I'm Beautiful, Damn It!

A/N: Sorry it has taking so long to update. We have all been sick and stuff, but here it is, chapter 19! It’s very long but not that short. We are going to try and write more from now on, we promise. This story is extremely fun to write. Thanks for all the nice reviews!

Chapter 19


Draco got out of the car and stared at the place he would be spending Christmas break. His bedroom at Malfoy Manor was bigger then her house. Mr. Granger opened the trunk of the car and grabbed Hermione’s trunk and went in.

“Something wrong?” Hermione asked the dazed Draco.

“No, nothing.” He said half smiling at her. He slowly made his way up the walk with his trunk, there were several creatures in the yard. He looked close the see that they were animals, but they weren’t moving. He looked at Hermione then back at the ceramic animal.

“They‘re...they’re not moving! Why do you have dead animals in your yard?” He said looking horrified. Hermione started to laugh.

“What?” He said even more confused. Hermione walked over to a reindeer and kicked over.

“What....you just....the deer?” He said extremely confused and wanted to go home now.

“It’s not real. It’s ceramic.” She said still laughing.

“Why do you have fake animals?” He asked still not sure what was happening.

“They’re for decoration. You know for Christmas.” She said smiling at him.

“No I don’t know. We don’t put dead looking animals in our yard; in fact we don’t decorate at all.” He replied. Hermione looked at him and sighed before walking into the house. Draco was a little hesitant about going in. He took a deep breath and stepped through the front door.

He gasped out loud. He had never seen a house in such a state of disarray.

There were 2 plates and a cup in the sink. He looked down at the floor and saw no sign of his reflection and there was obviously a light coat of dust on the various shelves that lined the walls.

“Where on earth are your elves??” He cried in a hushed whisper. “If this were my house, they would be released immediately!”

“We don’t have Elves!” Hermione hissed back to him. “Mum does all the cleaning.”

Draco broke into an almost hysterical laughter, before stopping at the entrance of Mrs. Granger.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?!” He whispered in to Hermione‘s ear. She nodded.

“Well, you must be Draco. Hermione as told me so much about you.” She said as she went to shake his hand. Draco looked at her hand before shaking it.

Poor Draco was in a state of utter shock.

“Wait...” he began, eyeing her nervously. “If I want something...how do I get it?”

“Umm....yourself?” She suggested.

“Alright, in 5 seconds I’m going to scream like a girl!” He said, giving her a deadly serious look.

“Oh you’re not going die!” She hissed back to him. “Come on, I’ll show you where to put your stuff.”

She grabbed her trunk by the handle and walked toward the staircase.

She noticed Draco wasn’t following her.

“Grab your trunk and come on!” She said.

He looked at her like she’d just asked for his left testicle.

“Fiiiine!” He grumbled, grabbing the handle and pulling it along with him.

They reached the top of the staircase and Hermione turned into a small guestroom.

Draco looked around, keeping his hands tucked very close to his sides.

“You know,” Hermione began angrily. “If you’re going to snarl your nose at my home, you can always go back to Hogwarts!”

“No no, this will be....um...adequate I suppose.” He said, still eyeing the contents of the room warily.

“Hey,” he said. “Where’s your room?”

He pushed past Hermione and walked out into the hallway.

He opened a door to his left and found himself in what he considered a small, quaint bathroom.

He turned and headed to a door across the hallway.

“Draco, wait!” Hermione cried, but it was too late

He found himself surrounded by pink. There was a fluffy pink comforter on her bed with a matching pink floral bed shirt.

The room contained a white vanity in the corner with various cosmetic bottles all in neat, obsessive compulsive rows.

There was a large white dresser with various pictures lining it.

The wallpaper was white, but covered with pink flowers.

“Wow!” He said. “I never took you as the....girly type!”

He walked over and flopped down on her bed.

“Hey! This ones better than mine!” He squealed. “Yes, I do believe I’ll be sleeping in here during my stay...”

“But, where am I supposed to sleep??” She asked.

“Umm...the guestroom?” He suggested.

Hermione looked at him, totally unbelieving what she was hearing.

“But this is my room!” She cried.

“Yes, and I’m a guest.” He stated, folding his arms behind his head. “So you should do all you can to make sure I’m comfortable. Now,” he began, reaching out and giving her a swift smack on the rear. “I’m thirsty. Go get me some butterbeer please.”

Hermione’s mouth gaped.

“First of all, we don’t have butterbeer! We have water, milk, and soda, so take your pick! And second of all, you will get it yourself!” She screeched, rolling him off the other side of the bed.

She heard him hit the floor with a hard thud.

“You know,” he began. “We really need to get you enrolled in a Charm School of some sort. Your manners are atrocious!”

“Come on, I’ll even teach you how to do it.” She said, helping him off the floor.

They walked back down stairs and entered the kitchen.

Draco’s nose once again snarled as he looked around.

“It smells in here.” He said.

“THAT is my mother’s cooking!” She yelled, giving him a stern look. “Now, what would you like to drink?”

“Um...what’s soda?” He asked, peering curiously into the refrigerator.

“It’s like, carbonated and ...um...it has caffeine in it and....oh I don’t know how to explain soda! Here!” She said, thrusting the bottle in his direction.

He simply stared at it before gingerly extending his hand and accepting if.

He took the front of his robe and wiped it off.

Hermione rolled her eyes at him.

“So okay, what do I do with this?” He said, turning the bottle over and over in his hands.
“Well, don’t shake it up first of all! It’ll explode!” She said, giggling as his eyes widened and he tried to hand it back to her. “Twist the top off.”

He cautiously brought his hand to the lid and gave it hard twist, jumping as it popped and hissed upon opening it.

“Now, take a drink.” She said, smiling.

He carefully brought the bottle to his lips and poured a sip inside his mouth.

“UUUUGH!” He cried, as the carbonation tickled and burned at his throat. “What the hell kind of drink is that?!?”

“So you’re telling me you can handle firewhiskey, but not some soda??” She giggled.

“That is horrible!!” He cried, wiping his mouth. “Let’s try some water.”

“Okay.” She said, reaching for a glass out of a nearby cabinet.

Once again, Draco’s face scrunched.

“Can I have, like, a napkin or something to hold it with?”

Hermione’s eyes narrowed in anger.

“Okay, okay!” He sighed.

“Now,” she said. “Take it to the sink and fill it from the tap.”

He walked over and let his eyes roam over the sink before turning and looking at her, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Twist the knob on the right.” Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

He twisted it and watched the water come shooting out.

He held out his glass and filled it.

“I’m doing it!!” He cried, obviously please with himself. “Now how do I turn it off?” He said, his voice holding that same air of excitement.

“Twist the knob the other way.” She sighed.

Draco squealed with glee.

“I did it! I didn’t think this whole slumming it thing would work, but I did it!!”

Hermione opened her mouth to bitch about his “slumming it” comment, but stopped when she noticed the extremely happy look that had overtaken his face. She smiled.

“Dinner is almost ready,” Mrs. Ganger started as she entered the kitchen “Hermione dear, could you and Draco set the table.”

“Sure Mum.” She said smiling. She opened the cabinet and pulled out four plates and handed them to Draco.

“You need one more plate dear.” Mr. Granger said has he entered the now cramped kitchen.

“Why?” Mrs. Granger asked looking slightly afraid.

“My Mother just phoned and said she was coming over to see Hermione.” He said kissing Hermione on the forehead. Mrs. Granger sighed.

“I know that my mother is hard to get a long with but we can handle her for one night.” He said giving her a reassuring hug. Hermione reached back into the cabinet and grabbed another plate and put on top of Draco pile. He looked at her.

“Well,” He said.

“What?” She asked.

“Do I look like a house elf?” He retorted.

“Place the plates on the table, while I get the glasses and silverware.” She said giving him the stink eye. He gave her the stink eye back as he walked over the table and placed the plates on the small round table. Hermione set the glasses and silverware on the table.

“I should tell you a little about Gramma before she gets...” Hermione was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

“She’s here.” Mrs. Granger said very unhappy. Draco wondered why she was so unhappy to see this woman. He followed Hermione and Mr. Granger as they went to answer the door.

Mr. Granger opened the door to reveal a short, pudgy woman with fuzzy purple hair.

She was wearing a flowery night gown and house slippers and carrying a large burlap purse.

“Hello Mother!” Mr. Granger half screamed.

“What?!” called his mother back.

“I said HELLO MOTHER!” he yelled back.

“Oh...yea.” she answered, looking around the house.

Her eyes lighted on Draco.

“Whos that?!?” she asked loudly.

“That’s Hermione’s boyfriend!” Mr. Granger replied.

“What?!?” asked his mother.

“THAT\'S HERMIONE\'S BOYFRIEND, MUM!” he yelled once again.

Hermione buried her head in her hands in embarrassment.

“Hermione’s has a boyfriend?!?” her grandmother cried. “That’s good! I was beginning to think she was the gay!” Her grandmother leaned in and attempted to whisper, but was still screaming.

“Wow, the gay?” Draco whispered to her. “I’ve heard of being gay, but the gay?”

She elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

“Well, how long do you think you will be staying Gran?” Mrs. Granger yelled in what was supposed to be a polite voice, but just didn‘t have the same effect when being screamed.

“Oh, I was thinking about a week.” she replied to the shock of all in attendance.


A/N: okay, i borrowed something. The “the gay” thing came from a Margret Cho bit that I really love. I didn’t use the whole thing, just a little piece of it. okay, review, review, review!