Paternity

Part Eighteen
Counceling

Hogwarts was very old. It had sheltered thousands of boys and girls through what was often the stormiest years of their lives--the years when every joy was euphoria, and every sadness was a tragedy. Hogwarts had seen tear of rage, tears of grief, and tears that could not be wholly classified as either, not even by the one who wept. This was how it was now for Harry Potter.

Harry had never experienced heartbreak. Pain, yes. Sorrow, of course. Misery, most certainly. But true, shattering, soul wrenching heartbreak? No--not till Ron\'s stumbling, blushing admission that he\'d been with Draco Malfoy.

Harry stalked blindly along the halls, crying without even realizing it. His glasses (he never found ones that fit snuggly, not even when he used his own money to buy a decent pair) slipped far down his nose, sliding in the combination of sweat and tears till they were about to drop off. Not even breaking stride, he snatched them off and tossed them violently aside. His faulty vision and his tears conspired, and everything moved into soft focus. He didn\'t care. There was nothing in the world that he wanted to see clearly.

\"Harry, wait!\"

The familiar voice was taut with anguish. Normally that tone from Ron would have brought Harry hurrying to see what was wrong. Now it caused him to put on speed, desperate to get away. He didn\'t want Ron anywhere near him right now. Adding to his confusion, though, was that one of the reasons he wanted to keep his distance was...

Harry knew that he had a temper. He\'d been warned against damage that could come from impulsive acts committed in the heat of anger. And no matter how angry he was, no matter how hurt--he didn\'t want to hurt Ron--and that meant physically as well as emotionally. His hands were still fisted, balled so tight that the tendons felt strained. Back in the pantry, looking at Ron\'s pale, stricken face, he had come dangerously close to lashing out. He didn\'t want to risk that.

Now he put on speed, breaking into a run. He turned corners blindly, taking no notice of direction, caring only that he put more distance between them. But he couldn\'t lose Ron. He could hear the other boy behind him, calling desperately for him to stop, to just listen for a minute.

Finally Harry chose a door at random. He slipped inside, into darkness, and shut it swiftly. Even though he was trembling with the adrenaline pumping through his body, he managed to shut it softly, then he leaned heavily against the door, gripping the handle tightly.

He heard the hasty footsteps approach, then pass, but he didn\'t move. As he had thought likely, the footsteps slowed, then stopped. He could picture Ron looking up the length of the hall, knowing that Harry couldn\'t have reached a turning that quickly. \"Harry?\" A shuffling sound. Harry closed his eyes, picturing Ron taking a few steps this way, then that. \"Harry, please, just talk to me.\" Harry rested his forehead against the door, closing his eyes.

The footsteps came back. Harry could hear doors opening and shutting, Ron calling to him. He braced himself tighter. He felt the knob move against his palm, trying to turn, and he hung on like grim death. A few more wiggles. \"Harry, are you in there?\" Ron\'s voice was so close, just on the other side of the door.

Harry held his breath, muscles screaming in protest as he held the knob tight enough to mimic it being locked. Just when he was ready to gasp, he heard Ron move away. Harry waited a little longer. When he was fairly sure that Ron had gone far enough, he sagged, sliding to his knees.

HE didn\'t know how long he stayed in that position. Long enough for his knees and his back to begin to ache. He sat down and scooted back till his back hit a wall. Then he drew his knees up, embraced them, and pressed his face to them, trying to make his mind a blank.

It didn\'t work. With his eyes closed it was too easy for images to form. He kept thinking of how Ron looked when they made love--the intensity, the way he made Harry feel like they were the only two people in the world. Like Harry was all he could see, all he\'d ever see. And Harry found himself seeing that same look turned up to a smirking Draco Malfoy.

The sound of the door opening seemed unnaturally loud, the light that washed over him from the hall was brighter than it had any right to be. Harry\'s head jerked up. The figure in the doorway was no more than a silhouette, but there was no mistaking it, and the voice confirmed it. \"Potter, what are you doing in my storage closet?\"

\"Just get what you want and go,\" Harry rasped.

Snape studied the boy for a moment. He\'d seen Harry Potter at his worst--sick, hurting, furious. He\'d never seen him like this. \"What, exactly, are you hiding from?\"

\"I said leave me alone. You aren\'t usually this dense.\"

One eyebrow rose, and Snape said dryly, \"Well. You must be agitated. You aren\'t usually that blunt.\"

\"You think you have a monopoly?\"

\"Wouldn\'t have anything to do with why young Weasley was looking so distressed the last time I saw him, would it?\" Harry didn\'t respond. \"I wanted to ask him about it, but he fairly flew up to your tower, and that damn portrait takes her job very seriously. I\'ll tell you this--if Weasley had been MUCH more upset, I wouldn\'t have hesitated to blister her paint. Emotional distress isn\'t any better for him right now than physical.\" Snape took a step closer. The light could move around him more easily, and he became more than a dark outline. Snape\'s eyes narrowed. \"What did you do?\"

Harry bared his teeth. \"Let myself play the fool. He\'s got no call to feel hurt because I... He...\" Harry deflated. \"Will you please just sod off?\"

Again Snape studied him. He opened his mouth, hesitated, then said simply. \"Malfoy.\" Harry couldn\'t help it--he jerked in reaction. Snape nodded, as if this confirmed something. \"Get up. Don\'t give me that stubborn, look, Potter. You\'re coming along as a wizard, but I\'m still your elder, I\'m still better trained and more experienced,\" his smile was chilly, \"and I\'m bigger than you. If I must, I\'ll toss you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Now, get up and come with me.\"

Harry scrambled to his feet, glaring sullenly at the Potions Master. Snape nodded, turned, and strode out of the closet, turning to go down the hall. He didn\'t bother to look back to see if Harry was following him. Harry was tempted to turn in the opposite direction and just take off. He would have done it, if he hadn\'t suspected that Snape would do exactly what he had threatened.

Snape in fact HADN\'T been sure that Harry would obey. Potter had never seemed overly concerned with following his orders unless it was absolutely necessary to keep from earning demerits, or hurting his grades. Snape was tensed to turn and pursue Harry, and he relaxed slightly when he heard the shuffling footsteps following him.

Harry didn\'t pay much attention to where they were going. He kept his eyes lowered, fastened on Snape\'s feet, and the fluttering hem of his dark robe. He didn\'t look up till he heard a door closing behind him. Then he looked around, blinking dully.

He was in a private chamber--that much was obvious. There was a large, comfortable bed at the back, a fireplace, and a slightly cluttered desk to one side. That rather surprised him. He never would have expected Snape to be anything but ruthlessly tidy and efficient. This hint of a personality that he didn\'t know was a little disconcerting.

Snape was just stepping away from the door. \"Take a seat in front of the fire.\" When Harry didn\'t move, he snapped. \"For pity\'s sake, Potter, it isn\'t necessary for you to convince me you\'re obstinate--I\' already know.\" Harry sat down, while Snape took off his robe and tossed it on the foot of the bed. Harry cut his eyes at Snape. He suddenly realized how seldom he\'d seen the teacher in plain clothes, as opposed to his teaching robes.

There was a small pot hanging on a crane fixed to the fireplace jamb. Snape swung it till it hung over the flames, flicked his wand at the fire, murmuring, \"Infervesco.\" The fire flared, and instantly steam wisped up from the pot. Snape took a box down from the mantel. Opening it, he carefully scooped some dark powder into the pot, and swung it away from the fire. He closed the box and put it back, then took a large pottery mug and a ladle off the mantel. He ladled several portions of dark amber liquid into the mug, then offered it to Harry. Harry eyed it suspiciously, then looked at him. \"It\'s tea, Potter--nothing more exotic. You need it.\"

Harry accepted the mug, but only stared at it. It looked and smelled like tea, but with Snape, you never could tell. If anyone in the world could brew a potion that seemed innocuous and had devastating results... Snape gave a martyred sigh. \"Bloody hell.\" He took another mug off the mantle, filled it, and held it up in an ironic salute, then took a sip. \"Well?\"

\"You might\'ve had an antidote in that mug.\"

\"Potter...\" Harry took a sip. It was tea--good and strong. Snape nodded, taking a seat opposite Harry. \"Finish that, then we\'ll talk.\"

Harry had always felt that anyone who believed that any situation could be improved by a good cup of tea was a bit barmy, but he had to admit that by the time he finished the cup, his nerves had settled a little. He handed the empty mug back to Snape, muttering, \"Thanks.\"

Snape put the mugs back on the mantle and sat down again. \"Talk.\"

\"It\'s none of your business.\"

\"Contrary to what you might believe, it is. While you\'re at Hogwarts, you\'re in my charge--you and Weasley. Whatever has happened has had an actual physical effect on both of you, and anything that serious has to be dealt with. I know that the situation has been stressful, but you two seemed to be handling it. What\'s happened?\"

Harry took a deep breath. \"The baby...\"

Snape sat forward quickly, eyes sharp. \"Is there something wrong with the child, or Weasley?\"

\"No, nothing like that.\" Harry gritted his teeth, and forced out, \"It isn\'t mine.\"

Snape sat back slowly, eyes half closing. \"I see.\" He was quiet for a moment, studying Harry, then said, \"Weasley told you this?\"

\"Yes.\" Snape stared at him. \"No.\" He shook his head in frustration. \"He slept with Draco.\"

Snape tapped his chin, then said, \"You do realize that doesn\'t necessarily mean that Malfoy is the father?\"

\"Well, it doesn\'t do a hell of a lot to make me feel secure about my claim.\" Harry sat forward, burying his hands in his hair. \"I knew I wasn\'t the first. Ron told me right away, he didn\'t try to hide that, and it didn\'t matter. But Draco--why did it have to be Draco?\"

\"Because he was there when it happened. You remember the subitus libido seeds? Well, Ron wasn\'t the only one in the greenhouse that night. He and Draco both handled them, and...\" Snape shrugged.

\"But... but why didn\'t he just walk away from him, come to me?\"

\"Judging from what I\'ve heard, he did go to you, Potter--when the initial fever had died down a little. What you have to understand is that he really had very little choice in the matter. The seeds are very strong in compulsion magic. Perhaps if Ron and Draco had known what they were up against, they might have fought it off, but taken unawares--they didn\'t have a chance.\"

\"But if he didn\'t want it...\"

\"I\'m sure he didn\'t. Draco doesn\'t like Ron, but that wouldn\'t necessarily stop him from having sex. However, Ron cordially hates Draco, and I don\'t think he\'s the sort to easily divorce sex from affection. What you must understand, Potter, is that want doesn\'t really come into it. He needed what happened. The closest analogy I can come up with would be if you drank several pots of tea, then someone gave you a strong diuretic. You might fight the urge to eliminate for a while, but it would become a genuine agony very quickly, and you\'d finally have no choice.\" Harry crinkled his nose. \"Yes, I know--quite unromantic. Well, this is off the cuff, so don\'t expect polished oratory.\"

Harry sighed, slumping. \"I suppose you\'re right. I found out by hearing them arguing about it. Draco was warning him not to try to make any claims against him, try to say the baby was his. But at the same time he was sneering about was Ron going to try to convince me that I was the father? It never occurred to me that Ron\'s first time might have been with Draco, and it was just such a shock, finding out like that.\"

Snape was shaking his head minutely. \"I told him he needed to talk about the possibility. That it wasn\'t fair to any of you not to face facts.\"

Harry\'s head shot up. \"He told you?\"

\"No, Harry, he did not. Am I the sort to inspire easy confidences? I figured it out myself. You might have noticed that I\'m rather good at that. Now, I want you to carefully consider what you heard. At any time, did Weasley indicate that he believed that Malfoy was his child\'s father?\"

\"No,\" said Harry slowly. \"He insisted that it was none of Draco\'s business.\"

\"I have no doubt that in Ron\'s mind, that is the case.\"

\"What do you think?\"

Snape spread his hands. \"Does it matter?\"

\"Strangely enough, I find that it does. You see things more clearly than anyone I can think of, and you don\'t let social tact get in the way of saying what you believe, if you think it\'s important. So tell me, Snape--what do you think?\"

Snape considered carefully. While he rather enjoyed seeing Harry annoyed and irritated by minor afflictions, he didn\'t hate the boy, and he didn\'t want to hurt him any more than he already was, if he could help it. What did he believe? At last he said, \"I don\'t know.\" When Harry started to protest, Snape cut him off. \"I don\'t! I deal in a precise area of magic, Potter. One smidge off on a recipe, and you can have a disaster on your hands. Dark powers, if Neville Longbottom accomplishes nothing else in his life, he will have proved that by his very existence. Damnation, even stirring counter-clockwise instead of clockwise can spoil some potions. I don\'t have all the facts in this case--no one does, not even the most intimately involved.\"

\"No one--Muggle or Wizard--has been able to figure out precisely, with no doubt, which coupling out of a series is responsible for conception. From what you\'ve told me, you and Malfoy both had, er, congress with Weasley within hours, if not minutes, of each other, and after his exposure to the fecundis. However, the effects of the fecundis would have taken time to dissipate--perhaps as much as two or three days. I\'m assuming you were together more than once during that period?\" Harry blushed, looking away. \"Please, Potter--the first flush of amore is notorious for its fervency.\"

\"Yeah, more than once. Several times.\" His blush was deepening. \"I don\'t know how many.\"

\"There. Perhaps Draco was the first, but you were the most frequent. I couldn\'t even begin to calculate the odds of either of you being the sire.\"

\"Don\'t use that term,\" Harry snapped. \"Animals sire, men father.\"

Snape raised an eyebrow. \"Really? Some of the pureblood families might debate that with you. In any case, you can\'t be sure one-way, or the other. You\'re just going to have to decide how you feel about that, and get on with it.\"

\"Get on with what?\"

\"Your life, you silly nit. Yours and Weasley\'s both, because you have to know that what you decide is going to affect him.\" Snape stood up. \"It\'s time you were about it. I do not intend for my quarters to be a moping refuge. I\'m sure you can find your way back up to the public rooms.\"

He escorted Harry to the door, opening it. Harry stepped through, and Snape said, \"Potter--one more thing.\" Harry looked back at him. \"There\'s one more thing I want you to consider very, very carefully. That baby might be yours, and it might be Draco\'s, but there is one thing that it beyond any doubt--whoever fathered it, it\'s Ron\'s child.\" He shut the door on Harry\'s dawning understanding, and chagrin, and whispered, almost fondly, \"Chew on that a bit.\" *Let your stubbornness and vengeful nature fight it out with your forgiveness and need to love. The results should be interesting.*