One wish alone have I

Chapter 14 (part 2)
The snake came out of the bush

The rest of the week passed in a heartbeat. My lessons went very well and the thought that Severus was not in the room helped a great deal. It was only much later that he finally admitted he had kept sneaking in the classroom whenever he had free time. The remedial potions lessons went smoothly, too, and by the end of the week, Severus even had the tact to spend some time in the teachers’ lounge when I gave private lessons in the early evening. He noticed that his presence made the students nervous and he seemed to trust me enough with the lessons to let me teach them alone. He never failed to come back towards nine and always offered me a game of chess. It slowly became a habit and I started to anticipate his return with cheerfulness when my students were gone, which left me alone to mark assignments in his office.

After our games of chess, I usually went back to my quarters, took my cloak and left for a long walk in the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid even accompanied me sometimes, and he showed me many places that were off the path. When I ventured in those places alone, however, I usually Transfigured. I did not want to offend the Centaurs by my presence and I feared that they might escape my vigilance and surprise me with an attack. I spent lots of peaceful moments in that forest, during my routine walks. It did not replace the Carpathian Mountains, but it had its own special charms. On my way back, I usually managed to make a stop at the little stream with the lime-trees where Severus and I had spent a whole night several months before. Valerica never manifested her presence there again, but I liked to remember the sound of her voice, when I just sat there and listened to the wind caressing the trees.

The rest of my nights were usually spent cleaning the lab and working on Severus’ robes by the fireplace. I spent many hours like this, sitting in my armchair in front of a warm and joyful fire, while the harsh winter wind blew furiously outside, with Severus’ robes spread all over my legs in black cascades of fabric until dawn would force me back into my coffin for a rest.

On Friday evening, Severus asked me what my plans were for the weekend. I told him I would probably go back to London in the early evening on Saturday, and I did not understand the real reason why he suddenly became distant and noticeably stiffer when I mentioned it. My proposition for him to accompany me made things even worse; he seemed offended that I would suggest such a thing. Our conversation ended in a rather awkward atmosphere that night. To make things worse for Severus, Charles insisted on keeping me for dinner on Saturday night, so I only came back to Hogwarts well past midnight on Sunday morning; he never saw me come back to the castle. A simple question would have quickly reassured him that I was not visiting Remus on weekends, but he did not lower himself to ask it.

He did react to it, however, but in a very subtle way. Severus has always had the most unpleasant capacity to be blunt and even brutal when his anger reached explosive intensities. Nevertheless, anger was not the most salient emotion he felt about this; jealousy was taking far more room in his heart, closely followed by defeat. Therefore, getting what he wanted required him to be extremely patient, resourceful and cunning. And Severus, like any good Slytherin, could be astoundingly calculating and subtle when it came to that.

His first actions were made soon after my arrival at Hogwarts. Severus had probably figured out that trying to lower my opinion of Remus would produce even more disappointing results, as his previous attempt had been unsuccessful in keeping me away from Remus’ arms. Therefore, his first reaction was to literally overload me with work to keep me close to him as much as he could. The lab was clean and devoid of any jinx or hex that could have surprised us in a corner of the room, so we were ready to start experimenting. On Monday evening, after I gave my two lessons, he welcomed me in his office with a very unexpected offer.

“Antanasia, I have done some thinking over the weekend while you were gone in London and I figured out that, given the fact that we have the resources and the space to really do interesting projects, we should not limit ourselves to only one experiment. That would be a waste of both our capacities, do you not agree?”

“I am used to running more than one project at a time, indeed,” I answered, a bit surprised by his relative enthusiasm.

“Nobody has to know the exact purpose of our experiments, after all. Dumbledore gave us a full latitude as long as we can pretend we are doing collaborative research together.”

“I am aware of that… what do you have in mind?”

“Why should we refrain from continuing a few of the projects you had started in Zaharia?” he declared, holding out both of his long hands to show me the honesty of his offer.

“You would be interested in doing that kind of research with me?” I asked, still unsure that I could believe what I heard.

“We did interesting things the last time we collaborated together on the Counter-Photodermatitis potion experiment, no?” he commented, leaning back on the desk next to the chair I was sitting on.

“Of course! I was greatly impressed by your skills and knowledge during those two nights,” I admitted, trying not to think of the way his presence had vibrated around me, when he had stood so close behind me as we read Eminescu’s poem.

“That is why we should put our two heads together once again on that problem… had you reached your goal with the Blood potion you wanted to use as a detox treatment?”

“What? How can you remember that? I do not even remember telling you about it!” I exclaimed.

“I have a very good memory, it seems…” he only answered, plunging his dark eyes into mine.

“Well, I still need to work on that one! I interrupted most of my experiments the night… well, the night you were imprisoned,” I said, with a hint of embarrassment. “You would really be willing to work on those projects with me?”

“Definitely. I would be glad to, if you can promise that I will still have the pleasure of beating you at chess sometime in the evening,” he said, with a faint grin.

“If that is the only price I have to pay, I will pay it gladly, Professor Snape,” I said, with a luminous smile.

It was not the only price I paid, as you can imagine. However just like you, I could not have begun to imagine how high that price would be.

Nevertheless, from that evening on, we undertook three projects simultaneously. One of them, as I mentioned already, involved a lot of literature research and we spent many hours in the Restricted section of the library looking for references about pain-control potions. The other two projects required me to fully brief Severus on the research I had done so far. I must admit that he proved to be the perfect gentleman once again. He listened to my explanations with a lot of respect and, other than one or two condescending remarks about my previous mistakes, he gave many clever suggestions and our discussions were highly stimulating. And not only from an intellectual point of view.

The first time I really felt things starting to change for me was a couple of weeks after my arrival. We had started a new trial for the Blood detox potion, as we called it, and a few glitches with the compound had kept us working until quite late one evening. Severus was taking notes in the formula book we had started to write together and I was cleaning a cutting board. He was so deep in concentration that he seemed to forget my presence in the room and did not notice when I finished cleaning the apparatus we used. I simply leaned back against the counter, crossed my arms over my chest and observed him as he worked.

He was bent low over the counter, leaning on his left arm. His left hand (which had fully healed from the burn) was buried in his hair and offered a steady rest for his head. He was frowning slightly from the mental effort he was making, trying to figure out some arithmancy and mathematical operations, but I loved that frown on his forehead. Devoid of any irritability, it beautifully underlined the sharpness of his intelligence rather than the sharpness of his mood. He blinked a couple of times and rubbed his eye with his right hand, still holding his quill. It left a small spot of black ink on the side of his nose, which made me chuckle softly. He turned to me and raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Would you happen to have a handkerchief in your pocket?” I asked, with a smile.

“Yes, you need one?” he answered, fumbling an inner pocket of his frock coat.

“Please… not that it is too hot in here, but I need to treat a very serious symptom of fatigue…” I explained, taking the handkerchief he gave me. “Just wait right here.”

I walked to the sink, wet the handkerchief and rubbed some soap on it. When I came back to him and leaned back on the counter in front of him, he was more puzzled than when I left.

“You can really tell a Potions Master has to retire to his chambers and take a rest,” I commented, while taking his chin between my fingers, “when he starts writing formulas on his nose instead of the book.”

“Thank you Mum, but I can wash myself alone, now,” he said, taking the handkerchief from my hand and rubbing it energetically over his nose. “I will listen to your advice, though. I need to take a rest; just let me finish that and I will leave you for tonight.”

As I saw him wipe the soap off his nose with the other part of the handkerchief and run a hand through his hair to keep it out of his face as he bent over the book to finish his work, I surprised myself thinking that I regretted he had to leave indeed. I looked at him writing formulas that were the product of both our minds and fully seized the pleasure I derived from working with him on common projects. We did not always agree on the course of action we wanted the projects to take, but even if we argued hard at times, I always felt the respect he had for my opinion. When I came to full realization of this, inside my heart, I slowly started to admit that I was truly drawn to this wizard. I fully remembered how simply fascinated I had been by him, during his stay in Zaharia… and finally came to the conclusion that he had not lost one bit of that fascinating side after we both came back to England.

When he yawned for the third time, I gave in to a wave of tenderness and put a comforting but firm hand on his shoulder.

“Leave it to me, Severus. I hate to let you go, but I think your work is done here. I will see you tomorrow.”

I accompanied him to the door and loved the sleepiness in his still piercing eyes when we said good night. Severus always looks so human when he is tired…

~*~

The third week of February came and there was still no news of Remus. I anxiously looked at the Great Hall ceiling each time I showed up for dinner, but it always remained empty of any owl for me. The full moon was approaching rapidly and I became more and more tempted to write him a letter renewing my offer to take care of him during his lycanthropy attack; I slightly suspected that the well-known masculine pride would prevent him more and more from asking me for help with each passing night. I began dozens of letters; some were quick notes (I found them blunt) and some were a bit more detailed (and I feared the news about the amount of time I spent with Severus would hurt him). I abandoned the fight with myself two nights before full moon, telling myself that I had made him a clear offer when I left the Headquarters. It was up to him to decide when he would want to contact me again. With him being so close to the full moon, I expected that it would not be during the next few nights.

I gladly welcomed the additional marking work Severus gave me during that period.

We made a first scientific breakthrough at the very beginning of March when we finally found a stable compound for the Blood detox potion. Severus’ revolving fires and my idea of making a precisely planed combination of clockwise and counter clockwise stirring worked wonders and the magical binding of the Blood potion and alcohol worked marvellously. I was the one testing the potion, of course, so it was at the end of a very busy evening that we finally found some time to do it. I was very lucky Severus was there.

The first sip I took was a bit disappointing; I did not find the taste as salient as I had expected. I took a few bigger sips and really tasted the alcohol this time; even the burning sensation was there. We were quite enthusiastic at first and Severus went to his office to retrieve his bottle of Firewhisky. We cheered over our first victory and I emptied the small glass of Blood detox potion I was sampling.

Fifteen minutes or so later, I was carefully powdering cobra fangs to the Counter-Cruciatus potion while Severus tested the chemical and magical properties of the new Blood detox potion when I felt the first symptoms. All of a sudden, the idea I was playing with for a few nights did not seem so silly or inappropriate anymore. While Severus was not looking, I removed the stick that held my locks in a tight chignon and my hair fell loosely on my back and shoulders.

When I rose to my feet, I wondered why my legs suddenly felt as if they were made of jelly, but I ignored it and I innocently walked to one of the cauldrons. I started adding the powdered fangs very slowly while stirring the potion with my other hand, letting my hair fall very inconveniently in front of my face, dangerously close to the flames. The increasing dizziness I felt made me rock slightly on one foot and the other, which did not really make things safer. Tired of waiting for him to react, I decided to give him a little hint.

“Severus,” I chuckled, “I am a bit shtuck… stuck, here, could you please help me?”

He got off his stool and came behind me. To my satisfaction, he seemed to get the hint and did not take the powdered fangs from me nor stir the potion. He delicately took my hair off my face and held it back for me. He even allowed himself to gently brush his fingers against my neck as he did. The effect it had on me was far less sensual than it had been in Zaharia when he had done the very same thing. I giggled and twitched uncontrollably.

“Hey, watch your fingers, I am horribly ticklichsh… ticklish there!”

“Antanasia, come sit with me, will you?” he suggested, with a definite hint of amusement in his voice.

“Ah am not done yet! Just tug my hair a tiiiiny little bit longer, will ya?” I answered, still giggling in a ridiculous way.

“If you look down at your hands, I think you will notice that you are quite done, on the contrary.”

I did as he said… and realised that I was shaking an empty bowl over the simmering cauldron.

“Wow! Ya are quite an observer! Ok, just let me make my way there… oops!” I exclaimed, while stumbling over my own feet and bumping my back lightly against his chest.

“Careful there… you do not want to give me another black eye, do you?” he teased, while guiding me to a seat.

“Ya looked adorably cute with that black eye, ya know…” I carelessly said… blushing furiously after I did.

“Antanasia,” he began, raising an amused eyebrow, “I have tested the sample of Blood detox potion we made… it is definitely not useable at this point.”

“Are ya kidding me? The illusion is almost perfecht!” I argued.

“No wonder it is… your stirring process blended the alcohol so well with the Blood potion that it never evaporated after the simmering… in fact, according to the test I made, the alcohol concentration is nearly three times higher than what you would find in a drunken human’s blood…”

“Ah do not believe you! Ah cannot feel anything at all!”

“I am afraid you are getting drunker with each passing minute, my dear…. In fact, we are very lucky that you only had a very small glass.”

“Pfffff nonsense!” I exclaimed, hitting his shoulder with a very weak slap. “Too bad ya cannot taste it, because ya would know that Ah am right!”

“I would gladly let you win that argument any other evening, but--”

“Ya know what, Sheveruss?” I interrupted. “Ah think vee should get ya drunk… as a shkunk… and then Ah could give ya a little Kiss… just to make a comparison… for the advanche of zience, of course!”

“Assuming you would be able to control yourself while you perform the Kiss, which I doubt,” he teasingly argued, “who would bring you back to your quarters if we are both drunk, mmmh?”

“Ah can find my way alone to the other shide of the corridor, Sheveruss, thank you very much… and Ah do not! Ah do not want ya to think of me as a witch of easy virtue!” I answered, in an offended tone.

“I find it extremely curious that you should say that in your state!” he replied, with an ironic smile.

“Ah am as sober as a Muggle priesht, on the contrary,” I said, rising too fast on my unsteady legs that not only felt but also moved like jelly. “See? Ah can walk perfectly fine! Now, let me check on that potion again…”

Severus barely had time to catch me before I lost my balance and almost fell head first into the nearest cauldron. My inhibitions had become practically nonexistent at this point and I instantly took a step back to lean against his body. His hands stayed hesitantly on my hips for a few seconds before dizziness won the fight and made my head fall back heavily against his shoulder.

“Ok, I think it really is time for you to go to sleep,” he declared, lifting me in his arms. “I will need you to be very quiet until we get to your room…”

“Mmmmh… ok, boss…” I murmured, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaving my head on his shoulder.

He carried me to the door and, after carefully looking in the corridor to make sure no student would see us, he quickly walked to my quarters, removed the locking spells and went in. He delicately made me sit on the pedestal steps and moved back to free himself from my arms. I did not let him go.

“Ya shmell great, Sheveruss, ya know?” I purred, burying my nose shamelessly into his neck, giving him the goosebumps… “Ya shmelled like that in Jahariah and Ah liked it a lot! But Ah was too damned shy to tell ya then!”

“Were you?” he murmured in my ear, crouching in front of me before he pulled on my arms to let him level his face with mine.

“Oh yeah, an Ah am still shy now, if ya ask me! Ah am terr… terrified at times when Ah look into yer eyes, just like now! Oh, Gods! Ah did not want to tell ya that! How come Ah never get it right? How come Ah always tell ya too much when Ah should shut up… and never say enough when Ah should talk to ya? Can ya exchplain that to me?” I exclaimed, scowling at the sound of my own words and running two desperate hands through my hair.

“I wish I could, but I am not sure I would get it right either… and you would probably not even remember it tomorrow,” he said, with a sad smile. “Antanasia, you really need to lay down in your coffin and rest before you say things you will really regret.”

“Yer right, ya know… maybe we could use that potion as a new Veritasherum!” I answered, smiling as well.

“The thought crossed my mind indeed… But we will see that tomorrow, after you have sobered up, ok?” he said, removing my shoes and opening the coffin lid for me.

“Will you shtay until Ah fall asleep?” I asked, as he lifted me in his arms again to put me in the splendid oak box.

“I can do that; I bet you it will not take long…” he answered, leaning his forearms against the edge of the coffin near my head.

I rolled on my side and leaned myself on an elbow. He looked at me with feverish eyes and I did the very same. I knew I had awakened a wave of desire in him; despite my state I could still vaguely feel his heartbeat at a distance… his heart was pounding fast and hard. My own desire was burning quite intensely within me as well, for my cheeks were burning with far more than the effects of alcohol. I do not know if he was waiting for something; the state I was in sufficed to stop him from making anything bold and yet he just looked at me without doing anything to penetrate my mind and put me to sleep. His manly lips were very close to me and they slightly opened when he noticed I was staring at them. I imagined how warm and soft they probably were and mused over the feel they probably had for a few seconds before I finally gave in and clumsily sat in the coffin. I took his face between my hands and pressed my lips passionately to the approximate location of his mouth…

…only to realise a few seconds later that I was, in fact, kissing his nose.

Both our pairs of eyes were widened in surprise when I pulled back, blushing furiously. Giggling in a very silly way, I acted as if my gesture had been perfectly calculated and intended that way. I think I even gave a few friendly pats on his cheek before I lay back in the coffin, wrapping myself more comfortably in Mrs Snape’s shawl.

“Have a nice day, Sheveruss!” I murmured.

“Good night,” he softly answered, before he closed the coffin lid and walked away.

~*~

I slept for ages and despite what Severus said, I am sure he threw a sleeping spell on me because my watch indicated a quarter past one when I woke up. I vaguely remembered spending time in the lab the evening before but had no recollection whatsoever of my way back to my quarters. One of the first clear things that sparkled in my mind, however, was the fact that I was supposed to teach that afternoon. I fully opened my eyes in panic. I rose so fast in my coffin that I bumped my head against the lid. The excruciating pain that ran through my head added a few swears to the series of words that I growled while I opened the lid. I stumbled my way down the pedestal and was about to rush in the bathroom for a cold shower when I saw something on my desk. A crystal goblet filled with a green liquid had been placed there and a little note was leaning against the goblet’s base.

Good afternoon,

First of all, in case you wake up after one (which I suspect will be the case), stop panicking. I am replacing you in the first years’ double lesson and everything is under control. In case you do not remember yesterday’s events, here is what happened. You tested the Blood detox potion and I quickly realised that the alcohol level was far too high in the compound; you are probably reaching the very same conclusion now. I have left a potion that does wonders in hangover cases; drink it and take the afternoon off to fully recover. I will meet you in my office at our usual time before dinner.

All the best,

Severus (Sheveruss)

His note was probably meant to calm me down, but his signature had quite the opposite effect. The fact I had probably been completely drunk, enough to totally forget about the previous night’s events was scary enough; Severus making jokes about it was simply frightening. I instinctively looked at my clothes. I was still fully dressed; only my shoes were missing.

“Ok… I did not go that far, at least,” I thought with relief.

I was still horrified at the idea that I might have done or said things I would regret, but I chose to follow Severus’ advice. I drank the potion he gave me (its taste was probably worse than the hangover itself) and spent a very relaxing time in a warm bath. By the time I was dressed and had done my hair, the hangover symptoms were almost completely gone. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading comfortably in my armchair.

I was about to leave for Severus’ office when my eyes met his robes, neatly folded on my desk. I had finished the embroidery over a week ago and still had not given it to him. I wanted to wait for a special occasion. I quickly reached the conclusion that asking forgiveness for a behaviour that might have been inappropriate could very well be the occasion I was waiting for.

Severus was waiting for me in his office when I came in; his door opened for me even before I knocked. He was sitting at his desk marking parchments and gestured me to sit at my usual place on the other side of the desk.

“Good evening,” he said, with a hint of amusement in his voice, “feeling better?”

“Much better… your potion saved my afterlife, I must admit.”

“What do you remember from yesterday?” he asked, as I felt nervousness creep back into my stomach.

“I remember we were in the lab yesterday… and I tasted the Blood detox potion… we celebrated the success and I started working on another project… but I do not remember much after that.”

“Do you want to know what happened?”

“Of course! Nobody likes to have missing parts in one’s memory!”

“I think the best way is for you to come into my mind… it should answer all your questions,” he said, leaning over the desk and plunging his eyes in mine. “Do not abuse it, though; the moment you touch something else, I will throw you out!”

“Of course not!” I said, leaning forward as well.

What I saw was not as bad as I expected… but still, I felt quite embarrassed at the familiarity with which I had behaved with him… not to mention the strange kiss at the end.

“Thank you for letting me see all this,” I simply said, after I saw everything. “I apologise if my behaviour offended you; I was not in full control of my actions, obviously.”

“I cannot say that I was not surprised,” he enigmatically answered, crossing his arms over his chest, “but I cannot say that I was offended either.”

“Well in any case, I brought you a little present,” I replied, rising from my seat and unfolding the robes before his eyes. “Those are the robes I ruined when I caused the accident during one of your lessons before I came here. You were right; the stains did not come off. I chose to cover them with embroidery.”

He looked at the elaborate black runes patterns and the delicate work with the silver and green threads and his features betrayed his astonishment. He rose to his feet and came closer.

“You did that all by yourself?” he asked, almost in disbelief.

“Yes. I have been working on it since I arrived here. I thought you would prefer most of the patterns to be black; I hope you do not mind the coloured ones I added… those are only there for a decorative purpose…”

“You must have worked for hours…” he murmured, running his fingers thoughtfully on the embroidered runes.

“Yes… but I think it was worth it, from the look on your face!” I said, smiling widely.

“But… Antanasia, those were just robes…”

“I know… but they were yours…” I softly answered, “and I wanted to repair a bit of the damage I caused that afternoon.”

“Where did you get the patterns from? They look somewhat familiar…”

I explained the significance of the runes on his mother’s shawl and how I had chosen to place them strategically all over his robes. His smile was very tender at the mention of his mother and I knew at once that my gift greatly moved him.

“Do you want to try it on? We shall see if I successfully duplicated the shawl’s powers… which do exist, by the way, believe it or not!”

He had turned to let me put the robes over his shoulders when we both saw the flames in the fireplace turn blue… and take shape like the Dark Mark. Severus calmly removed his arms from the robes’ sleeves, walked to the fireplace, and then extended his left hand in front of the flames.

“Erdromsrom!” he softly uttered.

The Mark flickered a few times and shaped into a series of shapes. Severus looked at them for a few seconds before they vanished.

“The Dark Lord wants to meet me right now,” he announced, rather darkly.

“Is it unusual for him to summon you within such a short notice?” I asked, in alarm.

“Not really, to be honest with you,” he said, with a trace of concern in his voice.

“Nevertheless, many things could have motivated such an urgent request. The only way I will know is by showing up as ordered.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked, folding his robes neatly and putting them on his desk.

“He did not request your presence at the meeting, Antanasia…”

“But I could accompany you to London all the same! I could wait for you in the Leaky Cauldron…” I suggested, with a genuine hint of nervousness in my tone. “I do not like the sound of this.”

Severus, who was walking towards his chambers to retrieve his cloak, stopped at the door and turned. He looked in my eyes and I felt he was trying to figure out my intentions, at first. Then he seemed to hesitate. He was obviously tempted by my offer but finally opened his quarters’ door and disappeared for a few seconds before he came back with his cloak.

“Antanasia, I think you should stay here. Thank you for your concern and your offer, but I do not see how you waiting for me in the Leaky Cauldron will prevent anything from happening if it is meant to happen. Besides,” he added, putting a firm hand on my arm, “I prefer thinking of you waiting securely at Hogwarts.”

“I will wait here only if you promise me to walk by the lab when you come back so I know you made it safely to the castle.”

“I can certainly do that,” he said, with a small smile.

His eyes were two alcoves of black velvet when he said goodbye.

~*~

I knew he was back far before he came knocking at my door. It was close to midnight and the castle was completely silent. I was reading recent articles in a Potions journal when I heard a strange faint sound among the gurgles of the cauldrons next to me. A wheezing sound… like someone who was breathing with much difficulty… and who was completely out of breath.

I had heard that horrible sound before, during our flight from Zaharia.

I ran to the door and rushed in the corridor. Severus was there, still wearing his cloak and leaning against the wall to take a small rest on what seemed to be a very long and trying journey to the lab. He was catching his breath, indeed, and the air made a sinister sound each time it passed through his throat. When he saw me, he quickly let go of the wall and managed to stand on his apparently unsteady legs. He could not even stand straight and his upper body was bent at an odd angle.

“What happened to you, Severus?” I whispered, walking to him, aiming to help him walk.

“I cannot tell you here… but I will be ok, do not worry,” he panted, pushing away the arm I wanted to give him to lean on. “I just wanted to let you know I was back.”

“And you think I will just let you leave in that state? Let me take you to your quarters, at least,” I insisted.

“No, I am fine… I just need… my bed and a good night’s sleep,” he argued, walking away in the corridor. “I can make it… there alone… See you tomorrow…”

I was about to insist again when he dangerously wove on his legs and collapsed on the floor. I walked to him again and did not even let him speak. I threw the Locomotor Charm on his body and took him right to his office. He unlocked his chamber’s door with a few spells and I took him in. I walked through a soberly decorated living room that led to his bedroom. I quickly located the bed and gently put him on it, after helping him remove his cloak and frock coat.

“That looks like the Cruciatus, but why are you having such a hard time breathing?” I asked, while removing his boots.

“He hit me with the Cruciatus indeed… but chose a… very nasty target for it…” he said, with a bitter smile.

He struggled with his silk tie with very shaky hands for a while and opened his collar. His throat was severely injured; it was striped with shades of red and blue, as if someone had tried to strangle him. I was not surprised that the Dark Lord would choose such a sensitive spot for the curse, but I was horrified to see its devastating impact on Severus’ body. I tried not to wince and merely frowned, but I think he saw my eyes briefly fill with tears before I looked away.

“Are you rather cold or hot?” I asked, walking to the fireplace.

“Frozen to the bone,” he articulated.

“You wait right here,” I answered, after lighting a fire in the fireplace next to his bed and wrapping him in the blanket.

I retrieved a soothing lotion for his throat, along with a few Mandrake leaves that I found in the classroom cupboard.

“Please, tell me what happened,” I asked, while rubbing his throat delicately with the lotion. “Why did the Dark Lord punish you like that?”

“I was supposed to provide a Hypnotic potion that was to be used on one of the Ministry workers. McNair wanted to retrieve some documents from the Ministry and needed to duplicate them while the worker was under the potion’s effects; McNair has never really mastered the Imperius Curse and he needed my help. The wizard in question had been warned by the Order, of course, the documents had been modified in advance and I made a fake Hypnotic potion just to make sure everything would go smoothly, but…” he explained, pausing often to take a painful breath. “McNair took his time in the office and the stupid wizard lost control of himself. He waited until McNair turned his back to him and just ran for his life. McNair almost got caught… and obviously… the Dark Lord was not happy about this. He… \'could not tolerate such a pitiable display of incompetence\', to use his own words.”

“Why did you not tell me any of this?” I asked, in a reproachful tone.

“Did you really need to know? Dumbledore was informed and he did not think organising a meeting was necessary. I did not see the use of informing you in addition.”

“I am so sorry it went wrong,” I simply said, squeezing his hand while I retrieved the Mandrake infusion from his night table.

“Please… do not be,” he said, “it has always been a part of the game. It had been a while since my last Cruciatus anyway…” he added, ironically.

“Then you should have waited a little… until we had a sample compound to test, at least…” I taunted, caressing his shoulder while he took a few sips in the cup I held for him.

“I will try to keep that in mind…” he only said. “You do not have to wait here; I will be fine, I tell you.”

“Did you leave that fast after I was hit with the same curse, Severus?” I argued, caressing his cheek and forehead tenderly. “Let me treat you with the care you had for me. You need to sleep all right, but you will need a little help for that. You know it as much as I do.”

Severus looked in my eyes for several minutes, stroking my hand on his shoulder before he finally let go of his mental barriers and let me in his mind to put him to sleep. I stayed for over an hour, sitting at his side on his bed, watching over him. His breathing was still trying, but the infernal magical grip on his throat seemed to loosen up as time passed. If at first I felt a certain pleasure staying at his side like that, I soon felt uncomfortable. Something was chilling my heart despite the wave of warmth that emanated from it at the sight of Severus sleeping next to me.

He looked very vulnerable, all of a sudden. I did not like the fragility I saw in his body, while it trembled with little spasms even in his sleep. I seized the finality of his existence far more than I wanted, and the thought that he was a mortal really pained me. That hair was going to freckle with white, one night… maybe it would even fall. Lines would slowly cover his strong-featured face… his whole body would slowly let him down and eventually take him away.

And I would still look and feel as if I had not aged a night.

Before I knew it, I was back in my quarters, trying to chase those images away. They were a reality I had to face, but it was much too difficult to do at that moment, especially after what I had seen about my behaviour in Severus’ mind. The horrible anguish I felt prevented me from really crying over my worries, but it served as a severe warning: if I was going to walk in that path, I had better be fully aware of where that path would doubtlessly lead us.

~*~

AUTHOR’S NOTES
I hope you are enjoying the story! I would really appreciate some reviews. It does not take much of your time and it tells me if you like where the story is going or not! It’s in your best interest, in a way! Writing so much every week represents a lot of work; your comments are a valuable reward! :o) I am still writing every day and chapter 15 is on the way! Just be patient; your encouragement is always precious!