Love, Lies & Loneliness

A/N I\'m a sucker for pleasing people and I like this chapter, so here it is in all it\'s glory.

Chapter 19
(Nightly Indiscretions)

Harry sat quietly stirring the potion bubbling in front of him. Draco sat next to him adding the final touches to his observation notes from the day’s class. Snape sat at his desk intently reading through some paper work, occasionally glancing up to ensure his class was still on task. As he stirred Harry felt his gaze being drawn to the professor. Harry had never looked at Snape with anything other than hatred and disgust until just recently. Having spent so much time in the wizards presence Harry had become slowly more familiar with the professors habits. Like now for example, Harry knew that the professor was rubbing the ring around his middle finger as he concentrated hard on his paperwork, or that when the professor rose from his desk he’d unconsciously flick the greasy bangs from his face with a sharp head movement, bearly detectable to anyone not specifically watching for it.

Harry’s opinion had long since changed about Snape too. Sure Harry had re-evaluated everything he knew about Snape after Dumbledore had told him Snape was spying on Voldomort for the order last year but now after countless evenings spent with his professor one on one Harry was beginning to see Snape for the truly talented wizard he was.

Despite his lack of patients with Harry’s mistakes, Snape was in fact a brilliant teacher. Wednesday nights had become almost as interesting as Defence Against the Dark Arts class were, as Snape had begun teaching Harry the origins and aspects of Dark Arts. At first Harry had been apprehensive about what he was being told but as Snape began to instruct him, everything Harry had ever learned about the Dark Arts began to fit into place within the grand scheme of things. Harry had even learnt some more about the death eaters and their purpose.

The past few Wednesday’s Snape had taken him down into the shrieking shack. There in the hallway of the broken, tumbled down house outside Hogwarts wards they’d begun practicing dark incantations and curses. Harry had found the few he’d learnt so far comparably easy. The very first unforgivable Harry had cast seemed to have shocked Snape as much as it did Harry. The curse had been powerful and had ripped through three walls of the shack before dissipating when it didn’t meet a flesh target.

Harry under Snape’s guidance had begun to get a handle on the whole ‘transition’ thing too. Between them they’d narrowed Harry’s ‘transition’ affected magic down to those curses and hexes that were born of anger within the wand bearer. Rage and anger had been Harry’s down falling and on several occasions during his lessons Harry had become mad about a wrong spell or incantation and had literally blown Snape off his feet and anything around him.

Something else too had changed in Harry’s magic, something that Snape had refused to discuss. Harry’s power was growing with each day. Simple spells had become stronger and Harry was being forced to work hard to maintain control of things that before had been so easy to perform. With Snape refusing to talk about the power issues Harry was experiencing, Harry wrote to Sirius about it but as yet was still awaiting a reply.

Apart from the magical aspect of ‘transition’ something else had begun to happen, something, which Harry didn’t dare discuss with anyone, not even Ron.

It had begun a week after the so-called ‘meeting’ in the Slytherin dorms. Harry had been lying in bed after a stressful Quidditch match, attempting to meditate as Snape’s book had showed him.

Snape had been at the game sitting in the Slytherin stands with his house. While Harry had been intently concentrating on the game, every time he’d passed the Slytherin stands his glance had strayed to Snape. It seemed to Harry that the potions professor had taken a sudden liking to Quidditch or more particular Harry playing Quidditch cause whenever Harry glanced at the professor during the game his gaze was always on him. Harry had at first thought it unnerving but as the game had gone on Harry had become almost comfortable with the professors attention. It was this attention that Harry’s thoughts had strayed to during his meditation and as Harry’s thoughts wandered to more erotic images of what Snape’s attention truly meant parts of Harry’s anatomy had begun to respond to the pleasing visuals Harry’s mind had come up with.

Sure Harry had been familiar with the whole erection thing and had even had his fair share of wet dreams but this had been different. As he’d lay on his back with images of Snape in his head Harry had taken himself in hand and jerked himself off, Snape’s name on the tip of his tongue as he’d cum. Harry didn’t know what he’d felt afterwards, the visions in his wet dreams had always been of the female variety and he’d certainly never jerked himself off over them. It had been extremely confusing but in way he also felt strangely satisfied with himself.

It had happened again the next night and Harry had found himself on his knees his stiff cock in hand and his fist stuffed in his mouth to muffle his moans as he’d wanked himself into orgasm. Harry was sure that such an issue wasn’t talked about in polite company and he felt absolutely mortified at even thinking of discussing it with anyone, let alone someone catching him out.

While his deviant thoughts only became reality at night closed up in his bed, at random times like this during the day he’d begun to stare at Snape, his thoughts far away as he appreciated the wizard before him.

“Potter!” It was only Malfoy’s punch to the arm that brought Harry out of his thoughts. Blushing crimson at being caught staring, Harry stood hastily from his seat as he realised he’d been stirring the air, Malfoy having rescued their potion before Potter could mess it up with too much stirring.

“Sorry.” Harry hung his head to his chest as Snape looked up from his paper work to see what was going on at the front desk. Malfoy rolled his eyes but said nothing as he bottled their potion for grading and began to clear away their things as most other students were in the class. Harry helped and before long he was sitting ready to be dismissed by Snape who had just as Harry had predicted stood up and flicked his bangs from his face.

“Your assignments are due Friday, and I will accept not less than three feet. Latecomers will be deducted a grade per minute. You may go.” Snape dismissed the class and Harry got up to leave with Draco. “Mr Potter, stay where you are.” Harry froze at the end of his bench and stood clutching his textbook to his chest as he watched as the class filed out in an orderly fashion. Hermione spared Harry and sympathetic look and gestured to him that she’d wait outside. Harry nodded and turned back to Snape who purposefully closed the door with a flick of his wand after the last student had left.

“You seemed distant today Mr Potter, is there any reason?” Harry could hardly believe Snape was asking him about his health but managed to answer with a small shake of his head.

“No sir,” Harry paused and looked up from the floor to focus on Snape’s gaze. “Just thinking about exams.” Harry looked back down at the floor where he shuffled his feet restlessly. Snape didn’t pressure him into responding further and Harry watched as the professor rounded the table, picking up a newspaper off his desk as he did so.

“I doubt whether you have seen this yet with the mail not delivered till Lunch but I thought I’d just fore warn you.” Harry put his textbook down on the bench beside him as Snape handed him a copy of the days ‘Daily Prophet’. “The official ministry report on your hearing was released today.” Harry swallowed around a lump in his throat as he glanced down at the headline.

“Harry Potter’s Sex Confession. ‘I don’t like girls’.” Harry looked up to the professor to see what was going on in the professor’s mind but saw nothing but a familiar scowl. So Harry turned back to the newspaper and continued to read. “The wizarding worlds young hero Harry Potter, revealed under the influence of truth serum, that he was gay. Potter attending a hearing at the Ministry for the attempted harming of his muggle cousin told the council chamber that he in fact didn’t have a girlfriend because ‘he didn’t like girls.’….” Harry trailed off his eyes swimming with tears as he scanned the rest of the defamatory article about his sex life. When he came to the end he looked up sadly at Snape who remained passively expressionless leaning against the desk. He remembered saying what he did at the hearing but he was sure that when he’d said it he hadn’t meant it that way. When the papers didn’t get wind of it straight after the hearing Harry thought it would be buried but here in black and white his comment had come back to haunt him. It didn’t help either that his nightly exploits were playing over and over in the back of his mind, teasing him with what he now knew to be the truth.

“I thought headmaster Dumbledore would have been better suited to handling this but he insisted I break the news to you.” Snape spoke softly his hands buried in the folds of his robe as he watched Harry’s emotions carefully. At the mere mention of Dumbledore’s meddling antics Harry became angry. A rage swept through his body like a tidal wave. They just wouldn’t leave him alone, none of them would. Everyone was too busy interfering with his life to realise how much he just wanted to be left alone. As his anger swelled the room began to quake rattling the bottles on the shelves and making dust fall from the ceiling. Harry’s gaze seemed to settle on the terrible picture of him being carried from the hearing room. Snape by this time had taken two steps back from the boy in front of him, his wand drawn and aimed squarely at the boy’s chest.

“Potter.” Snape growled at Harry but Harry didn’t hear him as the pounding in his head broke loose and the crashing wave of anger broke to the surface. Within an instant the newspaper Harry had been holding was swept up in flames and every bottle in the potions room exploded in a large shower of glass. Despite the shower of glass Snape held firm his wand still pointed at the boy with steely determination. “Potter!” Snape snapped loudly to be heard above the shattering glass and the second Harry’s head snapped up from the smouldering ashes of the newspaper the chaos that had just been unleashed froze. Pieces of potions bottles froze in mid air, their contents paused mid way to the ground, and the sharp shards of glass that had been heading Snape and Harry’s way had stopped where they were mere inches from the student and professors bodies.

Harry was panting his gaze firmly locked with Snape’s who despite his calm expression had a single drip of sweat forming on his forehead, the only sign that the professor had been remotely worried. Snape’s wand was still firmly pointed at Harry and the boy looked down at it awash with fear all of a sudden as he realised who’s voice had come crashing from his lips at the peek of his anger. Voldomort.

“Harry calm down.” Snape’s voice was icy cold his gaze never leaving Harry’s. Harry was shaking now, his body physically reacting to his fear as a drip of blood ran down his face from the scar on his forehead. Harry tried to calm his breathing as he watched Snape slowly move towards him but it was impossible. Slowly Snape lowered his wand as he drew closer to Harry. By the time Snape reached him Harry was a wreck his body wracked with the shakes and tears streaming down his cheeks to mingle with the blood from his scar. When he was close enough Snape wrapped his arms slowly around Harry’s body pulling the boy tightly against his chest. Almost immediately Harry fell into the embrace as a wretched sob broke free of his lips and the tears fell freely. Harry felt Snape exhale loudly above him the man’s own fear now clearly audible. With his arms around Harry’s body Snape tucked the boy’s head underneath his chin and held him close as he spoke softly.

“Harry fix it.” Snape’s voice was unusually warm but Harry shook his head against Snape’s chest in reply. “Harry, I know you know how to fix it, cause he does. Now fix it.” Snape’s tone became sterner but Harry still shook his head against Snape’s chest. Snape tightened his hold around Harry’s body in comfort for the scared boy as he spoke again. “Your stronger than he is Harry, don’t let him win. Now fix the room.” At this Harry nodded and Snape loosened his hug as Harry lifted his head from Snape’s chest and closed his tear filled eyes. Harry felt the familiar tingling in his body and judging from the way Snape took a step back from him the potions professor felt it too. Within moments the room began to swirl about the two of them in a rush of colour and sound and when finally Harry opened his eyes the carnage that he’d previously seen in the room was gone and the classroom had been completely returned to normal, everything except the newspaper that still lay in ashes at his feet.

Looking up from the ashes Harry’s gaze found Snape’s again and for the very first time ever Harry saw a smile twitch at the corners of the professor’s lips.

“Well done Harry. That’s the difference between you and him. Power no matter how strong, is useless without control, and you’ve just proved to me you posses the control he so lacks.” Harry wiped the tears and blood from his face with the sleaves of his robe and picked up his textbook. “I’m looking forward to reading yours and Mr Malfoy’s assignment on Friday. You are dismissed Mr Potter.” With his stern mask back in place Snape turned and disappeared into his office, the door slamming closed behind him. Harry felt light headed as he walked out of the potions classroom in a daze. He had just channelled the Dark Lord’s anger then reversed the damage and Snape had just dismissed him casually without a second glance. Once outside Harry was still shaking and having glanced at his watch realised he’d already missed Defence against the Dark Arts. Still unsteady Harry headed back towards his room in the Slytherin’s dungeons; he would spend this study period contemplating what had just happened.


TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>