Spinner's End

Ch 19

Raven battled her way through the rain and wind up her street towards her house. It was two o’clock on Saturday. Raven had stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work. She had decided to try to cook something for dinner for herself and Severus instead of them going out as they usually did.

She opened the door to her flat fully expecting Severus to have used magic and turned her humble home into something fabulous as he often did on the weekend for them. The house had the distinctive air of emptiness.

“Severus?” She called out.

She received no reply.

Raven sighed; she imagined that something had come up at the school. Severus had told her of one of the girls at the school being jinxed a few months back. It had cause quite a stir at the school. Severus had explained to Raven that it was a huge event in their world that extended beyond the school as the item could have killed the girl.

Raven often worried about Severus. Often at the very perimeter of her mind was the feeling that her time with him was limited. She always forced the thought back into the deep dark edge of consciousness and essentially made it disappear there. She wanted to spend more than just a short time or a bit of time with Severus. She knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She sometimes lay awake at night picturing herself dressed in flowing robes like the Halloween costume Severus had made for her, the two of them dancing at a party surrounded by all magical people. The thought always made Raven feel relaxed and content.

She began preparing the meal she had planned for them.


Raven looked at her clock on the kitchen wall. It was past four o’clock. Raven rubbed her forehead. She could feel her nerves getting the best of her as she was beginning to worry about where Severus was.

She had been sitting on the sofa watching her small television but not really hearing it at all for the past two hours. She suddenly realized that if anything happened to Severus, she would never know anything at all. She had no way to contact anyone in his world. She could feel her heart speed up. Pressing her hand harder against her forehead, she could tell there were tears touching at the corners of her eyes. Her fear was that something had happened to him and here she sat unable to do anything or contact anyone regarding him. She would never know if something tragic had happened. Nobody from his world except the old man he called Dumbledore even knew she existed.

Suddenly she gasped abruptly, certain something horrible had happened to him. Standing, she nervously walked in to the kitchen. The lasagna baking would have normally smelled appetizing to her, but now, she was unaware of her surroundings as her imagination took off with wild speculations about Severus. Raven could feel the tears running down her face, she sniffed loudly wiping the tears across her reddened face.

“ Raven dearest, whatever you are cooking smells absolutely delicious.” Came Severus’ voice from the kitchen doorway. “ Why I didn’t even know that you could cook.”

He leaned his narrow body against the doorframe crossing his arms he looked at Raven’s profile.

“Severus!” Raven exclaimed, jerking herself around to look at him. She ran towards him, her arms outstretched. “I was so worried.” She said crying out loud.

She hugged her body against him, her face pressed into his chest. She could feel rough wool fabric against her face as she cried down the front of him.

Severus wrapped his arms around her, the look on his face, one of complete shock. Raven’s emotions had once again thrown themselves into his mind. He saw clearly that Raven loved him beyond anything anyone else had ever felt for him. The thoughts in her mind were of him dead and her morning the loss and not knowing where he was and of her searching in some Scottish moor for the Hogwarts Castle.

He pulled her head against him and kissed her hair.

“ I love you too dearest. I promise to you that nothing like that is going to happen to me.” He said out loud to her but in his mind he knew that he might not be in control of what happened to him and that her thoughts could very well be his fate.

“ What?” Raven asked between sniffs “What did you say?” She couldn’t believe her ears on two counts.

Raven pulled her head back from him and looked up into his face.

“What did you say?” She questioned again.

Severus looked down in to her reddened tear streaked face. Wondering what in fact he actually had said.

“I said I love you, and that I am fine.” He said with an air of seriousness. Smoothing his hand across the back of her head.

“That’s not exactly what you said.” Raven countered. “ You said that nothing like that is going to happen to me. Nothing like what?” Raven ‘s eyes grew shrewd. You said that like you knew what I was thinking. All this time have you been reading my mind? Or something hocus-pocus?”

Severus could feel Raven’s little body tensing against his.

“I did say that.” He had been careful not to begin his response with the word ’yes’.

He took a deep breath; his eyes grew serious as he explained Legilimence to Raven. He was careful to explain the first time they met and that he had never intentionally used it on her. He told he that since sometimes her emotions ran high, he was able to see her thoughts.

“Well, I guess you could see too then if you were hurt or killed in this horrible struggle how depressed and miserable the only person that loves you would feel?” Raven asked after he had finished his explanation.

Severus didn’t really hear all of what she had said; he did though hear that she had said out loud that she did love him.

“I don’t think that anyone has ever told me that before.” He said softly, his dark eyes growing darker, his brow wrinkling in thought.


“ I don’t believe that.” Raven replied softy. His furrowed visage and his overly serious look worried her.

Severus said nothing. He ran the back of his hand against the underside of her jaw line.

“I’ll tell Dumbledore how to reach you.” He said, his gaze far away. Blinking several times, he added, “ I’ll think of another person in The Order to tell also.” This second part pained him, as he was not accustomed to letting anyone into his personal life. It pained him for other reasons too, of which he couldn’t admit even to himself at this time.

Shaking himself from his stupor of self pity or loathing, he wasn’t sure, he smiled at Raven and said,” I’m starved, my little love. What did you make for us?”

Raven noticed his changing demeanor and it worried her. She knew that he would never tell her everything that troubled him. She wished with all of her might that he would. She thought ruefully now, that even though he could read her mind, he never seemed to pick up on how badly she wanted to be able to help him and to help him she felt that she need to know more.

“ It’s Lasagna. I hope you like it.” She said smiling at him, adjusting her mood from her own brooding thoughts.

The pair made their way to the small kitchen table. Raven began chatting to him about an odd customer that she had dealt with during the day.

Finally as they ate, Severus told her that one of the students at the school drank a poisoned drink that very morning. She could hear the disgust in his voice as he relayed that it was the Potter kid that had ended up saving the other boy.

Raven listened. Even though Severus explained that the boys had been in another teachers chambers and the drink was given to the boys by the teacher and that Severus had been no where near them, she found that she really didn’t care about either of the two boys. She just thought how dangerous it was for Severus to be living in his magical world.

She questioned him about the chance there could have been in him drinking the poison. Severus responded in a conversational tone and with clinical detachment that it would have been unlikely, but if Slughorn had given the bottle to Dumbledore, as was intended, it certainly would have been possible for him to have drunk it with Dumbledore.

Raven took a sharp intake of breath at the casualness in Severus in speaking of his own possible death.

Severus, seeing her reaction, reached across the little table and took her hand.

“Try not to worry about me.” He said, a rueful look across his brow. “ I have been at this for years and I am still at it. I don’t have any intention of them getting me.” He felt the confidence rise in his voice. As he knew what he said was the truth. “ I’m a very strong wizard, I’m a worthy adversary.”

Raven shook her head.

“I will worry about you. And I don’t want to think about you being an adversary or a strong wizard or any of that. I’ll just worry.” She bit at her lower lip.

Severus wanted to tell her that he did enough worrying for both of them. He knew that he wouldn’t admit to anyone that he worried about anything. Severus led a very compartmentalized life and letting Raven into that particular compartment was not an option for him at this time.

“ Well, I wish that you didn’t have to worry.” He said, admitting to her even that much was a strain to him. Getting up he moved next to her chair and kneeled. With a gentle tug at her lip he pulled it free from between her teeth. He gave her a gentle soft kiss.

“However, I am honored that you worry about me.” He said pulling his lips from hers.


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