Scarred Souls

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Title: Scarred Souls



Author: Misty Moonlight/Co-author: QueenBoadicea



Beta: QueenBoadicea



Pairings: Severus/Harry



Published: 12/10/2008



Summary: A widowed Harry must bond with Snape in order to save his daughter’s life. Sev gains a family, for better or worse, and the hearts of two scarred souls will be changed forever.



Warnings: Romance, Drama, Angst, Alternate Reality/Universe, Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Anal, Language, Humor, possible MPreg, Bonding, Original Characters, Family, non-canon, OOC, WIP



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Chapter 19: The Orphanage





The little girl glared at Douglas. “MINE!!!!” she shrieked, with all the force her little four-year-old lungs could muster.



“Douglas, put that down,” Harry said patiently. “You know that’s Sarah’s favorite toy.”



“Bollocks,” said the five-year-old boy rudely. “Had it first.”



“MINE!!!!!”



“Don’t talk like that, Douglas. Besides, since when do you play with mermaids?” Harry said, lifting an eyebrow.



“MINE!!!!!” Sarah’s hazel eyes were tearing up with childish rage and her face was getting dangerously red.



“Give her the toy, you selfish little heathen.”



Douglas turned and stared up at the towering figure behind him. Snape could be as terrifying as any giant and he bent the full power of his glare on the little boy.



The tow-headed boy went white and the toy dropped from his fingers. Sarah snatched it up, oblivious to Snape and her suddenly petrified enemy, and scampered back to her corner of the room.



Snape took a small step towards Douglas and the boy’s nerve broke. With a howl, he ran to the door, crying for the caretakers.



Harry sighed. “Sn-Severus, stop terrorizing the children, all right?”



“It was your idea to drag me along to this hellhouse, Potter. Don’t complain if it doesn’t turn out to your liking,” Snape said with a smirk.



“You’re not doing yourself any good with this, you know? We’re supposed to be trying to convince people that you and I make a couple.”



“Emphasis on you and I, Potter. I’m under no obligation to play nicely with children. We’re supposed to be convincing the adult public at large of our suitability.” Two girls came running by, giggling over some game. They skidded to a halt and veered off in another direction when Snape scowled at them.



“On the contrary, Snape,” Harry said, his temper fraying. “I have children. I work with children. The public is going to think it strange that I’d pair up with someone who obviously hates them so much.”



“We’ve had this discussion before. I don’t hate children. I merely prefer that they don’t act like rabid werewolves, incapable of being quiet or co-existing peacefully for more than two minutes.”



“You’re thinking of sheep and cows. Children have considerably more energy and wild spirits. Besides, these children don’t have the steadying influence of parents. That’s why we’re here.”



“That’s why you’re here, Potter. I’m here under duress,” Snape replied.



“And because we want people to see us together without thinking I got married to a murderous prat who bathes in the blood of newborn babies,” Harry muttered.



“Very amusing, Mr. Potter. But you’re far more likely to be the next Dark Lord than I, I assure you.”



Before Harry could think up a suitable retort, one of the caretakers, Corabett Kinderlieb, came back in, tugging along the sniffling Douglas. “Harry, Douglas came to me with a story that your—spouse threatened him.” She focused a hostile stare on Snape who stared back, unrepentant.



“No, he didn’t threaten Douglas,” Harry said smoothly. “Douglas took a toy from Sarah. Severus told him to return it and he did. See, Sarah’s playing with it over there.” Harry pointed to where the four-year-old honey blond girl was watching the toy swim in a bucket of water.



“H-he was mean to me, M-miss Kinderlieb,” Douglas blubbered.



“I assure you I never touched the boy nor threatened him in any way,” Snape said, his bored tone indicating he couldn’t care less what she thought. “As Pot-Harry says, I told him to return the toy to that girl to stop her howling. He did so and now she’s perfectly content.”



“Make him say sorry!” Douglas snarled, his tears vanishing while his face crunched up in self-righteous anger.



Snape snarled back, showing every one of his teeth. “It will be a cold day in the Sahara before I apologize to you, you mean-spirited little tatterdemalion.”



Corabett snapped, “That’s enough!” She turned to Harry. “I’m sorry, Harry. We’re going to have to ask him to stay in the outer waiting room.”



“But—”



“Gladly,” Snape said with a sniff as he stalked to the door. It opened and shut with a bang and the room fell silent in its wake.



As the children began whispering amongst themselves, Corabett sighed and patted Douglas on the head, speaking to him in soft, soothing tones. The boy grinned up at her, made a face behind her back at Harry and ran to pick out a worn toy from the chest.



Maybe Snape was right. Some children needed a strong hand in order to behave. But, sweet Merlin, didn’t he know any other way of dealing with misbehaving children besides scaring the trousers off them?



Corabett wrinkled her nose as though Snape had left a bad smell behind him. “Harry, what were you thinking bringing him here?”



“I was thinking that I wanted him to be a part of my life, Corabett.” Harry smiled wistfully at her.



“That doesn’t seem likely.” She gave him a sympathetic look. “I read the paper, Harry.”



His shoulders slumped. “Oh.”



“Is it true? That you were forced to marry him?”



He straightened. “No. I merely gave him my word that I would marry him. Even after finding out the truth, I had to keep it.”



“Ah, that’s right. The noble Gryffindors.” When he glanced sharply at her, she held up her hands in mock surrender. “Don’t worry. I’m just a Hufflepuff. I suppose it’s what makes me so good with children.”



“Yeah. It makes me wonder how Slytherins manage to have offspring.”



“I’ve no idea. I suppose their parents make the arrangements. Then the female snake lays the eggs in a bed of kelp and he fertilizes them with his seed.”



Harry snorted and then chuckled. “You’re thinking about fish not snakes, Corabett.”


“Same thing.” She reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder.



When Corabett had first met Harry, she had been skeptical about his ability to handle children. He’d been just over 18 then, newly married to Ginevra Weasley, and a bit too eager to prove himself. He was practically a child himself. What did he know about tending them?



In truth, she hadn’t been sure what kind of man Harry Potter would be. Throughout his years at Hogwarts, some odd things had been written about him, articles that made him out to be promiscuous, dangerous or as mad as You-Know-Who. But he had proven to be both likeable and approachable.



She’d seen firsthand how kind and patient he could be with even the most fractious of toddlers. He never lost his temper or had a harsh word to say to any of them. He had an uncanny knack for knowing which child would be best placed with which foster parent. His love for his own children was undeniable, as was his adoration for his beautiful wife.



That made his marriage to Severus Snape even more inexplicable. She well remembered the man from her years at Hogwarts and knew how horrid and inflexible he could be with young children. “Harry, are you sure you’re all right? It’s none of my business but I don’t like to see you unhappy.”



“It’s fine, Corabett. Sn-Severus and I just need to work out a few things. Our current relationship is new and so just a touch—fragile.” Her face clearly showed how disbelieving she was about this explanation but she didn’t push. Harry slumped and she leaned her head on his shoulder, hugging him tighter, while he watched his twins.



James and Albus were absorbed in playing with another group of kids. They paid no mind to Snape’s nasty behavior or the antics of the smaller children. But they’d been really quiet for awhile now. Harry had caught them waving their arms and murmuring in soft voices while they spoke with the other children. The sidelong glances they kept darting at him didn’t ease his mind.



Harry hoped they weren’t planning more monkey business. Things were tense enough in their little household without bringing in additional strife.



He felt a nudge at his knee and looked down to see Sarah holding up the wet mermaid. “For you, ‘Arry,” she lisped, her offer made all the more endearing by a missing front tooth.



“Thank you, Sarah,” he said as he took the soggy toy from her. The mermaid twisted in his grip, tossing her wet hair so that the water splashed his glasses.



He used a Drying Charm to remove the moisture and the toy smiled impishly at him. Thanks to his Muggle upbringing, magic would always awe him at some level. Having toys that behaved like miniature living people was a delight that never palled. Idly, he wondered what happened to the toys that became too worn out to play with or were forgotten as their owners got older.



He would have handed the toy back to Sarah but she had already moved on to another one, a frazzled looking rabbit with floppy ears. James and Al came bounding up, coming to a halt in front of him.



“Daddy, we were wondering if we could go home now,” James said. Albus’s face twisted into a frown. He didn’t appear to share his brother’s enthusiasm but only looked at his shoes without speaking.



“You want to go?” Harry asked, surprised. Usually, the twins were really eager to stay. Being Harry Potter’s kids meant that they didn’t get to go out much in the public. Harry was very leary of exposing his children to the kind of weird attention he’d received when he was a boy.



“Can we?” James begged.



This was odd. They should have been just as reluctant to go home as he was. With Snape flapping about the place, the cottage no longer felt like home but a house under siege.



“If you want. It’s about time for me to go home anyway.” The evening shift would be coming in soon and, while they appreciated Harry’s presence, having him around always made the children that much more reluctant to settle down at night.



“We can come back tomorrow, can’t we?” Al asked, wide green eyes trained on his father.



“Of course.”



“We’re always happy to have you two, you know that?” When the boys nodded, she turned to Harry. “Goodbye, Harry. I hope you’ll bring Lily back soon. Some of the other girls missed her.”



“Maybe in a few days,” Harry hedged. He didn’t want to let Corabett know the true state of his home life. Snape had messed things up enough today.



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Snape was ominously quiet when they returned home. Harry was certain he would disappear into the basement to work on whatever he did down there. Instead he had hovered around the kitchen while Harry fixed supper for the boys.



He seemed strangely occupied. His eyes were flicking through the air again and, once more, Harry wondered what he was looking at. Was it those things he’d been pointing at when he’d stormed up the stairs? Harry hadn’t heard him mention them again. Maybe Snape had handled the problem on his own.



The silence grew to unbearable levels; it felt like something was going to explode if they didn’t talk soon. “Something on your mind, Snape?” Harry asked.



“I take it you’ve been at this employment of yours for some time?” Snape had adopted an expressionless tone. He didn’t seem to care about getting an answer. But if there was one thing Harry knew about him, it was that the man never engaged in pointless conversation.



“Since before I married Ginny.”



“Why such a menial role? During your sixth year, I had thought you were aiming for the role of an Auror.”



“After Voldemort, I decided I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life chasing down wizards. I was…tired of it.”



“Indeed. But why your interest in this particular field? Is it because you yourself were an orphan?” Snape was giving him a searching look. Harry didn’t understand why he was so curious about this. But at least the man wasn’t insulting or yelling at him. Anything would be an improvement over that.



“That’s part of it. Since my second year, I saw all the damage that nonsense about being purebloods has on the Wizarding World. During my sixth and seventh years, I realized just how much of a drawback it could be. Besides…” Harry could feel his cheeks warm and he stopped.



“What? What exactly was the deciding factor?”



Harry swallowed. Then he said quietly, “Dumbledore.”



One black eyebrow arched. “The headmaster advised you to spend your life chasing after someone else’s infants? Strange. We had many conversations about you and he never once mentioned that he had such plans for your life.”



“Maybe he didn’t expect me to survive,” Harry said. He heard the flatness, the hint of accusation in his voice, and hated it.



Again, there was that strange flicker in Snape’s eyes and his answer was a beat too slow. “I won’t deny the accusation. But that still doesn’t explain your choice of employment.”



“Did you ever read Rita Skeeter’s book The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore??” Harry asked cautiously.



“No. From what little I’ve heard, it’s absolute trash.”



“Well, Skeeter got Dumbledore’s motivations wrong. But she got a lot of the facts right.”



“Such as?”



“Dumbledore was involved with Grindelwald when he was younger. He got the Elder Wand from him when he defeated Grindelwald in battle.”



Snape didn’t respond. Perhaps he hadn’t known these particular facts. The stillness of his face gave Harry no hint either way.



He decided to press on with his explanation. “Grindelwald wanted to make the world a better place by having wizards rule over it. He thought their strong hand was needed to keep people in line, especially Muggles. Dumbledore…agreed with him.”



“He did? That was in the book?”



“Something like it. Then one day, there was a terrible argument. Albus, his brother and Grindelwald were involved. A wand blast was fired and Dumbledore’s little sister was killed.”



This time the shock on those pallid features couldn’t be hidden. “Killed? Did Grindelwald—?”



“Dumbledore was never sure. He thought he himself might have been responsible. That was the cause of the split between him and Grindelwald. His sister had been kinda feeble in the head ever since she was attacked by Muggles when she was a girl. He felt responsible for not taking care of her while he was caught up in dreams of power and glory. Then he felt really guilty when she died.”



“And that was when he abandoned his stance of might making right,” Snape murmured. Harry figured the man might have already guessed the rest of his story. But he had to make certain Snape really understood.



“Didn’t you ever wonder why Dumbledore hired all those people to work at Hogwarts? A Squib like Argus Filch? A fairly useless seer? A disgraced and outcast centaur? A half-giant? A werewolf? Freed house-elves?”



“A Death Eater attempting to make amends for a grievous error.” In spite of the level tone, Harry thought he could hear the pain in the simple words.



Harry nodded. “He was trying to make up for the mistakes of his youth, his notion that only pureblooded wizards had anything to offer the world. And I looked around me and saw that some of the most powerful witches and wizards I knew weren’t purebloods at all: Hermione, Voldemort, you.”



“I’m glad you see me as part of such august company: an overachieving Gryffindor and a mad Slytherin,” Snape drawled sarcastically. “Are you not forgetting yourself?”



Harry shrugged, irritated as always at the idea that he was better than anyone else. “I guess. But I was never as smart as Hermione or gifted as you or ambitious as Voldemort. My power isn’t anything that I ever had to work for. It’s just something I was born with, like my messy hair or my mother’s eyes.”



“Don’t belittle your gift, Potter. Such power is what enabled you to defeat the Dark Lord, after all.”



“But I realized that Dumbledore had the right idea. Everybody has something to contribute to the world. People shouldn’t be written off just because they don’t come with a high-class pedigree like a racehorse or powerful magic running through their veins. They should be judged on what they can do and what’s in their hearts. If children are treated that way right from the start, then that’s one way I can help them get a proper place in the world.”



The black eyes were searching. “That is…commendable of you, Potter.”



Was Snape actually giving him a compliment? Harry wasn’t going to push it. Best to stick to the topic. “So why do you ask? Why the curiosity?”



“I just wondered. You seem so at ease with everyone there: the children, that Kindertot…”



“Kinderlieb,” Harry corrected.



“She was quite comfortable with your presence. Was she there when you were married?”



Harry wasn’t sure what Corabett had to do with the conversation and there was an edge to Snape’s voice that hadn’t been there before. “Yeah, she was. She graduated about five years before my so-called seventh year.”



“So she’s older than you,” Snape mused.



“So are you, considerably more than her. What’s this all about, Snape?”



“Nothing. I merely wondered if you’d considered her as a replacement for your wife after she died.”



“No one could ‘replace’ my wife, Snape. She wasn’t a broken wand that I threw out. She was the love of my life! I truly expected never to love or marry anyone else until the day I died! Then you showed up, out of the blue, and wrecked my life!”



Harry was on his feet, nearly shouting. Snape was staring back at him with eyes gone blank and impenetrable.



“Ruined your life, Mr. Potter? How predictably selfish and blind you are. Were you the one left for dead on the floor of a filthy shack? Were you the one who suffered agonizing tortures from a snakebite? Were you the one who had to go into hiding for years because of Death Eaters? You are still the vain, arrogant, spoiled cretin whose misadventures were the bane of my existence at Hogwarts. Evidently, your children have turned out no better.”



Harry was on the verge of launching into him again when he heard a tentative, “Daddy?”



Harry blinked and registered that his two sons were standing in the doorway. James and Albus both looked upset; they must have heard him shouting. He tried to force down his sudden explosion of temper, although it made him feel almost physically sick, and managed a shaky smile. “Hello, boys. Ready for supper?”



The boys nodded solemnly and edged closer to him. It didn’t escape his attention that they were once again avoiding Snape.



Regretting his flash of temper, he said impulsively, “Would you like to eat with us, Snape? I can set another place.”



The taller man hesitated; his eyes were doing that weird thing in the air again. Then his gaze swept to the boys and his face hardened like stone. “I think not, Potter. I’ve had enough of ill-behaved brats for one day.”



He turned abruptly and swept out of the room. Harry smiled brightly at the children. But the silence was suddenly very daunting and they ate their meal in moody silence.






TBC