Born in Frustration

~Chapter Eighteen: Draco’s Patronous~

Harry shivered at Draco’s words. He didn’t know if he liked the implication, as he wasn’t sure if he felt like he was ready for anything more than snogging. He was still trying to understand his new feelings for his former enemy and what that might mean about his own sexuality. It was all too confusing.

Draco seemed to read Harry’s thoughts. “Don’t look so worried, Harry,” he said gently. Harry looked up at Draco sharply. “I’m only teasing you. Don’t be such a Gryffindor. I said I wouldn’t leave you alone and that I would protect you and I meant it.”

Draco reached out tentatively, brushing the hair from Harry’s eyes. “This is all new for me too, so I promise that we won’t do anything neither of us is ready for,” he told Harry softly.

Harry smiled slightly and nodded, relief evident in his expression. “Thanks, Draco, for everything – I mean – you know, staying with me and helping me.”

“Alright, enough mushy stuff!” Draco exclaimed his cheeks pinking slightly. If Harry was going to get emotional, a change in subject was obviously needed. “Now, Binty will be back soon. We’ll get you fed up and finish up our summer work, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, moving to sit at the kitchen table. As if on cue, Binty popped back into the kitchen with a hamper full of food.

“Ah, Binty, hang on a moment will you?” Draco said, “I want you to take a note back to the manor.” Draco looked about the kitchen for something to write with. “Harry, I need to write my mother and tell her I will be staying with a ‘friend’ for a few days…”

“You’re staying here, Draco?” Harry questioned.

“Of course,” Draco replied nonchalantly. “Parchment, ink, Harry…”

Harry, realising that Muggle paper and ink would be suspicious, got up and ran back to his room to retrieve what Draco needed. Hurrying back, he placed the ink and quills on the table and handed Draco some parchment.

Draco wrote two notes and after sealing both, handed them to the elf. “Don’t confuse the two, Binty. One note is for mother, the second for my godfather.” Draco gave the elf the notes. “And when you return with supper, please bring some of my things with you, enough for several days.” Binty nodded in understanding then popped away.

Harry wanted to ask why Draco was writing to Snape, but his stomach growled noisily, distracting him from his thoughts.

The two boys settled down to a late lunch then got out their summer work. They worked companionably for several hours, helping each other when needed.

Draco found that Harry was extremely knowledgeable in DADA and explained things in a manner that made it easy to understand. Draco had always viewed Defence as just practical work – learn the spell, cast the spell. He had never before considered that there was anymore to it, but Harry was able to explain the method behind the spells in a way that made it both more interesting and original. Draco felt Harry would make an excellent teacher some day and told him so…

They were discussing the Patronus Charm in preparation for NEWT levels; Draco well remembered sitting their OWL practical and Harry casting that particular charm. He had been awed and jealous of Harry at the time and had stalked back to his room that night, looking up Patronus and attempting the charm himself. It had been a dismal failure.

“You’re thinking too much, Draco,” Harry told him.

“What do you mean?” Draco sneered, his failure making his anger sharp.

“You need to focus on one thing, one very happy thought,” Harry said calmly, ignoring Draco’s temper. “It needs to be a something that fills you with happiness. Does that make sense?”

Draco shook his head. Harry scrunched his nose up in consideration. “When I first cast the charm successfully, I mean as a fully corporeal Patronus, I was thinking about my godfather,” Harry said sadly, the memory of Sirius still raw. “He had asked me to come and live with him, offering me a chance to never come back here again. The Dementors were surrounding Sirius by the lake, they were going to give him the Kiss. I thought of him, of what losing him would mean.

"Sirius connected me to my parents in a way I’d never had before and he was an escape from Privet Drive. I was afraid that I would lose him before I ever really had him and it filled me with something, not really love or joy, but it was a positive feeling, like I knew I could save him and it was powerful and it worked. I created my Patronus that night, Prongs, and he chased away all the Dementors.”

Harry ended his explanation and Draco could see the sadness in Harry’s eyes.

“That’s not exactly happy, Harry,” Draco said softly.

“I know,” Harry answered. “I’ve been thinking about that and I think, for me, the feeling just needs to be strong and powerful. But I’ve found that the best way for others to learn is to focus on a really happy memory. Something that can fill you up and isn’t negative, like hate.” Harry wiped his eyes and looked up at Draco. “During my OWL practical, I was thinking about Umbridge getting fired and making a spectacular scene,” he said with a sly smile. Draco snorted, holding back a laugh.

“Wait a minute, Prongs?” Draco said incredulously. “Potter, you named your Patronus?”

Harry blushed furiously. “Um, yeah, well – you see my dad was an Animagus. His form was a stag and his friends nicknamed him Prongs,” he mumbled embarrassingly.

Draco nodded in understanding. His expression softened as he remembered the form Harry’s Patronus took that day.

“Okay, so, I just need to find a memory that fills me with positive emotions?” Draco asked, hoping to change Harry’s mood.

Harry sat up a bit and focused on Draco. “Yes, not just any happy memory, but one that completely fills you with joy.” Harry watched Draco search for his memory. “Think of the happiest you have ever been,” he said encouragingly, “then say the words, ‘Expecto Patronum.’”

Draco tried and tried, focusing on all the happy memories of his childhood. He was getting frustrated as nothing seemed to work.

“I don’t understand…,” he said angrily.

The two boys were standing in the hall in front of the kitchen door as Draco tried over and over, selecting different memories with no success. Harry grasped Draco’s arms and turned the taller boy to face him.

“Listen, Draco, focus on something that holds a positive feeling. Not on material things, like receiving your first broom or some such nonsense.” Draco looked surprised. He had been focusing on happy birthdays and Yule holidays. He wondered how Harry had worked that out. “It’s not a hard leap, my friend,” Harry said with a grin, “you’re a Malfoy and a bit spoilt, too.”

“Shut up!” Draco whined.

“Do you want to learn to do this properly, Malfoy?” Harry asked.

“Of course I do,” Draco spat.

“Then listen to me. Go back through your memories and look for a feeling of joy that isn’t focused on material things. Look for something that made you happy, the happiest you’ve ever been. Look for something filled with love. Focus on love,” Harry demanded. “Love is a powerful emotion, Malfoy, it can conquer nations, if given a chance. Defensive magic works best when the focus is a positive emotion and nothing is more positive than love.”

Draco thought that Harry was, perhaps, out of his mind, but when he looked at him, he could see the confidence the boy had in his words. Harry’s eyes sparkled with determination and authority. So, with nothing to lose, Draco closed his eyes and reached back into his mind and looked for what Harry asked him too. A memory filled with love. Draco thought and thought until he arrived upon a memory, long forgotten…

He had been out in the country with his mother, just the two of them, walking, hand in hand. Draco had been about eight years old. They had come upon a group of boys picking on another smaller boy and Draco remembered getting very angry. He had stormed over to the group, wand drawn, demanding they leave the boy alone. When the group had turned on him, he brandished his wand and cast a few hexes on some of the larger boys. The group fled howling as one, leaving the smaller boy crying in the dirt.

Draco had asked him if he was alright then offered his and his mother’s services as escorts to take the boy to the safety of his home. Draco had later learned that the boy he had saved had been Neville Longbottom and the older boys who had been picking on him were his cousins. But the reason he always remembered that day was his mother’s words, after they had seen Neville safely home, she had turned to Draco, her eyes shining, smiling down at her son…

“I am so proud of you, Draco,” she had said, brushing blond strands back from his eyes, “so very proud of you, my brave boy."

"You are a hero, Draco Malfoy, my hero,” she finished, wrapping her arms around her son, pulling him close to her in a motherly hug, full of pride and love.

Those words had filled Draco with so much pride and happiness. He could never remember, ever, feeling quite so elated and happy. Bursting with pride and joy…

Draco opened his eyes, tears prickling at the corners as he turned…

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!” he shouted.

A beautiful, silver, winged dragon shot out of the end of Draco’s wand, swirled down the hall then turned and flew back, hovering directly in front of the two boys. The beast was at least six feet long and its scales glistened like a ghostly rainbow.

“Wow,” breathed Harry.

“Yeah,” Draco replied, reaching out as if to touch the shining dragon as it faded to nothing.

Shaking the vision from his eyes, Draco turned to Harry. “You, Harry Potter, would make an excellent DADA teacher,” he said forcefully.

Harry smiled brightly at the compliment. “Yeah, I’ve kinda been thinking about that, instead of Auror School I mean, I really enjoyed teaching the DA last term.” His voice was excited at the possibilities, then he paused and his expression darkened. “If I survive the next few years that is…”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Draco growled. “You WILL survive, Harry. I know you will.”