*Deserving Of Love*

Tonks felt ill; she wasn’t quite positive if she could handle what Charlie was attempting to say, every word he stumbled over made her stomach knot a little more. She walked over and sank onto the sofa, her face buried in her hands as she willed herself not to cry.

‘If you cry Tonks, then it will be real…’ she told herself quietly.

“Tonks? I don’t know how to say this…”

Charlie whispered, crouching down level with her. He grabbed her hand and held it tightly in one of his, the other reaching up to lift her chin so that she was looking at him. She whimpered slightly and closed her eyes, preparing herself for the next words to come out of Charlie’s mouth, knowing full well that they were going to hurt like hell.

“… but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Start over; what happened? And who’s not coming back?”

Tonks’s eyes snapped open and she inhaled sharply, not quite believing what just came out of Charlie’s mouth. She stared into his eyes for a second, then smiled brightly when she realized that he was telling the truth. A great wave of relief washed over her and she flung her arms around Charlie’s neck, hugging him tightly against her in her immense joy at realizing that he wasn’t there to deliver horrible news.

Suddenly a thought crossed Tonks’s mind and her smile faltered – if Charlie wasn’t there to deliver bad news… why was he there? She pulled away from his arms and studied him carefully, her Auror training kicking in as she took in as many details about his appearance as possible. He looked less wrinkled and there were none of the usually visible scorch marks present. She inhaled and caught a slight hint of aftershave radiating from his skin, and she shook her head slightly at the smell. Charlie almost never wore aftershave or cologne, it made the dragons he worked with uneasy because it blocked his natural scent. She only knew of him wearing it on a few occasions, mostly when he was trying to seduce - Tonks closed her eyes as the realization that that was precisely the reason for Charlie’s visit. Any lingering fear over something terrible having happened to Remus quickly turned to anger and Tonks’s eyes opened, blazing a bright green, causing Charlie to scoot back suddenly.

“Charlie… why did you come?”

She narrowed her eyes slightly and watched him as he shifted uncomfortably in his crouching position before finally hoisting himself onto the couch next to her. She just noticed that he was clutching a paper bag in one hand and something silver in the other, and he set both on the coffee table as he turned to half-face her. The bag was shaped like a bottle, and the little silver object was a key that she had given him almost two years ago when they had been seeing each other, sitting proudly on a Chinese-Fireball dragon keychain. Tonks rose and walked slowly over to stand in front of the coffee table, watching the fire for a few moments before turning and facing Charlie once more.

“Charlie… why are you here? And why do you still have my spare key?”

Tonks watched as Charlie turned three shades of pink before his cheeks finally settled on a bright red hue. He attempted several times to speak but his mouth simply opened and closed with only a few incoherent noises coming out before he sighed loudly and gave up. Tonks glanced at the clock and realized that she had exactly 14 minutes before Remus showed up; she had to get Charlie out of there as quickly as possible, she knew that, but she also expected some sort of explanation from him before he left.

Her patience was growing thin, she could feel the heat rise to her cheeks and she was sure that she was going to explode into a rage at any second. The longer he sat there in silence, the angrier she became. Her hair shortened and blazed a bright red as she narrowed her eyes at the man sitting before her – former friend, sometimes lover and current prat that he was – and she inhaled deeply to keep from launching into a verbal rampage. She crossed her arms across her chest and stared down at him, giving him a death glare that greatly rivaled his mothers.

“Charlie. I am expecting someone in… thirteen minutes time. Now, I want you to tell me, in ten words or less, what IN THE BLOODY HELL YOU ARE DOING HERE?”

Charlie flinched as she screamed this last part and ran a nervous hand through his hair. He took a long slow rattling breath and stared up at the seething witch before him.

“I thought you might fancy a shag?”

Tonks fumed at his response – even though she expected that that was the reason he was there, she still couldn’t quite believe that he had the audacity to tell her outright of his intentions for the evening. But was even more shocking was the fact that he thought that he could stroll into her apartment a year after she broke it off with him and jump into bed with her. She was all set to tell him that he was lucky that when he left he’d ever be able to shag anyone again when his small voice broke through her thoughts and quelled them.

“I’m too late, aren’t I?”

Tonks shook her head in confusion and crossed her arms over her chest uncomfortably.

“Too late for what Charlie?”

“You said you were waiting for someone… so that means that you are seeing someone… which is funny, because usually we talk about these things…”

Charlie trailed off and looked down at his clasped hands, his face growing suddenly somber. All of Tonks’s anger faded as guilt washed over her; Charlie and her had been close for many years – ever since they started at Hogwart’s – and she had been keeping her relationship from him. They had tried on several occasions to make something more out of their friendship but to no avail – they just didn’t work as a couple. The most recent time that they had given it a shot was almost two years ago, and it really never advanced out of the ‘friends with benefits’ stage. She broke it off with him when she started to have feelings for Remus, and never once thought that the split may have hurt him. They were simply having fun – just sleeping together really, and neither one of them had mentioned wanting something more from the other. After she ended things with him Charlie had hinted on several occasions that he wanted to continue, usually after breaking up with someone, so Tonks simply laughed his advances off.

Charlie Weasley had no problem getting girls, he simply had to walk into a pub and flash some of his ‘battle wounds’ and mention the fact that he worked with dragons and girls fell all over him. But he couldn’t hold onto one for longer than a few weeks. Tonks couldn’t even remember how many girls Charlie had told him about since they had stopped sleeping together, and assumed that since he had a new girlfriend every couple of weeks that he wasn’t harbouring any feelings towards her. But now, she was confused. The words ‘I’m too late, aren’t I’ rang in her head, making her feel even worse. The way he called her out on keeping her relationship hidden from him made her uneasy; she felt that she had betrayed him somehow.

She crossed the room and sat down on her easy chair and faced him, her uneasiness growing as he raised his eyes to meet hers. He looked hurt, rejected almost, at realizing that she had been dating someone, and Tonks looked away nervously.

She knew she had to answer him, but she didn’t know exactly where to start. Remus and she had agreed to keep their relationship as private as possible for many reasons. One, he didn’t want her to experience the social stigma that was placed on people who associated with werewolves, even though Tonks had told him time and time again that she didn’t care what the hell others thought. Two, they were both members of the Order and they didn’t want their relationship to get in the way of their duties for the group. Three, they didn’t want all of the questions and scrutiny that faced couples of such a drastic age difference. Tonks was well aware of the fact that Remus was fourteen years her senior and it didn’t bother her; but it did bother Remus. He felt guilty when it came to her age, almost like he was taking advantage of her, and the less focus was put on that particular aspect of their relationship, the better. Only five people knew for sure that they were dating – Molly, Arthur, Sirius, Dumbledore, and Severus, and the only reason Severus knew is because he caught them snogging in the library one night. Tonks stole a glimpse at the clock and returned her gaze to Charlie, his face unreadable as he held her eyes.

“Charlie… I don’t have time to get into this right now. I’m really sorry, and I do owe you an explanation, but Remus will be here in seven minutes and I –“

Tonks trailed off as Charlie’s head snapped up suddenly at the mention of Remus’s name. She hadn’t meant to tell him exactly who she was seeing, and immediately regretted mentioning it.

“Remus… that explains why you spend all of your time at Grimmauld Place. Here I thought it was for the Order and to keep Sirius company, I had no idea that you were shagging Lupin… How long have you two been together?”

Tonks swallowed hard and looked down at her hands, knowing full well that Charlie was not going to be pleased when he found out how long she had been lying to him.

“Six months…” she answered in a small voice, peeking up at his face cautiously.

Charlie let out a small, sad chuckle and shook his head slightly before he moved forward to lay his arms on his bent knees. He picked up her spare key and started playing with it, running his thick rough fingers over the smooth metal, concentrating on it so he didn’t have to look at her as he spoke.

“Six months and I’m just now finding out about it. Here I was, hoping that you might be willing to give us one more chance, and instead I find out you are shagging Remus Lupin –“

“Save it Charlie. You didn’t come over here to talk relationship with me, you came over to get laid. What happened? Your latest bimbo get tired of your bullshit and dump you?”

Tonks immediately regretted saying the last part when she saw the hurt in Charlie’s eyes as he looked up at her. He stood up and dropped the key onto the table before heading towards the stairs. His mouth was held in a rigid line, his jaw was visibly twitching and his face reddened as he stopped at the top of the stairs to face her.

“I haven’t been with anybody for the past seven months Tonks. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get you back if you want to know the truth. That’s why I floo home every chance I get – to see you. I thought that finally, after the last few times we spent together that maybe you were starting to feel something for me too. I guess I wrong though…”

Charlie started down the stairs and Tonks jumped to her feet; she was surprised by his confession and even though she didn’t feel any differently toward him than she ever had, she knew that if he walked out that door as angry as he was, their friendship may never recover. She ran after him and followed him down the stairs just as he was reaching for the door.

“Charlie wait… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that… Please look at me…”

Charlie sighed and turned to face her, his face hard as she placed a hand on his chest.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Remus. Only a few people know and I… I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I should have and I’m sorry. And I’m sorry if I led you on in any way… I had no idea that you felt that way about me. But why did you think that this time would be any different for us? We’ve tried, several times and it never works out. We’re just better as friends, you know that.”

“I know. I guess that I just assumed that you’d always be an option though. Like eventually we would be a couple simply because of the fact that we are such good friends. Like maybe it would work out between us if we just kept trying… that and I don’t want to think of another man having what I’ve thought of for so long as mine. Not that I think that you’re just sitting around waiting for me or anything. I know you’ve had casual relationships outside of ours… but when you told me that it was Remus… it’s serious isn’t it?”

Tonks smiled up at him and nodded slowly, a slight guilty feeling coming over her as his own smile faltered briefly before he pulled his eyes away from hers. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, holding it for a second before returning his gaze to her.

“Thought so. Remus doesn’t seem the type of man to have a casual anything.”

“I love him Charlie. And it’s definitely serious…”

Tonks trailed off and looked down at her hand, still sitting against his chest, and she drummed her fingers against it. Charlie raised her head with his hand and stared into her eyes again, a faint smile coming to his lips as he brushed her hair out of her face.

“Well. That settles it then. You and I will never be, and Remus Lupin is one hell of a lucky man. I just hope he realizes that.”

“He does, but I’m the lucky one.”

Charlie nodded and hugged her, kissing her on the top of the head before releasing her and reaching for the door again.

“I guess we’ll talk more about this later then. Remus should be here any second and I don’t know if I want to be here when he shows.”

“Yeah, he’s kind of jealous of you, so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea…”

Charlie smiled and shoved her playfully as she said this.

“He is, I swear! He has this notion that you, uh, have hidden feelings for me…”

Tonks blushed and trailed off, looking down at her hands as Charlie pulled the door open and made to leave. He stopped on the stoop and faced her again, smiling at her still slightly red cheeks.

“Well don’t tell on me then. Wouldn’t want to piss off a werewolf…”

He chuckled and stepped out into the cold air, then turned again as she started to close the door.

“Oh, and Tonks?”

“Yeah Charlie?”

“Happy anniversary…”