It Was Only A Kiss!

Chapter Seventeen

'Sirius...fuck...!'

Remus' hands tightened convulsively in the jet-black hair as he arched his back, pleasure spiraling through him as Sirius' fucking incredible mouth sent him tumbling head over heels into ecstasy.

Breathing hard, Remus opened his clenched eyes, muscles still quivering as after-shocks washed over him. Sirius was kneeling between his legs, teeth sunk into his bottom lip as his hand stroked his hard and weeping cock so fast it was almost a blur.

Remus tried to order his liquidized muscles to push him up; to help finish Sirius off, but he couldn't move his heavy limbs.

'Sirius...' he whispered, eyes lifting to look the Animagus in the eye.

'Merlin, I love the way you say my name,' Sirius muttered breathlessly, his other hand moving to cup the heavy, tight sac between his legs. 'Fuck...fuck...'

'Come on me.'

The words were out before Remus even realised that was what he wanted, but when he heard them resonating in the air, he was pleased he hadn't given himself time to think. He wanted to see Sirius come, wanted to feel that warmth on his skin and the expression on Sirius' face as the other boy marked Remus as his.

Sirius' eyes widened in surprise, but, even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't have stopped himself from doing exactly what Remus had demanded; the werewolf's words had stripped him of the last of his control and, with a loud cry, he came. Both boys watched as thick ropes of ejaculate landed on Remus already sticky stomach and Remus felt his supposedly spent cock throb as blood rushed to fill it. Sirius moaned - a combination of satiation and exhaustion - and collapsed onto Remus, his warm come slippery between their bellies.

'You are...Merlin, Moony. You are full of fucking surprises,' Sirius puffed, adjusting his body so he fit along the hard planes of Remus'.

Remus smiled and pressed his lips to the other boy's temple. 'I surprise myself sometimes,' he muttered, wriggling a little and flushing at his own boldness.

They lay in silence, the bedside clock's steady tick tick tick the only sound other than that of their slowing respiration.

'Mum hated that clock,' Remus mused to himself silently, realising that the oppressive grief that had been weighing heavily on his chest since he'd said goodbye to his mother was a little lighter than it had been a week earlier.

Thanks to Sirius.

The corners of his mouth turned up. Sirius had chanced being caught by Mr Lupin, sneaking into the werewolf’s room each night where he spent long hours paying Remus back for all the oral attention the other boy had plied upon him that had gone un-reciprocated telling Remus, 'You got a head start...' then falling about in laughter at his own double-entendre.

Not that he needed any bloody practice. Sirius Black really is just naturally good at every damn thing.

It wasn't all wanking and blow jobs, though. Sirius never forced Remus to discuss his mother, but carefully probed and prodded until Remus' walls tumbled down and the werewolf revealed to Sirius the true depth of his grief. Sirius was powerless to do anything for him other than hold him, kiss him and try to reassure him that, in time, the pain would ease.

And it did. Slowly, Remus found himself smiling more often and crying less and now, as the holidays were coming to a close, he knew he was ready to face another monster he'd been trying to avoid.

It was time to talk to his father about his sexuality.

'Sirius...'

'Mmm?' Sirius murmured, stretching a little then twisting his neck to stare up at Remus.

'I want to tell my dad,' Remus said quietly. 'That I...that I'm gay.'

Sirius was silent, staring up at Remus with unfathomable eyes for long moments before he asked, 'Are you sure, Remus?’

Remus smiled and tried a joke. 'What? That I’m gay? There have been some clues…’

Sirius released an amused exhale and Remus relaxed.‘I’m pretty sure the fact that you’ve had my cock in your mouth on more than one occasion means you’re a bum bandit, Moony. I meant, are you sure you want to tell him now? He’s got a lot on his plate and…well, he might not be thrilled to find out his only son fancies blokes.’

‘You think he’d be really upset?’ Remus asked with a frown.

He knew his father would be shocked, but he wanted to be honest with the only parent he had left. He bit his lip, gnawing at it as Sirius pushed himself up and reached for his wand.

‘I’m just saying that you can’t expect everyone to be accepting about it as you might like. Not even your own parents. I mean, can you imagine what mine would say?’

Remus cocked his head. ‘You’re not going to tell them?’

‘No!' Sirius said vehemently before casting Cleansing spells on the both of them. 'Gods, Moony! They are an inch away from disowning me as it is. If they found out there was no chance they could ever get a decent Black progeny out of me, they’d disinherit me completely.’

Remus frowned at him, worrying his lip even more aggressively now. ‘So you’re going to keep pretending you’re someone you’re not?' he asked, wondering where that left this...thing...between them. 'You’re going to go through with the charade of getting married and having kids for…money and a name?’

Sirius frowned, grey eyes clouding. ‘I…I don’t know. I guess I just haven’t thought it through properly. What it would mean…’

It sounded so mercenary coming out of Remus’ mouth like that, so...unappetising. Marrying to keep a name and some cash? He didn't want that. He didn't want to pretend to be someone else to please people who didn't want to know the real him. He wanted... what?

Sirius looked down at Remus lying naked and biting his kiss-swollen lip on the disheveled bed and it hit him with incredible clarity. This was what he wanted; a future with Remus - preferably naked - by his side. The realisation hit him powerfully and he blinked, trying to regain his composure.

'Stop that,' he scolded softly, leaning forward and kissing Remus' abused lip quickly. 'You'll make it bleed.'

The familiar admonishment and the gentle kiss did not distract Remus' attention from the uncertainty on Sirius’ face. He knew that marrying well and providing a child to carry on the Black name was a task that had been drummed into Sirius and his brother Regulus since they were young, and that Sirius had never even considered that he wouldn’t do it one day.

Suddenly the reasons behind Sirius’ denial of his sexuality made a lot more sense.

One doesn't throw aside seventeen years of brainwashing in a few months.

'You've already left home, Sirius,' he said softly, taking Sirius' hand in his own and squeezing it gently. 'It's not like they can kick you out or anything...'

Sirius shook his head and stood up, Remus’ hand falling from his. ‘I…I couldn’t tell them, Remus. You don’t understand what they are like...you can't. Your parents are amazing - even if they don’t like that you’re gay, they’ll still support you, they'll still love you. You don’t have to worry that they’ll disown you or blast you off the family tree. You know you‘ll always be part of something. You know you’ll always have them.’

There was a long moment of silence as Remus tried to catch the breath that had been squeezed out of him by the shooting pain in his chest at the thoughtless reminder of what he'd so recently lost. He sat up, hurriedly standing up and tugging on his jeans.

'Remus...'

'You think I don't understand?' Remus snapped, hastily buttoning his flies. 'You think I don't know what it's like to lose a parent?'

Sirius' eyes widened and he clapped his hand over his mouth, staring at a stony faced Remus in horror.

‘Fuck, Remus,' he whispered, his voice muffled, but unmistakeably remorseful as he approached the werewolf.

Remus turned his back on Sirius, pulling on his shirt. 'I've already lost my mum and now I'm facing losing my dad if he can't accept what I am, but I can't live more of a lie than I already do. I can't keep any more secrets, Sirius.'

He picked up his shoes and sat down on the edge of the bed to put them on, surreptitiously watching Sirius buttoning up his own pants then the bare-chested Animagus was in front of him, on his knees, tugging the shoes from Remus' fingers.

‘I’m so sorry,' he said contritely, running his hands up Remus' tense, jean-clad thighs. 'I’m such an arsehole. If there was any justice in the world, it would have been my mother and not yours. I’m sorry, Moony. I’m sorry.’

He laid his head on Remus thigh, wrapping his arms around him. Remus' resolve and anger melted away as his legs parted and Sirius immediately slipped between them, pressing close. His arms encircled Remus' waist, cheek resting against his stomach.

Remus put his arms around Sirius. The brunette hated apologising, but when he did, it was always sincere. ‘It's okay, Pads,' he said, lowering his head to Sirius'. 'I know you didn’t mean anything. I just...’

He sighed and let his sentence hang, knowing Sirius would understand. He tangled his fingers in dark hair and kissed Sirius lightly on the top of his head before he leaned his forehead against the soft strands, inhaling the fresh, clean scent. Light brown hair mingled with ebony as they held each other until the soft clearing of a throat broke them apart.

They looked up to see Remus’ father push open the bedroom door. He stared at them for several seconds with an indecipherable expression on his face before he spoke.

‘I think we need to talk, Remus. Sirius, you’d better join us. In the kitchen - when you’re ready.’

He turned and they heard his heavy footfalls on the stairs. Remus felt dread sitting heavily in the pit of his stomach and he stared worriedly at Sirius.

‘Shit.’

‘Yeah,' Sirius agreed, his face pale as he pushed himself to his feet and reached for his discarded shirt.

‘You don’t have to come down, Padfoot,' Remus said, but Sirius shook his head, pulling his shirt on.

‘Yes I do. I’m your…’ Sirius paused, frowning and Remus looked at him quizzically.

‘You’re my what exactly?’

‘I…I don’t know,' Sirius mumbled, face now regaining some colour as he flushed. 'I don’t know what we are, but I know I‘m not letting you face him on your own.’

He held out a hand and Remus took it, letting Sirius pull him to his feet.

'Together then?' he said softly and Sirius nodded.

'Together,' he confirmed, twining their fingers then taking a deep breath as they made their way downstairs.

Mr Lupin was sitting at the kitchen table when Sirius and Remus came down the stairs and looked up as they entered the room, eyes immediately falling on their joined hands.

‘You have something you want to tell me, boys?’ he asked mildly, but Remus could see the tension in the older man's jaw.

‘Dad…I…was going to tell you tonight…’ he began, but his father broke in, waving his hand at the chairs opposite him.

‘Sit down. Both of you.’

His tone of voice didn’t broke an argument and they obeyed immediately. Mr Lupin drew in an audible breath and looked at his son, eyes demanding honesty.

‘I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised. It's not as though you were particularly subtle...' He lifted his chin. 'You're...gay?’

‘Yes,' whispered Remus, feeling his throat go dry.

His father nodded, a muscle in his jaw jumping. ‘And you and Sirius are…?’

With a quick glance at Sirius, Remus answered, ‘Together. Yes.’

‘I see,' said Mr Lupin, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. 'And how long have you been…together?’

‘I…’ Remus began then stopped. He didn’t want to lie to his father, but nor did he want to explain that he and Sirius had been indulging in casual sexual contact for months now.

He decided to take evasive action. ‘I didn’t really work it out until a few weeks ago.’ He looked at Sirius. ‘This is…new.’

He wasn’t really lying - what was between he and Sirius now was new and so much deeper than the casual arrangement this started out as. Mr Lupin stared at them both for another moment then rubbed his hand over his eyes roughly.

‘I did wonder if you had… I heard Sirius leaving your room a few times and the way you talk about him…’

Blue eyes, just like Remus’, flicked over to Sirius, including him in his next comment.

‘You know, it’s…normal at your age to…experiment…with people of the…same sex. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you…’

‘I know, dad. This…this isn’t an experiment,’ Remus said, glancing at Sirius, who squeezed his hand under the table in support, reassuring the other boy that they were in complete agreement.

‘You’re sure?’ Mr Lupin said, and Remus frowned at the slight pleading note in his father's voice.

It was Sirius who answered this time, nodding his head and confirming, ‘We’re sure.’

Mr Lupin frowned deeply and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I see. Remus, you…you have other issues to think about…’

‘Sirius knows, dad,' Remus interrupted, deciding to get all the surprises over and done with. 'He knows what I am.’

‘He…’ The older man stared at Sirius in ill-disguised disbelief. ‘You know?’

‘Yes. I’ve known that Remus is a werewolf since our second year and I don’t care,' Sirius said firmly, his eyes daring the other man to challenge his veracity. 'It's never been an issue before and it won't be now.’

‘R…right.’ John Lupin's voice sounded a little weak. ‘Merlin, Remus. I just don’t know if I can process all this right now…’

His father looked pained and Remus winced. Maybe Sirius was right - maybe his father wouldn‘t be able to accept this.

‘I’m sorry, Dad. I can leave for Hogwarts now instead of tomorrow if you like.’

‘Leave?’Mr Lupin said, staring in confusion at Remus. 'Why would I...?'

‘If you don’t want me here right now…’

‘Oh, Remus,' the older man said, shaking his head. 'No. I don’t want you to leave; I don‘t want you to apologise if this is what you want. I just…’ He sighed. ‘I have never wanted your mother here more than I do right now.’

Remus tightened his fingers around Sirius' and felt the comforting squeeze in return as he said, ‘Me too, dad. Me too.'

~*~*~

‘It could have been worse.’

Remus glared at Sirius. ‘How exactly could that have been more painful, Padfoot?’

‘He could have come in twenty minutes earlier.’

Remus paled as he recalled exactly what they'd been doing not long before his father had walked in.

‘Shit.’

‘Remus, he’ll come around,' Sirius said reassuringly. 'He didn’t kick you out or tell you it was disgusting or anything. He’s just…in shock.’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

They were still sitting in the kitchen, Mr Lupin having gone up to bed with a shake of his head and a pained,‘I just can’t deal with this right now. I love you, Remus and your decisions are your own now. I’ll always support you but…I just need some time with this.’

Remus stood with a sigh and mumbled, 'We should get some sleep as well,' and Sirius nodded, both trudging up the stairs, stopping in the doorway of Remus' bedroom.

‘Better not come in tonight, Pads,' Remus said softly and Sirius nodded.

‘No, I don’t think your dad needs a practical demonstration of what it means to have a gay son.’

Remus made a little whining noise and Sirius gripped his hand. ‘It’ll be alright, Moony.’

‘Will it?’

Sirius nodded again. ‘Of course it will. You’ve still got me. Lucky dog!’

Remus smiled weakly then, after a slight hesitation asked, ‘Sirius, before... You said you didn’t know what we were. I...I think I need to know. Are we still just two friends doing each other a favour? Are we going to be seeing other people or…?’

He shrugged, feeling horribly girly by needing to define their relationship, but his feelings for Sirius were growing by the day and he had to know how serious the other boy was about what was happening.

Sirius seemed to understand his disjointed rambling and smiled softly. 'I think that the ‘straight guys doing each other a favour’ arrangement ended a fair while back, Moony.'

He paused then asked softly, 'Do you want... something more?’

‘Do you?’ countered Remus.

‘I asked first,’said Sirius and Remus shook his head.

‘No you didn’t.’

‘Did too.’

‘Did not.’

‘Did too.’

‘Did too.’

‘Did not… Oi!’

Remus laughed and Sirius was so glad to hear the uplifting sound that he gave in and answered the question in his usual roundabout way.

‘I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend before, Moony,' he said haltingly. 'Especially not another boy’s boyfriend, but…I‘m willing to give it a try.’

‘Hmm, maybe we could call you my lover instead?’Remus teased, relief making him feel light and a little giddy.

He wants me. Sirius Black wants to try being my boyfriend.

‘Oh, I like that,' grinned Sirius. 'Sounds much sexier; very exotic…’

Remus smiled distractedly, looking down at his fingers as they twisted nervously together. This couldn't be real. Was there really a chance Sirius could return his feelings?

‘Are you sure about this, Padfoot? You've always been upfront about your allergy to monogamy...’

Sirius' mouth dropped open in mock outrage. ‘I’m offended Moony! You think I’d cheat on you? You - who has the most incredible tongue…?’

‘Sirius.’

The brunette lost his teasing countenance when he heard the pleading vulnerability in Remus’ voice and touched him on the chin, wordlessly asking him to look at him.

‘Look, I've never done this before, Remus,' he said quietly. 'I don’t know what kind of boyfriend I’ll be. I can promise you that I’ll be messy, inconsiderate, insensitive, thoughtless and arrogant. I can promise you that I will probably be a complete arsehole more than once, a prat many times and a git almost every day.’

Remus smiled grimly. ‘It doesn’t actually sound like there are too many benefits to being with you, Padfoot.'

Sirius smiled and put a finger to Remus’ lips to silence him. ‘But I will also promise you that I will never deliberately hurt you and that I will be faithful to you. I have a lot of faults, Remus, but if I could take down the moon for you, I would.’

He took his finger away from Remus’ lips and kissed him softly. He made to pull back but Remus grabbed his face and deepened the lip lock, surprising Sirius with his passion. The brunette lost his balance, his back hitting the door jamb and Remus went with him, their lips still joined, and every inch of their bodies pressed against the other boy as they kissed.

Caught up in the intensity of the deep, powerful kiss, neither heard a door close softly down the hall.

Sirius was panting when Remus pulled back and stared at the werewolf through wide eyes.

‘Wow! That was...wow.'

Remus smiled an enigmatic smile and took Sirius’ hands in his own. ‘Stay with me?’

‘Your dad…’ said Sirius, but Remus shook his head.

‘I don’t want to do anything, I just…want you with me.’

Sirius smiled a beatific smile. ‘Well, that works out well because I just want to be with you too.’

As Remus led the brunette into his room, he knew that years from now, when he thought of this night, he’d remember this as the moment he fell in love with Sirius Black.

TBC...