Jigsaw

CHAPTER 18

Harry sat quietly on the stool stirring the bubbling liquid in the large cauldron on the floor before him. Harry had never really had a chance to work with such a large cauldron and he felt very much like the warted witches, muggles talked about in their fairy stories. Smiling Harry hunched over, and pretended to hug the large stirring rod as he began to croak like an old witch.

“Bubble, Bubble Toil and Trouble…” Harry did his best impersonation of a wicked cackled but sat up abruptly as Snape wandered into the lab.

“Voice breaking Potter? I’d imagined that would have happened sometime ago?” Harry blushed a crimson colour at being caught in a moment of childish joking. Four weeks they’d been hidden at Hogwarts with not a sniff of the outside world beyond Snape’s dungeon chamber. Harry was beginning to think he’d go stir crazy if he didn’t get a breath of fresh air sooner or later.

Even during the war Harry had never spent so much time in Snape’s presence and while they were tolerating one another their relationship was strained. Harry was bored and he was rapidly loosing patients with his professor who was deliberately taking his time, and making Harry test and retest the same damn potions. Harry didn’t think finding a cure for Snape’s curse would be so tediously boring. Not that he could say that to Snape of course, after all it was Harry who’d persuaded him to begin this little experiment in the first place. Harry sighed heavily as he watched Snape gather his notes together into a small folder. The man missed a page and Harry flicked his wand at the page slipping it easily in with the others before Snape could notice. It had become almost second nature to Harry, to look out for the professor. He now impulsively cleared objects from Snape’s path, even going so far as to shift furniture rather than inform Snape he was going to run into it. Harry and Snape had fallen into a routine and Harry had a nasty gut feeling this was what it was like being married.

So far they’d tested two potions on Snape, and neither of them had worked. Snape was still blind, although after the last attempt he did now have a nasty looking bruise on his upper arm where he’d gotten dizzy and fallen onto the fire hearth before Harry could catch him. As far as Harry could see they were getting no further ahead, and it didn’t help that Snape was keeping him in the dark about what he was having Harry actually brew up.

“You’re moping aren’t you Potter.” Snape snapped as he came to stand beside Harry next to the bubbling cauldron of potion. Harry knew Snape was critically evaluating the potion, even if the man couldn’t see it.

“No, I’m just….” Harry trailed off not really wanting to irritate Snape, who Harry had come to realise became extremely easily annoyed. Snape was mad at himself for being blind and Harry had often heard the man cursing himself as he tripped, dropped or broke something because of his impairment. Last week Snape had slipped in the shower, slicing his hand open on the tiles. Harry had been helpless though the wizard refusing point blankly to let Harry into the bathroom to help him. “Just frustrated we don’t seem to be getting anywhere.” Harry sighed as Snape inhaled the aroma of the potion.

“Blood curses are complicated Potter. By their very nature they are designed not to be undone. We are having to start from the basics up, each test shows us something we didn’t know before, so that we can build up our knowledge enough to produce a perfectly structured potion. That is the art of potion making Potter something you still after all my years of teaching you can’t comprehend!” Snape strode angrily from the lab leaving Harry to sigh heavily, the wizard knowing he’d upset the other by his comment. Charming the stick to continue stirring the potion, and then setting the timer Harry moved swiftly into the lounge in the hopes of apologising. Snape wasn’t in the lounge however and Harry quietly padded cautiously into Snape’s bedroom. The wizard was sitting on the far side of the bed, his shoulders slumped and his faced buried in his shaking hands. Harry was torn between leaving and staying. All the time Harry had known Snape he’d never seen the wizard weak before. Harry had always seen Snape as the strong one, yet here sitting on the bed before him was a broken, frail man.

“I’m sorry, it must be really fucking frustrating having me, a complete potions dunce having to do your work for you.” Harry whispered as he leant against the doorframe and watched as Severus shoulders shuddered as the man took a deep calming breath in.

“You have no idea.” Snape whispered, confirming Harry’s original prediction that he was proving to be more of a hindrance to finding a cure for Snape than he was trying to help. For a long while Harry stood in the doorway to the bedroom staring at Snape watching as the wizard slowly seemed to regain his self-control. “What do you remember about the final battle Harry?” The question was a strange one and was unexpected and Harry had to think for a long time before answering.

“Not a lot.” Harry whispered in return as he moved slowly over to Snape’s trunk at the end of the bed and sat down on the edge of it. A safe distance from Snape but close enough so he didn’t have to raise his voice much. “I remember most things up until I saw Seamus die, then I don’t think my mind wanted to see any more death. It was like I was outside my body, watching someone else inflict all that pain on other people. In my dreams I see green flashes and I can hear voices but I don’t remember their faces. I have this one nightmare where I’m running across a field towards Voldemort and it’s like running through mud, only it’s bodies lying at my feet making it difficult to move.” Harry’s breathing increased to heavy pants as the wizard’s eyes slid closed as he remembered his reoccurring nightmare. In the darkness of his mind it was like he was really there and his tone voice raised up a notch as he continued. “I trip over something and I fall onto Sirius’ body, his vacant eyes staring up at me. I scream but nothing ever comes out.” Lost in his thoughts Harry involuntarily reached up to his neck and begins pulling at an invisible collar like he’s choking. “Then I can’t breath and the sting on my neck. I see Voldemort face then and those eyes and they burn…I can’t breath….I can’t breath…”

“Harry! Harry!” Before Harry knew what was happening he was on the floor of the bedroom choking, like he had been the night of the final battle, only this time a familiar face hovers above him holding his cheeks firmly between a warm set of hands. Slowly Harry stops scrambling at his neck and instead lies panting beneath Snape’s thin frame. “Are you alright?” Snape whispered softly as Harry slowly sat himself stunned by how quickly he’d lost himself in his visions. Snape shifted himself off Harry’s body to sit beside the man on the floor. Almost instinctively Harry leaned into Snape’s side the man’s arms coming up to wrap around his shoulders tightly. Harry remembered the feel of this. Of the warm chest pressed against his, holding his head above water when he thought he might drown in darkness. “Shhh, it’s over now.” Snape whispered gently his hand caressing the back of Harry’s head soothing the man in his arms.

“This is my fault isn’t it? It’s my curse.” Harry whispered hoarsely still feeling like his throat was somewhat constricted. There was silence from Snape and Harry glanced up to see that the man was blankly staring ahead, his face expressionless.

“Yes.” Snape eventually spoke his voice hardly audible even in the silence of the chamber. Harry felt tears spring to his eyes, as he now realised why Snape had asked him what he remembered about the final battle.

“I don’t remember how I…” Harry closed his eyes as he felt tears begin to run down his cheeks, some of them splashing off his chin onto the white professors shirt. Gently Snape reached up and brushed his thumb through one of Harry’s tears.

“I know you don’t remember that’s why this is so difficult. Your curse was designed to take away the one thing Voldemort valued more than anything, and that was his life. You weren’t to know it’d have a follow on affect to the death eaters, although I myself had an inkling something like this might happen. Forever connected to my one mistake in life.” Harry sniffled back some tears and reached up to press a gentle hand against Snape’s cheek as he stared into the cloudy eyes of his professor.

“I’m so sorry.” Harry whispered his guilt again beginning to tip him over the edge. Snape shook his head and pushed Harry’s hand from his face as the man slowly hauled himself up from the ground, using his trunk as balance. Harry automatically followed him up onto his feet crudely wiping away his tears with the sleaves of his robe.

“Don’t be, I probably wouldn’t be here anyway if you hadn’t killed the bastard so I should be grateful for small mercies.” Harry allowed Snape to take his arm as he walked the man back out into the living room and sat him down on his favourite arm chair beside the fire. “Now I think you need to get out, get some fresh air. I suggest visiting your godfather for a while….”

“What about you.” Harry had been thinking about going to see Sirius all week but didn’t think it was wise. Now though Snape seemed to have enough confidence in Harry that the boy could do it without exposing their secrets. Snape snorted indignantly at Harry’s comment and flicked his hand dismissively.

”I managed for eight years without you as my guide Potter, what makes you think I can’t handle a few days alone?” Snape glanced across at where he knew Harry was standing and cocked his head to the side in challenging question.

“You fell in the shower last week.” Harry tried weakly watching as Snape tutted loudly.

“A mistake I am not going to repeat.” Snape snapped irritably remembering the fall.

“But what if you do…” Snape butted in quickly, cutting Harry off.

“Then I shall contact you immediately, now go. I need some time alone to think my present quandary through without your infernal pestering.” Harry nodded and grabbed his invisibility cloak from the hook beside the door. Harry had not stepped foot through the professors door through to the dungeon corridors but considering the floo was dangerous the only way out of Hogwarts was through the front door.

“Dobby will bring this weeks supplies, don’t forget to take your potion it’s costing me a fortune.” With a sharp smile Harry whispered the password to the warded door and having stuck his head out into the hall to check that no one was watching he threw on his invisibility cloak and left quickly. Harry was reluctant to leave Snape but he had to agree he needed space, both apart from Snape and to think something’s through himself.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>