HP Fandom Cliff Notes

"I am the brightest witch of my age"



"And I am simply put, the most brilliant wizard alive."



"It\'s not surprising that we should suddenly develop a liking for each other, then."



"Let\'s fall in love. I am certain I can unexpectedly develop a physical attraction, in spite of your huge front teeth that I habitually mocked throughout the years."



"Oh, I know you\'ve always loved me. You were only mocking me for my own good."



*Stunned silence*



*Hermione looks at Severus adoringly. In her mind, his greasy hair becomes soft and silky, his hooked nose becomes straight and classically gorgeous, and his crooked, yellow teeth become straight and blindingly white.*



"What should we do now, that we are in love?"



"Brew potions, all night long."



"Practice obscure, complex spells, too."



"And read..."



"And play chess...."



"Oh, this is bliss!"



"I suppose we could have sex, too."



"Oh! Almost forgot about that."



*sex sex sex*



"Severus! You are so beautiful and muscular! You are hot!"



"Your hair is so classically beautiful!"



"No, yours is way better."



*sentimental look from Snape* "Awwwww...."





*nine months later*



"The baby is here!"



*they both look at the baby adoringly.*



*Snape\'s voice trembles* "I have never ... seen... such.... beauty..."



*Hermione dabs a tear from her eye* "Oh... yes..."



In her arms, lies The BABY. BABY has bushy, greasy hair, evil glaring eyes, long crooked nose, huge front crooked yellow teeth.



*Poppy backs out of the hospital wing slowly*



*A moment later, hospital wing is flooded with people*



*someone points at the BABY* "It\'s a demon!"



"It\'s the Antichrist!"



"It\'s Voldemort incarnate!"



"Kill it!"



"Kill Snape, too!"



*Hermione, Snape, flee with the BABY to Spinner\'s End*



*Hermione weeps* "Why can\'t they accept our love, and see the beauty where it matters most?"



Snape: "Indeed."



Hermione: "I\'ve lost all my friends. And you! Why aren\'t you more upset?"



Snape: "I am quite used to people\'s utter stupidity. And I don\'t have any friends. Really, this is working out pretty much just like I had expected."



Hermione: "Awwww, you poor, misunderstood, tragic soul! I love you even more!"



*Banging on the door*



*Mob shouting outside*



*someone screams* "Set the house on fire!"



Hermione sobs, looks at Snape hopefully, "Isn\'t there a Dark Lord around or something that we could join for protection?"



Snape: "Great idea. We should do it right away. What could possibly go wrong with such a plan?"



Hermione: "Are you being sarcastic?"



Snape: "Who, me? Never!"



*Their hands lock*



"Together..."



"Forever..."



*They flee again.*



~Fin