Torn - Repost
19
AUTHOR: Ravenkiss
STATUS/PART: 19/?
EMAIL: Ravenkiss2000@yahoo.com
RATING: NC17
PAIRING: SS/RL, SS/RH
SPOILERS: COS, POA, GOF,OOP
WARNINGS: AU, M/M Slash, Rape, Violence
DISCLAIMER: None of this belongs to me, JKR owns the entire world.
SUMMARY: Severus has a dream.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Not this time.
BETA: Sylvadin
This story and many others can be found at:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ravenkiss_/
http://borgin.thegoblet.net/disclaimer.php?
http://inkstain.inkquill.net/
http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/authors.php?no=1296774773
Part - 19
Severus felt wonderfully relaxed as he pulled the cocoon of soft blankets more tightly about him. He was warm and safe. It felt so good, so right, as if he did not have a care in the world.
Except that he knew that was not true. He did have cares. There was something that he had to worry about. An annoying little 'something' that kept nudging insistently at the back of his mind, but he could not seem to recall what it was.
It was probably not important anyway.
He was so relaxed that at first he hardly noticed the bed dip slightly beside him. It was only when a heavy weight settled close to his head that he decided to take notice. Without a second thought he shifted towards the new source of warmth.
The closer he moved the more a pleasant musky, very masculine scent filled his nostrils. A shiver ran up his spine as gentle fingers stroked his hair and slowly traced the shell of his ear. "So beautiful," a far away voice whispered softly as the gentle touch feathered down his throat. "You are so beautiful."
He gasped as those gentle words and sweet caresses sent the blood racing straight to his groin. Severus reached out and found firm supple flesh. Happily he cuddled it. "Mmmmm..." It was so perfect. He sighed at the feel of smooth cloth and taut muscles against his cheek.
Something kept trying to tell him that it should matter that he could not seem to recall the name of the person in his bed. But the feel of those gentle touches and the arousing musky smell seemed to be in the process of causing that part of his brain to shut down.
This was good, it was right and he wanted more contact. The Potions Master tried to pull himself up his lover. He wanted to find his mouth and claim a kiss. He enjoyed kissing, but his opportunities to engage in that particular activity were sadly few and far between.
Snape whimpered as a hand caught his shoulder as if to restrain him. He wanted a kiss! Why did his lover stop him?
He gripped the thigh more tightly and he nuzzled into the wonderful warmth. Moaning he began to rub his burgeoning erection against the smooth warm surface where he lay...
---
Remus bit back a moan of his own as Severus clutched at his leg. 'Sweet Merlin's beard, this is hot!' Thought the Gryffindor as the black haired man made the most amazingly sexy little whimpers and held him tightly.
Poppy had asked him to stay with her patient while she went down to lunch. "He has been very nervous. Sit close so that he can feel that someone is near and if he becomes agitated just stroke his hair. That seems to calm him," she had informed the werewolf before taking her leave.
It all sounded very simple. At first.
Almost instantly Severus had started to move fitfully. Remus thought that the other man was having a nightmare. But quickly realised that this was an erroneous assumption when the intense snuggling began.
It did not take long for those supple dextrous fingers groping blindly up his right leg to make him hard as a rock. He had to catch Snape's hand to keep him from finding his cock. It was not that he was adverse to the idea of Severus' hands on his cock, far from it. Unfortunately, he was all too aware that the sleeping Slytherin would be extremely upset if he awoke and realised that he was trying to feel the werewolf up.
Surprisingly, despite the erection, he did not have to fight to hold the wolf at bay. He was aroused, there was no denying that, but his animal side also had powerful protective instincts. At the moment, those more gentle impulses were much stronger than his mating urge. Perhaps it was the way that Snape nuzzled him like a blind wolf cub searching for its mother's teat?
Though that thought automatically shifted to one of Severus finding something else to suck on...
The visual that came to mind made his trousers feel even more constricted. 'Severus Snape, if I were any less a Gryffindor we would both be naked right now and I would let you have your way with me,' he thought with a sigh as he reluctantly restrained the black haired man. It was best to stop him before the Slytherin's blind probing reached anything that might make the situation infinitely worse.
He could not suppress a groan as those low sexy noises became more frantic and Severus shifted his hips so that he was rubbing against the mattress. 'Damn it Severus, why couldn't you do this while you were awake?' He wanted to scream from the frustration and the ache of his straining erection. 'I want your hands all over me! Merlin you are sexy! Please climax soon so that I can spend a little quality time in the loo!'
---
Severus was puzzled. The sweet caresses on his cheek, his ear and throat remained there. Why did his lover not kiss him? Why did those tender touches not move lower? Why did those strong, gentle hands stop him from reaching out and touching his lover?
He spread his legs slightly and thrust his hips again to try and get more friction on his cock. Circe, he wanted to be touched! But he was aroused enough that even without the active participation of his lover he was getting close, his breath hitch as the heat between his legs built to critical mass. So close! Just a little more...
"BITCH! WHORE! SLUT!"
Severus cried out in fear as the voice of Sirius Black hissed in his ear. He twisted and sobbed! Desperately he tried to fight the hands that sought to restrain him. His eyes shot open as he fell a short distance ending with a sudden jolt and a sharp pain in his side and arm! He fought to be free of the blankets that were wrapped around his body.
Every instinct screamed at him to run. Danger! Pain! He had to escape!
"Severus stop! You will hurt yourself!" Despite his fear he knew that voice. Not Black! It was Remus. A sense of relief washed over him at the sound. Remus loved him. Remus would protect him.
With his sight blurred by tears, he reached out blindly towards the sound of the concerned voice and the safety that it promised. Strong arms pulled him in, and he found his face pressed against the werewolf's chest. "I have you, Severus. You are safe."
The Slytherin believed him. He tried to burrow further into the familiar masculine scent that gave him such warm safe feelings. "I will protect you Severus," assured Remus as his hands stroked Severus' hair.
---
The werewolf sighed as he held the Potions Master against him. He had feared that he would be forced to stun Severus to keep him from injuring himself or the baby. Fortunately, the sound of his voice seemed to have calmed Snape. Remus shuddered slightly as the other man all but fell into his arms and long fingers gripped his robes.
This was Remus Lupin's dream come true. Severus needed him and by the way that he tried to crawl into his lap, it was obvious to the werewolf that on a deep instinctive level the Slytherin trusted him.
---
He was frightened, but Severus knew that no harm could come to him while those strong arms encircled him. It felt so good to be held, to be protected from the monsters that stalked his dreams.
All he wanted to do was melt into Remus' arms.
But even as the Gryffindor stroked his back, Snape stiffened. A deep sense of shame washed over him accompanied by a wave of nausea as the events of the last few moments replayed in his mind. The entire dream came back in a sickening rush. It was not just safety that he remembered now, but intense arousal. 'Oh gods, Remus saw me! I was having a wet dream and humping the mattress!' He wished that the floor would open up and swallow him!
The Potions Master wanted to be anywhere else, no matter how good it felt to be comforted. He attempted to pull away, but Remus only tightened his grip and gently restrained him. "Just relax," the werewolf said softly in his ear. "I will keep you safe."
The Slytherin shivered at the sound of the other man's calm, commanding voice. He tried to fight the desire to snuggle closer, as well as the arms that meant to do just that, but his efforts were pathetically inadequate against the other man's strength. 'I cannot do this. Cannot submit.' Severus was truly terrified.
The fear welled up deep inside as he realised that part of him was ready to do anything to continue to feel safe and protected. 'Remus will protect me.' The thought was overwhelming. It would have been so easy to give in.
'No! This is not right.'
A sharp stab of disgust struck him like a blow. He tried to pull away. Remus' grip tightened even more. "Shhh, I have you. Stop fighting. No one will hurt you."
Severus found it hard not to relax at the words. He wanted so much to just give in and let the Gryffindor take control. Submission would be so easy. He knew how. Voldemort had taught him well. He knew that he could give the werewolf what he wanted. He could keep his fear of sex in check, let Remus take him and feign whatever reaction he wanted in return.
All he had to do was lose his soul.
It was not love or desire he felt for the Gryffindor, it was need. The need to be safe not only from Potter, but from memories, and pain. From all of the dark creatures that haunted his nightmares. In his heart he knew that his reaction would have been the same if it were Hagrid that held him. He vividly remembered the feelings that had come when it was the half-giant's arms around him. He could be safe and protected by giving himself to either of them. It made him sick. The thought that he could actually contemplate allowing someone to use him like a whore out of fear.
'No!' The word, the resolve came from somewhere very deep within his heart. Severus would not do this. Would not spread his legs to secure protection. For his sake as well as for Remus and Hagrid, and yes, for the child nestled in his belly, he would not prostitute himself.
Severus Snape did not know much about love, but he did know about unequal relationships. His life had been filled with them. It would start out as kind and caring, even his servitude to Voldemort had started that way. He had gone to the Heir of Slytherin for protection. Because of his father, because of what the Marauders had done to him. And, though he would never admit it out loud, because he felt that Albus Dumbledore had abandoned him.
He had looked for someone strong to protect him. Voldemort had been more than happy to play the part of powerful, compassionate guardian. But it had not taken long for the contempt to emerge. For the affectionate smiles to fade, the gentle touches on his shoulder and words of pride at his accomplishments to grow silent. And finally, for the Dark Lord to treat him worse than those he had sought protection from.
The one thing that he did understand about relationships was that without respect they were doomed to failure. And how could anyone respect a cringing coward?
'I do not know if I can love, but if I do bond with anyone, it will be as an equal and not a pathetic grovelling wretch.'
Filled with this new resolve he steeled himself and tried again to pull away from Remus' embrace. "Shh, it is all right Severus. I have you." The other man's arms tightened around him.
'Remus believes I am hysterical. This is just perfect. He thinks that I am going to hurt myself,' Severus told himself angrily as he ceased his futile struggle. He was almost surprised that his newfound resolve firmed in the face of the other man's gentle yet commanding touch. 'OK, deep breaths relax, if I am calm he will release me.'
When his body became less tense the werewolf relaxed his hold slightly. "Remus, I am not hysterical. I know who and where I am. I will not harm myself."
Remus eased his hold on the other man enough so that he could look him in the eyes. "Do you remember that you have injured your leg again?"
"Yes," Snape answered softly as the Gryffindor moved back away from him. The Potions Master had to force himself to release his death grip on Remus' robes. The werewolf gave him a little breathing room, though he was still within easy reach. "Tore a ligament."
Smiling gently, Lupin knelt before the black haired man and took hold of his hands. "Are you alright? Do you feel any pain in your abdomen?" Remus asked, his eyes full of concern. "Should I call Poppy?"
"That is not necessary. The child is uninjured," Severus answered.
"Did you do any more damage to your leg?"
"I believe that all I managed to do was add a few new bruises to my hip and elbow."
The Slytherin sighed as he ran a hand over his belly. A slight blush crept into his cheeks when he noticed that Poppy must have transfigured his clothes, since he was now wearing a hospital gown and nothing else. His bare backside was becoming very aware of the cold hard stone floor.
"Let me help you to the bed." Remus chivalrously offered an arm.
"Alright," Severus said softly, eyes on the floor. It would be stupid to try without the Gryffindor's help. He would probably end up on his arse again. With the same care that he would take with something made of glass, Remus eased him up off the floor. The Slytherin almost made it to his feet with minimal aid, but his leg buckled. Lupin carefully placed an arm around his waist so that he could support the Potions Master's full weight.
When they reached the bed Lupin sat him down carefully. "Are you all right?" he asked as he dropped to one knee before the injured man.
Looking into concerned brown eyes the Potion's Master felt a wave of pure shame wash over him. "Sorry." Severus felt tears well up in his eyes as he was forced to look away. "You must be disgusted. What I did to you was..."
"You were just having a dream. A very good one at first I would say. And as for my being disgusted, if you will recall I would like to be your lover. The thought of you being aroused by my touch is hardly unpleasant."
"But I was almost humping your leg..."
"And we go back to my wanting to be your lover. I would not mind at all if you humped my leg." Severus tried to look absolutely horrified, but mostly just managed a blush. "You did nothing wrong." Remus tilted up his chin. "What happened? You were obviously enjoying your dream when suddenly you cried out and twisted yourself off the bed."
"Black," he snarled. "It was...I..." He stopped not wanting to admit that he was about to climax when things went wrong. "I heard Black's voice."
"It was just a dream," assured the werewolf as he stroked the Slytherin's hands. "Harry cannot hurt you now."
"He does not need to hurt me. I can do that myself." Severus again tried to pull away.
Remus did not let go. "Severus, look at me." Wiping away a stray tear, Severus found the gentle brown eyes. "It is alright. The first part of your dream was a perfectly normal reaction to being touched. You did nothing wrong. I am just worried about that fall you took."
"Fall? What fall? What happened?" Madam Pomfrey gasped from the now open doorway. She raced to Severus' side and ran her wand over him.
"I am uninjured," Severus assured tersely.
"Let me be the judge of that," Poppy chided. "Hmm, you have done no serious damage, but you must be careful. At this stage, the baby is deep inside your body and well protected. However, we should be careful not to jostle and bounce that little girl around too much. Now what happened?"
"He just had a nightmare," assured Remus.
"That is not good. We cannot have you injuring yourself like this. I will talk to the specialist at St. Mungo's but I believe that he will allow us to up the dosage of the Dreamless Sleep potion," said Poppy with a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Remus, would you mind allowing me to speak to Poppy alone for a moment?" asked Severus hesitantly.
"Certainly Severus." The werewolf squeezed the other man's hand and stood. "Poppy said that she is discharging you today, so I will see you at dinner."
"Yes." Snape nodded. "See you tonight."
They both watched the door close behind Remus Lupin. The mediwitch stood silently and waited. Severus could feel her eyes on him, though his own were firmly on the floor. He knew what he had to do.
The words that passed his lips were the hardest that he would ever say. "Call the counsellor, I will speak to her."
Madame Pomfrey's eyebrows shot up almost to her hairline. "Severus, did you just ask me to call the Rape Counsellor?" She had to make sure that she heard him correctly.
"Yes," he answered almost in a whisper.
"I will Fire-call her right away. It is early enough she might be able to come here today." Poppy did not ask any more questions, though they were racing through her mind. Severus was finally doing what he needed to and she had no intention of jeopardising this sudden change of heart by prodding him.
As Madame Pomfrey rushed to the next room to make the Floo call, Severus hugged himself tightly. Just because he knew what he had to do, did not make it any easier to face.
tbc