Severus Snape and the Goddess of Love

Disclaimer: All Hp characters belong to JK Rowling and all Oh my goddess characters belong to Kousuke Fujishima and others who are not me, I am making no money off of this and I receive nothing in return.


Chapter Two: Like dropping a piano


He heard a click from the other side of the strange device. What in the name of…never mind. What a cheeky woman. There was a white light out of the corner of his eyes he turned to see a blinding light coming out of the large communal class caldron as he covered his eyes. Fuck did Neville touch that caldron? Something silver was coming out of the caldron followed by a woman’s face with strange markings. Oh Gods, hell what was happening to his potions supply lately. He decided to stop cursing Merlin’s name it did no good. The strange creature had golden skin and exotic shaped eyes that were oriental or Egyptian however her eyes were green eyes. She looked at him and waved. He crossed his arms and glared at her his best glare the one that almost made Mr. Longbottom wet himself.


“Hi! Nice to see you.” She put both her arms down to lift herself out of the caldron. “I’m the Goddess…Belldandy, first class mind you. I am” She tried to move out only to have her face become expressionless. “Stuck.” She looked at him with pleading eyes and a sultry smile. “Mind giving me a hand Professor?” She looked him up and down. My he was tall she thought. True he could wash his hair. But maybe their was something to say for tall dark and cranky. If he wished to fix his nose and hair she might even call him handsome. She looked down he did have nice long legs. She wondered if they were toned. Maybe if he played nice…she thought of several stimulating possibilities. Maybe he just needed some sugar to sweeten his disposition?


“Yes.” Was the cheeky woman looking at his person?

Her face became grumpy and she growled her eyes glowed and fingers gripped the edge futilely “would you help me out of here? My ass is stuck in your caldron!”

A smile appeared on Severus’s face if anyone who knew him well enough saw said smile they would be running as far away as possible. Urd didn’t know said smile she was also stuck in a caldron. He came up to the caldron leaned down and sneered. “Actually that caldron belongs to the school and it will not be needed till…” He paused and continued casually and coolly “September…perhaps longer.” Then he turned away after picking up some papers from the long black desk that seemed to swallow most of the light in the room. As he swept the potions door open he heard the strange woman yell.

“Come back here you…great bat!”

He smirked and closed his office door to her. Perhaps he should have accio’d the caldron into the hall so some other unfortunate soul would have to deal with it.


Urd growled how dare that great snarky grease ball leave her here…and she had to grant that a wish. Well technically Bell had to grant him a wish but she had said she was Bell so now that nasty man was her responsibility. She looked down how was she going to get out of this one? She needed to be smaller or it needed to be bigger. She could easily shrink to her smaller size but that wouldn’t be any fun. A bigger caldron well just a little bigger so she could get her hips out. She raised up her hands as her celestial magic ran through her.

Prison of Iron
Captive encased
Mold and form to my desire (wouldn’t it be funny if this caldron took up the whole room)
This Goddess embraced
In your hold
Release

A great blue light engulfed the room and the caldron became larger and Urd released herself. However the caldron became larger, smashing desks and knocking over cabinets.
Its size engulfed and cracked the creepy black desk. Urd watched this from her place in the growing caldron

“Oops”

The caldron grew until it took up the entire room. Urd saw that it stopped growing and gave a sigh of relief.

“Well alright then I’ll have to shrink this back.”

She said to the empty room. Then she heard a sound that sounded like breaking wood and stone collapsing under her

I hope Bell doesn’t find out about this she thought. The sound of cracking became terrible and the floor under the caldron gave way under the massive weight.

Urd screamed as the caldron plummeted to the next floor. She breathed a sigh of relief after it landed but the weight of the caldron and force of the fall broke the floor of that level of the dungeon.

She then fell to the next level where several mountain trolls stared at her scratching their heads until that floor gave way.

The caldron fell again from that level of the dungeons onto a solid stone floor. Urd peeped out the large caldron cautiously and saw six large gold eyes, whatever it was it was growling all three of them loudly.

I hope he wishes for a remodel she thought. Oh well I’ll just leave this here and go back up and…”

From above She could hear what sounded like a mad man she heard furious deep loud screaming mixes of various expletives to various gods and terrible curses among them Crucio and creative transfiguration ideas. It was the bat. She looked around in the light she could see the unfriendly beast was a Cerberus. She looked up the mean bat Professor was looking meanicingly into the hole until his eyes found hers. She got a chill up her spine as she used her divine speed to dodge several curses. God’s did he have to have Bell’s speed with a hex? Somewhere above she heard the sound of a door opening. She heard a feminine voice yell with concearn. “Professor Snape?” Before she heard a loud plummeting scream.

“Accio Hermione” Was said in the Professor’s dark voice with panic and unquestionable demand.

Hermione was in her headmasters’ room having tea with Professor McGonagall. Who had told her now that she was officially graduated, well besides the leaving feast, she could call her Minerva. She couldn’t believe it she was a graduate and she knew just what she wanted to do after her graduation pursue an apprenticeship with a true mistress in the art of Transfigurations. She was going to ask Pr…Minerva if she would accept her as her apprentice. She smiled she would probably say yes.

Hermione smiled she was now glad she was graduating ahead of time. Well not really ahead of time she was graduating a year late. She had advanced about two grades with the time turner in her third year. But she had talked to the headmaster last year and he believed it was in her best interest that while the war commenced she stay within the protection of Hogwarts for as long as possible. However with the war over she could graduate early relatively safely and if she became an apprentice she could remain at Hogwarts for Harry and Ron’s last year.

“Would you like a shortbread Hermione?” She looked up at smiled at Minerva.

“Thank you Minerva.” She accepted on from the tin she had ever present on her tea table. Why did Minerva look kind of guilty? “I came to ask you something important Minerva…I was wondering if…that is after I graduate if I could become your apprentice?”

Minerva looked at her and smiled sadly. What was wrong? Was her final thesis mediocre did she miss questions on her final test? She had triple checked all answers yet.

“There is nothing wrong with your work Hermione. You’re the brightest student I have ever had the privilege of teaching. I would love nothing more then to take you on as my apprentice.”

Hermione smiled brightly. “I will not disappoint you. I will give everything my best effort.”

She was still smiling sadly. “I would love nothing better however I already have an apprentice for next year.”

Oh dear she should have asked sooner but she wasn’t sure until a week ago that she wanted to graduate. Damn.

“I understand Hermione I’m very frustrated myself…it’s family obligations. Her former professor almost growled. Wow she was angry about this. “If I believed my niece had any talent in divinations I would take you both on as my apprentices. However that would be very selfish of me and very unfair to you. You deserve the full attention of a true master in whatever field you decide to pursue. I’m very sorry my dear.”

Hermione smiled sadly “That’s alright it…was presumptuous of me to wait. I should have asked sooner.”

Minerva shook her head and laughed sadly while taking a biscuit. ”Hermione I have not taken an apprentice in twenty years how could you possibly think I would take one this year. She lowered her head “Some bloody good it would have done.” Grumbled Minerva they asked me a month ago.

Did she? Hermione looked at her former Professor surprised she had never heard her swear.

Minerva looked at her former student’s shocked face and laughed. Yes Hermione we Professors are human and curse just as much as the next witch or wizard, were just more discrete around students. Although I must say on a bloody horrible day I can even give Severus a run for his galleons when it comes to colorful expletives.”

“ Its quite all right Minerva I’ll just accept one of the apprenticeship offers the owl mail sent me.” Which was true. Ever since she had decided to graduate early she had been getting owls from various masters in her chosen majors with offers of apprentice ship. Most came from Salem or Beaux batons she had been deeply surprised by the offers that cfromfrom Durmstrang. However the most talented master of her second major had not sent a letter. Was she actually expecting one? She must have hit her head on that rock two months ago harder then she thought. She looked up at Minerva. “I know it’s childish maybe I shouldn’t graduate but I was hoping to be here next year.”

Minerva smiled slightly and said with truth in her voice. “It’s not childish my dear. You and your friends have gone through more trials and hardships then most three times your age. I believe Hogwarts has become something of a sanctuary for you as it has become for me. You don’t want to leave your home.” She took Hermione’s hand in hers and smiled with slight mischief in her eyes a look Hermione usually saw only when Slytherin lost terribly at Quidditch. ”I don’t and I’m sure all your other Professors don’t want to see some other school get the pleasure and credit of apprenticing one of our best students. You have a double major do you not.”

She wasn’t suggesting? “Yes I have a double major in Transfigurations and Potions and a minor in Arithmancy and Defense against the Dark Arts.

Minerva smiled at her. “Well you could ask Severus if…”

“But Professor he’s never taken an apprentice.”

“It was my intention this entire time to convince you to ask him…like you asked me.”

“He’ll look at me…sneer then call me a silly girl. That is if he doesn’t give me detention for using his precious time.”

Minerva snorted. “Yes well Severus can be a bit snarky always has been. I think his real problem is that you’re in Gryffindor and not Slytherin. Give him some credit to make the right decision.”

After that Hermione had tried to small talk around Minerva convincing her to ask Snape. Minerva must want her to remain here to send her to Slytherin territory. Hermione that’s mean she thought almost as bad as some of their pureblood comments about dirty blood. Which was not heard around the school much. As a matter of fact the worst pureblood comments came from Draco Malfoy about purebloods. She thought about this while Minerva brought out the big guns…questioning a Gryffindors bravery. So here she was heading down to the dungeons to ask Professor Snape if he would accept her as an apprentice. Why did she have to fall for that…she was being as bad as Harry and Ron?

As She went down to the Slytherin Dungeons she heard Draco’s voice echo down one of the halls.
“If every one in your family shares one of three first names…you might be a pure blood.”

He had heard a visiting student from Salem’s comedy collection of Jeff Foxworthy.
If he heard a younger Slytherin making fun of or talking about purity of bloods he would start in on his parody of the routine. She laughed. Draco was very good at hiding his worries behind sarcasm and surprising humor. The aftermath of the War had hit him hard. Most of his families land was seized and he was trying to rebuild the Malfoy financial empire from nearly the ground up. Fred and George had offered to let him invest in their ever-growing franchises. He had accepted but only a small amount of his personal vault, which was quite enough. The ironic part was the heir of one of the most pure blood pride families was playing muggle Wall Street.

“If your family tree can be read in a straight line…you might be a pure blood.”

She rounded the corner. “Hello Draco what riled you up this time?” She had to admit he was in rare form.

“I thought pure blood elitism was only a wizarding problem!”

Hermione shook her head sadly he was beginning to see. “No Draco…it’s a human problem and it’s been a large muggle one as well. Trouble with one of your companies?

“Yes well my business manager has been having some difficulty.”

“Perhaps your going about this the wrong way Draco…maybe you should be thinking import.”

“Import?” He stopped turned around in a circle once twice. Draco had a strange habit of circling when he was thinking; he could wear holes in carpets. When he was all standing outside the infirmary after the battle waiting to hear about his godfather he had paced a circle in the carpet. He stopped looked at her smiled “That’s it!” he yelled before he ran to her spun her around and kissed her on the cheek then he headed nearly blind with energy to his rooms.

A loud sound could be heard further in the dungeons like dropping a piano only louder and in stereo nearly in her ears. It was coming from the potions classroom. Was Professor Snape still in there? She looked up into Draco’s haunted gaze and turned quickly running down the halls to the Potion’s Class. They passed several curious students as they ran. She thought she heard Draco yell something like idiots get Dumbledore! But she wasn’t sure. She quickly pulled out her wand to break the wards but they were difficult. When She heard Snape’s forceful cursing and Hexing from the other side of the door. Did someone floo him Dementors or something worse? With these thoughts her wand work started to get sloppy with her panic

“Let me!” He muttered an unknown spell to her…it was probably dark.

When the door was opened she saw her Potions Master throwing hexes and cursing at something. His lips were drawn back and his teeth were showing. His robes were billowing around him as he aimed his wand in various directions. What was wrong with him? “Professor Snape?” she yelled. As she rushed forward to stop him not looking down to see no floor. She fell into blank air and screamed as her feet fell underneath her.


Severus saw the classroom door open out of the corner of his eye. That rite bitch! His Lab was gone had had to stop himself from using unforgivables by mixing his curses with curse words. Despite what most Death eaters thought it was impossible to torture someone by shouting something like in the name of Merlin’s balls Fucking Crucio! He should know it didn’t work on the creature below. He thought he heard his name and then a loud scream. He looked to see dark auburn curls falling down the pit. He put all of his force into the spell. “Accio Hermione!”

To be continued………..I even hate myself for this one
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Disclaimer: This disclaimer is on the bottom not to ruin the chapter. I do not own the rights to the comedy of Jeff Foxworthy, he does I just am writing a parody about his You might be a redneck routine. Thank you.