Secrets

He wasn’t sure, exactly, what was going on with Harry. The only thing he truly knew was that something was undeniably different about the boy. It felt like there were secrets again, like there was something going on behind those green eyes. Snape wanted to get to the bottom of it. He was sick of this new Harry. Sure, now he could fuck Harry’s brains out, but it seemed that the boy he loved was gone. After all, what good is sex if it distorts a beautiful relationship?

Severus had been observing Harry carefully for two weeks now. Unbeknownst to the boy, he’d also recruited Ron and Hermione to keep an eye on him. Whatever it was that was going on in Harry’s life was remaining well hidden. Snape had to hand it to the boy; he was a splendid actor. He could lure you into a false sense of security with a smile, make you forget your concerns with a kiss, and utterly take away your thoughts with anything else. He only hoped that Ron would find out what was going on with Harry. The boys were having a sort of party in the dorms tonight. Since the end of 5th year, the boys in Harry and Ron’s class had become friendlier towards each other. The group, which included Draco, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Jordan, had taken to having Friday night get togethers, where they would play cards, drink, and talk. Severus assumed, of course, that Harry didn’t drink. He knew that the boy smoked cigarettes, a habit he tried to discourage. He hated that the boy smoked, but he wasn’t about to take that away from him, yet.

Later that evening, in Gryffindor Tower, the boys were getting feisty. Ron had smuggled bottles of Firewhiskey and butterbeer from the kitchen, and Draco had somehow acquired muggle liquor. Much to the pleasure of the drinking boys, Draco rather enjoyed playing bartender, and he often spent the evening mixing drinks for everyone else. Generally, the parties stayed calm. That night would be somewhat different, though.

The first difference occurred when Ron saw Harry snag a drink from Draco. He watched, somewhat horrified, as the boy poured the drink straight down his throat. When Harry reached for another drink, though, Ron reacted.

“Mate,” he said, grabbing the drink from Harry, “I thought you’d given this stuff up.” He looked at Harry, somewhat concerned.

“Aw, Ron,” replied Harry, jovially, “a drink or two won’t hurt, really. It’s not like I’m going to get smashed.” He took the drink from Ron and moved to sit on the floor, where a game of gin rummy was taking place.

“Ok, Harry,” Ron spoke cautiously, “if you’re sure.”

“Course I’m sure, I’ve done all this before.” Ron nodded in agreement. If any of the boys here knew their limit, it would have to be Harry. With that, the night rolled on for quite a while, with nothing out of the ordinary occurring. Once everyone had a few drinks in them, though, things started to get weird again. It was then that Harry brought out his bundle. Curiously, the boys watched as Harry began to shoot up, right in front of everyone. The boys were shocked but were too drunk to do anything.

“Hey, Harry,” asked Seamus, “I thought you’d given up that noise.”

“Well, I tried, but it’s quite helpful when you’ve got some things to cope with,” replied a relaxed Harry. “Y’all want any,” he asked, “I’ve got extra supplies.”

Ron watched nervously as the other boys contemplated Harry’s offer. None of them looked particularly keen on the idea of injecting something into their veins. Instead, they bummed a cigarette off of Harry and called it good.

“So Draco,” spoke Harry, “how are things between you and Blaise?”

“Decent, I guess,” he said.

“Only decent,” asked Seamus. “He’s so cute.”

“Yeah, well, he’s a little nervous about…erm…sexual things,” spoke Draco.

“That’s what this stuff is for,” erupted an inebriated Harry, holding up a drink in one hand and waving a fag in the other. “It’s good for all that ails you, my friend.”

“What are you sayin’, mate,” asked Draco warily, “are you sayin’ that I should try to get Blaise drunk or something?”

“Drunk, high, whatever it takes to relax him,” said Harry. “It’ll sure make things easier.” He took a long drag off of his cigarette and laid his cards on the ground and said, “I’ve got a full house.”

The rest of the night passed slowly for Ron. Part of him was concerned for his friend’s well being, but the other half of him was simply too far gone to care. He hadn’t meant to drink so much, but judging from Harry’s behavior, the golden boy had fully intended upon getting royally soused. One by one, the boys drifted off into sleep as they lay on the floor.
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“He’s just been acting so weirdly lately,’ muttered Ron. He was doing the one thing he’d never in a million years have imagined doing. He was talking to Snape. “He’s not himself.”

“Well there’s a point we can both agree upon,” remarked Snape wryly. “He hasn’t been the same for a while.”

“But you see,” began Ron, “I think I know what’s up with him.”

“Do you,” asked Snape curiously. “Well you simply must share this with me.” Obviously, it wasn’t in Snape’s nature to have a discussion with Ron either.

“The other night, we were all hanging out, playing cards, like we always do.” Snape nodded. He knew of the get togethers in the dorms, and generally, he thought they were a fine way for the boys to spend an evening. “Everything was quite normal,” Ron continued, “until Draco began mixing drinks, like he always does.”

“Contraband alcohol, is this what you’re here to tell me about,” sneered Snape, “because if it is, you’ll find that I have very little interest in that.”

“Except that Harry was drinking too,” spat out Ron. Immediately, he clasped his hand over his mouth, as if he had said something completely without thinking. It was too late, though. Snape was furious.

“He was what,” yelled Snape.

“He was…drinking and,” stuttered Ron, his fear of Snape fast returning from its brief hiatus.

“And what,” roared Snape, “we haven’t time for your incoherent mumbling.”

“And he had cigarettes.”

“He’s allowed cigarettes, although it’s a filthy habit and he’ll soon have to quit that as well,” retorted Snape.

“And drugs,” whispered Ron. The words seemed to hang in the air, as if they would never go away.

“I thought he’d quit,” said an astounded Snape.

“Well, he had quit, I think,” said Ron, “and he was doing well too.” Severus didn’t hear the last part, though. He had already hurried to the door, heading to his quarters. No doubt he was going to wait for Harry.

“Sure wouldn’t want to be Harry about now,” muttered Ron, knowing that his friend was in a world of trouble.
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Harry was sitting in the living room when Severus stormed in. The boy had been doing his homework in peace, all the while sipping on a cup of tea. Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands grab his collar, and before he knew it, he was slammed into a wall and held there.

“What,” hissed Snape, “did you think you were doing at that party last night?” When the boy didn’t answer, the potions master shook him. “Who put the idiotic idea into your head that using any of those things was ok?”

“I…I…it just happened,” spoke Harry, hesitating.

“It didn’t just happen,” roared Snape, “I destroyed all of your junk so that this wouldn’t happen again. You had to deliberately acquire it, after all that we’ve been through.”

“I needed it, though, I was scared,” said Harry defensively. He wriggled in Snape’s grasp, hoping to escape. Never before had the potions master restrained him against his will.

“So scared that you couldn’t even talk to me? What could possibly be that scary at this point?” Before Harry could speak, though, Snape dragged him to the door and threw him out, glaring at the boy.

“Come back when you’re ready to be sober,” Severus said sinisterly, slamming the door in Harry\'s face. He didn’t want to see Harry’s face as he fell to the ground, didn’t want the boy to see him as he flew about the house in a rage, attempting to destroy every last bit of Harry’s illicit goods.
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It was late at night when Hermione found Harry curled into a ball in the hallway. Confused, she approached the boy. Usually, he spent the nights in Snape’s quarters, so it was highly unusual to see him in the hallway leading to Gryffindor Tower. Of course he still had a bed in the tower, but Ron used it to store his laundry on. She touched Harry’s shoulder, only to have him look up at her with tear filled eyes. She knew, then, without asking, that Snape had thrown him out. An instant later, she realized that it was because Harry was undoubtedly high as a kite.

“Oh Harry,” she cooed softly, pulling the boy to his feet. Gently, she led him to the Gryffindor common room. “Sit on the couch, Harry, I’m going to get you cleaned up.” She hurried upstairs to get a wash cloth for Harry’s face, and a first aid kit, just in case he had tried to hurt himself. You never knew with Harry. When she returned, Harry had curled into a ball on the sofa and was staring into the fire as if it held some answer for him. She lifted his head and placed it on her lab as she sat, wiping his face with a cool cloth.

“Harry, dear, we need to talk about what’s troubling you,” she said.

“He found out,” he cried softly, “he found out and he was never supposed to find out and he knows now.”

“What did he find out, Harry?” When Harry didn’t answer and instead began sobbing again, she simply began stroking his hair and back.

“Why did you start using again, Harry?”

“It was easier this way,” said Harry. “I wasn’t scared anymore. It doesn’t matter now, though. He threw me out, I’ll never be able to go back.”

“What was easier,” she asked.

“Sex,” muttered Harry so softly that Hermione almost didn’t catch it. She had to restrain a gasp, though. Suddenly, it all became clear. She and Ron had mentioned that sometimes they drank before intimacy.

“Oh Harry, don’t you know that Severus would have waited as long as you needed,” whispered Hermione.

“Didn’t seem like it, from what Ron would say.”

“How long,” asked Hermione tentatively.

“Few weeks,” said Harry. Hermione sighed, knowing that in Harry’s case, that was probably enough to undo all of the work he’d put into quitting over the Christmas holiday. Suddenly, Harry looked up at Hermione, wild eyed and crazy. “I need it, Hermione, I have to go get it.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” scolded Hermione, “we’re going to figure this all and fix things between you and Severus.” Before she could stop him, though, Harry bolted from the couch and out of the common room. She started to follow him, but realized that there was no way that she could keep up. Instead, she watched as Harry disappeared from her sight.