You think I care about Lucius? He just amused himself with me for a few nights, sucked me, got me to jerk him off… that was all. He said I could tell him to leave if I wanted and one night that’s what I did. I said ‘Leave, Lucius. I want to sleep, I have a test tomorrow’. Have you ever tried it, Sev? Telling him ‘no’?”

His voice had risen dangerously and there were tears in the corners of his eyes. Still Evan but not really him at the same time. Nothing like the boy I thought I knew.

“Evan…”

“It’s you, Sev. I miss you. I’m sick of only seeing you when your god dismisses you.”

I don’t remember everything he said but it finally sunk in. I felt about an inch tall. I don’t need unrequited… love or lust or whatever you want to call this thing.

He sunk to the floor again, trembling. It was as though his anger had been all that had been holding him upright. He no longer sounded angry, just exhausted. I knelt and held him in my arms again, speechless.

I made a sound when I felt his lips on my neck. Something like “stop” but he took no notice. He licked and bit me softly and I felt my cold body warm up. It was strange… he felt different than Lucius but also good. He reached my lips and pressed gently, timidly. I took charge of the kiss, exploring his mouth… He pulled back and took a deep breath.

“It should stop here,” I said, well aware of the fact that certain parts bellow the waist had a different opinion.

He reached and stroked me there, softly at first. I reached to take his hand away but he strengthened his grip. I felt my resolve melt.

He pushed me until I was lying flat on my arse then he straddled me. He came forward and kissed me again tentatively, his tongue seeking entrance. His palm opened, then closed again around both of our erections. It felt good, both pricks in his firm grip, rubbing against his palm and against each other. It also felt a little uncomfortable though, because we were wet. He stopped and spread some of the precome that had began to seep and it made the friction a little easier.

He sobbed, his face buried in the crook of my neck andnew new he was coming before I felt the warm fluid against my stomach. I couldn’t hold it for much longer. I arched into his fist and let go.

“Evan...” I said when I could speak again, “this doesn’t mean…”

He told me to be quiet. I thought that he didn’t want to hear what I had to say which was of course that I still want to be with Lucius etc.

I was wrong. We couldn’t do much to avoid being found together when I heard ‘Alohomora’. For a few seconds while the door was opening I had flashed into Dumbledore telling me I was expelled and father getting a heart attack (the second flash wasn’t so bad). It was Jigger. I hoped he’d pretend not to notice that we were in a locked cubicle, lying down naked and covered in spunk.

He shook his head. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he said. “We’re expecting you at dinner.”

We nodded stupidly.

“After you’ve cleaned up, of course.” He paused while we started to get up from the floor. “Unlike Durmstrang, Hogwarts is co-ed. I suggest you two start taking advantage of that fact.” With that he left.

Did he expect us to eat after this? Rosier lost his nerve and said he couldn’t face everyone at the table. I sat next to Avery who was nearly catatonic despite Lestrange’s various attempts at cheering him up. Lucius looked at me but didn’t sit in the free seat next to me. It occurred to be suddenly that what happened between Evan and myself after the game could be called cheating. I couldn’t eat and excused myself from the table a while later. All the Slytherins were so glum that it didn’t really make a difference.

I went straight to bed after the ordeal at dinner. Evan was fully under the covers. I also hid under my covers lit my wand and started writing. It’s been a while. My back aches and my right hand is numb. I’m also hungry.

10/12/1975
I need to find a spell to write with my thought. I hear they exist but considering how good I am at wandwork… I’d better forget it.

I went to Evan\'s bed in the night. He pretended to be asleep but his growling stomach gave him away. I convinced him to sneak to the kitchens with me. The house elves were delighted to see us. We took some sandwiches and pumpkin juice back to our room. We climbed on Evan\'s bed and ate, then fell asleep. It was comfortable but around dawn I slipped back in my own bed. I\'d had a dream about Lucius coming in the room and finding my bed empty.