Sing for Me, Cry for Me

18. It Doesn’t Fit.


“Father, I…”

“Draco, surely you don’t think that we are going to have this conversation in the middle of the bookstore.”

“No, father.”

“Follow me.” ordered Lucius heading towards the exit and opening the door with his cane.

They walked for awhile until they reached a deserted park with benches scattered all around though neither of them really wanted to sit down. So they stood looking one another deep in almost identical silver steel eyes. Lucius looked around and cast a spell to protect them from any eavesdroppers. He raised his eyebrow questioningly and started speaking in a drawl:

“Draco, I would very much like to hear your explanation as to why you concealed from me such a minor detail as your and Harry’s current friendly relationship.”

“And I father would very much like to know what are your intentions concerning Harry.” drawled Draco back.

“Aren’t we bold today?” asked Lucius sardonically.

“Maybe, father. You should know better. After all it was you who held me under your thumb for all my life.”

“I don’t remember you complaining before.”

“Before I was quite satisfied with the arrangement.”

“And what made you change your mind?”

“The fact that you are trying to ruin my and Harry’s friendship. And I am not going to allow you that. And I am asking one more time what are your intentions concerning him.”

“And do you mind if I ask you since when you have this sudden change in attitude?”

“Far from sudden father. If you don’t remember I wanted to be Harry’s friend since the first year whatever my reasons might have been than, but my approach was totally wrong and Weasley managed to beat me to it. I won’t hide from you that I’ve been obsessed with Harry and his attention ever since and in order to make him notice me I made his life and that of his friends miserable. Now Harry offered me the sort of companionship because he didn’t like being followed by me, he said he didn’t want me to be his shadow and I accepted the deal. But for the past week our relations were growing stronger and stronger and today was the first day that we called each other by our first names and we were supposed to spend great time here. Not in the library studying but spending the time like friends usually do. I don’t know much about friends and friendship and what they do because you always taught me that it’s a weakness to have friends and that I need people around who I can order what to do and I had them in Crabbe and Goyle, but I don’t want it any more. I want Harry and even Weasley for a friend and whatever your intentions are try at least not to ruin my life. Can you be a real father at least for once in your life?”

Draco stopped and took a deep breath. It was the first and the longest speech he ever held that was directed at his father where he told him everything he felt and it made him feel liberated and not a bit frightened. Throughout Draco’s speech Lucius remained silent looking his son straight in the eyes not interrupting him and taking in every word. Now that he knew that Draco didn’t want Harry for anything more than a friend he calmed down and was even proud that his son had a backbone after all.

“And aren’t we outspoken today?”

“Maybe, I guess it’s Harry’s influence. Though he doesn’t talk much these days. He’s only studying and if he speaks it’s about different home assignments. Sometimes we joke but most of the time he is silent. Father, what have you done to him that changed him so much?” But before Lucius could answer he continued.

“I saw him when you took off the spell. And I can tell what exactly you were doing there but in my estimation he didn’t look too pleased with you. He looked hurt and on the verge of tears. What are you doing to him and why? Why have you ordered me to follow his every step in the first place?”

Lucius sighed:

“I have my reasons Draco. And if I’m hurting Harry now though unintentionally I can assure you that with the time his hurt will turn into more pleasurable emotions.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Does Harry know what you want from him?”

“No. And that is why I can’t explain it to you, because Harry should be the first to find it out and he should do it on his own and not hear it from me.”

“Are you going to have a relationship with him?”

“Yes I intend to and I already do though Harry might not fully understand it.”

“Did you…?”

“Draco, don’t you think you’re a bit overstepping your boundaries with me?”

“I don’t know father. Maybe I do but maybe I don’t. If things haven’t changed I wouldn’t be questioning you at all but things changed and if it concerns Harry I want to know. Besides you are my father and so once again I have the full right to know what’s going on between the two of you.”

“Maybe you’re right Draco, but still I am not going to discuss it with. Though if you want to know maybe you should ask Harry. If you are friends or close to being friends he might tell you. I’m even sure that he will tell you in order to find out if you know something about it. Though I wouldn’t advise you to spy on me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, father. But I doubt very much that now Harry would let me come anywhere near him. He’s probably sure that I set up your meeting with him and that I am untrustworthy not that he ever could trust me. As I understand he knew that you’d ordered me to spy on him.”

“He knew.”

“How long?”

“Maybe a week.”

“You met?”

“We did.”

“Where?”

“Draco…” said Lucius warningly.

“Sorry, father, but I need to know.”

“I’m afraid our conversation won’t go this way.”

“Harry found out that you told me to spy on him and decided to save me the humiliation of doing a servant’s work. He offered me to study with him and to be everywhere with him. Even after all you’ve done to him, though I don’t know what but knowing you, sorry father, it wasn’t very nice but he still wanted to help me out. I don’t care if his reasons where to find out something about you because they are absolutely different now as well as our arrangement and I dearly hope that he won’t accuse me of this little encounter you had because I can go so far as swearing on everything I have that I didn’t do that and don’t tell me that Malfoys don’t swear and beg because Harry is worth it.”

“I know, Draco. I know what he’s worth of and I won’t tell you not to try these methods. After all I can always tell him that you had nothing to do with it.”

“Do you think he would want to see or hear you?”

“He will have to.”

“Are you forcing him?”

“I forced him yes.”

“Did you hurt him?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, father, why?”

“It had to be done.”

“Is that what you say Harry every time you meet?”

“Yes.”

“He’s suffering you know.”

“I can imagine.”

“How can you be so calm when you know that you make him unhappy. As far as I understand from your behavior you have rather strong feelings for him. So why are you hurting him?”

“What’s love without pain?”

“Love? You love him?”

“I believe I do.”

“Does he love you too?”

“I suppose he does.”

“And he tries to fight that feeling?”

“Presumably.”

“I see. Does mother know?”

“Knows what exactly?”

“That you have feelings for Harry and that you are going to pursue a relationship with him?”

“She will be informed in due time.”

“And does Harry know? Just please don’t tell me that he will be informed in due time. Don’t be that heartless.”

“I’m sure Harry knows that I want something from him though I doubt that he has got the slightest idea that what I want and need is quite permanent and that he doesn’t have much choice or say in it.”

“Are you soulmates?”

“In a way.”

“In a way? Does it mean yes or no?”

“It means that the general course of your conclusion is right though not accurate.”

“If you are soulmates or whatever you are why don’t you tell Harry? Don’t you think it would ease everything?”

“I believe that he has to find out what is going on on his own.”

“Why?”

“That way he will accept it. He might need some time but in the end he will accept it. But if he finds it out from me he might believe that he was tricked or forced into it and he won’t be able to accept it willingly ever.”

“If Harry asks for my help can I help him?”

“Only if you know where to stop.”

“I know father I know. There are some things that I never forget.”

“Now my question for you Draco. You seem so calm about the whole situation. Why is that may I inquire?”

“I don’t know. I just feel that you might be just what Harry needs. I can’t explain it. But I can feel it. Besides if you hurt him or disappoint him there’s always another Malfoy waiting by his side.”

“Draco…”

“Just kidding father but you are very possessive of him. I can understand that. Just accept it as it is. I am not against your future relationship especially if it is about soulmates there’s indeed nothing anyone can do as far as I know. But please don’t hurt him. He suffered too much.”

“I think you’d better return to Hogwarts now. It’s getting late. I will see you on holidays.”

“Bye father and remember not to hurt Harry.”

With that Draco and Lucius went into different directions.

***

“Damn it! I can’t find the damn book!”

Harry and Ron were in the bookstore again with Harry frantically searching for the book.

“Are you sure you’re looking in the right place?”

“How can I be sure if the place is right if it just fell out of the sky and landed at my feet?”

“No need to yell at me I’m just trying to help!”

“Well you don’t at the moment. So… I stood here… and… and… Damn it it just fell!”

“Can I help you, young man?” asked a soft amused voice from behind making Harry jump up in the air.

Harry turned around and stood face to face with an elderly man not very tall with sandy hair all in curls. His face was in small wrinkles and he was smiling good-naturedly.

“Excuse us sir, but we are looking for a book. We’ve been here today…”

“Yes I remember you coming in Mr. Potter. It’s a great pleasure to have you here.”

“Thank you, sir. But about the book. It was a book on soulmates and bonds and rituals. But I can’t find it here. When I was here in the afternoon it just fell out of somewhere and than I was distracted and it’s gone now.” said Harry spreading his hands helplessly.

The man flicked his fingers and suddenly a book appeared in his hands. He offered the book to awe-struck Harry.

“Wouldn’t it be this book?”

Harry looked at the title, which read “Ancient Magic of Soulmates. Bonds and Rituals.”

“Yes! It’s that very book! Thank you so much!”

Harry started looking through the pages for the image of the snake and the raven but the more he looked the more he understood that there was no more that image.

He looked with defeated expression at the owner of the store who stood by his side still smiling.

“It must be a different book.”

“And why is that young man?”

“When I looked at it earlier today there was an image…”

“Oh, so the book gave you an image of your soul, am I correct?”

“Right…” said Harry a bit apprehensively.

“Well, of course. This book always gives such prompts. But you won’t find that image here ever again. It shows the image only once. There’s no need to show it again. No one is able to forget his soul after seeing it here.”

“What do you mean the book gives prompts?”

“It answers your questions whether you ask them or not.”

“I don’t understand. Was this image destined only for me to see? It wasn’t an example of two souls bonding?”

“Of course not my dear boy! Do you know how many souls there are in this world?”

“Well as many as people I presume.”

“So do you really think that a book can contain all of them here? Besides souls are so versatile that no one knows what image it might have.”

“I just hoped that it would answer my questions. You see I had this dream for quite some time. Always the same and I wondered what it might mean. And today this book just fell onto me and I saw the same image and than my friend told me that it was the image of my soul and I decided to come back and buy this book…”

“Because you hoped it would answer your further questions?”

“Exactly!”

“But it doesn’t work like that young man and you have to learn it. The book can show you the way but it can’t answer all your questions. The answers you have to find on your own.”

“And still can I buy this book? How much does it cost?”

“I’m afraid that you can’t do that my dear boy.”

“But why? I have money! How much do you want?”

“You might have money enough but you don’t have an order from the Ministry.”

“Why would we need an order from the Ministry to buy a book?” spoke Ron for the first time.

The man turned to him and started explaining:

“You need an order from the Ministry to buy that book because it’s not just any book it’s a book that deals with souls and their bonds. It contains spells that can be used illegally towards a person. There were cases when people bound other people’s souls to their own without either permission or consent. The person who was bound was no more than a slave obeying every command and every word of another person. Such bonds work as Imperius Curse. But if the curse can be lifted and the person can be released with his soul bound to another person he will never be free. This book contains very dangerous and ancient rituals and it shouldn’t get into the wrong hands.”

“But we are not going to bind anyone to us we just need an information on souls, soulmates and bonding. That’s all. I swear. Please we need it.” pleaded Harry.

“I am quite sure that you have no bad intentions concerning that book and that you really need an information but this book is not the place where you can get your answers.”

“Ok, you won’t sell us the book, but can you at least tell us some things in general about souls, soulmates and bonding? Please?” Harry was looking at the man with desperately huge puppy-dog eyes.

The man thought for a moment and consented:

“I think I can help you there. Follow me.”

Harry and Ron exchanged glances and followed the elderly sandy haired man through the rows of books on to the spiral staircase that lead to a sort of low garret.

There were few little windows through which the sun was slowly setting down, a sofa, a couple of chairs and a table on bent legs. Harry and Ron sat on the sofa while a short man took a teapot and put it on the fire.

“I think we all need some hot tea on such a dreary day. Muffins?” he asked taking a plate full of them from the sideboard.

“Yes!” said Ron grabbing one of them.

“Ron!” hissed Harry glaring at him.

“What? I’m bloody hungry!”

The man chuckled while Harry shook his head in frustration.

“Don’t worry yourself my wife cooked plenty of them. I happen to like them a lot. And so is your friend.”

The tea was soon ready and poured into cups. The three of them were sitting in silence sipping their tea with Ron munching loudly the fourth muffin while Harry just rolled his eyes.

“So, what exactly do you want to know?” asked the man eventually.

“Well, everything actually.”

“Everything is quite a lot young man and I’m sure you should be going back to school soon.”

“I meant to say that I don’t quite understand when you say image of the soul. What is the soul in the first place? And than I can’t comprehend the concept of the soulmates and what is bonding and how it occurs.”

“Well, first of all you should know that soul it’s a spirit. It has got no flesh but it can be presented by an image. The image shows who you are and what you are. It shows your identity. The thing you are associated with within your own self. It is not always that a person knows the image of its soul, but there are spells and potions that can make it visible for a certain period of time.”

“Wow!’ whispered Ron in awe.

“Yes, if you are so very curious as to how your soul looks you can cast a spell or drink a potion, the potion that you brew by yourself only and your soul becomes visible. It glows within you in a white light and when the effect of the spell or the potion runs out this glow dies out as well.”

“Ok, I understand now. Soul has its face, its personality that lives within us and corresponds with our inner world and shows us what we are like, right?”

The man nodded.

“And what about soulmates?”

“It is believed that souls come down on this earth in pairs but on their way they lose each other and when they are already inside of us they either wait or search for the missing part. Soul itself is just a part. Two souls combined, two souls inseparably together make a whole. That’s why two people with corresponding souls, souls that were born from the same substance, souls that were meant to be together are called soulmates.”

“Ok, how do two people find out that they are soulmates?”

“Well it usually comes down on you unexpectedly. Something stirs your soul inside of you and it starts pushing you towards this person. But it is always a strong feeling, it knocks you off your feet, it plunges you into an ocean of different emotions of which possessiveness, protection, adoration and love are the first and the main to surface.”

“So nothing specific? We don’t know exactly what prompts our souls to act?”

“No nothing specific. Though there are special cases of course. There are magical creatures like werewolves, vampires, veelas and others that do have a specific thing by which they recognize their mates. But they keep the knowledge about their soulmates and how they find them and how they afterwards perform the bond to themselves. So if you don’t belong to their community you can’t find it out.”

“And there are no books about these creatures and their mates?”

“Oh, there are books but they are shared only among those creatures and their mates. But they say that their bonding is much more strong and complicated and takes longer than a common one.”

“Ok, so tell me more about those common cases. Is it a simultaneous process for the two parties? Or someone feels it earlier and someone later?”

“It is supposed to be a simultaneous process though one person might feel it stronger than the other.”

“What does it depend on?”

“On nothing in particular really.”

“So what happens?”

“When they feel it usually suddenly at first neither knows what to do but the one which feels it stronger will start wooing and seducing another.”

“And what if they are enemies?”

“Than it all starts with a peace offering.”

“And then?”

“And then they start spending a lot of time together, their feelings for each other grow with great pace and when they feel that there’s no way out of it and that they want to live together forever they perform the binding ceremony.”

“Why do they have to perform the ceremony?”

“Because the souls are separated and though the link is alive between the two of them there is a certain breach which should be closed. Though the souls feel each other they need to be bound together again. Otherwise they continue their being as two separate uncompleted parts. Once they are bound these two people become stronger because the souls finally are united into one whole again and a whole is so much more than just some solitary part in this world.”

“How is the ceremony performed?”

“First of all the souls are called out from within the bodies by a spell, they flow out, meet each other, recognize each other not within the body but within their own reach and then they intertwine with each other after which they come back to their corresponding bodies. Thus the souls become bound and the whole one again. Than people have to bind with one another that is they have to consummate the bond by means of sexual intercourse when their bodies can intertwine and become one and the whole as well and when they do it the bond is completed and they live together not until death do them apart but for eternity because when the bodies stop exist the souls keep on living. Of course no one knows where but nevertheless…”

“And one more question what happens when the two people can’t spend the time together what if they have to stay apart due to circumstances?”

“Than they exchange some tokens that express their love and devotion towards one another which are interwoven with their power, magic and emotions thus they always carry this thing with them feeling calm and protected as if their mate is right beside them. Though they still miss each other greatly because the token can calm down your body but not your soul and while the soul can’t go and visit her other part without your permission it stays inside of you suffering.”

After a moment’s silence the man rose and said:

“Now boys I think it’s time for you to return back to school. The sky is already dark and soon you’ll be missed.”

Harry shook himself out of his thoughts.

“Thank you. We really appreciate the time you spend on us. Thank you.”

“You are welcome boys and now shoo.”

Harry and Ron left the store and silently walked back to Hogwarts each lost in their own thoughts. They were at the entrance when Harry finally broke the silence:

“It doesn’t fit. We are not soulmates.”