Secrets and Promises (Abandoned Story)

Series Title: Secrets and Promises
Fandom: Harry Potter
Series Rating: NC-17
Genre: Mystery & Romance
Pairing: Draco/Harry, but also mentions of other past and other relationships as the story progresses.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy et al are a fictional characters created by J.K. Rowling as part of the Harry Potter series. We just borrow them to play. We don't make any money from it but we do have a very good time. [Beckett, Cocoa and the Malfoy Townhouse are inventions of slashpervert.]
Series Summary: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are Aurors who work for the Ministry of Magic. In this series they find themselves investigating a serial killer and discovering they are in love with each other. It follows them as they struggle to build lives and heal their past wounds, now that the war is behind them.
Notes: This series is written based in part on the RPG Ambiguous Desire.

Chapter Number/Total: 19/?.
Chapter Title: Heart Ache
Chapter Authors: slashpervert, aveeno_baby and acidpop25.
Beta(s): nefernat
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Words: 3125 Words
Chapter Characters: Theo Nott, Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter.
Warnings: Language, angst.
Summary: Draco has a very bad day. Fight with Theo and bad news about the case He needs Harry to comfort him.


Theodore, it transpired, did not do waiting particularly well. He was pacing the length of his room anxiously as he awaited Draco's arrival. He didn't know what he was going to say, really, which was stupid in itself; he should have planned this. And Draco wondered why he never talked. He was bad at talking.

It had been weeks since he had spent the night with Theo and Draco was looking forward to seeing him again. He Apparated to the Wales house and smiled, remembering his last visit here.

Theo thought he heard the sound of Apparition, and he left his room and walked downstairs to the entryway. "Draco," he said softly, stepping closer.

"Theo," Draco smiled and reached for Theo, sliding his arms around him and leaning in to kiss him.

Theo, however, did not really relax, and he kept the kiss brief and light.

Draco pulled back, looking worriedly at Theo and sighing. He let go and stepped back, hands on his hips. "I'm not going to like this, am I?" he asked quietly.

"Probably not," Theodore admitted. Sugarcoating that fact would do him no good, really.

Draco looked at the floor, sadly shaking his head again. "Do we talk here in the hall?" he asked.

Theo shook his head. "No, come in," he said, motioning Draco to follow him to the sitting room.

Draco followed him and was trying not to let the knot in his stomach make him loose his temper. What the hell had happened now?

Theo sat down in one of the armchairs, a bit stiffly, and motioned Draco to do likewise. "I... need to talk to you about Pansy," he said at length.

"You two made up?" Draco asked, trying to stay calm. He looked at the nearest chairs, frowning at the fact that Theo had chose the chair instead of the sofa. It was an obvious distancing tool. He cocked his head at him and sat down at Theo's feet instead.

Theo nodded, arching a brow at Draco's choice of place to sit, though he made no comment. "We made up."

"That's good," Draco said. "I don't like it when you two fight." He leaned back on his hands, knowing he looked beautiful like that and the submissive pose would have an affect on Theo.

Theo's eyes narrowed slightly. Trust Draco to want him to talk more, then willfully try to keep him from actually doing so if it was something he wouldn't like. Theo tucked his feet up under him, putting a bit more distance between them. "Neither do I, but that isn't the point. I suspect you can guess where I'm going with this."

Draco sat up on his knees, bringing his head higher and closer to Theo. He rested his hands on his thighs and cocked his head. "Is she angry with me, again?" he asked calmly.

"No. But... this..." Theo motioned between Draco and himself. "It's not fair to Pansy, Draco."

"Did she say that?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm saying that," he replied.

"So you are going to push me away again, rather than find out what everyone wants?" Draco looked at him with open eyes, not shielding how he felt about that.

Theo sighed, just barely resisting the impulse to roll his eyes. "She gave me permission, if that's what you're getting at, but she wasn't happy about it, and you know she deserves better than that from me."

"She deserves you to be unhappy?" Draco asked, shaking his head. "You and I both know you won't be happy with her alone."

"And she won't be happy with this," he countered.

"You are absolutely certain about that, are you?" Draco asked.

"It didn't exactly require Legilimency to figure out," Theo said dryly.

"I think I understand Pansy pretty well and know what she wants, even when she doesn't," Draco said. Then smirked, "You both rarely know what you want, even when you get it."

"Then enlighten me," Theo said, "what does she want, if you're so sure?"

Draco smirked and arched an eyebrow, "Are you sure you want to know?" He sat up further on his knees and rested his hands on either side of Theo.

"If you're so good at reading me, you should already know the answer to that."

"I know you are uncomfortable with accepting love from anyone," Draco said, leaning in so that his upper body was pressed against Theo's knees. "And the idea of letting more than one person love you, terrifies you."

"Or maybe," Theo said tersely, "I genuinely have a moral problem with this."

"Moral? You think that my loving you and Harry is immoral? And your loving Pansy and me is immoral?" Draco raised both eyebrows. "By whose standards? The same people who decided that two men loving is immoral? Is it?"

"I think it's immoral when it's keeping people from getting what they want and by all rights should have," Theo snapped.

Draco took a deep breath, worried about what he was going to say and how Theo would take it. "Pansy wants attention from the two men in the world she has always loved," Draco said quietly. "It is what she wants and what she needs. Nothing less will ever satisfy her."

Theo arched a brow, and didn't answer.

Draco waited, giving time for Theo to react to that. "That scares you, too, doesn't it?" he asked after a couple minutes.

"I think we're done here," he said coolly.

"I love you, Theo," Draco said quietly.

"And I love you, but that isn't the point."

"Then explain it to me, Theo," Draco whispered, his voice thick and his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Help me understand."

"I can't give Pansy what she wants from me with you in the picture, Draco," Theo said quietly, standing and brushing past him, heading for the door to go back to his room. "I'm... sorry."

Draco sat back down on the floor, letting the tears he had been holding back fall.

He hesitated in the doorway, just for an instant, but he did not let himself look back.

Draco allowed himself a moment to breathe and tried to collect himself. "Ah, hell," he sighed and got up. He strode through the house and into Theo's room, not bothering to hide the fact that he had been crying. "I am not bloody well walking away this time," he said.

"You don't know when to quit," Theo said snappishly, not bothering to turn and look at him.

"That's not what you said before," Draco sneered. "In fact, you said I shouldn't have given up. That it was worth the consequences to not have walked away!"

"There's a difference between giving up when you shouldn't and forcing an issue when you shouldn't!" Theo snapped, turning sharply on his heel.

"So I should have put your lives in jeopardy when a madman threatened everything, but I am not suppose to want to be happy with the people I love?" Draco yelled. "How fucking sick is that?"

"Because I wanted it, then!"

"And you don't want me now?" Draco sneered, crossing the distance between them and standing directly in front of him, grey eyes like steel now.

Theo swallowed hard. "I made my choice."

"You are the only one forcing it to be a choice, Theodore Octavius Nott!" Draco hissed. "You want me now and I can feel it." Draco stepped even closer, his body nearly touching Theo's.

Theodore froze up at the use of his middle name, tensing and backing up until his back hit the wall, all the anger drained from him.

Draco backed him right up against the wall, placing hands on either side of his face and leaning in to kiss him, crushing Theo's lips under his.

Theo remained tense against him, eyes squeezing tightly shut.

Draco allowed his body to move against Theo's and his hands to move in to cup his face, licking and sucking at the other man's lips.

"That was low," Theo hissed against Draco's lips.

"Using your name or kissing you?" Draco asked quietly, still holding the other man's face but pulling his face back enough to look at him. "You are so fucking stubborn."

"I meant the first," he muttered, "but both, now that you mention it.” He didn't meet Draco's eyes.

"Look at me, love," Draco said, quietly. "There is nothing low about how I feel about you."

"I didn't say that," he whispered.

"No, just immoral and selfish and somehow wrong," Draco whispered back. "But I know it isn't wrong to love you. It wasn't wrong then, even when my parents and no one else would have approved. And it isn't wrong now."

"I don't dispute it," Theo said softly. "What's wrong is my acting on it."

Draco felt his tears threatening again. He both loved and hated the way Theo always made him come undone. He held Theo, as if he could somehow force the other man to see him. "Theo..." he began but his throat closed up, realizing he was loosing them both, again. He closed his eyes and lay his head on Theo's chest, letting the tears fall again.

Theo squeezed his eyes shut and looped his arms around Draco's shoulders. "Don't cry," Theo whispered, "I'm not worth that."

Draco couldn't help it. That made it worse, and he cried harder. One hand on the back of Theo's neck he gripped the other man's shirt with the other.

"Shh, shh," Theo murmured.

Draco shuddered, his fear and grief making it too difficult to speak. He simply clung to Theo.

They say you always hurt the ones you love, Theo thought.

Draco looked up, tear stained face and grey eyes open like a child's. Only three people in the world ever saw him so open like this. And, if Theo's decision held, two of them never would again. "You are pushing me away Theo, remember that," he said quietly, "This isn't what I want. Hell, it isn't what any of us want."

"No. It's not," he murmured, his voice very quiet, very dull. He sounded tired, drained; all the fight in him was gone. "But I can't have what I want, Draco."

Draco's face hardened and he pushed away from Theo. The blond wiped his face and held his head up high. "That's your fucking father talking. And you are going to make sure that even dead, they win," he hissed. "All our lives they told us what we had to do and that what we wanted didn't matter."

"What I want is to stop feeling," Theo hissed, jaw tightening. "I want to stop loving or caring or hating or hurting, and I want to get as far away as possible, and I want to be free."

"And to hell with those of us who care about you!" Draco sneered. "Exactly what I said. This isn't about Pansy. This is about being too fucking afraid to finally start living your life and letting yourself be happy."

"I don't care about happiness, I just want nothing! And no matter how I may feel, the point is, I don't want to. Period."

"What about Pansy?" Draco, shook his head. "She loves you, too."

"What did you think I was doing in fucking Costa Rica, Draco?! I'm not fluent in Spanish, that assignment should have gone to someone who is." Theo ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated.

"So, you just keep running away from us. But you can't run from yourself," Draco sighed. "I love you, Theo. I just wish you did too." Draco turned and walked out of the room.

Theo watched him go, and was silent.


***

Draco Apparated home and was met by Beckett, who took his coat. The elf didn't say anything at the way he looked but did stare a bit longer than was usual. "Where is Harry?" Draco asked.

"I'm right here," Harry answered, walking into the hall. He was heading upstairs from the kitchen he heard Draco's voice. He looked at him, immediately looking concerned. "What's wrong?"

Draco's face was pale and tear streaked, his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot. He looked up at Harry and could feel his self-control failing again. He closed his eyes, "Fucking bad day."

"Come here," Harry murmured, opening his arms for him.

Beckett huffed and disappeared. Draco opened his eyes and took a few steps into Harry's arms. He felt stiff and sore and just stood there trembling.

"Talk to me," he whispered, smoothing his hand down Draco's back as he held him close.

"Need to sit down," Draco whispered.

Harry nodded, stepping away and taking his hand. "Come on" He started walking upstairs towards their room.

Draco allowed himself to be led, not having the energy to Apparate again after the trip back from Whales.

Harry gently pulled Draco into the room and then over to bed, slowly sitting down with him. "Talk to me," he said again.

Draco closed his eyes again, feeling tears threatening again. "I just don't understand ... anything," he said sadly.

"What happened?" he asked softly, pulling Draco close again.

"I got an owl from Theo and went to talk with him, right?" he said.

Harry nodded, waiting for him to go on.

"He and Pansy got back together," Draco said. "And Theo has an idea that the only way to make her happy is to give up me."

Harry looked at him for a long moment. "Oh. Oh, Draco, I'm sorry," he whispered softly, reaching over and cupping his cheek.

Tears started to slide down his cheek now, again. Draco felt out of control and he never liked that. Twice in one day, he was crying. But this was Harry. "You know the worst part?" he asked.

"What…?" he said softly, wiping the tears away with his thumb.

"It won't work," he said flatly.

"I'm so sorry." He continued to wipe away the tears that spilled out of his eyes. "I don't think he really meant it."

"As long as what he doesn't want is to feel anything for anyone else, of course not," Draco said. "And Pansy will probably blame me when it doesn't work with them."

"That's not very fair," he said, shaking his head.

"No, none of it is," Draco said. "But fair never really has been a big part of my life."

"This is just one thing," Harry said. "I mean...I...maybe he'll figure out what he just did."

"Maybe," Draco said, sounding unconvinced. "And then there is the report I got at work before I left."

"What? What report?"

"About our anonymous Christmas present," Draco sighed, closing his eyes again.

"What about it?" Harry pulled away from Draco and got up, kneeling down in front of him. "Found out whose heart it was?" he asked, reaching out and undoing Draco's cloak.

Draco nodded, "Valen."

"Valen?" he repeated, pushing the cloak away and starting on his shirt.

"Dakota Valen, the squib who was murdered," Draco reminded him. He watched his lover undressing him. He wanted to be held so badly right now and couldn't ask for it. He was glad that with Harry, he didn't have to.

"Why would he give us his heart," Harry murmured, sounding confused. He leaned back and undid Draco's shoes, slowly pulling them off.

"It's a message," Draco whispered. "To us."

Harry set his shoes aside, looking up at him. "I don't get it....what does Valen have to do with us?"

"I don't think it was about Valen," Draco said, suddenly shivering as if cold. "It is about us and the killer."

Harry stared at him for a long moment, a million thoughts going through his head. "What...he wants...he wants to kill us?" he asking quietly.

"I suspect it is a bit more visceral than that," Draco sneered.

Harry looked down at Draco's lap, visibly deflating. "...Why?"

"Sorry, love," he reached out and cupped his cheek, "That was a bad pun. But in some ways so is the message."

"What did we do to him?"

"Since we don't know who it is," Draco said, "we don't know. The message is probably something about wanting to rip our hearts out. It isn't just a threat to kill us, he wants to hurt us first."

"Well...ripping out hearts out would kill us," he muttered, sighing. "Now this just gives us more incentive to find him"

"If he wanted us dead already," Draco said, "He would have moved directly against us. No, he wants to make us suffer first. That is the message and that is what has me worried."

"So, what do we do?" Harry asked, sighing again.

"We find a way to catch him. In the meantime, we hold close and safe that which is dear to us," he said, trailing fingers over Harry's lips.

"I like the sound of that," he said softly, kissing his fingers.

Draco reached his hands out and began to undress Harry now, his nimble fingers working the buttons quickly. "Show me," Draco whispered.

Harry slowly got up and leaned forward, kissing him softly. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Draco looked at him with hope and fear in his eyes. "Do you how much I want that?" he asked, his voice shaky.

"And you have that...don't worry, Draco," he whispered.

Draco unfastened his trousers and slid back on the bed, removing them and tossing them on to the nearby chair. He lay back and opened his arms to Harry.

Harry crawled into the bed and settled down next to Draco with a small sigh.

"I know this sounds, well, not very Slytherin of me," Draco said hesitantly, "but I know what I want. It is a kind of power, just not power over others."

"What exactly do you mean?" he asked, watching him.

Draco smiled down at that open face. Harry was so direct and clear; it made things easier. "I want the power to keep those I love safe and near me," he said. "I just want to be happy."

Harry smiled back. "Who said you didn't have that power?"

Draco grimaced. "Until the last couple months with you," he explained, "I never thought it even possible. Even if it is why I became an Auror."

"That doesn't matter. You have it now, trust me," Harry said, still smiling.

"You have to be careful, Harry," he said. "I couldn't bare anything happening to you. Promise me."

"I promise I'll be careful, Draco," he replied softly, brushing a finger down his cheek.

"I am probably just upset about Theo, but I just have a bad feeling about this whole thing," Draco sighed. He smiled weakly, "Kiss me, touch me, make me forget?"

"Anything for you," Harry murmured, leaning over and doing just that.

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