Punishment

AN: I\'ve decided to make this story my ongoing Snape drama. Some installments might be serious, others might be parody, and yet other chapters may bring the two genres together and mix other ones in for good measure. I will write whatever strikes my fancy at the time I am writting it. Also I feel that you should be warned that I shall jump around to different incidents at will in this story. Before each chapter I will tell you when the particular scene takes place. This scene is intended for the purpose of planting Snape/Neville bunnys in people\'s heads and to make everyone giggle insanely. It takes place in Harry Potter\'s Sixth Year because I said so. This chapter is mainly in Snape\'s POV.

Neville Longbottom. Attractive but timid. Reminds me of myself. I couldn\'t concentrate worth hell in potions when I was his age. My Potions master scared the crap out of me. He also made me very randy. That\'s why one night I snuck into his chambers and begged him to take me. I do recall him being very angry and insisting that if I ever attempted to proposition him again he\'d make sure that I was expelled from Hogwarts by any means necessary. I wonder if Longbottom finds me attractive. If the idiotic Gryffindor actually had the guts to beg me to sleep with him I most certainly would not refuse his offer. Unfortunately he most likely considers me to be an evil, greasy, bastard, and nothing more. WHY CAN\'T THE WORLD SEE I HAVE LAYERS DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!! I\'M LIKE AN ONION. And no I don\'t mean the type of onion that makes you cry, so shut it you cheeky bastard!!!!!!!!!! You know I really must stop these inner dialogues. And I must really stop arguing with myself and calling myself a bastard. I must especially remember not to take part in these deep psychological discussions in class, as one of these days I won\'t be able to maintain my mask of indifference and all my students shall have mental breakdowns at the sight of me talking to myself like all the aspects of my personality are really different people. God Damnit!!!!!!!!!!! Longbottoms melted another cauldron. Alas, if only I had the authority to punish him severely. Incidentally, Filch and I are the co-authors of the petition to bring back the old punishments at Hogwarts. One day we shall triumph and we shall rule Hogwarts. And Mrs. Norris shall be our court Jester!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ooops. I inadvertently laughed out loud. Longbottom fainted.

The Next Morning


When we last left our Protagonist, Professor Severus Snape, he had been dosed with an Insane Inner Dialogue potion by his Arch-Nemesis Gilderoy Lockhart. No one knows how the idiot managed to penetrate Hogwarts defenses, but there is no denying that the potion had the intended affect. How do we know Lockhart was the perpetrator you ask? Easy, He left a picture of himself signed in joined letters. Now let us relate the events of the incident in question in detail. Severus Snape was in the process of teaching his fifth year Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw class when suddenly he begin to mutter and stare at one of the Hufflepuff students. He was heard to mumble the following words under his breath: Randy, Psychological, Onion, Layers. The poor student became so nervous that he melted his cauldron despite the fact that he was excellent at potions. Snape then, according to all testimony, shouted out \"Damnit, Court Jester Mrs. Norris\" then the unfortunate potions Master chuckled malevolently at the student causing the poor boy to promptly faint. Luckily Professor Dumbledore arrived just in time to sedate the Poor Potions Professor. We still have no precise idea about what Gilderoy intended to accomplish by giving this potion to professor Snape.