MISSION: Get Hermione Laid

AN: Okay, totally sobered up, reread what I’d written, blushed furiously at the thought that I had posted what is bound to be quite a sordid tale, then beamed with joy when I saw all the reviews from people with minds obviously as nasty as me! Thank you all!




Sirius leans back in his chair, grabs a spare one from the corner, and plonks it down between him and Lupin. I smile gratefully and take my seat. Ah, that’s better. Bloody heels of my shoes were killing me. Besides, am infinitely closer to aforementioned sex gods.

“Hermione, I really don’t think you know what you are getting into here…” Lupin warns me. Ha! I think it’s the other way around, boys! Boys? No, no, definitely men. All the way.

“Lupin, if Miss Granger wishes to play we can hardly refuse her. After all, she is able to leave any time she wishes.” Snape gives the werewolf a long ‘what the hell are you thinking’ look.

I am quite glad I wasn’t on the wrong end of Lupin’s returning glare. Cripes, I think it even worked its way through Snape’s stony exterior just a little. “Hermione is drunk.”

“Well, I’d be quite happy to escort her back to her room,” Sirius interjects with a devious grin.

“I don’t think so!”

“Hermione is quite capable of making her own decisions,” I reply, then giggle as I realise I am talking in third person. Lupin looks at me in disbelief, but seems to finally give in, as he deals the next round, including me.

“And she’s not nearly drunk enough,” I add, grabbing the bottle of firewhisky. Looking around the table I see no spare glasses, so automatically reach for my wand. I think Snape must have seen the way I was swaying, and was possibly worried what my spell might just end up doing.

“Allow me, Miss Granger,” he quickly interrupts my movements. Pulling out his own wand I soon have an empty glass before me. Sirius seems to cotton on and pours the drink for me. Just as well, really. Course, if I’d accidentally spilt the liquid on any of them they’d have had to take off their saturated clothes…damn. Next time.

Sirius’ arm brushes mine as he reaches for my glass, and his skin is indeed damp. The man must’ve got out the shower so recently. Pity I didn’t walk into his bathroom then, rather than stumble across this little game. What am I saying? And miss out on Snape and Lupin? I think not!

Now who would’ve thought that Voldemort’s demise could be so rewarding? Yes, I expected a party to end all parties, but this is beyond belief – in a room with the three sexiest men on the planet and the air thick with sexual tension. Or is that cologne? Either way, I love it! And the library is no longer the most attractive room in the Black House anymore – it’s this tiny study. Mm, can well envisage myself coming back here in days to come and reliving this whole ordeal. Course, it’s far from over yet…

“I dealt, your start,” Lupin informs me, though he still sounds a little reluctant.

I stare at my cards for a few seconds, mulling the options over. Hm…

“Black, give the girl a hand, you twit,” Snape growls from across the table.

Excuse me? “Why?” I ask, putting on the perfectly innocent act.

“It is fairly obvious you have no idea what you are doing, Miss Granger.”

Is it, now? Ha! That’s what you think, you smug sexy bastard. Gods, snarky Severus turns me on in a way it so shouldn’t…

“I believe, Professor, that it is you who has no idea what he is getting himself into!”

Smile smugly at shocked look on Snape’s face. Ah, if only Harry could see that one! He’d be soo proud. Sirius chuckles and gives Snape a patronising look.

“We’ll just have to see about that.”

The first round flies by, and Sirius triumphantly throws his winning hand down for us all to see. Now finally we get to the interesting part!

“So, I believe that would be my cue to give one of you a dare?” Sirius asks, knowing perfectly well that is exactly what that means. After all, this game was his suggestion. “And I believe given Hermione is new to our ranks, it only fitting that she is initiated properly.”

Ooh, tell me tell me tell me!

However, I keep control and simply give him a curious look.

Lupin, however, is shifting agitatedly in his seat on my other side.

“Oh, quite clenching, Remus. All I wish is for Hermione to remove her jersey.”

Lupin seems to calm down, but I believe Sirius knows something he does not. Under my jersey I have nothing besides my bra. How on earth Sirius knows I haven’t the vaguest. Am suddenly glad that I had my whole mission planned well before the party and put on appropriate underwear – would be lovely to be sitting here in that hideous cream sports bra my mothoughought for me, wouldn’t it just? Ack! I give Sirius a knowing smile, and slide the garment up over my head, then pausing for a moment with it just covering my chest, and then I begin to slide my arms out. Amazing, simply amazing. Appears they have been hit with a freezing charm I didn’t notice – all three of them are sitting there not moving a muscle. Course, might just be that they’re all hot blooded males with what I would like to believe is a not too badly endowed female sitting before them in just a scant black lace bra.

Alcohol and earlier admissions appear to have red ald all my shyness and basically drooling Potions Master inspires me to continue sitting there, quite unabashedly.

MISSION: Heating up!

I give them all an amused smile, and then deal out the next hand. Snape seems to snap out of his trance first, if only due to the expert waym ham handling the cards. Just a few dealing tricks Fred and George taught me. That should inform him he is not playing this game with a silly little girl! Must have done, he is now giving me quite an impressed look. Pity it disappears so quickly…

Don’t know why, but my feet are aching like nobody’s business. Fucking heels. “Bloody shoes,” I swear under my breath, and kick them off under my chair. This appears to allow Lupin and Sirius to rejoin the game. Good.

Time for my turn. Despite my intoxicated state, I am still perfectly apt at poker, and with a little luck I manage to win the next round. All three men are looking eagerly in my direction. Hm, what to do with them… and only one of them. Pity. Aching feet are demanding attention. And who better to be put in their place than Severus?

“Professor Snape,” I say, in a perfectly sweet tone, “you can sit out the next round.”

“That’s it?” Lupin asks, sounding put out.

“And spend that time massaging my feet.”

Snape face is amazing – somehow he pulls off a scowl and a look of desire all at the same time.

“This, Miss Granger,” he says menacingly, “is not to leave this room.”

“Without a doubt,” I reply, as I watch him slip down under the table. Ah, what a sight – seeing the dreaded Potions Master grovelling at my feet. Tee hee – yeah, right, like I’m not going to tell Harry about this one!

“Your deal, I believe,” I say to Sirius, who seems to be sulking somewhat. With a shrug, he picks up the cards and begins to divvy them out. However, Snape’s deliciously nimble fingers have reached my bare feet, picking up both of them and placing them in his lap. He starts out slowly, with long strokes to the soles, sending shivers right up my spine.

Manage to pick up my cards and glance over them as he continues; yet thankfully Lupin appears to be taking his time deciding what he wants to do with his hand. Snape’s fingers slide up the back of my calves, teasing the back of my knees. So glad I’m sitting down, for my legs have turned completely to jelly. Ahhh. So glad I wore a skirt. Even happier that remembered to shave legs. A little disappointed when Snape’s hands stop their journey upwards, and slide back down my calves, but my disappointment is soon erased when he picks up one foot and begins sucking at my toes. Christ, underwear is suddenly drenched! Always thought the whole foot fetish thing was well over rated, but am going to have to revise that opinion. Very, very wrong indeed. That’s an F, Miss Granger.

“Hermione?” Sirius’ voice sounds very distant. “Your turn.”

Didn’t realise my eyes had slipped close. Oops. Okay, pick a card, any card… Grab a random three of spades from my hand and toss it quickly to the table. Bugger winning – looks like I’m going to either way…

Ah, Snape has left my feet now and is kissing his way up the inside of my legs, now midway up my thighs. Ohhhh! His fingers come up and gently part my legs and trust me, I willingly comply. Gods, so good… Snape continues on his journey, and soon I feel his nose (that wonderful, now not so overly large nose) brushes at the crotch of my underwear. I feel him inhale deeply and there is a wonderful rush of air swirling inside my panties. Yesss!

“Severus! She said a foot massage!” Lupin is suddenly demanding. Oops, might have said some of that out loud. Damn. No, no, Professor, don’t stop now….

But alas, he does. Apparently that hand is over – though blow me if I know who won. No wait, that’s right, I did! At least in the satisfaction stakes…

MISSION: Right on track



AN: Anl thl the thank yous….(hope I didn’t miss anyone!)

Ellen – Lots and lots of fun! Thanks!

Michelle – Thanks!

Sher – Smutty with a capital SMUT! Mm, bribery always works…

Derr – the boys don’t know quite what they’ve got themselves in for! Though, I think our Herm might be in for a few surprises herself…

Deb – Ah, to be Herm, eh? Why does she get all the fun! More on the way, my dear!

Kate – Thank yod MId MISSION: Accepted!

Ness Café – don’t know what Red Dwarf is! DON’T SMEGGING KNOW WHAT RED DWARF IS?! I am so disappointed! Okay, Red Dwarf is only the best thing to come out of Britain ever (well except Harry Potter of course, but that goes without saying!) Red Dwarf is a sci-fi comedy from BBC and is absolutely hilarious. I highly recommend watching a few episodes if you can get your hands on them! Updated as demanded! Thank you!

Michelline – Promise I will not give up on this one! And Hermione is bound to be the winner all the way…

Barrie – Ooh, scaring your cats? Cripes, don’t call the SPCA on me, will ya? Lol. Thank you! Oh, and apparently impaired drunken state doesn’t affect my grammar too much! Now, that is something I wouldn’t have thought…

Buttercup – Ah, they have all night… ;)

Jamie – It was meant to be Herm’s slurred thoughts! Yay, you picked up on that! Oh, and details details, tsk tsk. Okay, put in a little here – hope that helps!

MaddyRiddle – Really good? That\'s fantastic! I believe everyone would love to be in Herm’s place – damn her. Oh, and come now, James Dean was hot! Besides, I kinda wanted to make the point that Sev is the bad boy Herm was after, not anyone else! Thanks for the review! Oh, and taken your shamlees begging about Lupin in Rules were made to be broken on board, but you\'ll still have to wait and see...

Shem – Ah, darling Shem! Wine – way under rated! Give it a go! Preferably with Potions Master present…

Lizzie – Thank you!

Cookie35 – Time for Herm to let her hair down! Cheers!

Rilla – thank you!

Daya – Yay! You know what Red Dwarf is! Woo hoo! Frankly, Lister is my fav, but they’re all bloody hilarious! Thanks!

Susan – Another RD fan! YAY! Ah, Snape all the way huh? Thanks for reviewing!

Pinkyheather – Cheers!

Anon – will do!

Estrilda – Okay, having reread first chap, can’t find too much I want to edit now, so that can stay as it is for now… More as requested!

Raija – Thanks!