The Reluctant Highlander

*********DISCLAIMER********All characters belong to JKR



A/N: Some of you will be reading a few paragraphs into this chapter and suddenly yell out, “Oh, no. She didn’t!”


Oh, yes. I did.


Sorry.


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As everyone expected, Hermione graduated at the top of her class and despite her fiancé’s attempts at sabotage in the Potions classroom, Gryffindor won the House Cup. Dumbledore sighed in satisfaction as he tucked into his pork chops and “dirty” rice, which he had heard of from an American colleague based in the Midwestern part of the country…it was quite tasty. He repressed a smile as, two seats down, Severus Snape stabbed a fork into his steak a bit vindictively — the Potions Master had been positive that his House would overcome the Gryffindors this year to win the Cup.

His blue eyes drifted down to the tables where the newly graduated trio of Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat discussing something rather intently — there was a great deal of fork-waving going on — and they seemed to want to spend what was to be their final meal in Hogwarts Castle in conversation instead of eating. The Headmaster had been pleased to see Hermione’s parents in evidence and conversing with their future son-in-law quite comfortably, though Severus had looked as though he would have rather been anyplace else as Mrs. Granger brought out the tablecloth samples. The Head of Slytherin was currently murdering a pile of beans while Minerva watched him interestedly.

Minerva — now that was something he needed to clear up…they had all heard rumors of Severus putting his fiancée through her paces wherever and whenever the mood struck them (or, as was more likely, just him). After the startling revelation of her abuse of a scheduled detention, he had been watching Minerva closely for any signs that she still hankered after the young wizard. Severus had simply resumed his usual attitude of indifference and disdain towards his rival after he had discovered that several other people were aware of the brief involvement between them. Hermione, on the other hand, had an extremely difficult time reigning in her giggles and limiting her disbelieving stares to simple glances. Harry and Ron had needed to be Obliviated after it became clear that they couldn’t get over it. Although they had been friends for many a year, Albus secretly desired a more intimate acquaintance with his one-time pupil, but had been unsure of acting upon his impulses. Now he knew that he had nothing to fear from Severus at least - he was very much in love with his own Gryffindor witch — but his plans on wooing Minnie had suffered yet another setback thanks to The Book…it seemed that she had remembered the young wizard’s virility and had been re-living her experience with him vicariously through Hermione. Or was he mistaken and it was just a figment of his overactive imagination? He looked back at Severus, who had given up on his culinary massacre for the time being and was now eyeing his fiancée, most likely wondering if he could still take points from her even though she had graduated hours ago. The meal ended, and Albus walked past the younger man, patting his shoulder and murmuring that no, it wouldn’t work. Severus scowled.

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Minerva McGonagall had been keeping an eye on Severus Snape. Oh, a benign eye to be sure — she was simply curious about a few things, and she had to keep an eye on her Head Girl, after all. Never in her wildest dreams would she admit that reading his confession to (and subsequent escapades with) Hermione would make her recall in detail — she had needed to extract the memory and view it in a Pensieve…several times — the night in which she had literally coerced him into yielding his innocence (though she highly doubted that the man had been innocent the second he was born) or, rather, his virginity to her. He hadn’t lied to Hermione when he said that Ogdens had been involved; during her first Pensieve viewing, she had been surprised to note just how much of it had been imbibed. Mostly by him, however.

She walked along the halls on patrol now, thinking of what had been, and wondering just how he looked now under all those robes, when she heard footsteps nearing her. Turning, she saw that it was, in fact, Severus himself. “It’s not your night to patrol, is it?” she asked as he fell in step with her, swirling his cloak around him impressively as he shortened his stride to match hers.

“Oh, do I have to be on the patrol roster just to walk with you?” he sneered. They reached the end of the hall and were about to turn when he dragged her into a niche famous for hiding randy students. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Minerva,” he whispered huskily right before he pressed his lips to hers, cutting off her startled exclamation. “Don’t tell me you don’t think of our time together with some fondness,” he continued after letting her up for air.

“Severus — what! Get off of me!” she shrieked, pushing at her rival Head of House’s broad chest as he pressed against her ardently. After beating him about the head and shoulders with her hat, he released his hold on her.

“But-but I thought-” he sounded bewildered.

“I can’t believe you, Severus! For shame, way-laying me like this when Miss Granger is so clearly, and I’m beginning to think stupidly, enamored of you! What’s past is past, and will stay there — I simply cannot believe that once you’d gotten a taste of witch after a long time that you would act like some-some-some hormonally imbalanced imbecile! Furthermore-” her rant, in a steadily thickening brogue, was cut off by her extreme surprise at seeing Severus Snape staring at her over his own shoulder.

“Might I inquire as to what is going on here?” his soft, deadly tones made the other Snape jerk in surprise and look around wildy.

Minerva gaped. “Which one…?”

The newly arrived Snape raised his hand slightly. “That would be me. But who would you be?” he asked, his voice softer and more decidedly like a cobra coiled to strike.

“Ummmm…..ahhh….it would appear that I am you,” the other Snape said, a steady flush rising to his cheeks. “I’ll just go now.”

“Ahh-ah-ah,” Severus reprimanded, raising his wand at the imposter. Minerva covered the double from the rear with hers. “I’ll have your name, sir. Now.”

Other Snape hung his head in defeat. “I…am Albus Dumbledore, Severus. I took one of your hairs at dinner tonight and added it to that Polyjuice you had ready for me.’ Minerva went back into gaping mode. “I-I thought that she might have feelings for you, and wanted to know for sure.”

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He couldn’t believe this.

“Couldn’t you have done it without — how many people saw…me?” Severus demanded, whirling to look down the corridors. He saw a student, most likely a prefect, stopped to tie a shoe lace a little ways away — well, he’d get rid of Albus before anyone saw two of him stalking about. “All clear — Headmaster, you go down this hall, and I’ll….” His composure, already splintering steadily, deserted him entirely when he turned back around to see himself snogging the daylights out of the Transfiguration Mistress. “Oy! Stop it!” he bellowed angrily.

Albus-as-Snape pulled away guiltily but was seized almost immediately by Minerva who cooed, “Oh, ALBUS!” and yanked him by the ears back into another kiss. Severus threw himself backwards out of the niche, trying frantically to erase the image burned onto the back of his eyelids. He backed up, right into his fiancée, who was goggling at the sight before her.

“Wh-What’s going on?” she asked faintly, pointing a trembling hand at the, for lack of a more innocuous word, activities. Her eyes went from her fiancé, who was nigh on the verge of apoplexy, to the carbon copy of her lover who was currently trying to suck her mentor’s face off.

Severus hustled her down the hall after casting a Concealment Charm on the older couple. “Polyjuice — and by Merlin, it had better run out soon. Walk faster! I’d like to make it to my rooms before I expire in disgust right here.” Chancing a quick look at Hermione, he found that her eyes were suspiciously bright and she was gnawing her bottom lip intently. He knew that look well enough by now, and walked even faster before she went into a fit of hysterics, towing her along behind him. They managed to reach the dungeons without encountering anyone, and Hermione collapsed on the carpeting as soon as he bolted the huge door, howling her lungs out. “That’s not funny,” he said testily. Why did she always think he existed only to amuse her? He didn’t follow her around, guffawing at every move she made. Or every previous sexual partner she had been involved with, however briefly. He drew his wand from out of his sleeve and placed the tip at his temple, withdrawing all memory of seeing Minerva wrapped around “him”. It came away in a long silvery strand and Hermione sat up from where she had been drumming her heels against the floor in glee to watch him fling it into the fire instead of placing it into a Pensieve. Then she dissolved into merriment again.

“C-can you imagine if I had come up on Dumbledore and jumped him, thinking he was you?” she stopped laughing just as Severus started. “Ugh — that’s not even remotely funny, don’t laugh! Where did my wand get to….?” She rummaged in her pockets for it. After removing the unsavory idea from her head, she crossed over to where he was lounging on one of the huge floor pillows she had conjured for him, and snuggled close to enjoy their first moments as witch and wizard, and not as teacher and student.

“Are your parents expecting you tonight? There might be a napkin-selection emergency,” Severus remarked, kissing the top of her head. He was very pleased to find that she would be spending the entire night with him — they hadn’t had this much time alone together since leaving that infernal Rendezvous with Romance. Which reminded him… “I have something for you.” Slipping out of her arms, he slid The Book from a high shelf, shrugged out of his signature black robes and coat, then walked back to curl up with his witch.

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Hermione took the tome in her hands, curious as to what it might be. Rolling onto her stomach and smiling as Severus summoned blankets from his - and from this day forward, their — bed and draped the soft covers over them as he murmured a disrobing spell that left their clothes in a pile beside their makeshift bed. Feeling the warmth of his bare skin radiating from him, she set the gift down and moved closer so that they were firmly pressed against each other. Then, with her head tucked beneath his chin and the slow, steady thud of his heart beating against her back, Hermione opened The Book and began to read aloud. Even Severus laughed at reading his attempts at gaining sexual “relief,” though he did point out that it was hardly fair that he had been caught in the act so many times while she had got off Scot free — pun intended.

“Well, it was my story,” she teased. When they reached the first passage describing their lovemaking, The Book was set/tossed aside for a full-scale reenactment which left little room for words. Afterwards, Severus took up the tale for a bit before his bride-to-be attacked him lustfully. “I can’t help it; that voice of yours…!” They finished The Book in bed, making love yet again, slowly as a reaffirmation of their devotion for each other. She felt his loving gaze like a physical touch as he stared down at her while he worked the magic that only he possessed upon her senses. The aftermath of their passion was nearly as sweet; whispers, little touches, and kisses upon kisses scattered upon heated flesh.

“Are you sure we can’t just elope?” he whispered just as she was falling asleep.

“We are having a wedding, Professor Severus Snape. Good night.”

“Ah, well. It was worth a try.”

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They stood at the altar several weeks later in front of a Ministry official with Mrs. Granger in floods behind them, and Albus blowing his nose impressively while they said their vows. Ginny Weasley as Hermione’s Maid of Honor, was busily glaring at Severus’ Best Man, Lucius Malfoy (who kept doing the ‘high and mighty’ act for all he was worth, when he wasn’t miming writing in a book whilst muttering “Dear Diary.”). Severus slipped the wedding ring on her finger, white gold with a row of inset diamonds and emeralds — he’d be damned if he allowed other House colors on his wife — and glanced back at the official who raised his wand to rest it on their joined hands.

“In the name of Merlin and by the power vested in me by the Minister of Magic, I set this bond upon you — never to be broken save in death.” A pale blue glow surrounded their hands and spread to surround their bodies, the dull light exploding into a painfully bright beacon that left the wedding guests seeing spots before their eyes after it finally dispersed. The official looked surprised, and impressed at the display. “I now pronounce you wizard and wife,” he announced. “You may kiss the…” Severus had Hermione bent over his arm in a passionate kiss before he even finished the sentence. Lucius’ loud sigh was drowned out by the applause, whistles and catcalls of their audience and Severus reluctantly returned his new wife to an upright position.

Albus was sobbing unabashedly — he considered Severus the magnificently ill-tempered son he never had — with Minerva patting his arm consolingly. “It’s always hard to let them go,” the Headmaster was heard to say as the newlyweds made their way back up the aisle. Everyone around laughed to hear Mrs. Granger agree whole-heartedly and ask if he was related to the groom. “What? Oh, no. Not really. Well, not at all, actually.”

The reception wasn’t as small as Severus had begged his mother-in-law to make it, to his dismay. When they walked into it, they caught the first strains of “Ode to Joy” being played on bagpipes which made Hermione’s new husband whip out his wand and glare around the room to identify the source of the music while she laughed and caught at his wand-arm. “Oh, don’t…it’s cute! Just like you…” she laughed again at the expression on her wizard’s face at being labeled “cute.”

“I assure you, I am no such thing! Now if you wanted to call me rugged and manly, it would be a totally different story,” Severus smirked as he ran a hand down her back to play with the buttons decorating the rear of her cream-colored dress. “I can’t believe you actually wore white!” He gave her another rakish grin, his black hair falling into his eyes.

“Keep it up, Professor mine, and the invisible pipers won’t be the only people hexed,” she said sweetly as she smoothed his hair back. “We don’t have to stay long, do we? I haven’t had a look under those robes for at least a week; something may have changed.”

“Something’s changing right now…exactly how long are we required to stay?” he leered at her, raising her hand to his lips for a kiss.

They were forced to stay at the reception for exactly two hours (they made Ginny keep track) and the newlyweds surprised everyone with their skill on the dance floor — Severus whirled her about expertly, blatantly showing off and enjoying the shocked looks of their guests. Lucius looked suitably impressed and guided his own snooty-looking bride onto the floor for a dance after one last sneering comment to the Weasleys in attendance and evading a bat-bogey hex aimed his way. Narcissa was slightly disgruntled at finding Hermione prettier than she was, and the blonde couple left in a manner of minutes so Lucius could physically convince her that she was second to no one — this he told Severus with a roll of his eyes, and congratulated Hermione at snagging the hardest to catch Slytherin ever sorted. Hermione was surprised at the elder Malfoy’s politeness; after all, he had disapproved of her due her Muggle heritage. When Ginny held up two fingers signaling the two-hour mark, Severus made their excuses and Apparated her away to his house on Spinner’s End…he had taken her there only twice before, to ask her opinion on renovating it — she was shocked into silence to see that the run-down abode was now an elegantly Transfigured manor house…at least, on the inside. Since it was situated in a predominantly Muggle neighborhood, her husband couldn’t change its appearance without causing a stir.

“I believe it’s time for a conjugal visit, wife,” he snickered as he lifted her into his strong arms and conveyed her to their bed which was resplendent in Slytherin green and silver. Their lips found each other and all conversation was continued in body language for the remainder of the day as well as the night.


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Hermione continued her studies and became a Transfiguration Mistress, returning to Hogwarts to take the post as well as the title of Head of Gryffindor House from Minerva, who became Headmistress when Albus retired. Harry was surprised to find that his earlier prediction of triplets came true, plus one…after a set of triplets (all boys) who were identical to their father from the tops of their black haired heads down to their toes, Severus and Hermione became the proud parents of a little girl who was an enchanting mix of her mother and father. Although the famed Valentine War was never repeated, there were several more times in which the Heads of Slytherin and Gryffindor clashed spectacularly — the winner being decided in a tussle between the blankets, more often than not.

Hermione and Severus grew closer than ever after the birth of their children, with a bond that not even the occasional gift of a kilt from Albus could put asunder. However, the subsequent librarians at Hogwarts (Irma Pince had left the school years before to marry Argus Filch) always thought it odd that the Potions Master always accompanied the Transfigurations Mistress whenever she needed to borrow a book. Not a single soul ever dared to ask why so much giggling went on in the stacks after they disappeared into them, either. Rendezvous with Romance was rediscovered after the departure of Madam Pince, the current librarian finding it stuck behind a heavy filing cabinet during some major cleaning. Flipping it open, she could see that there were several names and titles listed on the inside cover (since she was not interested in finding romance whatsoever, the regular enticements did not display themselves for her — only a list of people who had at one time been within its pages). Reading down the list, she saw a few names she recognized:

Under the Quidditch Stands by Seymore Wande — Narcissa Black & Lucius Malfoy

When the Husband’s Away by Ivana Shagalot — Filius Flitwick & Taralyn Zabini

The Virtues of Discipline by Ima Bhadbuoy - Remus Lupin & Sirius Black

Pool Boy Paradise by Swahab Madeck — Rubeus Hagrid & Sybil Trelawny

Pirates Ahoy - Surrender your Booty! by Swahab Madeck, Jr. — Irma Pince & Argus Filch

And this one…well, all those ‘bagpipe size’ jokes were beginning to make sense.

The Reluctant Highlander by I.M. Moning — Hermione Granger & Severus Snape

Smiling slightly, the librarian slipped the book into a desk drawer and flicked off the lights of the library…completely failing to see the cat with the spectacle markings around its eyes who was sitting like a small statue watching her for the past hour. Now, it moved directly to the desk, and to the very drawer the book had been placed in.


THE END


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A/N: I know you’re saying, “Whaaat?” but relax…an epilogue is coming.