Memoirs of a Serpent's Son

Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son

--Age 15—part 4

End of Fall Term

My father sent me a package today with several books. The note said that it was imperative that I read them and learned them well. He’s never sent me work to do while I was at school, but I know better than to question him. It doesn’t amount to anything even if I know that my logic puts his rationale to shame.

The books were all generally on the same thing: Legilimency and Occlumency. Generally they are books about closing your mind to outsiders and pushing your way past the same barriers in other people’s minds. I guess, in some kind of sense, its reading people’s minds. There was also a book on non-verbal spells that was related to the Occlumency one. Strange, really. Normally for things of this nature father warns me ahead of time about it and explains the uses of the skills to me.

But he didn’t say anything.

So I just took the books back to my room and began to read. I figured that it was the best way to spend my time since I haven’t seen Potter in a while and I had no intention of spending the evening having more absolutely dull conversations with Pansy and Theo about who was going to marry whom after school was done.

We’re fifteen. Who gives a damn?

Father would disagree with that. He would have me pick out an adequate pure-blooded bride with blonde hair, good looks, a fine dowry and a still tongue. Oh and of course a good reputation. That’s what Father thinks makes for a good relationship: perfect appearance and absolute obedience on the woman’s part.

Sorry Pansy, looks like you don’t fit either of those criteria.

I personally think that she and Theo suit each other well. Or perhaps Blaise. Or even Montague. They’d all break to her will quite nicely so that she could control them. Pansy could never be with me… I’m too dominating.

Now see I don’t like the way my father would choose my partner. I have different criteria and blonde, still tongue and absolute obedience are not part of it. There’s no fun in that…

But I’m getting away from the point now.

I started reading those books. Well I started with Legilimency since it seemed like as good a choice as any and practiced the tips and directions from the books on the people around me. I found that I have a natural talent for it, but I must say I found out some rather disturbing things about my house-mates that I would have preferred never to have known.

I’ll never look at Crabbe the same way again.

……..

Ugh.

Anyway, I left my studies there for tonight because I figure no one in my dorm is intelligent or powerful enough to have any kind of grasp on Legilimency, so I don’t have much to worry about. I’ll do Occlumency later.

It’s not like any of them would be able to read into my mind or my dreams anyway… and even if they did, who would believe it?

*******

Invisible Ink

I’ve…. I’ve just had a dream…. But it was so much different than the other ones…and it was so much more terrible. I’ve been getting used to the other ones… in some ways, I even enjoy them sometimes…when they are farfetched enough that I won’t go about acting them out, anyway.

But this one…. was totally different. This one I did not like at all… I…. I don’t even know how or why I had it, but I need to write it down, I need to document the strangeness of it…so hopefully the images will leave my head…

I was Potter. Yes, I was Potter. But, more strange than that, I was Potter and Potter was a snake. He… he was a snake, somehow… and I honestly have no idea how I knew I was him and that he was the snake, but I did. I do, I mean…

Anyway, the Me-Potter-Snake slithered silently over the cold stone ground towards this figure…in the dark. As we (or it, or whatever) moved closer, the figure became clearer and more pronounced… it was the figure of an unconscious man, and I’ve no idea why but he seemed terribly familiar. The image in my mind has become fuzzy and fluid, so that I can’t possibly grasp who he was now, but at the time there was a distinct feeling of recognition in my stomach. Or the snake’s stomach. Or Potter’s stomach.

DAMN this is confusing…. Alright, alright….

The Me-Potter-Snake finally slithered up to the man and then bit him…. It bit him and there was blood… oh, so much blood and I can’t even think about it without feeling this terrible dread wash over me. I want to purge myself of that image, of that thought… of that possibility that I’d witnessed a man being killed by a snake… Though I don’t know if he was killed… that bite could not have been easy to survive, if he has…

What am I saying? That can’t have been real!

I mean… I was Potter who was possessing a snake!! How realistic is that??

I’m just so bothered by it…. I don’t even know how I came to dream something so warped…

I had just finished practicing my Legilimency and was lying in bed, thinking of Potter (yes, I’ll admit to that…) and wondering what he was thinking, what was going on in his mind at that very moment, and I slipped off to sleep…

Ahh I keep getting strange shivers whenever I think of the dream.

I need to stop this. I don’t know what’s happened but I need to get onto Occlumency… I need to close my mind off to anyone and everyone apart from myself.

Especially after that…I can’t risk anything.

*****

Spring Term

Christmas was utterly uneventful this year. I stayed at Hogwarts, but much to my dismay, Potter was nowhere to be seen. It was lonely and boring and I spent the whole time learning and practicing Occlumency. It’s much harder than Legilimency, though perhaps that’s only because I’ve no way of actually testing the defenses I’ve set up in my mind… no one has been trying to pry there.

I suppose that if I found someone to practice with I would know for sure how well it was working, but I can’t risk that either, because if my defenses are weak, then who knows what part of my mind they’ll break into. I cannot risk having anyone know of my...secret mental compartment…. I suppose….devoted to Potter.

I say devoted but really it’s only because I need somewhere to stash all those thoughts so that I can lock them away and not have to deal with them… though the lock is notoriously easy for me to break.

Damn Potter. Maybe he knows Legilimency. Maybe he’s doing it to me. I haven’t read anything about people planting thoughts in others, but perhaps he knows something that I don’t.

……

I almost let myself believe that for a moment. Then I realized that this was Potter I was talking about. He doesn’t know anything that I don’t.

Mostly.

I think.

Anyway, when school started again we found out that the great oaf has been put on probation! Umbridge did not see him ‘fit to teach’, I suppose. That just made my day.

That was enough for me to go on for a while. I forgot about the disturbing dream and about being lonely all Christmas and about all the other misery that my problem with Potter has put me through, just to see his face when he found out that his beloved giant git was put on probation.

It was wonderful. Oh, so wonderful.

Though, I do really need to get better with that Occlumency stuff because I think my glee was showing a little too vividly on my face. He didn’t seem to appreciate my happiness. That’s rich.

What? He can openly reject me, hate me, beat me to a bloody pulp and cause me misery without my laying so much as a finger on him, and then he has the nerve to condemn me for being happy??

Sometimes I wonder if he honestly tries to make my life a living hell as much as I try to do to him. Maybe. It’s possible.

But not likely.

If he were trying to make my life hell he would talk to me more often. Or look at me… or at least show that he knows I exist past being a punching bag.

I do so need to get him back for that… though perhaps getting him kicked off the Quidditch team and banned for life was enough of a punishment…

No, I think I need to get in some direct punishment.

Soon.

*******

Valentine’s Day –Hogsmeade Weekend

Ahhhh today was by far the best day I’ve had in a long time, and yet I didn’t even do any direct damage to anyone! Fancy that!

I walked out with the usual gang, not particularly excited about the whole thing because of the day and because I know I can’t confront Potter adequately in Hogsmeade. We made our way down when we ran into Pansy and her gaggle of other Slytherin girls (none of whom I know personally, they tend to worship me from afar because Pansy is their fearless leader and likely told them that I was off-limits).

Point is, she came running over to tell me her “juicy gossip” about the Gryffindors (which is normally not so juicy because it’s about the Patil girl, or the Brown girl… or some other girl that I care nothing for). This time, however, her gossip was MUCH more interesting than usual. It was about Potter.

Apparently, she’d spotted him walking to Hogsmeade ALONE with Cho Chang…. ALONE. WITH HER. TO HOGSMEADE.

TOGETHER.

I was about to strangle her when I found out when I realized that it was not her fault at all. She went on to ramble about how Chang just fancied famous wizards what with Cedric last year and Potter now, blahblahblah, I stopped listening then because it occurred to me that I would inevitably end up pointing out that she and this Chang girl had a lot in common if what she said was true, but I held my tongue and walked away. I needed to find Potter…

I needed to see for myself. I needed to see him with that COW of a Ravenclaw. I needed to… I don’t know what. I needed to know.

I left Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise and Theo in Three Broomsticks and told them that I had to go to get some socks (on occasion, when my mind is otherwise occupied, I don’t lie too well on the spot) and they believed it. As I said before, none of them will be proposing any kind of threat to me in Legilimency any time soon.

I walked quickly through the streets and came to the only inn that suggested any kind of ‘romance’: Madam Puddifoot’s. I peeked nonchalantly through the window and nearly jumped when I saw Potter in there taking a table with the Chang-whore.

I realized that I seemed rather conspicuous on the street, mind you, so I walked into the shop just across from there (which was actually Gladrags Wizardwear) and busied myself at the stand next to the window. The shop was rather busy so I went unnoticed by the clerks and picked up random items in front of me as I watched carefully through the window.

I could see that the café was mainly full of couples holding hands and staring dazedly into each other’s eyes. I growled softly until I found Potter and his thing. She was asking him something, by the look of it, and he was not reacting well. I couldn’t really imagine what she might tell him that would make him give a face like he did and shake his head, trying to wave the conversation away.

Then she burst into tears. I nearly laughed. Almost. I wanted to… so so badly did I want to laugh right there, but I stopped myself.

Potter’s precious date with the Ravenclaw was going terribly and I could not say that I’m at all displeased by it.

I stepped closer to the window and kept watching. He was trying to console her, perhaps. But he was doing a terrible job at that too. He looked more like he was annoyed with her. She looked up at him, clearly displeased, and rambled for a bit, waving her arms around like a chicken. He looked so confused and taken aback by her reaction that he must have said something stupid. Typical Potter, mind you. She should have been expecting that. He always says stupid things that he doesn’t mean.

He can’t mean all of them…

Anyway, she gave him a very angry look, said a few words and then just got up and left, storming out of the shop and running down the street to find her other cow-friends or something. He threw his arms in the air and shook his head, leaving the store as well.

I actually screamed something in triumph and grabbed hold of whatever was in front of me. I turned around suddenly to the people in the store (who were all watching me by then) and then I realized I was holding a pair of pink, frilly stockings. I regained my composure as much as I could and carefully explained that they were for my little cousin who absolutely adored pink frilly things, then I shook my head, dropped them and left the store with a scowl.

As soon as I got back though, I started smiling like a fool again. I can’t tell you how bloody pleased I am that Potter’s date was so miserable.

It just makes me BEAM with happiness!

That stupid cow should have known better than to think that she was at all good enough for Harry Bloody Potter. She’s not even close. It would never have lasted, not even for a moment.

He’s too good for her.

******

I take it back, I take it ALL BACK. EVERYTHING...

I went to the library today to find myself some books about my… nighttime problems. I found some interesting things. A few books did explain a lot of it, though it didn’t reassure me at all. Just said that things like that were normal, though it suggested that what was ‘normal’ was also for boys my age to be thinking about ‘pretty girls’. That made me throw the damn book so hard against the bookcase the thing actually yelled at me.

Damn Pince, she puts spells on all library paraphernalia to ‘protect it’.

Anyway, I was already fuming at the idea that I was ‘abnormal’ (and not in a good way) when Crabbe and Goyle came to find me. Theo had given them a copy of ‘The Quibbler’ and they showed me an article he said I needed to read. I knew that they wanted me to read it TO them, because neither of them are quick enough to understand all the words when they’re strung up in a sentence, but I did it anyway…

It was an “exclusive interview” with Harry Potter.

I read it quickly and it was generally the same story that he had been preaching about all year, so far, but there was something else to it.

He named my father as a Death-Eater.

He NAMED my FATHER as a DEATH-EATER!

FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!!!

RIGHT THERE I wanted to KILL HIM. RIGHT THERE as he PASSED BY with his stupid little friends.

Crabbe and Goyle both made moves to go maul him, but I stopped them. I whispered to them, my eyes still trained on Potter, that now was not the time. I told them that they shouldn’t worry too much, it’s just the Quibbler… it’s one of those magazines known for it’s farfetched ideas about everything… no one believes anything they read in there.

No one… right?

I convinced them easily enough but I could not convince myself… Potter had NO RIGHT to identify my father BY NAME in a nationally read magazine.

He had NO RIGHT.

The worst part of all of this is that that’s exactly how he sees me. He sees me as just being my father’s son. He automatically thinks that I’m just as bad as a Death-Eater and now he’s told the world that my father is evil, so by some form of his warped magic, that means that I must be pure evil too. And what of my mother?? What about her? She has to deal with this too!

He doesn’t realize the kind of effect he has on the world around him when he goes and pulls his stupid stunts. He doesn’t understand the intense repercussions of something so monumental as identifying Death-Eaters to the public.

Whether or not anyone believes what they read in the Quibbler, he just put my life in danger. He doesn’t care about that though, does he?

No, Potter couldn’t care less if I was killed just for being a weak link in the chain. The Dark Lord has killed for less. He could kill my father for this… for being named. He could kill every one of the people that Potter named and all of their families….

He could kill me and Potter doesn’t even CARE!

I hate him!! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!

I’m worth MORE THAN THAT! I deserve BETTER than that kind of treatment!

I deserve to be cared about…

I deserve his love just as much as anyone else… no… MORE.

If he ONLY knew the truth about me… if he only took a moment to ask…

He’d understand so much better.

-----IIIII-----

A/N: Argh I’m so depressed I feel like I’m loosing my Draco-ness. I need to Draco-fy myself again X_X I think I picked up in the last two entries there. I know I keep saying it but I hope you enjoyed it! I seriously live off of reviews and love lol >.< I added the parts about Legilimency and Occlumency in because J.K.Rowling said that she believed that Draco would be very talented at them because of his character’s ability to compartmentalize his emotions to adequately bully people. I decided that if he would be good at it, his father would surely be aware of that and try to get him to learn… especially with all the Voldie-stuff going on. Harry gets to try and learn, why not Draco? XD though Draco is learning alone there…. Anyway and the dream is, of course, Harry’s dream from the book, where Mr. Weasley gets bitten by Nagini… why does Draco see this? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see eheheh Anyway I’m just going to try and fully re-Draco myself. I love being in his mindset…. It’s so much more fun, lol.

Ah, REVIEW and I will not die! Life-force is good and I will continue my bribes with cookies and licorice wands!