Silk Stalkings

DISCLAIMER: Yeah, yeah, I don\'t own it and you know it. Don\'t sue.

A/N - I know these first two chapters have been quite short (compared to my normal chapters that are 4-6,000 words ... if you haven\'t read my other fics, go find out ;) ) ... but they are just setting the stage. I promise, the plot will thicken and there will be some nice, smutty, drag-y goodness in the next few chapters. SO hold on and get ready ... and don\'t forget to REVIEW!!!

~~ ** Lady Tuesday ** ~~

Chapter Two – Clothes Make the Man


Severus was smarting. Not from physical pain, of course. His pride was stinging worse than it had in years. Hermione Granger sat in the chair on his right, cackling like a hag gone wrong. She turned to regard Snape, who was scowling deeply as he glared at her from beneath a curtain of hair, and she began howling even more hysterically with throaty, whooping laughter. Eventually she regained hold of herself, wiped at the tears of amusement in her eyes and turned back to Dumbledore.

“I’m so sorry, Professor Dumbledore,” she managed, to which Snape snorted indignantly, “it’s just that I really believed you for a moment or two. I mean, really, turning Snape--”

“Professor Snape,” Severus snapped.

“Not mine anymore,” she continued smoothly, completely unruffled at his biting tone. “Turning him into a drag queen. That’s just ridiculous. My compliments, sir, that’s the best one I’ve heard you come up with yet.”

Dumbledore smiled weakly, but spoke. “I’m afraid I’m not joking, Miss Granger. I am, indeed, imploring you to help turn Severus into an undercover cross-dresser for the purposes of the Order of the Phoenix.”

The smile faded quickly from her face. “You’re joking,” she said dryly.

“Most unfortunately not,” Snape snapped again.

This time, Hermione turned directly to him. “He’s got to be. I mean, no offense Prof—” she stopped minutely, refusing to give him that pleasure, “Severus, but the idea of passing you off even as a marginally believable homosexual, let alone woman, is too ridiculous even to consider.”

“One would hope so,” he spat sardonically, but there was a half smile tugging at the edges of his lips.

Hermione looked back to Dumbledore. “Come on, sir, why on Earth would you need to transform him, of all people, into a woman?”

Dumbledore breathed deeply before speaking. “To retrieve Mr. Potter.”

“Harry?” Hermione squealed, practically leaping from her chair in surprise. She was on her way towards the door, calling over her shoulder. “Where is he? When did you find him?” She turned back to the two men. “Why didn’t anyone tell me? What’s wrong? Where’s he been all this t--”

“Good grief, Granger, still you’re tongue for five seconds and he’ll tell you. Honestly, it’s no wonder Potter couldn’t take this world any longer.”

“Severus,” Dumbledore began, a warning just below the surface of his voice. Dumbledore slowly explained the situation to Hermione as she walked back across the room. The only time she interrupted the explanation was when he first mentioned how Harry was choosing to live.

“Clever, Harry,” she muttered to herself, “very clever. Complete anonymity from both worlds.”

“Precisely,” Dumbledore interjected. “Which is why we need to send in an Order member. We must infiltrate slowly, so as not to startle him, but we need to do so in such a manner that we can influence Harry before he realizes who the person is.”

“But him?” Hermione questioned, pointing to Severus and speaking about him as if he weren’t present. “I mean, I’m sure you have your reasons for choosing, sir, but he’s so conspicuous. His features are so …”

“Overly masculine,” Dumbledore finished, nodding.

“Thank Merlin,” Severus interjected, only to be ignored.

“That is why I need you, Miss Granger. You have grown up in the Muggle world, and will be able to assist Severus there. Also, you are the only Muggleborn female member of the Order, and as such, have the best chance of helping him assemble a believable alias and knowledge basis.”

Hermione nodded slowly and, for the first time in nearly a half hour, turned to Severus. “Well, we certainly have our work cut out for us, don’t we?”

Severus groaned. “Oh, good God,” he managed, through steepled fingers.


*****


Dumbledore quickly arranged for a two-bedroom flat in the West End of London for them to share during their work. By a fortuitous stroke of fate, they couldn’t move in for another two weeks, which meant that Severus would be just finishing classes for the summer. With any luck, they’d be finished and returning to the magical world by August, Harry in tow.

Severus had caused quite a havoc when he was informed that he would be forced to live with Hermione for the summer, but was quickly silenced when, after nearly a half hour of listening to him rail on to Dumbledore, she burst out (quite testily), “If you think this is a picnic for me – having to spend three months living with an old, greasy, disagreeable git just to be forced to dress him up like some sort of nutters Barbie doll – then you’ve got another thing coming … sir.”

Snape glared at her so intensely that she felt she might start to cry. But just when she thought she would break under the pressure, his face broke into the barest of grins and he strode away, back to his dungeons. Hermione stared after him for a moment and then heaved a sigh.

“Good grief, Granger,” she said out loud to herself, “do you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into?” She had a strong feeling that this was only the beginning of such disbelief.


*****

Hermione grunted loudly as she heaved the last of her bags through the door of the
flat. She was sweating freely now, swearing loudly at the late-June heat.

“Why didn’t you just use a levitation charm?” came the slick, derisive call from the far bedroom.

Hermione strode a few feet before planting herself angrily in his doorway and spitting back at him. “Perhaps I considered the Statute of Secrecy before thinking of my own convenience.”
Hermione’s tone was biting and the sneer on his face at her upheaval did nothing to help the matter. The simple fact was that she hadn’t thought of a levitation charm … and that detail annoyed her immensely after two hours of grunting and heaving. Hermione marched back through the flat and into the bathroom immediately. If she had to live with Snape, she certainly wouldn’t go around smelling like the end result of a Quidditch practice.

Fifteen minutes later, she emerged a great deal cooler and in much better spirits. She had allowed her wet masses of curls to drip down her back, hoping this would help keep her cool, and took a leisurely stroll through the flat Dumbledore had acquired for them. The living area was spacious and, while the furniture was obviously wwornworn, it was comfortable and functional. The kitchen was small but functional as well, and would do just fine if they ever got desperate enough that she needed to cook. The sitting room was flanked with high wide windows, flooding the room with the strong mid-afternoon sun. It was a glorious Saturday and Hermione was still peeved that she had to spend it in the presence (whether direct or not) of a man so disagreeable, instead of in Brighton with Ron and Ginny as she had planned.

Taking a deep breath and firming the resolution to do something productive with the day, she marched herself to Severus’s doorway, with a plan to ask him to dinner in a last ditch effort at polite company. She nearly stumbled as the sight met her eyes. Severus was stretched out, long and lank, on his stomach across the bed in a faded pair of blue jeans and a black T-shirt that was neatly tucked in at the waist. He was reading a thick, leather-bound book that, from her perception at the door, was most definitely in a erenerent language. A pair of thin, silver framed glasses were perched on the end of his long, hooked nose and his thick curtain of slightly greasy hair was tied back from his face with a leather whang. His feet were bare.

She wasn’t aware that she was staring with her mouth open until he snapped, “What?” without even raising his eyes from the tome open in front of him.

“I … erm … I was just … what are you wearing?” she blurted out. She hadn’t meant to be so forward (nor so ridiculously simple) but she couldn’t help her shock. After years of unrelieved, high-collared black that was the embodiment of intimidation, this new, softer side to his clothing was somewhat unnerving.

“I was under the impression that we are to be living as Muggles, Miss Granger.”

“Yes, but--” she stammered.

“And that I am to attempt to blend in,” he continued smoothly.

“Yes, but--” she repeated.

“And as such, I must dress, live and conduct myself as a Muggle.”

“Yes, but--” she stammered again, inwardly damning herself for not coming up with something more intellig

His patience failed completely. He took off his glasses, tossed them onto the book and glared up at her. “Good God, woman, what is so difficult to understand?” he practically shouted.
After a moment of ringing silence, she managed a whisper. “You look nice.”

Snape’s face was visibly startled and she could have s she she heard him mumble a quiet, “Thank you.” However, he replaced his glasses and continued reading so quickly that she wasn’t sure she had heard it at all.

Hermione turned quickly and scuttled back to her room, burying herself in the task of unpacking.


*****