A Good Boy

A/N: Okay, so I didn’t really mean for this to be this long.. But I just couldn’t leave them!

Epilogue


Harry sat on his usual chair, looking out through the small window in his new apartment.

With his fortune and fame, he could have gotten the most fashionable apartment in central Diagon Alley or the biggest mansion in all of England. But he did not want that. He had settled for a tiny, two-room and kitchen house, pretty much in the middle of nowhere. No one who did not know it was there could possibly find it. It suited Harry perfectly.

During the day, he really tried having a normal life, working as an Auror and meeting his friends, talking and laughing and pretending as though everything was great. But, truth be told, everything was not great for Harry Potter. In fact, ever since he left school, he had been devastated. He still had not managed to comprehend how Draco could never have loved him. He thought about it constantly, and when he managed to think about something else for a few minutes, it was like a stab in his heart when he thought about it again.

He awoke many times a night from hearing Draco again and again saying, “Love each other? Potter, I hate you. I don’t love you. I never have and I never will. I was only using you to get what I wanted. Now leave me alone.”

And now the leaves were falling from the trees, swirling through the air before landing on his never cut, weed-filled lawn. A whole summer had gone by, and the pain in Harry’s heart had not changed one bit. They said time heals everything, but Harry had a hard time believing it. After all, many things did not apply to the boy-who-lived. Maybe this was another one of those things, and he was bound to be heart-broken and miserable forever. Maybe, just maybe, he would sometime be able to think of Draco and appreciate the time they had together. As they say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. But the pain was still too fresh for Harry to accept that.

He was just about to go to bed when he saw an owl flying against his window. He opened it and stood back as it flew through the window, settling on the chair he had previously been sitting in. He wondered who would write to him. After all, he had met almost everyone who knew his location within the last week. The owl held out his leg to him and two parchments were tied to it. He opened the one tied with Hermione’s usual red silk ribbon first.

Dear Harry,

I do not know if I should have sent you this or not. I hope I did the right thing. Draco sent it to me, and asked me to send it to you. But, remember, you do not have to read it! Throw it away if you feel like it. I do not want to see you miserable, Harry.

Love, Hermione

Harry felt like he could not breathe. He had gotten a letter from Draco. His logical side told him not to open it, that it probably said something awful and would only make his pain ten times worse. But why would he go through all the trouble of sending it to Hermione to send it to him if it was only to tell him again how much he hated him? It made no sense. Harry took the parchment and sat down with it. He did not know what to do. After a few minutes, he broke the seal, and that was when he knew that he would read it.


Dear Harry

Please do not toss this away. I know you probably do not want to hear from me, but please, just read this. If you do not answer it, I will know you want nothing to do with me, and then I will leave you alone.

Harry did not really know what to do. Most parts of him screamed at him to throw it away. But he could not deny that little part that desperately wanted to know how Draco was, and so he continued reading.

I am sorry for not writing to you earlier. I have two reasons. First, I have had a really hard time dealing with my past. For some odd reason, it has been much more difficult coping with it now than when it was all happening. And I think you know how much that means. I know that you have seen how awful I have felt. And now you know why. But how I felt back then is nothing compared to how I have felt this summer. Most of my time is spent with psychiatrists. They all say it is natural to feel like this. My survival instincts did not allow me to think of it too much while it was happening. But now, when I am safe, everything hits me at once. And it has hit me hard. It is so much to deal with. It is twelve years of abuse and rape.

For the first couple of months, I was not left alone even to pee after attempting to kill myself. Of course, I tried again and again, even though guards accompanied me wherever I went. But they always managed to stop me. I do not know whether to be grateful or not. It would have been so much easier if they had just let me die. But I must be doing some progress, because now I am left alone whenever I wish. The biggest reason for that is probably because the house is completely secured. Everything has been spelled soft, unbreakable, or untouchable. It would be very hard for me to even injure myself, let alone cause life-threatening damage.

I do not wish to be alone, though. When I am alone, I can hear His and Their laugh, and feel Their hands upon me.

Harry was surprised to taste something salty when he wetted his lips. He was not aware he had started crying. He did not know he could anymore. He had cried so much at the beginning of the summer, he thought he had emptied his tears forever.

But I am feeling better and better (thanks to the very expensive psychiatrists and very effective anti-depressive potions), and hopefully I will not live my life seeing His face every time I close my eyes. Now I can even eat something from time to time. I do not know if you had known this, but I have not been able to eat when I was not with you. I was very under-weight when I got home. But I have been force-fed nutrition potions ever since I got back, so it is better now.

And, for my second reason for not writing you earlier, I do not really know how to put my feelings into words. I have written hundreds of letters only to throw them away when I was done. Finally, I decided to write one and send it no matter how it turned out, and this is the result.

I am truly sorry for what I said and how I acted the last time I saw you. All I can say for myself is that I did it for you. I know you are probably rolling your eyes at that,

Harry, having just rolled his eyes, could not help smiling. Draco knew him so well.

but it is true. I really thought I was going to die. I thought it would be easier on you if you were angry with me. I can easily say that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Seeing that look on your face. It really broke my heart. And I know I broke your heart too, so don’t have that look on your face.

Harry laughed despite of himself.

But I have to say that I really was mad at you, for betraying me. You are the only person I have ever trusted. I know you only did it to save me, I still do not know if I am happy about it, but it still hurt. I am not mad at you anymore though. How could I stay mad at you? Now I am just sad for throwing away the one good thing in my life. I thought I would not stay alive much longer, but as you can see, I am alive.

My father really surprised me. When I got out of the car, certain I was walking to my death, he came up to me and - you are not going to believe this - hugged me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is true. Lucius Malfoy hugged his son. I have misjudged him greatly throughout these years, and I cannot help wondering how my life would have looked if I had not. Though I cannot regret it. Because had I not, I probably would not have gotten to know you. And no matter how horrible most of my life has been, I would rather live through it all again than never gotten to know you.

Anyway, when he backed away from the hug, I could see tears in his eyes. Then I did not see much more, because my mom smothered me with kisses and soaked me with tears. After that, I had to tell them everything. My father was so pale. He felt so guilty. He cried when I told him I did it because I thought it was his wish. He really does love me. And I thought he was going to kill me. It was more probable that he would kill Snape. I think he would if he could. He is safely tucked away in Azkaban though. He deserves nothing less.

I do not know if you have heard – he was sentenced to life in Azkaban. The Ministry kept everything as quiet as possible, probably thinking it would injure them if it got out that one of the teachers of Hogwarts was a pedophile. Him, as well as three of their highest employees at the Ministry of Magic. I am really glad for the secrecy; I do not want the entire world to know what happened to me. It is more than enough that I know it. All the others were sentenced too. Not to life though, but close enough. They will probably be killed when they get out. The look in my father’s eyes when I told him about that night told me as much.

I think what has been hardest for my parents has been seeing all the scars I have. They did not see them at all until mother convinced me to go bathing with them: we have been doing a lot of family stuff lately. I thought they already knew how covered in scars I am, but apparently they did not. Mother fainted. It was very hard for them to cope with all the physical pain I have been through. That is nothing to me, though. If it is one thing I have learned through all this, it is that getting over physical pain is a child’s game compared to getting over the psychological pain.

I believe my parents are trying to make it all up to me. Right now, I am being more pampered than anyone has ever been. Yet, I am not happy. I miss you so much, Harry. I know I said I did not love you, but it was a huge lie. I love you more than ever, and I do not think I will ever stop. I understand if you never want to see me again. After what I did to you, I would almost blame you if you do. But no matter what you decide to do, know that you are in my heart forever.

Love, Draco

P.S.: I never thanked you for the Christmas card you sent me. It has meant a lot to me. Thank-you very much. D.S.

Harry did not know what to do. His entire body was shaking, and he could not stop crying. It was too much. He had almost began to cope with Draco not loving him (well, not really, but he had almost gotten used to the stabbing pain it gave him), and now this?

One part of him understood why Draco had done it. He probably would have done something along the same lines if he thought he was going to die. But, on the other hand, he was so incredibly pissed at Draco for treating him like that. But how angry could he be at someone who had suffered so much? He could not even begin to imagine how it must have been. He could not even close his eyes without seeing Draco hanging from the roof, all bloody. He could only imagine what Draco saw when he closed his eyes. Harry almost felt bad for preventing him from killing himself. He could not understand how anyone would want to be living with all of that. But he had believed he could make Draco happy. In fact, he still believed it. No matter how angry he had been with Draco, he still wanted nothing more than to make him happy. And that is why he answered Draco’s letter, asking if he could meet him somewhere.

A few days later, he got an answer with another one of Hermione’s notes, saying pretty much the same thing.

I am not allowed out of our property. Come here tomorrow at 2 o’clock. Just say Malfoy Mansion.

Love, Draco

Harry was very glad he had moved into an apartment with a fireplace.


----------


The next morning, Harry awoke early. Way too early, leaving him many hours of thoughts. He made up many speeches and rehearsed them over and over again. He went from planning to go, to planning to stay, and then planning to go again. He was more nervous than he had ever been. Facing Voldemort or dragons or the Death Eaters was nothing compared to this. When it was almost two, he thought he would faint. How could he possibly go through with this? But he knew he had to, for his sake and Draco’s. He could feel it in his entire being, this was the difference between happily-ever-after and a life in torturous pain.

When the clock over the fireplace said 2 ‘o clock, he threw in more Floo powder than he actually needed and stepped into the fire. Before he had time to change his mind, he shouted out, “Malfoy Mansion”.

When he stumbled out of the, much bigger, fireplace in Malfoy Mansion, Draco was already waiting for him. For a long time they just stood there, looking at each other. It had been so long, but Harry still could not believe how different Draco looked now. He had never noticed how skinny Draco had gotten. It was only now, when he saw how he was supposed to look, that he realized how bad it had been. How could he not have noticed? And he did not have those black circles under his eyes; those dry, broken lips; or that ill shine to his eyes anymore. He looked so… healthy.

All of a sudden, Draco started crying. Harry did not know what to say. There were so many reasons for Draco to cry, he did not know which one of them to address. Instead, he took the few steps separating them and put his arms around him. It was like a bolt going through Harry’s body. He had craved this for so long, it was like a heroin addict finally getting his shot after months of abstaining.

For a few seconds, they stood like that, and Harry began wondering if he had done the right thing. But then Draco put his arms around Harry’s neck and cried into his chest. He cried harder than he had ever cried before. To Harry, it was like an electric shock when Draco finally hugged him back. It was one thing to finally get to hold him, but to be held back…He had waited so long for this, and now when it was happening, it felt even more wonderful than he thought it would. Finally the world made sense again.

For a long time they stood there hugging each other, even after Draco had stopped crying. Neither of them wanted to let go. In the end, Harry was the one to step back. When he looked at Draco, he could not remember ever seeing him so vulnerable. What happened to the boy that left him at Hogwarts?

“Could we maybe… sit down somewhere?”


----------

Draco led the way to his room. He wanted this to be private.

They sat down on Draco’s huge, green sofa. Harry sat a little too far away for Draco’s liking, but he did not dare do anything that could scare him off. When he stepped back from their embrace, Draco had been sure he would turn around and go right back the way he came, realising it had all been a big mistake. But he was still there, looking at Draco as though he had never seen him before. Draco’s stomach was so full of emotions he could not even begin to make any sense out of them.

“You look really good.”

“Thank-you. So do you.”

“No, Draco, seriously. I mean it. I never realised what bad shape you were in. I mean, you still looked great, but it’s like you’re a completely different person. I can’t believe I never noticed.”

“Well, apparently it’s what sleeping and eating does to you.”

And then they were silent. It was not an awkward silence, they knew each other too well for that to happen. More like a comfortable silence where they had both said everything that needed to be said. But that was far from true. The problem was that there was so much to say, neither one of them knew where to start.

“How have you been, Harry?”

Harry looked at him a bit accusingly. “You must know how I’ve been.”

Draco gave up not doing anything to scare Harry off and moved closer to take his hands. He could not stand the misery shining from Harry’s eyes. “I know, Harry. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. When I didn’t die, it was so awful knowing I had abandoned you without reason. Is there anything I can do to make you even begin to forgive me?”

Harry almost smiled at him, and Draco thought his insides would literally melt. Or explode. “Just tell me what I want to hear.”

Draco took a deep breath. He did not know what Harry could possibly want to hear from him. He did not know how he could possibly make this right again. “I’m… I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Oh… Okay.”

Draco knew that was not what Harry wanted when he saw his disappointed look. He had no idea how to make it better. Could he say anything that would not make Harry more miserable? More than anything he wanted to hold Harry forever, and never let go. But he was very aware of the anguish he had caused Harry, and he had promised himself not to force anything on him. If anything would happen, Harry would be the one to take the first step.

They kept silent for a minute, while Draco pondered what to say to erase some of the misery he had caused. “Oh, right, my parents want to thank you.”

Well, at least it replaced the look on Harry’s face. He looked as a goldfish on land, opening and closing his mouth. “Lucius Malfoy wants to thank me?”

“I know. I still haven’t gotten used to this new Lucius Malfoy. I have misjudged him deeply. We both have. But here’s the new Malfoy senior, and he is very grateful for your part in this.”

“My part? Exactly how much does he know?”

“They know everything.”

Draco was afraid Harry would not take this part well. And his fears proved correct. Harry was literally glowing with rage. “What? Draco, how could you tell him about us? Have you got any idea how much he hates me?”

“Harry, please calm down. Didn’t you hear me? He wants to thank you. He doesn’t hate you. You saved his only son.”

Harry still looked hesitant, so Draco took his hand and led him down the stairs. Before entering the living room he stopped outside the door. After arguing with himself – he had promised to let Harry take the first step, but on the other hand he looked so worried – he let his selfish side win and stroke his cheek with gentle fingers. “There’s nothing to worry about.”


----------


“Right, nothing to worry about.” Except that he was walking right into the hands of Lucius Malfoy. He was pretty sure Draco would not let him get harmed. But then again, a few days ago he had been sure Draco hated him. And months before that he had been sure Draco loved him. And now – who knew? Who knew what the truth was anymore? This could just be a ploy to lure him into the dragon’s den. But it did not feel like a ploy. And even if it was, even if he was walking to his death, at least he would die being happy. Because dying after getting to hold Draco again, even if it was only for a short while, sure as hell beat living a long life without ever seeing him again. So Harry sighed, but followed Draco through the doors. He focused on the feeling of Dracos hand around his, half expecting a curse to hit him as soon as he walked in the doors. But, of course, nothing happened. He looked up to see Draco’s parents standing in the middle of the room, and they walked up to them. Harry was surprised to see that, when she smiled, Narcissa Malfoy was actually a very beautiful woman. She was the first one to speak, after kissing Harry on both cheeks. “Oh Harry, may I call you Harry? It feels like I know you already. I can’t ever thank you enough. To imagine what could have happened… I’m so happy you were there for him!”

After her little outbreak Lucius cleared his throat, drawing Harry’s attention to him. “Yes, Mr. Potter, we are indeed very grateful. Thank you, for saving our son – in more ways then one. If there is anything you want, or anything we can do to repay you, please don’t hesitate to ask. And of course, we hope that you will stay with us for dinner.”

Harry was not quite sure how to respond. This reality, where Lucius Malfoy was thanking him and inviting him to dinner, was just too bizarre. They continued to look at him, so he shook his head slightly, trying to clear it from all the confusion and oddness. “Eehm… Thank you,” and he could not help adding under his breath; “I guess.”

He could see the corners of Draco’s lips twisting into an almost imperceptible smile. “It would be very nice to stay for dinner.”

“If Draco doesn’t mind, of course.” He added as an afterthought, looking to Draco for his response.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mr. Potter. Draco would love to have you here with us.”

Harry could not see anything in Draco’s face, neither acceptance nor defiance. But he would take all the chances he could get to stay as long as possible with Draco. “Then I would love to stay.”

“Brilliant, we’ll see you for dinner then. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”

And with that they left, leaving Harry staring after them in quiet disbelief. After a few seconds he turned to Draco, who was looking at him with a bit of a smug look on his face. “Told you there was nothing to worry about.”

“It’s just so weird. I guess I couldn’t believe what you said about him being quite… decent… before I saw it for myself.”

And Harry, being a bit slow, did not realize their mistake until right then and there. “Oh. My. God.”

Draco’s immediate step closer seemed almost like reflex. “What is it Harry? What’s the matter?”

He bit his lips to keep from screaming, or crying, or whatever his intense regret would have made him do. “It’s just… Why would I have to jump to conclusions about your father? How could I believe that any father would just let his son go through with all of that? If I had just not been so incredibly stupid, so much of this would not have happened. If I could only have contacted your father…”

“Stop it. Right now. I will not let you take the blame for this. You’ve met my father how many times? Three, four times, right? I’ve lived with him all my life. If I thought he would let me go though it, then how could you think any different? What if you had told him, and he was exactly as we both thought he was, and he would have killed me. Would that have been the right thing to do? None of us can change things that were. There’s no use beating yourself up over it.”

Of course Harry knew that Draco was, theoretically, right. That did not stop him from feeling immensely guilty, even more so then when he blackmailed him. “If only I would have known…”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to this summer? Did you apply for the Auror-training?”

Harry knew he was just trying to distract him, but he took the bait willingly. He did not want to think about the past. And he would not miss out on the chance to really talk to Draco, talk like they talked before when they were sitting by the lake or lying in bed together. And boy, did they talk. They talked about everything trivial, like Harry’s new apartment, his new job, Hermione and Ron’s upcoming wedding and Draco’s new interest in growing plants. They also talked about things of greater importance, like Draco’s health and their memories together, both good and bad. They only thing they did not even touch was their future. Draco did not bring it up, and Harry would not force anything stressful onto him. With everything he had gone through, with everything he had dealt with this summer, it was the last he needed.


----------

Draco was trying to enjoy the moment as much as he could. How he had longed for this, for talking to Harry again, and having him close. But he just could not escape the growing feeling of anguish. He feared for the moment when Harry would leave. Would he ever see him again? Sure, he seemed quite tolerating right now, but would it be enough for him to willingly meet him again? Could he ever even begin to forgive him for the pain he caused? He desperately wanted their conversation to keep going as long as possible, but he also knew the more he enjoyed Harry’s company right now, the more he would miss it when he was gone. If only he could freeze time, so that they could stay like this forever. Then he would be happy. But, of course, that was not possible. Much too soon a house elf popped up to tell them that dinner was ready. Draco wanted to interpret the look on Harry’s face to him not wanting their conversation to end either, but probably it was only his anxiety for spending more time with Draco’s parents.

Dinner would almost certainly have been a very tense ordeal, if not for the almost supernatural conversation skills of Draco’s mother. She kept everyone talking all through the meal, even managing to bring out a few laughs. Draco could see Harry warming up to her. In the beginning he mostly answered yes and no to her questions, and did not contribute to the conversation. But by the time the main course was on the table he was answering the questions more elaborately, and even asking a few of his own. He would have to be careful, or he might end up liking her.

When the table was cleared after the dessert, the older Malfoys got up and thanked Harry for his company. Draco noticed a big difference in his posture from before dinner; it was now significantly more relaxed. After reminding Draco that he had an appointment with his psychologist early next morning, they said goodbye to Harry and left them alone.

Draco had no idea how to do this. He knew he had to say goodbye. If he begged Harry to take him back, it would probably only give him more pain. And Draco was done inflicting pain on Harry. They walked in silence to the fireplace Harry had come from. When they stood in front of it, it was Harry who broke the silence.

“Why did you ask me to come here?”

“I… I mostly just wanted to apologize in person.“

‘And desperately needing to see you again, along with hoping you would somehow want me back, of course.’ Draco thought, not wanting to say it out loud. He would not put any pressure on Harry.

“If that’s the only reason, then you really shouldn’t have.”

The devastated look on Harry’s face made Draco want to cry. “I’m sorry. I just keep hurting you, don’t I? I try not to, I’ve tried so very hard. I never wanted to be a reason for you to regret anything in your life. I’m sorry I’ve failed with that. If I could go back in time, I would take it all back. I wouldn’t ever talk to you. At least then you would not have to have that look on your face.”

Draco glanced at Harry’s face and was shocked to see that the tortured look had a bit of anger in it now, too. Draco thought Harry would cry, or perhaps growl at him. But instead, he said with a very calm voice, only trembling with the sorrow and anger he obviously contained. “I understand if you would want to erase me from your life. But I don’t regret anything. Sure, you’ve pretty much made me feel more miserable than anyone has ever felt before.”

Draco winced at that. He had tried so hard to come to terms with how much pain he had caused Harry, and he had thought he understood. But apparently he had not come even close to the truth. The evidence was right there in Harry’s tear-filled eyes. And he was the reason.

“But all the pain in the world wouldn’t make me regret any time spent with you. Not even now, when you’ve called me here only to apologize, and in the process destroying any progress I might have made in accepting a life without you, do I regret it.”

With that, Harry’s voice broke, and he started sobbing as all the anger blew out of him like air from a balloon. Draco could only watch as Harry sat down on his knees, bending under the weight of the anguish that Draco had caused. His own tears started running down his cheek, dropping silently onto the carpeting. It was unbearable, knowing he was the reason why the most important person in his world was kneeling before him, broken down and sobbing. “Harry, please, tell me what I can do! I can’t stand seeing you like this! I love you too much for that. I’ll stay away from you, if that’s what you need. I’ll do anything to make you happier! Just tell me what to do. I just keep doing the wrong thing, hurting you even more. Please, just tell me…”

Sometime during Draco’s blabbering Harry had quieted down, and was now looking up at Draco with a mixture of emotions. “What did you just say?”

“That I’ll do whatever you want, just tell me what it is!”

“Not that. You said something about… about loving me? Did you mean it?”

Draco bit his bottom lip. He knew he should not have said it. He had promised himself to let Harry take the lead. But he had not been able to keep the words in when he saw Harry suffering like that. Even if he could re-do the whole scene would he have been able to hold it in. But it did not matter anymore. How could he keep this inside, this feeling stronger than any pain he had ever gone through. He knew he had to express it, no matter the outcome. So he took Harry’s hands and looked deeply into his emerald green eyes. “I love you, Harry. I always have, and I always will. I understand if you hate me, after what I did to you. And I won’t bother you if you want me out of your life. I’ll do everything I can to make you happy, but I’ll never stop loving you.”

Harry looked at him long enough for Draco to be petrified. He knew it would hurt more than anything had ever hurt before if, or when, Harry rejected him. But the pain would be twice as bad if this inflicted even more pain upon Harry himself.

But then he opened his lips. “I love you, too.”

Draco stared at him incomprehensibly. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I love you.”

Draco was sure he heard correct the other time. Or perhaps he had gone mad and was making it up. How could Harry love him?

But as Draco saw the look in Harry’s eyes he knew that he did love him, almost as much as he loved Harry. Harry stood up again, and walked the few steps separating them. Then they kissed, and it was the long, wet kiss they both had been yearning for. They felt it in the kiss, they felt it in their tight embrace, and they felt it in their hearts – they belonged together.

And they lived happily ever after.


A/N: Hope you liked it! :D And I want to thank everyone who has taken time to read my story, and especially my wonderful reviewers! You have been awesome! And also, many many thanks to my fantastic beta dpa06! Thank you all!


mrquecky: I wouldn’t. I couldn’t leave them there..

elphaba: They are, aren’t they? ;)

Queen of the Darkness: Aaw, thank you! :D Hope you liked this as well, even if it wasn’t so sad. :) And haven’t we all been stupid thinking so horrible thoughts about Lucius? I mean, who would want that for their son? Thank you, I am a bit proud. :D

polka dot: Hope you like this better. Because this is definitely the end. ^^

thrnbrooke: Well, I hope you liked it. ^^

Kitty: No, I wouldn’t let it end like that. Hope you like this ending! :) And thank you very much! :D