Up the Duff

::::::::::


Narcissa Malfoy had flown out of her son and son-in-laws room like someone had just set fire to her broomstick, just as soon as it was politely possible to do so.

Cursing under her breath, she stomped all the way back to her lovers classroom with Severus cautiously following in her wake.

Lucius had been sitting in the chair directly behind Snape’s desk as he brooded to himself about being left alone while they got to trot off and do all sorts of super cool baby stuff.

It wasn’t fair! The blond ghost pouted. Those were his grandchildren too!

Lucius kicked the bottom drawer of the desk angrily. To his great surprise, it popped right open.

Not that he was being nosy mind you, but he peered into the open drawer curiously.

A row of small jars containing some sort of viscous fluid glowed neon green back up at him. Each of the small containers was labeled clearly across the front. DUFF.

“Hmmmmmm……Vhat iz zis?” Lucius thought to himself as he reached in the drawer, and lifted the glass jar up to take a closer look at it. Whatever it was, the stuff had an almost eerie radiance about it.

Gingerly, he unscrewed the lid on the jar, and took a tentative sniff. Lucius recoiled as the horrible stench hit him full in the face. Merlin! The stuff reeked! What the fuck could Severus want with something that smelled like that?

Ever the closet masochist, Lucius took another quick whiff just to make sure that the goo was just as stomach churning as he had originally thought. It was.

Narcissa barged through the door and into Severus’ classroom just as her deceased husband was about to recap the stuff so he could later pretend he hadn’t been snooping while they were gone.

“Lucius Basil Malfoy!” She shrieked at her startled(and totally busted) husband.

Unfortunately for all three of them, Narcissa managed to startle Lucius so thoroughly that he dropped the entire jar of what he had come to think of as “Eau de’ Skid-mark.” so that it splashed all over him and the desk.

“Fuck!” Lucius choked.

Narcissa was holding her nose with one hand, and fanning the air in front of her face with the other. “It smells like several elephants did in here.” She coughed. “And they all had violent diarrhea immediately afterwards. Approximately where you’re standing right now.”

Severus held a handkerchief up over his nose. He grimaced. Gods! It was awful! His poor desk!

Narcissa retched and fled the room.

The Professor started to follow her example, and leave the nosy git to wallow in his own stench when Lucius looked up at him.

“Mordred!” Lucius spat as he blinked his watering blue eyes at Severus. “It really is revolting!”

Something caused Severus to pause for a moment by the door… then he realized what it was…. Lucius was blinking blue eyes at him.

“Holy fuck!” Severus whispered. The glowing green slime left by the Duff had caused Lucius Malfoy to grow very nearly close to being flesh and blood again. “Holy fuck!”

Severus dragged the now rancid but almost solid Malfoy down to his rooms in the Slytherin dungeons. When they stepped through the door together; Narcissa didn’t look much surprised to see either one of them. She barely even took her eyes from the book she was reading to acknowledge they were there.

She ignored them both as Snape duck marched the malodorous Lucius through their sitting room, and shoved him into the shower with three bars of soap.

Severus left him to it and collapsed into a chair in the sitting room and buried his face in his hands. “Shit!” He opined.

“Indeed.” Narcissa remarked casually without even glancing up from her reading.

Later, after Lucius had thoroughly washed himself from head to toe more times than he could count, he was finally allowed into the sitting room with them.

Severus had spent most of the last hour while Malfoy was scrubbing off his pungent aroma apologizing to Narcissa and swearing on his mothers grave that he would never deceive her again.

By the time her late husband was granted permission to join them; she wasn’t exactly pleased, but she was no longer foaming at the mouth with rage either. It was a definite improvement.

They told her everything. Tom Riddle. The writing on the board. Everything.

Lucius, while still not exactly solid or alive; was overjoyed at the changes the slime had wrought in him. He could almost actually feel alive again. Which meant that he was being an obnoxious prat at every available opportunity.

Severus was going out of his way to show Narcissa how sorry he was.

Between appeasing Narcissa, and acting as the official Malfoy referee it was a strenuous night for Snape. He gave up trying to act as a buffer between them along about midnight.

So began the war of the Malfoy’s:

Narcissa glared at her dearly departed as he sat in the chair across from her. Lucius hadn’t apologized for anything yet. She crossed her arms and pursed her lips. “Well?”

Lucius glared right back at her. Severus swore to himself that he would stay out of it. It was between them. They were both very capable of taking care of themselves, and he really didn’t want to be caught in the middle when these two went at it.

“Well what?” Lucius snapped.

“Are you going to apologize or not?” She demanded.

“You first.” The blond man scowled.

“I have nothing to apologize for!”

“Oh really?“ Her deceased husband was strongly inclined to be a little less forthcoming with his apology than Severus had been; since he was still quite peeved about not knowing how wicked his wife could be in bed while still living. “So tell me Narcissa…” Lucius had sneered then. “When was it that you first realized you were actually a filthy trollop?”

“Almost the second you dropped dead dear.” Narcissa smiled sweetly.

“Amazing I went first. After all……” Lucius growled. “You had all that practice in. Lying underneath me like a corpse for years on end.”

“That was before…” Narcissa airily waved her hand. “Since you died all I do is sit around naked all day, eating bon-bons and masturbating while Severus watches.”

Lucius leaned foreword. “Is Severus a good fuck?”

Narcissa smirked and winked. “You should know.”

“Bitch.”

“Bastard.”

“Miss me?”

“Desperately.”

So ended the war of the Malfoy’s:

The three of them talked long into the night. They laughed. They cried. They blamed, and they forgave. In the end; the fact that they all loved each other overcame the hurt and the anger.

Severus apologized again. Lucius never did, but he still managed to be extremely helpful as always, almost in spite of himself. It did seem to pacify Narcissa’s bruised ego quite a bit at four AM, when he espoused his brilliant theory that the true road to redemption was most likely paved with the three of them engaged in a kinky trio of debauchery for the rest of eternity.

Then again… maybe she was just stunned into silence.

Severus watched her nervously as Narcissa clasped her hands tightly together in her lap while her late husband continued. Her eyes went almost comically wide as Malfoy calmly explained to his wife that since he was almost solid again, he wanted to fuck both of them six ways from Sunday and twice apiece on Saturday. Then Lucius sat back, and looked at her appraisingly. “Well?” He drawled, as he raised one perfect blond brow.

Narcissa twitched, blinked and bit her lip as Severus started to panic, then……

“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!”


5 days later:


Severus Snape thought he might very well be able to get away with justifiable homicide if he strangled Narcissa Malfoy to death. And he wanted to. Badly.

It wasn’t about Lucius. Oh no. nothing as simple as that ever happened to him. They had all had the one huge stinky row about his concealing the fact of her deceased husband being in the castle after they had left Harry and Draco’s room, but then Narcissa seemed to calm down and accept that Lucius was there to stay for awhile.

As a matter of fact, she had become almost disturbingly fond of the idea of keeping both of them to herself. After all, she had had to admit that she did still love them equally, or as she so succinctly put it when once again faced with the two of them sometime later that same night. “I should skin you both for deceiving me, you big TWUNTS!”

No. No. No. Lucius had nothing to do with the reason he felt the need to wrap his hands around that long elegant throat and squeeze until Narcissa turned blue. No. The thing that had Severus happily fantasizing about the strangulation of one of his beloved’s was the fact that since she had opened her big mouth, and flippantly told Harry Potter-Malfoy that he had to tuck his dick in his sock to keep from stepping on it; Harry had been suspiciously leering at his ankles at every chance he got.

At first, Severus had just tried to ignore Harry’s unwanted attentions to his hosiery and footwear. He had assumed that the boy would just get bored with it after awhile, and that would be that. Again… nothing so simple. Instead, if anything; it had gotten worse. He could have sworn Potter was surreptitiously trying to look up his trouser cuff in potions class in the days following.

After a few nerve wracking days of this type of behavior, Severus just had to face the facts. He had somehow acquired the “Brat Who Lived” as a shin stalker.

It was indecent, was what it was. What would be next? He seriously would not have been surprised to see Harry Potter-Malfoy come waltzing into his classroom with mirrors affixed to the toe of his trainers at this point.

Severus had whined loudly about Harry’s sudden bewildering enthrallment, and subsequent hounding of his every footstep, hoping for a glimpse of an appendage that he had never even possessed; to Lucius and Narcissa.

Both of them had laughed at him. A lot.

“If it was one of their snooty ankle bones practically being gnawed on by their stupid Savior-in-law they wouldn’t be so damn chipper about it.” Severus grumbled to himself as he walked briskly down the corridor leading to the great hall.

Snape walked through the archway, and quickly strode over to the Professor’s table.

He would have avowed under oath that he actually felt a pair of green eyes scorching holes in his socks all the way there. Severus neatly tucked his legs under the table, out of the view of prying eyes and set to the business of eating his lunch.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later when Minerva McGonagall spoke to him from a few seats down the table, that he turned his head and in doing so noticed that his Godsons husband was practically standing on his idiotic head over at the Gryffindor table trying his best to peek underneath the long tablecloth covering the teachers table.

Severus pursed his lips. This really had to stop. It had to stop. NOW. Other people were going to start to notice Harry’s unnatural absorption with his feet and if anyone asked the bloody git he would probably tell them the truth like the Gryffindor fool he was, and then Severus would have everyone in the castle drooling spittle on his socks while trying to catch a peek.

Snape’s eyes narrowed. Draco wasn’t beside Harry at the moment and luckily for him Harry was so engaged with his perverted cuff peeping that he didn’t realize Severus had been watching him the whole time.

Severus bided his time until someone at the far end of the Gryffindor table spoke to Harry; and diverted his attention for a few moments.

The black clad Professor slipped from his seat at the table, and stealthily crept up behind the dirty little sock sniffer; who had just then noticed he was gone and started to swivel his big head to hunt him down once again.

Harry didn’t have to look far. Before he had even managed to glance all the way down the teachers table; Snape grabbed him by the back of his collar and summarily hauled him up from the table and out of the hall.

No one at the Gryffindor table even batted an eyelash. Snatching a student up by the collar in the Great Hall was hardly out of the ordinary when it came to the surly Potion’s Professor.

Once they were out in the corridor Severus pushed Harry roughly into a small alcove just outside of the cafeteria door, and swiftly stepped in after the flailing young man.

Snape tried his best to remain calm. After all they were just barely outside of an area where hundreds of students were eating their lunch. It wouldn’t do to lose his cool and start screaming.

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the startled vampire. “Is there something you find particularly fascinating about my current footwear Potter?”

“Ummmmm.. No?” Having been caught red handed, Harry could hardly do much but sputter helplessly.

“Don’t lie to me you ankle ogler!” Severus snarled.

“No! Professor!” Harry held his hands defensively in front of his chest. “Its nothing like that!”

“Really?” Snape arched one black brow knowingly. “Because it would seem that you have been particularly taken with my shoes and my scintillating choice of sock as of late.”

“No sir.” Harry blushed blood red. “I swear to you its nothing like that.”

“That’s very good.” Snape narrowed his eyes at the young man and hissed venomously. “Because I would hate to have to murder you in cold blood in front of all these witnesses.”

“No Professor! I swear!” Harry looked frantic. “Please believe me! I would never look at any part of your anatomy without the utmost respect.”

Severus gritted his teeth. Despite all evidence to the contrary; he believed the imbecile. Maybe it was just that he still couldn’t wrap his mind around the thought that Harry James Potter-Malfoy was perving over his bony ankles, but he believed him.

“Explain yourself.” Severus sighed loudly. His head was really starting to throb.

“I-I was just curious.” Harry admitted sheepishly. “I wasn’t lusting after your feet…. I just wanted to know if what Narcissa had said was true.” He was busy staring down at his own shoes now. “I d-didn’t think you would just tell me if I asked.”

Severus closed his eyes and groaned. Why the fuck did this shit always happen to him?

Snape opened his eyes, and the piercing black gaze nearly pinned Harry to the wall. “Listen to me well Potter….” The man looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh hysterically, or burst out crying. “Because I’m only going to say this once….” Harry nodded his understanding. “The Duff had absolutely no effect whatsoever on the size of my bloody prick!”

The Professor stared at Harry as he waited for the information to penetrate that thick skull. “Is that clear enough for you?” Severus spoke very slowly, as though he were trying to explain nuclear physics to a exceptionally dim-witted two year old.

“Y-yes. Thank you Professor.” Harry blushed scarlet again. “I… ummm… I…”

“Potter…” Severus said with a deadly lilt to his voice. “We will never speak of this again.”

“Of course not sir…” Harry quickly nodded his agreement.

“Return and finish what is left of your lunch then…” Snape said dismissively, and with an abrupt turn the dark haired man swept out of the alcove they were hidden in.

Harry slowly released a breath he hadn’t even been aware he’d been holding.


Severus decided to duck out of teaching his potions class for one of the few times in his long career that afternoon. He informed Minerva that Draco would be substituting for him, and the class could have a study period.

After his little conversation with Harry his head really was killing him. Minerva nodded her head, and told him to get some rest while sympathetically patting his arm.

Severus guzzled a headache potion as soon as he entered the room, and went to shower without speaking to either of the Malfoy’s lounging around in his quarters. Spoiled brats.

Snape collapsed into his king sized bed wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist as soon as he finished with a quick shower.

Narcissa smoothed his damp hair back from his brow as she came in the bedroom and lay down beside him on the huge bed. “Severus… we’ve been talking.”

Severus felt Lucius settling down on his other side. Warily he opened his eyes and looked at both of them.

“We decided that we probably owed you an apology.” Lucius looked guilty. “You were right, the thought of Harry lusting after any of us is just down right creepy.”

Narcissa nodded. “He’s Draco’s husband for Merlin’s sake.” She stuck her tongue out at the thought. “Yuck.”

“Yuck indeed.” Severus quipped dryly.

“Don’t be like that Sev.” Narcissa nuzzled his neck. “We really are sorry.”

The headache potion had finally kicked in. His head felt much better, and Severus could feel his body starting to respond to Narcissa’s advances.

“We really are Severus.” Lucius smiled as he stroked his fingertips along Snape’s naked chest.

Severus shuddered. Lucius’ touch was like a hot breath ghosting across his skin.

“We really, really are.” Narcissa nipped along his earlobe as she sneaked his towel off.

“Prove it.” Severus gasped as Lucius teased and twisted his nipple.

“How would you like us to do that Sev?” Lucius said with a wicked grin.

“After the way you both misbehaved…” Severus said sternly. “I think the very least you two can do for me is to give me a blowjob.”

“Right you are my darling.” Narcissa murmured as she slithered her way down to rest between his spread legs. Severus sighed with delight as her sweet pink lips closed around the leaking head of his cock.

Lucius licked a trail of fire from his belly button down to his groin. “But of course.” The eldest Malfoy male purred, just before engulfing Severus’ other cock all the way down his otherworldly throat.

Apparently, ghost didn’t have a gag reflex.

Severus groaned with satisfaction as two blond heads bobbed rhythmically in his lap.

He had to admit that both Malfoy’s were simply excellent at sucking cock.

Which was really a good thing, he thought as he watched husband and wife work in tandem to pleasure him; because he had had two dicks every since the day after his run in with the bloody Duff.

Snape found himself smirking. He had told Potter the truth basically. His prick really hadn’t changed in size or shape after getting slimed. Now he just had two of them.

He watched as Lucius leaned over and smooched Narcissa. Their tongues twined sinfully around the drooling heads of his cocks as they shared both a kiss and his flesh as one.

Sometimes, its truly was good to be a Prince.

tbc...