Light on the Dark Side of Me
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
34
Views:
37,521
Reviews:
236
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
34
Views:
37,521
Reviews:
236
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Ah, is that why you did it?
Title: Light on the Dark Side of Me
Author: Cocoa-Snape
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter belongs exclusively to JKR…she is a goddess. I am making no money from this.
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Light on the Dark Side of Me
Chapter 19: Ah, is that why you did it?
It didn’t take Harry very long to realize that Snape had actually taught him something very valuable – how to cast his first Unforgivable. Although he wasn’t exactly sure how much of Snape’s tauntingly cruel comments had been planned and how many had simply come from anger, he was certain that Snape regretted many of the things he had said. He had seen the pain in Snape’s eyes after he repeated Bellatrix’s taunt and a split second before he had called him a ‘freak,’ which he clearly had used deliberately to incite Harry’s successful Cruciatus. And Harry had seen the unmistakable pride in Snape’s eyes when he had finally succeeded.
Nonetheless, Snape’s behavior had shocked Harry. The fact that the man had put him under the Cruciatus and then the Imperius was disconcerting enough, but it seemed to Harry that for the briefest of moments, Snape had lost control. Perhaps that was what Dumbledore had meant when he had strongly warned Harry not to push Snape. And Harry had most certainly pushed.
The very next morning after the incident, Dumbledore had summoned Harry to his office. Harry had not even bothered to wonder how Dumbledore knew about the Unforgivables. In his usually calm manner, the Headmaster had asked Harry to describe what had happened. Harry relayed the events honestly while carefully circumventing the whole truth. He explained how Snape was trying to teach a lesson, but omitted the fact that it was an intense argument between them that had first prompted Snape to cast the Cruciatus.
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Harry spent the next two days in the company of Ron and Hermione. Although they noticed his distracted demeanor, he played it off as disappointment that he would have to remain at Hogwarts alone over the Holidays. He couldn’t even imagine what they would think if they knew the truth about what had happened between him and Snape.
But oddly enough, when Harry thought back on the events of that night, he did not dwell on the pain of the insults and the curses. He did not even think, too much, about the dark power he had felt – the coursing energy that had momentarily consumed him when he had cast (and held!) that last Crucio. Instead, his mind focused on the bizarre connection that that night had forged between the two of them – the sharing of an intense experience that no one else could understand.
Harry realized that Snape could have been fired for what he did and perhaps even arrested, and then remembered that he had also cast an Unforgivable and therefore was as complicit. But that night, there was a strange unspoken agreement between them that they would keep the incident to themselves. And to Harry, that was – in an absurd way – a yet unequaled demonstration of trust on Snape’s part.
The night before Ron and Hermione left, Harry lay in bed contemplating the state of affairs between himself and Severus Snape. And that night, Harry came to a decision about what he wanted and what he needed to do to get it.
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Snape took a seat in Dumbledore’s sitting room and declined the tea he was offered. He couldn’t help being annoyed by the old man’s pleasantries at times. Clearly Dumbledore had summoned him here to discuss yesterday’s events, and he didn’t appreciate being kept waiting as Dumbledore sipped his tea with maddening calm.
Snape blurted out in exasperation, “Headmaster, for Merlin’s sake! Can we just get this over with?”
“Alright, Severus, but do have some tea,” Dumbledore said, and poured his Potions Master a cup.
Snape obstinately ignored the tea. He was becoming really irritated with Dumbledore’s stalling. The silence was unnerving Snape to no end and he decided he needed to say something. He blurted out suddenly, “Perhaps it was an error in judgment…”
Dumbledore inquired politely, “Do you really believe that, Severus?”
Snape ignored the question. “So Potter came to you straight away then?” Snape asked with marked annoyance at the boy’s presumed treachery.
“No. I asked him up to my office this morning. After all, it’s not every day that I sense Unforgivables being cast on Hogwarts grounds,” Dumbledore said with a shrewd smile. “Harry explained quite eloquently that you were teaching him a lesson.” Dumbledore paused for a moment, leaning forward in his chair and meeting Snape’s eyes before speaking again. “He did, however, leave out the part where things got out of control.”
Snape gulped involuntarily.
“Don’t you like your tea, Severus?”
I don’t want any tea, damn it!
“Alright then,” Dumbledore said, watching Snape’s eyes darken perceptibly at his thought being overheard.
Snape fiercely tightened the walls around his mind. He was incensed that Dumbledore had the gall to practice subtle Legilimency on him, pry into him, and then admit to it so blatantly. He wanted to say something, to criticize the Headmaster for his rude unwelcome behavior, but he remained silent.
Dumbledore, who had up until now been keenly aware of Snape’s thoughts, noticed the sudden reinforcement of Snape’s defenses. He knew a battle was raging inside the other man’s mind. He wanted to say something, but was aware that his Potions Master would not take well to learning that he had not probed his mind at all – that it had been Severus who had an unintentional lapse in his normally strictly controlled mental shields. Dumbledore knew Severus was not ready to hear that. And he decided that it would be bad form to disregard the advice that he had, in fact, given Harry about not pushing Severus too hard as of yet. But, he decided, he would be remiss if he did not voice some of his concerns.
Dumbledore began tentatively, “Things did get out of control, didn’t they, Severus?”
Silence served as Snape’s acknowledgment.
“I must admit, Severus, I am a bit concerned.”
“Potter’s fine,” Snape defended.
“I’m not worried about Harry,” Dumbledore replied.
“Excuse me?” Snape said in confusion.
“I’m worried about you, my boy,” Dumbledore said.
“Me? What the devil for?” Snape asked with marked annoyance, “I’m fine.”
A short pause passed between them.
“Are you lying to me, or to yourself, Severus?” Dumbledore asked seriously.
Snape met Dumbledore’s eyes and replied forcefully, “I really have no idea what you are talking about, Albus – so either clue me in or stop with these ridiculous mind games of yours.”
Dumbledore carefully considered whether he should indeed, ‘clue’ Severus in. But he decided to keep his fledging ideas on the matter to himself, since, at the moment, they were little more than untested conjectures.
Irritated by the prolonged silence, Snape blurted out in vexation, “Despite forcing yourself into my mind, Headmaster, you don't know me as well as you think.”
“Perhaps.” Perhaps I know you better.
The two men sat in uncomfortable silence for a long moment.
“So, tell me what happened, Severus.”
Snape sighed. “I goaded him a bit…”
“A bit?” Dumbledore asked with raised eyebrows.
“Maybe more than a bit,” Snape admitted. “But he finally did it. He cast a pretty mean Crucio for a first time.”
“You say that with pride.”
“I suppose I do.”
“I don’t know how I feel about this Severus, but I will defer to your judgment in this matter.”
“You know it’s necessary. It’s a major breakthrough being able to cast an Unforgivable. And one day, he’ll need the ultimate one.”
“I’m just sorry that that is the case,” Dumbledore said sadly.
Snape said nothing.
“So what now?” Snape asked, half-wondering if Dumbledore was going to fire him for casting two Unforgivables – let alone on a student.
Dumbledore spoke cautiously, carefully judging Snape’s reaction to his words, “Harry wants to continue his lessons with you, Severus. And so you shall.”
“Excuse me?” Snape blurted out, his eyes widening with shock. He was certain he must have misheard.
“He was actually quite insistent on the matter.”
Snape’s voice betrayed his astonishment, “Ww…what? I thought he’d want nothing more to do with me after…after the things I said to him…after what happened.”
“Ahhhh,” Dumbledore began in a significant tone, his eyes lighting up with understanding, “Is THAT why you did it?”
Snape said nothing. Instead, he took a sip of his now cold tea.
Author: Cocoa-Snape
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter belongs exclusively to JKR…she is a goddess. I am making no money from this.
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Light on the Dark Side of Me
Chapter 19: Ah, is that why you did it?
It didn’t take Harry very long to realize that Snape had actually taught him something very valuable – how to cast his first Unforgivable. Although he wasn’t exactly sure how much of Snape’s tauntingly cruel comments had been planned and how many had simply come from anger, he was certain that Snape regretted many of the things he had said. He had seen the pain in Snape’s eyes after he repeated Bellatrix’s taunt and a split second before he had called him a ‘freak,’ which he clearly had used deliberately to incite Harry’s successful Cruciatus. And Harry had seen the unmistakable pride in Snape’s eyes when he had finally succeeded.
Nonetheless, Snape’s behavior had shocked Harry. The fact that the man had put him under the Cruciatus and then the Imperius was disconcerting enough, but it seemed to Harry that for the briefest of moments, Snape had lost control. Perhaps that was what Dumbledore had meant when he had strongly warned Harry not to push Snape. And Harry had most certainly pushed.
The very next morning after the incident, Dumbledore had summoned Harry to his office. Harry had not even bothered to wonder how Dumbledore knew about the Unforgivables. In his usually calm manner, the Headmaster had asked Harry to describe what had happened. Harry relayed the events honestly while carefully circumventing the whole truth. He explained how Snape was trying to teach a lesson, but omitted the fact that it was an intense argument between them that had first prompted Snape to cast the Cruciatus.
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Harry spent the next two days in the company of Ron and Hermione. Although they noticed his distracted demeanor, he played it off as disappointment that he would have to remain at Hogwarts alone over the Holidays. He couldn’t even imagine what they would think if they knew the truth about what had happened between him and Snape.
But oddly enough, when Harry thought back on the events of that night, he did not dwell on the pain of the insults and the curses. He did not even think, too much, about the dark power he had felt – the coursing energy that had momentarily consumed him when he had cast (and held!) that last Crucio. Instead, his mind focused on the bizarre connection that that night had forged between the two of them – the sharing of an intense experience that no one else could understand.
Harry realized that Snape could have been fired for what he did and perhaps even arrested, and then remembered that he had also cast an Unforgivable and therefore was as complicit. But that night, there was a strange unspoken agreement between them that they would keep the incident to themselves. And to Harry, that was – in an absurd way – a yet unequaled demonstration of trust on Snape’s part.
The night before Ron and Hermione left, Harry lay in bed contemplating the state of affairs between himself and Severus Snape. And that night, Harry came to a decision about what he wanted and what he needed to do to get it.
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Snape took a seat in Dumbledore’s sitting room and declined the tea he was offered. He couldn’t help being annoyed by the old man’s pleasantries at times. Clearly Dumbledore had summoned him here to discuss yesterday’s events, and he didn’t appreciate being kept waiting as Dumbledore sipped his tea with maddening calm.
Snape blurted out in exasperation, “Headmaster, for Merlin’s sake! Can we just get this over with?”
“Alright, Severus, but do have some tea,” Dumbledore said, and poured his Potions Master a cup.
Snape obstinately ignored the tea. He was becoming really irritated with Dumbledore’s stalling. The silence was unnerving Snape to no end and he decided he needed to say something. He blurted out suddenly, “Perhaps it was an error in judgment…”
Dumbledore inquired politely, “Do you really believe that, Severus?”
Snape ignored the question. “So Potter came to you straight away then?” Snape asked with marked annoyance at the boy’s presumed treachery.
“No. I asked him up to my office this morning. After all, it’s not every day that I sense Unforgivables being cast on Hogwarts grounds,” Dumbledore said with a shrewd smile. “Harry explained quite eloquently that you were teaching him a lesson.” Dumbledore paused for a moment, leaning forward in his chair and meeting Snape’s eyes before speaking again. “He did, however, leave out the part where things got out of control.”
Snape gulped involuntarily.
“Don’t you like your tea, Severus?”
I don’t want any tea, damn it!
“Alright then,” Dumbledore said, watching Snape’s eyes darken perceptibly at his thought being overheard.
Snape fiercely tightened the walls around his mind. He was incensed that Dumbledore had the gall to practice subtle Legilimency on him, pry into him, and then admit to it so blatantly. He wanted to say something, to criticize the Headmaster for his rude unwelcome behavior, but he remained silent.
Dumbledore, who had up until now been keenly aware of Snape’s thoughts, noticed the sudden reinforcement of Snape’s defenses. He knew a battle was raging inside the other man’s mind. He wanted to say something, but was aware that his Potions Master would not take well to learning that he had not probed his mind at all – that it had been Severus who had an unintentional lapse in his normally strictly controlled mental shields. Dumbledore knew Severus was not ready to hear that. And he decided that it would be bad form to disregard the advice that he had, in fact, given Harry about not pushing Severus too hard as of yet. But, he decided, he would be remiss if he did not voice some of his concerns.
Dumbledore began tentatively, “Things did get out of control, didn’t they, Severus?”
Silence served as Snape’s acknowledgment.
“I must admit, Severus, I am a bit concerned.”
“Potter’s fine,” Snape defended.
“I’m not worried about Harry,” Dumbledore replied.
“Excuse me?” Snape said in confusion.
“I’m worried about you, my boy,” Dumbledore said.
“Me? What the devil for?” Snape asked with marked annoyance, “I’m fine.”
A short pause passed between them.
“Are you lying to me, or to yourself, Severus?” Dumbledore asked seriously.
Snape met Dumbledore’s eyes and replied forcefully, “I really have no idea what you are talking about, Albus – so either clue me in or stop with these ridiculous mind games of yours.”
Dumbledore carefully considered whether he should indeed, ‘clue’ Severus in. But he decided to keep his fledging ideas on the matter to himself, since, at the moment, they were little more than untested conjectures.
Irritated by the prolonged silence, Snape blurted out in vexation, “Despite forcing yourself into my mind, Headmaster, you don't know me as well as you think.”
“Perhaps.” Perhaps I know you better.
The two men sat in uncomfortable silence for a long moment.
“So, tell me what happened, Severus.”
Snape sighed. “I goaded him a bit…”
“A bit?” Dumbledore asked with raised eyebrows.
“Maybe more than a bit,” Snape admitted. “But he finally did it. He cast a pretty mean Crucio for a first time.”
“You say that with pride.”
“I suppose I do.”
“I don’t know how I feel about this Severus, but I will defer to your judgment in this matter.”
“You know it’s necessary. It’s a major breakthrough being able to cast an Unforgivable. And one day, he’ll need the ultimate one.”
“I’m just sorry that that is the case,” Dumbledore said sadly.
Snape said nothing.
“So what now?” Snape asked, half-wondering if Dumbledore was going to fire him for casting two Unforgivables – let alone on a student.
Dumbledore spoke cautiously, carefully judging Snape’s reaction to his words, “Harry wants to continue his lessons with you, Severus. And so you shall.”
“Excuse me?” Snape blurted out, his eyes widening with shock. He was certain he must have misheard.
“He was actually quite insistent on the matter.”
Snape’s voice betrayed his astonishment, “Ww…what? I thought he’d want nothing more to do with me after…after the things I said to him…after what happened.”
“Ahhhh,” Dumbledore began in a significant tone, his eyes lighting up with understanding, “Is THAT why you did it?”
Snape said nothing. Instead, he took a sip of his now cold tea.