The Worst Kind of Nightmare

The Worst Kind of Nightmare

The Worst Kind of Nightmare

Chapter Two: James Finds Out the Truth

Author: Prongs

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things 'Harry Potter.'

A/N: Thank you to everyone who commented on or reviewed chapter one.  I REALLY appreciate your feedback.  You guys ROCK!  

~*~

About fifteen minutes later, Peter ran into the room completely out of breath.  He was followed by Lily Evans.

"He says he won't come," Peter said as he sat down on his bed.

Sirius sobbed harder into Remus' shoulder.

Remus' eyes narrowed.  "Where is he?"

"Quidditch pitch," Peter replied, staring at Sirius worriedly.  "What happened?"

"Don't," Sirius whispered into Remus' ear.  "Please don't."

Remus rubbed his hand up and down Sirius' back in a comforting manner.  "I can't tell you, Peter.  Look, I'm going to go talk to James."

"Do you want me to go talk to him?" Lily asked.  "Or should I leave you guys alone?"

Remus looked thoughtful for a moment and then replied.  "Lily, wyou you and Peter stay here with Sirius?  I think I need to be the one to talk to James."

"I understand," Lily said.  She moved across the room and gently ran her fingers through her friend's long, black hair.  "I'll stay here while Remus is gone," she whispered.  

Remus carefully removed his arms from Sirius' body and stood up.  Lily took his place and held Sirius while he continued to cry.  Sometimes, he would stop shaking, but then the tears would take over again.  Lily asked no questions-she just comforted him.  

Peter remained on his bed looking terrified.  He had never seen Sirius look so vulnerable or upset.  His heart went out to his normally outgoing friend.  He sincerely hoped that Remus would have better luck with James.

~*~*~*~

Remus scurried out of Gryffindor tower and ran across Hogwarts' grounds to the quidditch pitch.  He looked all over, but he didsee see James flying around anywhere.  

"Did he send you out here, too?"

Remus turned around and realized that James was sitting on the ground, leaning against a tree on the edge of the pitch.  His broom was lying on the ground next to him.  Remus quickly joined his friend and sat down next to James.  

"Well?  Did he send you out here?" James asked again.

Remus studied James' face and realized that Prongs had obviously been crying and was trying hard not to start again.  Remus inwardly cursed Sirius' father for causing all of this mess.  The wolf within him was fiercely angry with Mr. Black.

"He did not send me out here, and he didn't send Peter out here.  I did."

"That's what Peter said, but I didn't believe him.  Unless of course, Sirius fed you some story implying this is all my fault."  James glared at Remus.  "You know what he did, don't you?"

Remus bit his lip.  He knew he would eventually have to tell James the truth.  It really wasn't his place to do so, but that would be the only way James would return inside to be with Sirius.  And Remus was very aware that James was the only person who could comfort Sirius, despite the fact that James was being a bastard and had hurt Sirius earlier.  

"James, you didn't let him fully explain."

"Why in the hell should I have?" James asked angrily.  "He and I have never had sex, and he's pregnant.  He obviously found someone he likes much better than me.  Do you know how much that hurts?  He means everything to me.  Everything!  Not a day goes by that I don't think about how much I love him and how lucky I am to be with someone as complex and amazing as s. &s.  And now, he cheats on me!  I thought I was special to him.  I thought he loved me just as much as I love him."  James stopped speaking for a moment and turned to face the castle.  

"Don't you get it?" James continued.  "He doesn't care about me!  That hurts so fucking much.  And yet, I still love him, and I always will.  I'm torn between hating him and loving him.  It's a terrible feeling, Remus."

"You're soon going to feel much worse, James," Remus said slowly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked.  

Remus picked some dirt out from under his fingernails and remained silent.  Was it his place to tell James?  Sirius hadn't told him he could.  

"Remus, please tell me what you're talking about," James begged desperately.

Remus turned to look at James again.  "What I'm about to tell you…it's…I really shouldn't be the one telling you this, James.  If your temper hadn't gotten the better of you earlier, then Sirius would have told you."

James ran his hands through his unruly hair and stared at Remus.  "Moony, you're not making any sense.  I had every right to be mad at Sirius!  He cheated on me."  James groaned.  "Why do I still love him?  Merlin, I'll never forgive him, though.  I am so bloody mad at him right now, and nothing will ever take away the pain or the-"

"James, shut up," Remus interrupted forcefully.

James looked at Remus in shock.  Both were silent for several moments.  

Finally, James spoke, "What did you mean when you said I was going to feel much worse?"

Remus sighed.  "James, Sirius did not cheat on you."

"Well, what…" James trailed off and his eyes widened.  "I don't think I want to know what you're going to say," he whispered.

"Over the holidays, his father raped him nearly every night.  That's why he's pregnant."

James just stared at Remus as this sick feeling overcame him.  What had he done?  

"He would never cheat on you, James," Remus said softly.  "He loves you so much-you must know that.  When he needed you most, you yelled at him and left him alone.  He thinks you don't trust him."

James tried to speak, but he was far too ill.  His entire body was filled with feelings of sickness, shock, pain, anger, and most of all, guilt.  He felt as if there was a demon inside of him screaming to get out, but it couldn't…it was stuck.

"He needs you, James.  Even if you did hurt him,needneeds you."

"Gods, Remus, what the fuck have I done?" James finally asked with tears falling down his face.  "He's going to hate me."  James slumped against the tree and looked up at the sky.  He had hurt his lover when Sirius needed him most.  He had called Sirius a whore for Merlin's sake.  Remus was right-he didn't even bother to listen to Sirius.  He had let his temper get the better of him.  Would Sirius ever forgive him?  James lowered his head into his hands and started sobbing.  He loved Sirius so much, and he had blown it completely.  

Remus patted James on the back.  "You need to go to him, Prongs.  He needs you."

"He must hate me," James whispered in-between sobs.

"I doubt that very much.  He loves you."

"But look at how much I hurt him!  He had already been abused in the worst possible way, and I pushed the dagger in even further!  I called him a whore, Remus!"

Remus flinched.  

"I feel faint," James murmured, lifting his head.  "I'm torn between wanting to comfort Sirius…wanting to kill his fucking, damned father…and wanting to condemn myself to a life of torture.  I hate myself, Remus.  I deserve to suffer after treating Siri that way."

"Sirius wouldn't want you to talk like that."

"How do you know?" James asked bitterly.  "Look at what I said and did!  I deserve to-"

"Give it a rest, James!  You have two choices: one, you can sit here and whine about how guilty you feel and how much you hate Sirius' fucking father.  Or, two, you can get off your arse and go to your boyfriend right now because you know he needs you and only you."

James swallowed hard.  "You're right, Remus," he admitted quietly.  "Thank you for knocking some fucking sense into me."

"That's what I'm here for," Remus smiled sadly.  "Look James, whatever happens, we have to make sure we help Sirius as much as we possibly can."

"I know," James said as more tears fell.  "How could his father have done this?  How could someone do this to their own child?"

"His parents hate him," Remus looked down at the ground, feeling tears arising in his eyes, as well.  "You know that."

"I never knew the fucking bastard would go this far," James whispered.  He grabbed his broom and stood up.  "Flying is faster.  Do you want to come?"

Remus shook his head.  "I'll walk," he replied.

James nodded and quickly mounted his broom.  He flew back to the school in record time and jumped off of his broom.  He left it on the ground in front of the castle, not even caring how rare or expensive it was.  Sirius was far more important to him than some damn broom.

James ran through the halls, passing teachers and students as he went.  At one point, Professor McGonagall warned him to slow down, but James completely ignored her and continued on his way to Gryffindor tower.  

When he made it to the portrait, James breathlessly muttered the password and climbed into the common room.  He ran past his classmates and up the stairs.  Without even pausing to knock, he opened the door to the room he shared with his friends and lover.

James stopped when he saw Sirius sobbing onto Lily's shoulder.  Peter was sitting on his bed nervously.

When Lily saw James enter the room, she slowly let go of Sirius and stood up.  She motioned to Peter, and the two left the room, closing the door behind them.

Sirius, meanwhile, had never looked up.  When Lily had let go of him, he had buried his head into the blanket on his bed.  

James felt the emotions of guilt, anger, and love even stronger thanore.ore.  He walked over to his lover and sat down on the bed.  Without saying a word, he gently lifted Sirius' head from the blanket.  Sirius stared at James for a moment before closing his eyes and allowing more tears to escape.

James wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and tenderly ran his fingers through Sirius' hair in a comforting manner.  Sirius clutched James and buried his head in James' shoulder.  

James just held his lover tighter than he ever had before, while he continued to battle with his own guilt, his immense hatred for Mr. Black, and of course, his love for Sirius.  

~*~*~*~

TBC

A/N: I have several things to say.  First of all, I had Remus say 'arse' instead of 'ass' this time around.  When I typed up chapter one, I knew that Remus should have said 'arse' since he is British.  However, I'm an American, and I'm so used to saying 'ass,' I just couldn't help it.  Anyway, I will probably (eventually) change it in chapter one.  Someone on the SxJ group mentioned it, and that's what got me thinking that I should just change it even if I do have a dirty American mouth sometimes.  * wink *

As far as Lucius goes, I got several interesting replies from the various places I have this story posted.  Some of you thought that he shouldn't be in it (you might be right); others thought he should be paired with Lily or Peter.  He is older, so I guess it would be hard to bring him into this one.  What do you guys think?

About Sirius' pregnancy-do you want me to explain exactly how it happened since he is a guy?!  Some of you said you wanted to know HOW (spell, potion, etc.).  One of you said that it might be interesting not to know how-just to accept that it happened.  How do you feel about this?  Should I explain it or let it go?  I have a few ideas of my own on this question, but I want to hear your opinions, as well.

I pretty much know what's going to happen in the next chapter, but I'm curious to hear your answers for this question.  It won't necessarily change what I'm planning on writing, but I'm still naturally curious.  If you were Sirius, would you forgive James right off?  Or, after crying your eyes out, would you get mad at James?  Like I said, I have planned out what Sirius is going to do, so what you say probably won't change my plans.  

I hope you liked tchapchapter.  If you haime ime and feel up to writing a lot in a review, could you tell me if you read any of my other SxJ stories, and if so, which ones you like the best?  I'm back at work again (vacations never last long enough), so I won't have as much time to write.  If I know that one or two of my SxJ stories are more popular than the others, I will try to concentrate on those few for now.  Thank you!

One more thing…I had some time today to think (dg meg meetings), and I have a lot of ideas for this story, so I think it's going to be a long one!