Beautiful Disaster

A/N: Thanks to the lovely kazfiest for betaing!

Draco stared at his nearly packed trunk and heaved a sigh. The day he’d been dreading since she’d arrived was finally here. The next morning, Hermione would Apparate to King’s Cross and he would arrive by Floo back to their lives at Hogwarts. He didn’t want to be parted from her. He didn’t even want to entertain the thought of being unable to touch her whenever he wanted. He felt he might go insane to if he spent the next several months acting as if they hated one another.

His door creaked open, and Crookshanks, Hermione’s cat, made his way inside. He stopped just inside the door and peered at him before moving more into the room and then hopping onto the bed. Draco reached a hand out and petted the feline and listened to it purr happily. To hear Hermione tell it, the cat disliked almost everyone except her. The fact that her cat approved of him filled him with happiness. The door opened the rest of the way and Hermione walked in with a soft smile on her face.

“Are you almost done?”

He nodded. “Just a few more shirts and what I’m wearing now.” He tilted his head at her. “You?”

She nodded and sat beside him on the bed, then brought Crookshanks to her lap, giving the cat a bit of a cuddle before placing him on the floor. The cat glared at her for a moment before he left the room. She leaned her head against Draco’s shoulder and took his hand in hers. “I’ve had a wonderful time, Draco.”

He placed a kiss on top of her head. “It’s a shame it has to end.”

She nodded. “Maybe we can meet more than once a week. After having spent nearly every moment with you for the last two weeks, I find that I’m not ready to give it all up.”

He smiled. “I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you in my bed.. I’ve grown so used to you kicking me.”

She looked up at him, a playful smile on her lips. “And I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you stealing the blanket.”

He turned and cupped her face in his hands. “Let’s leave the country,” he said, only half joking. “We could run away together and never look back.”

She raised an eyebrow at his request and decided to humour him. “And where would we go?”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter, does it? We’d be together without any interference from anyone.”

She closed her eyes and lowered her head. “We can’t. You know we can’t.” She gave him a small smile. “I was so worried that I’d be miserable, but you and your family have gone above and beyond to make me feel welcome.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I want this to feel like your home, Hermione. I have no desire to ever see you ‘miserable’.”

She wrapped both arms around his waist and kissed his jaw. “You realize that going back to school is going to make us spending time together much more difficult. Especially in the way you’d like.”

He sighed then grinned wickedly. “We have a lot of time right now,” he said as he wagged his eyebrows at her.

She laughed at the look on his face then leaned in to kiss him. “What should we do to entertain ourselves?” She tilted her head, a thoughtful expression on her face as she continued. “Exploding snap, maybe?”

He leaned in and kissed her deeply, his tongue stroked against hers, drawing a moan from them both. They were interrupted, however, by the crack of a house elf. Unlike Hermione, Draco’s attention wasn’t drawn away from the task at hand. His lips continued to move over her neck and Hermione devoted her attention to the tiny creature.

“Madam asks for Master Draco.”

The elf popped away and as Draco’s hand began moving over the front of her jumper, she swatted at him playfully. “Draco,” she moaned as his lips found a particularly sensitive spot, then added a bit more force behind the word. “Draco, stop.”

He pulled away with what Hermione could have sworn was a growl. “Granger,” he frowned.

“Don’t ‘Granger’ me. Your mother asked for you.”

He only frowned and stood. “Don’t move.” He started for the door. “I’d like to entertain myself with the thought of you here waiting for me to return.”

She rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at him. “Prat.”

He opened the door and grinned back at her. “Yes, but you fancy me.”

Hermione watched as he left the room and leaned back on the bed to stare at the canopy. She knew that she would have to tell Harry and Ron when she returned. Draco had become very important to her and she knew they would only continue down the same path. She wasn’t one to avoid things and knew she had to face it head on.

She only hoped that the friendship remained intact afterwards.

*~*

Narcissa was seated in her study, staring absently out the window. She felt lost without her husband. After so many years together it was foreign to her to be without him. He had never been where she couldn’t reach him by owl, and she was now beginning to feel the effects. Her restlessness was growing hour by hour, leaving a huge hole inside of her; a hole that could only be filled with the knowledge that her husband was safe and in her arms. She understood now, why it was that mates could grieve themselves to death for their other halves. He was still alive and she felt as if she was wilting away. She couldn’t imagine how Lucius was faring..

She was shaken by her thoughts as Draco placed a hand on her shoulder. “You wanted to see me?” he asked softly.

She nodded. “I did,” she said, as she stood. She walked over to a small box resting on a shelf between books. She pulled it down. “Your father and I were going to give this to you together before you left again…but I’m going to do it now.” She reached into the box and removed a set of ancient keys.

“Keys?”

She nodded. “Your father and I have taken precautions. We’re not satisfied with thinking that the Dark Lord trusts your father implicitly. Those keys are to a safe house. The only person to know its location will be you, after you read this,” she said as she handed him a piece of parchment.

He took both of them from her. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s a safe house, Draco. Should something happen to your father and me, we wanted to make sure that you were safe. The memory of the location has been permanently removed from our minds. It’s completely safe. Should something happen to us, you can use that.” She sighed. “Your father and I feel that if we’re going to put forth the effort to aid Dumbledore, we had better see that our only son is protected.”

He stared down at the keys. He knew what she meant. Should both of his parents die, he was to use the house to protect himself. He thought about the girl upstairs and wondered if she would be willing to run with him. She’d already said ‘no’, but he couldn’t help but wonder if she would if he was really serious.

Narcissa placed a hand on her son’s cheek. “Your father and I are so proud of you.”

He gave her a smile. “I know.”

She pulled him into a hug and noticed that it was she who fit against him. For so long she could hold her son and he had been smaller than she, giving her the illusion that she could protect him. Now, he stood taller than she, and she felt insignificant for the first time. She could do very little to protect him from all the harshness of the world. The thought that he was no longer hers, no longer her precious baby, filled her with more grief.

She couldn’t help the silent tears that slipped down her face. “I love you, my son,” she said softly.

She pulled back and gave him a smile and his frown deepened. “Mother.”

She waved him off as she removed a handkerchief. “Ignore me. I’m just a bit over-emotional at the moment. What with your father gone, looking for Merlin knows what, and realizing that my son is no longer a little boy but a man, I’m afraid that the tears are just going to come.”

He wanted to say something to make her feel better. He’d never been good at that sort of thing. He’d never had to do that for his mother. She’d never looked so out of control to him. She was always put together and in control of her emotions. It saddened him to see the effect of his father’s absence weighing so heavily on her.

“Now,” she said as she turned and face him once more, “go find Hermione and enjoy yourselves.”

“What about…”

“What? What about me? I’ll be fine.”

“Mother.”

“What do you want me to say, Draco? That I’m miserable? I am. Until your father comes back I’ll continue to be miserable. But that’s not for you to ameliorate. You can’t. So, go upstairs and enjoy the time you have with Hermione before you have to go back to school.” With that, she turned her back on him and took her seat back in her chair to stare out the window.

Draco started for the door and turned to look at her. “I-I love you, too,” he said softly before he left the room. As he left, she put her head in her hands and sobbed heavily. The words her son had always had been her undoing.

“Lucius,” she whispered. “I need you.”

*~*

Packing the rest of his items into his trunk only helped to fuel his agony. They were leaving today. He was once more sitting on the edge of his bed staring at his trunk, willing the days to reverse.

“Procrastinating again, I see,” came the soft voice he’d come to adore. He looked up and locked eyes with her. Her smile was infectious, though, and he couldn’t help but give her one of his own. “There’s a smile,” she said as she sat beside him once more.

He sighed and frowned. “I’m sorry. I’m just not in a cheerful mood at the moment.”

She took his hand and held it in her lap. “Draco, it will all work out. We’ll still see each other every day.”

“Yes, but as enemies.”

She shrugged. “But still. Not to mention our usual Tuesday nights.”

He frowned. “True.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “And if you were smart, as Head Boy, you would arrange it so you and I had patrol together.”

He rolled his eyes. “And have Weasley and Patil start questioning my motives?”

She shrugged. “I’m sure you could find some sneaky Slytherin way of explaining it.”

He smirked at her. “Despite what you say, you like my sneaky Slytherin ways.”

“I think it’s just fine, when it’s not directed at my House.”

He stood then, and used his wand to finish packing his trunk. “But it has to be. To keep up the pretence, that is.” He tilted his head as he looked at her. “So, you’ve really enjoyed yourself?”

She nodded. “I have. Particularly playing in the snow and all the naughty bits,” she said with a smile as her cheeks flamed.

He chuckled. “I enjoyed those, too,” he said as he sat on the bed once more and captured her lips in a heated kiss. Her hands fisted in his hair as they were both quickly consumed by lust. He pushed her back on the bed as his hand trailed over the front of her jumper, never once breaking the kiss. She moaned into his mouth as his fingers danced over her nipple, then began its descent down her body.

“Draco,” she said, breaking the kiss and stilling his hand where it had been moving up her skirt. “Sadly, we don’t have enough time.”

He sighed and rested his forehead against her chest, his hand staying where it was, caressing her bare thigh. “It’s going to be torture.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” she said as her fingers stroked over the back of his neck. “We’ll survive. Nothing ever worth it came easily,” she said softly. Hermione sat up and gave him a smile. “Come on, we need to get going.”

He watched as she practically bounced out of his room. Her cheerfulness was off-putting. He didn’t want her to be happy about returning. He’d much rather she went with his ‘run away from the world’ idea. With a heavy sigh, he called for the house elf to carry his trunk downstairs and to tend to Hermione’s, as well.

He made his way downstairs and found his mother in the parlour waiting for him to leave. She gave him a sad smile. Her eyes, normally so radiant, seemed dull and lifeless. She approached him and gave him a hug. “Good-bye, my precious boy.”

He hugged her back, realizing, as she had earlier, that she was a good deal shorter than he was, now. It was the first time he’d ever noticed just how fragile his mother now seemed.

“Write me,” she said as she pulled away and gave him a small smile.

He nodded. “I will.”

The hair on the back of his neck prickled and turned to find Hermione behind him. Narcissa smiled at her. “Hermione, it was such a pleasure to meet you.”

Hermione stared at her for a brief moment before hugging the distraught-looking woman. Narcissa and Draco were both a bit surprised, but Narcissa gave her a hug back. “Now,” she said, pulling away from Hermione, “the both of you need to remember that while you may outwardly be enemies, you care for one another. Don’t let harsh words and house rivalries destroy what you’ve worked so hard to build.” She then left the room.

Draco stared at the top of Hermione’s head and nearly screamed at her to run away with him. When she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, however, he couldn’t find it in him to destroy the perfect moment.

She could feel his despair through their bond. She wanted to comfort him, tell him that everything would work out for them. At the moment, though, she decided that a hug was the best option. “I’ve had a wonderful time, Draco. So wonderful in fact, I don’t want it to end.”

He squeezed her a bit tighter and smiled against her unruly hair. “It doesn’t have to, you know. We could run away together…”

“Draco,” she said as she pulled away to look at him.

He shook his head. “Ignore me. I suppose you should go first.”

She leaned up to kiss him. Desperation and loneliness passed between them. The end of school couldn’t come soon enough. The end of the war, either. He wanted her; wanted to be with her more than anything, and yet their current lives wouldn’t allow it. When she pulled away, she ran her hand through his hair once and gave him a watery smile. It was the first time he’d actually seen her a bit emotional about leaving. “I don’t want to leave either, you know.”

He smiled slightly. “I do now. Don’t cry, you’re going to get splotchy.”

She wiped at her eyes and turned towards the fireplace where Draco helped her load in her trunk then helped her through as well. She grabbed a hand full of Floo powder, waved with her other hand, then tossed it into the grate, and was gone. He gave her about ten minutes before following after her.

He exited the fireplace onto Platform 9 ¾ his eyes automatically searching the area for her. He found her, surrounded by red hair, and heaved a sigh. Things were getting back to normal already and he hated it. He dragged his trunk behind him and to the loading station before making his way on the train. He felt a pair of eyes watching him and glanced over his shoulder to meet hers. He couldn’t help the smile of satisfaction at knowing that he affected her just as much as she did him.

*~*

The majority of the train ride was boring. Padma hadn’t allowed for Draco to be alone in the compartment with Hermione, instead sending him with Weasley to search a compartment. They had managed to not hex one another, or even say anything at all, until they were walking back to the Prefect compartment.

Draco was about to open the door when Ron’s hand stopped him. “I know about your little crush on Hermione.”

He turned to look at the ginger-haired boy. “What are you on about?”

“I know about your crush on Hermione.”

He rolled his eyes. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Weasel. Do keep your opinions and your comments to yourself.”

“Are you denying it?”

His jaw clenched. He wanted badly to tell him that no, he wasn’t denying it but admitting it completely; he loved showing her just how he felt by having her writhe against his face every evening before he went to bed. However, he restrained himself. He then gave an evil smile. “Just because you’d sully yourself with the likes of her doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same way.”

The gasp behind Ron was loud enough that it caught both of their attention. The look in her brown eyes was like a knife to the chest. He’d hurt her, and all on account of Weasley baiting him. He longed to use Weasel’s head as a Quaffle. He moved Weasel’s hand off the door and walked inside the compartment.

Hermione stood staring at the spot Draco had vacated. She knew he didn’t mean it, but she couldn’t seem to tell that to herself. Ron approached her and sighed. “Sorry you had to hear that.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “It’s just Malfoy. What do I care what he says?” She said as she walked past her friend and into the compartment. She knew what he was trying to do, but that didn’t take the hurt away. She sat as far away from him as possible and tried to ignore the chatter around her. With that one comment she had come crashing back to reality. Their relationship was so terribly complicated, and it was so much more apparent in that moment than it had been during their entire Christmas hols together.

She could see in his eyes that he didn’t mean it and she knew on some level that Ron had baited him into it. And ever since, Ron had stayed by her side, every five minutes asking if she was okay. Since when is he perceptive? she thought to herself.

She also knew that the day when she had to tell her two best friends was fast approaching. She dreaded it. Despite whatever problems they’d had, she’d known she could count on the two of them. It would be hard to lose that. She also knew that if they were really her friends that it wouldn’t matter. But it did, and it would matter. She didn’t know who would be angrier, Harry or Ron.

*~*

School was, officially, back in session. Snape was as nasty as ever, Dumbledore just as twinkley, and house rivalry tension was at a fever pitch. She hadn’t seen Draco since they’d arrived back at Hogwarts, and she frowned at that. She had wanted to just lay eyes on him, to put her a bit at ease. It was strange how all she had to do was just look at him and it relaxed her. She felt like maybe he was avoiding her, but she felt there was no reason. His comment was perfectly in character for who they both were. She didn’t like it, but she knew that he’d played his part perfectly.

And so, when it came time for potions, where she knew she’d see him, it had made her a little happier than she’d wanted to admit. She arrived early to class and took her seat only to hear the door open behind her and a warmth settled over her. She turned and met his eyes a smile lighting her face, and a tentative one crossed his.

“Hi,” she said as he took his seat beside her.

“Morning,” he said back as he began unloading his things from his bag. Once he finished, he glanced at the door, listening a moment for anyone coming before he spoke. “I want to apologize for…”

She shook her head. “No need.”

“But I hurt you…”

She shrugged. “You had to, Draco. You did what you were supposed to do.”

He furrowed his brow. “So, that’s it?”

She looked at him, quite confused about what he’d meant. “I’m sorry?”

“You’re not angry?”

She shrugged again. “I was at first. I’ll admit that I felt confused, angry, hurt, and betrayed. However, I’ve had several days to mull it over in my head and I know you don’t feel that way. Our two weeks together were enough for me to know that you don’t feel that way.”

The sound of footsteps stalled any further conversation as they were being quickly joined by the rest of the class. Draco was surprised by her reaction. He thought for sure that she would be just furious with him for what he’d said and yet she was willing to let it go. It still made him feel badly as he didn’t like knowing that it hurt her. What he wanted was to get her into his bed where he could spend the majority of the day apologizing. With that thought, he smiled and did his best to concentrate on the lecture that Snape was giving about cauldron safety.

*~*

Harry waited in the common room until close to midnight, worriedly waiting to see Hermione come in. Of all the students in the school, she wasn’t one to just outright neglect school rules unless someone was putting her up to it. It was that thought that had him panicked. What if she didn’t have a choice about not coming back to the common room and it was too late to do anything about it? Someone could be hurting her or had taken her from school grounds just to get at him!

He leapt from the chair, raced upstairs, and quickly found the familiar map. And to think he never would have known she was in danger, if he hadn’t needed help with his Transfiguration ! He took the map back to the common room, along with his Invisibility Cloak and muttered the words to activate the map, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” and the map began to take shape.

He scoured the map, looking for her name and he heaved a sigh of relief when he saw it, but froze when he saw who was with her. “Malfoy?”

It occurred to him that Malfoy could be hurting Hermione. He clutched the map in his hand, threw the Invisibility Cloak over his head, and set about finding and saving his friend.

He followed it to the Head Boys room, finding a small bit of light coming in around the door and frowned. He only wished he had the ability to walk through walls. And just as he was about to be impulsive and knock on the door and go barging in, the door opened and out walked a slightly dishevelled Hermione and an equally dishevelled Draco appeared behind her.

Harry watched from across the hall as Draco leaned against the open door frame, one hand on the portrait, holding it open, as Hermione tried her best to straighten her horribly mis-buttoned shirt. She turned back to Draco and leaned up to kiss him, and Harry was shocked his jaw wasn’t laying on the floor.

“We should meet Thursday,” she said softly.

He smiled. “Should we?”

She nodded. “I’ll meet you here. Same time,” she said as she gave him one last kiss before walking away. Draco watched her go for a brief moment before he closed the door.

Harry followed his friend, intent on asking her just what the hell she was thinking the first second he got. And the second was when they were both safely tucked away in the empty common room. Hermione was nearly up the stairs to the girl’s dorms when Harry’s voice sounded behind her.

“Where have you been?”

She jumped, clearly startled, before she turned around and faced the furious eyes of her best friend. She sighed. “Harry.”

“Where you’ve been.” He showed her the map. “And don’t lie.”

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth before she lifted her head and walked down the two stairs to be on the same level. “I’ve been with Draco,” she said softly, before grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the stairs.

“When the bloody hell did he become Draco?” he hissed.

“Please, try to listen to me before you lose your temper. Please,” she said softly as she led him to the sofas.

“I don’t know that there is anything you can say to make this okay.”

She sighed. “Look, it’s more complicated than you realize.” Her biggest fear was slowly becoming a reality. Her only hope was that she could make Harry see reason before he cut her out of his life forever. “We’re sort of together.”

“I gathered that. Tell me how the hell it happened.”

She sighed and began to tell him everything, leaving out a few of the more graphic details for him, but when she finished they sat in silence, with Harry blinking at her. “Lucius is working with us?” He whispered.

She nodded. “He is.”

He shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before? Why did I have to find out about you and Malfoy from the map?”

“I…I was afraid that you wouldn’t understand.”

He shook his head again. “I don’t. I don’t understand. You’re telling me that you believe Malfoy when he says you’re his mate?”

She shook her head. “Of course I didn’t at first. But Harry, I feel it. I know it. I catch glimpses of his emotions. Whatever he’s feeling in strong doses, I feel. I can’t doubt that.”

Harry sighed. “It could be a spell, Hermione.”

“So, you don’t trust my judgment, is that it?”

He folded his arms over his chest. “Well, how do you know for sure?”

She furrowed her brow. “I know, Harry. Look, his father wouldn’t have turned his entire life upside down for this, if it weren’t true.”

“And you’re certain that Lucius Malfoy has changed?”

She nodded. “Harry, he gave me books to help you fight the Dark Lord. One of them a book that has spells that only a Malfoy has ever used. So, yes, I am certain.”

He frowned. “I don’t like this. At all.”

She bit her bottom lip. “I know. But I can’t change it. Don’t you think I would if I could?”

“Then end it with him, Hermione.”

She gave an exasperated groan. “I can’t. I’m his mate, Harry.”

He frowned. “Why would you change it?”

She ran a hand through her hair and looked at her friend. She wanted him to understand. She wanted him to be supportive, but she doubted that she could get him to do that.

“Because my relationship hurts you and will devastate Ron. You’re my best friend, and I don’t want you to hate me. But I can’t help this. It’s a fact. It’s my life now. And I need you to help me, Harry,” she said as her eyes began to tear up. “I need you to tell me that you don’t hate me. My biggest fear has been losing you and Ron over something I can’t control.”

Harry tilted his head as he saw that she truly was afraid of losing his friendship. He didn’t like that she’d been sneaking around behind his back all this time, but he could see that his approval meant the world to her. The only problem would be telling Ron.

“Hermione, I don’t like this or trust it, but I trust you. And if you tell me that it’s real, I suppose I have to believe…” he was cut off, however, by Hermione throwing her arms around him in a hug. He could feel her tears hitting his neck and sighed before he patted her hair.

He pushed her away a bit and frowned. “You do have one problem, though.”

She wiped at her eyes. “What?”

“Ron.”

She buried her face in her hands before she looked up at him again. “Harry, you can’t tell him.”

“I won’t. But you need to.”

She shook her head. “He won’t understand. He’ll hate me. He’ll think I chose Draco over him,” she said as she began worrying her bottom lip again.

“Didn’t you?”

She looked at Harry. “Not the way he’d think.”

“Look, he’s going to be angry either way. It’s just something you’re going to have to deal with. You can’t hide this from him forever. He will find out.”

She shook her head. “I’m just not ready to tell him. He’ll lose his temper and go after Draco…and Draco’s instinct is to protect me and his relationship with me by any means necessary. I don’t want Ron to get hurt again.”

Harry tilted his head suddenly. “That’s what their fight was all about. It was over you, wasn’t it?”

She nodded. “Draco said he heard Ron speaking in an unflattering manner about me, saying he could get me into…well, Draco confronted him and when Ron wouldn’t take it back…”

Harry interrupted, “They got into a fight.”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m just glad I got there when I did. Who knows what could have happened. Ron was already unconscious.”

He folded his arms. “Look, I’ll do my best to help you, but you will have to tell him eventually. If he finds out some other way, the entire school could find out due to his reaction. Make sure that things like tonight don’t happen again. If I stayed around waiting on you, someone else might.”

She nodded then frowned. “Why were you waiting up on me?”

He turned a bit pink before he looked at her. “Oh, that. I needed a little help with my Transfiguration essay.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled in spite of herself. “I should have known. Where are your things so we can work on it?”

“Are you sure? I mean, it is really late.”

She nodded. “I’m sure.”

He stood and walked to the table and Hermione followed. She couldn’t help but muse at the fact that no matter how much things changed, in some aspects they never would.

*~*