Paternity

Chapter Nineteen
Consolation

When Ron gave up trying to find Harry, he ran for the sanctuary of Gryffindor Tower. At some point in his dash he blew past Snape. The Potions Master tried to stop him, but Ron just kept going. Before, he\'d have taken great pleasure in ignoring Snape, but now all he could think of was getting to his room. Once he\'d have been able to make the run with only a bit of panting, but by the time he reached the portrait of the fat lady he was gasping, knees trembling. That didn\'t worry him. What DID worry him was the stitch in his side. He drooped against the wall beside the common room entrance, holding himself and wincing.

\"Are you all right, Ron?\"

Ron didn\'t glance up at the portrait. \"Open.\"

The Fat Lady looked down at him, a little worried, but business was business. \"Password?\"

\"OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR, YOU OFFICIOUS COW!\"

\"Well!\" She thought about refusing, but she didn\'t like the way Ron looked right now. He was holding his side in pain, and he\'d obviously been crying. She swung open, saying, \"Pass.\" As he started through she said, \"Do you need me to send for...?\" He reached back, grabbed her frame, and jerked it so hard that she slammed back against the wall. She squeaked in surprise. Part of the surprise was that she wasn\'t angry with him. She couldn\'t recall ever seeing a student so distressed. She set herself to listen carefully. If she heard anything, or if she DIDN\'T hear anything for a while, she was going to make her way through the other portraits till she found a responsible adult, and have a word with them.

Ron stumbled through the common room and up to his dorm room, still holding his side. His muscles seemed to burn and clench, and he found himself muttering, \"No, no, no, no.\" He went to his bed. His first thought was to throw himself on it, face first. Instead he flopped on his back, hands clutching at his aching side, tears of pain and fear threatening. *Any minute now. Any minute now the cramping is going to start, and I\'ll have lost it. I was mad because I thought Snape thought I\'d try and get rid of it, and I go and act like a fool. Please, oh, please...*

The ache died away, but Ron stayed very still, afraid that any movement would set it off again. Finally his breathing slowed to normal, and there wasn\'t even a twinge, and he dared to sit up. Nothing. It had just been a normal muscle cramp from running too far, too fast. He cried in relief. *And why not? I\'m crying over everything these days. Stupid hormones.*

Ron hadn\'t cried a lot in his life--you got over that quickly when you were the youngest boy in a large family. Well, you did if you had brothers like Fred and George, who took the \'let\'s make our sibling\'s life miserable\' jokes a little too far sometimes. Now he didn\'t feel any inclination to stop.

He was just so miserable. Pregnancy aside, things had been going so well. He and Harry had finally taken the step from friends to lovers, something that Ron had been dreaming of for a long time. And Harry was proving to be a fantastic boyfriend. Ron knew that a lot of guys, when told that they might be in the process of becoming a father, would run for the hills. Or at least go into complete denial. He was sure that a lot of times the first words spoken after the announcement were, \"How do I know it\'s mine?\"

It hadn\'t been like that with Harry--not till that horrific scene down near the kitchens, anyway. He\'d known he wasn\'t Ron\'s first, but he never so much as hinted that the baby might not be his. He\'d never even indicated that he wished that he wasn\'t, and now... Ron had been dealing with it. He had been a little shaky, but he knew that he had his parents behind him, and he\'d had Harry\'s support The thought of trying to have and raise the baby without a partner was terrifying.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had little doubt of where Ron would be, and he headed straight for the Gryffindor quarters. He noticed as he approached that the Fat Lady guarding the door didn\'t have her usual serene expression. To Harry\'s near astonishment, she swung open without first demanding a password (which was a good thing, since he\'d forgotten it). \"There you are! Harry, you need to get in there and check on Ron. I\'m worried about him.\"

As he passed through, he said, \"I think he\'s just upset. If there\'s anything really wrong, I\'ll give you a shout, and you can send one of the ghosts for Snape.\"

\"Snape?\" she said doubtfully. She would have expected Harry to ask for Madame Pomfrey, or perhaps Dumbledore, but Snape?

\"Yes, Snape,\" said Harry firmly as he passed through. He dashed across the common room and started up the stairs.

Ron heard the door to the room open, and he sat up warily. Harry stood in the doorway, staring at him. The silence in the room was deep--profound. His own breathing sounded like the rush of wind to Ron. There was so much he wanted, needed to say--and he was afraid to speak a word. If he said the wrong thing Harry might turn and walk out forever, and Ron had never been easy with words.

Harry came over and sat on the bed beside him, and again they stared. Finally Ron started, \"Harry, I\'m...\"

\"Shut up, Ron.\" His voice was almost fierce, and Ron flinched, but then Harry\'s arms were around him, and he pulled him into a tight hug, pressing his face down on his shoulder. \"Just shut up for a few minutes, yeah?\" Ron closed his eyes, and just let the feel of Harry surround him, and the steady thud of his heart soothe him. Harry stroked his hair, his back. He wasn\'t sure how long they sat there, but finally Harry said, \"You were going to say you\'re sorry.\"

\"Yeah. I\'m...\"

\"Don\'t. Snape told me about the seeds.\" Ron stiffened, trying to pull away, but Harry held him tight. \"I\'M the one who\'s sorry, Ron. You were under a compulsion--you didn\'t have a chance. I s\'pose Draco didn\'t, either, but I seriously doubt that he\'s torturing himself over what happened, like you are. If I\'d known about the seeds...\" He paused and took a deep breath. \"I\'d have probably reacted pretty much the same way, I guess, hearing it like that. You know how my temper is. I\'m surprised you want anything to do with me. I should have given you a chance to explain things instead of running away like that.\"

Ron burrowed his head under Harry\'s chin. \"S\'okay. It\'s a lot to take in, all at once. I know I should have told you, Harry, but try to understand. I just wanted so much for it not to have happened.\" He laughed weakly. \"Don\'t ever tell my Mum that. That\'s one of her favorite themes.\" He mimicked Molly\'s voice, \"There\'s no use trying to pretend it didn\'t happen, Ron. The cheese has been made, and you\'ve got to decide how you\'re going to slice it.\" His voice dropped back into its normal pattern. \"I always hated when she said that. It sounded so stupid. What did cheese have to do with anything? I sort of see her point now.\"

\"I understand that happens as you get older. Things that adults used to say that sounded like utter rubbish start to make sense.\" Harry stroked Ron\'s hair. \"You sort of told me. You didn\'t try to pretend that you\'d never done it before.\"

\"I\'d almost never done it. I\'ll tell you the truth, Harry--that first time, it didn\'t seem real. Have you ever had one of those dreams that seems more real than real life? I mean, colors are sharper, sounds are more clear, tastes more intense... It\'s more like being awake than being awake is?\"

\"Yeah, I know what you mean. I\'ve had dreams where when I wake up, I pinch myself to be sure that I haven\'t just dreamed that I woke up.\"

\"I wish I COULD forget it.\" Ron made a face. \"It was sort of like... sneezing.\"

\"What?\" Harry\'s voice was surprised, and faintly amused.

\"That\'s the closest I can come. You\'re exposed to an irritant, like dust or pepper, and all of a sudden you get the worst tickling, itching, burning sensation, and you know you\'re about to sneeze, and there\'s not a bloody thing you can do about it. You could be in the middle of a funeral service, or trying to sneak past a sleeping werewolf, and it doesn\'t make a bit of difference--you\'re GOING to sneeze. If you try to stop it, the top of your head\'s going to blow off instead. Then it happens, and it\'s fast, and hard, and a bit of a relief. And what\'s left after is just a bit nasty and embarrassing, and you\'d just as soon get rid of the traces and pretend it didn\'t happen.\"

Harry chuckled. \"That description wouldn\'t do much for Draco\'s ego.\"

\"Draco is beyond egotistical. He\'s explored new realms of self-involvement.\" Ron took a deep breath, then said weakly, \"Harry? It was twice. He sort of ambushed me out in the shed when I went to put the things away.\"

Harry stiffened, and pulled a little away from Ron. His voice was strained as he said, \"It happened after we were together?\"

\"God, Harry, I didn\'t want to! But he was touching me, and I sort of went on autopilot. I was thinking... No, I WASN\'T thinking. My brain just shut off, and...\"

Harry put a hand over Ron\'s mouth, silencing him. \"Snape said that the effects lasted a couple of days. You were still under the influence.\" Harry made a pained sound and clutched Ron tightly again. \"God, why didn\'t you come to me? Draco used you--I could have HELPED you.\"

\"I know that now, but it was so fast, Harry. The brain shut down, and the body took over. But that\'s all, I swear. I swear on... on my baby\'s head.\"

\"Don\'t do that! I believe you, Ron, but... don\'t. That\'s too serious.\"

\"But don\'t you understand, Harry? You\'re as important to me as the baby. More important. The baby\'s part of me, yeah--but you\'re a bigger part. You have been for so long. If I was to lose you now, it would be like someone had just hollowed me out.\" He reached up and touched Harry\'s cheek, and there was a pleading note in his voice. \"You don\'t have to worry about Draco, Harry. I\'d be Voldemort\'s love slave before I let him touch me again.\"

\"Ew, Ron. Don\'t put those sort of pictures in my head. Just the mere mention and I need a lie down.\" Harry stretched out on Ron\'s bed, pulling Ron to lie beside him, in his arms.

\"I don\'t even know why Draco pulled that scene,\" said Ron. \"If he stopped to think for a minute he\'d know damn well that I wouldn\'t want anything from him, even if I believed he was the father. As low an opinion as he has of us, he still knows that the Weasley\'s don\'t look for charity, and we DAMN sure wouldn\'t look to Malfoys for it, even if we did.\" He frowned. \"That came out a bit awkward.\"

\"But perfectly understandable. And since you aren\'t a snob, you wouldn\'t try to snag Draco for social advancement.\" Ron groaned. \"What is it?\"

\"It just occurred to me. If I did--Lucius Malfoy would be my father-in-law. If it ever looks like something like that is going to happen, promise that you\'ll kill me.\"

\"Shut up. That isn\'t funny.\"

\"Yeah, it is--in a sick, dark humor sort of way.\"

\"Sorry, but I don\'t associate humor with Lucius Malfoy. Sick and dark--yeah.\"

\"I suppose that if Draco knows about this, his father does, too.\" Ron sighed heavily. \"I hate to think about what sort of stink he\'s going to raise. Look back at the way he\'s already acted, and try to imagine the shit he\'s going to sling over something like this.\"

\"I don\'t know, Ron. I think he\'s going to stay low on this, pretend that the precious Malfoys have nothing whatsoever to do with it, and he probably won\'t even sneer too much if it comes out. He won\'t want to look too interested.\"

\"Not if--WHEN it comes out.\" Ron ran a hand over his belly. It was beginning to curve out. \"I\'m not carrying this baby any longer than is necessary and natural. And I hope you\'re right. It would make my life a damn sight easier.\"

They lay together a little longer, and Ron said, \"I wish I\'d never thought of this. Now I can\'t stop thinking about it. Harry, you know how Lucius feels about wizards who don\'t favor oppressing Muggles, and how he feels about Weasleys in particular.\" Harry nodded. \"We\'ve both seen how Draco turned out. Can you imagine what Lucius would do to my kid if he had a chance to have any say in her life?\" Harry shuddered. \"Yeah--that\'s what I thought, too.\"

\"I know we\'re past believing that you can mark a baby before it\'s born by thinking scary thoughts, but thinking about Lucius Malfoy can\'t be good for your blood pressure.\"

They were quiet for a little longer, then Ron said, \"So, we\'re going to make it through this, are we?\"

\"Looks like. Let\'s be optimistic--a lot of couples have the row about finding out that one of them slept with someone else way into the relationship. We\'ve gotten ours over with in the early stages. I\'d say that gives us a good chance for it to heal over and make us even stronger.\"

\"That which does not kill us makes us stronger?\"

\"Yeah.\"

\"I\'ve always thought that saying was bollocks, Harry.\"

Harry pushed him, but he was smiling faintly. \"Well, then, we\'ll just have to be the one example that that proves you\'re wrong, won\'t we?\"