One wish alone have I

Chapter 14 (part 1)
The snake came out of the bush

When I woke up, Remus was gone. My heart felt deeply chilled when I thought he had chosen to leave the house to avoid seeing me pack. I rose to my feet in alarm. Fortunately, a little note on the dinner table caught my attention before I went upstairs.

Hello Tasia,

Tonks asked me to meet her in town today to plan the next guard shifts. You did not wake up and I preferred to let you sleep, under the circumstances… I should be back soon; please wait for me before you leave. I want to be there when you do.

R.

I let out a relieved sigh. I certainly did not want to leave the house like a thief with him being away, though I dreaded that moment quite a lot. I went upstairs and, after a comforting shower, I packed the few things I owned. I was hesitating between one of my black robes and the green one Remus loved, when Phineas Nigellus appeared in his portrait.

“Professor Dumbledore asked me to tell you that he would like to introduce you to the staff after your arrival,” he said, in his ever enthusiasm-deprived voice. “He would be grateful if you could meet him at the front door at 6:00pm; he will escort you to the teachers’ lounge from there.”

“I will do my best to be there on time,” I said, hiding my half-naked body behind my robes.

Professor Nigellus bowed and left without adding a word. That wizard really had the knack for catching me half-dressed and the thought crossed my mind that I would be happy to live in a resting room where there was no intruder of that kind. I finally opted for the black robes; it fit better with my mood anyway. A meeting with the staff was only semi-formal, after all.

I packed the rest of my things (including the previously shrunk coffin) in the luggage bag Poppy had lent me. I brought it downstairs and packed the cauldron and potion supplies I would need, along with my reserves of Blood potion. I looked at my watch. It was 5:30 already and Remus was still gone. I sat in the loveseat, trying to patiently wait for his return. He passed through the front door only forty-five minutes later. I tried to Floo the Headmaster to tell him I would be late, but he was not in his office anymore.

I cannot say that the “big goodbye”, as we called it, was elaborate. It was mostly sad, but not too bitter, after all. Remus and I only held each other in a tight but very chaste embrace and did not say much. When our bodies parted, my throat felt so tight that it hurt, but I successfully held back my tears.

“The full moon will be here in about three weeks. What do you want me to do?” I asked, on the doorstep.

“I don’t know, Tasia,” he said, massaging the back of his neck in an embarrassed way. “Let me think about it, ok? I just don’t know if I will be ready to see you again that soon, to be honest…”

“I understand,” I answered, feeling the lump in my throat fall heavily into my stomach.

“I will owl you sooner or later… that is a promise,” he added, putting his hands in his pockets.

“I will keep my eyes turned to the sky, then,” I answered. “Take care, Remus.”

“I will… take care as well,” he said, before I finally tore my eyes from him and walked towards the street.

I do not know which felt the coldest between my cheeks reddening in the harsh wind of this first evening of February, or my aching soul at the very moment I heard the door closing behind me.

I found a quiet and discreet space between two houses and, after taking long breaths to calm down and regain my composure, Disapparated to Hogsmeade in a loud crack. I both dreaded and anticipated my arrival at Hogwarts as I flew over the village, clutching my luggage bag between my claws. Though I had greatly suffered from my solitude during the past weeks, I suffered even more from it given the situation. Despite that loneliness, however, I did not really feel in the mood for making new acquaintances.

“And of course, I am late once again!” I grumpily thought, while flying over the school grounds’ gates.

That thought brought me to more practical considerations, all of a sudden. I was close enough to Severus to attempt a Legilimency link and inquire about the Headmaster’s whereabouts.

“Severus… can you feel my presence?” I said, feeling his presence as I established the link.

“Yes. I already alerted Dumbledore and told him you were flying towards us.”

“Tell him I am very sorry to be late; I was delayed…”

“… he asks you to meet him in the Great Hall instead, that is where we are at the moment… but only if you still feel like meeting the staff,” he added, after a small pause. “If you do not, he will meet you at the front doors as planned.”

“It must be around dinner time…” I commented, flying over the frozen lake.

“We are having dinner indeed.”

“Then I do not want to disrupt his meal; I will fly through the owl’s trap window. Just tell him that I will be there in a few minutes.”

I reached the trap window and flew my way through it, just like I had done the afternoon before. I almost dropped my bag in surprise, though, once I was inside. When Severus had mentioned dinner and the Great Hall, I had not realised that it would be filled with students; I was too preoccupied by my lateness to fully seize the implications of the information he transmitted me.

Once I found myself flying over the Great Hall, it was obviously a bit too late to turn back and change my mind. I looked down and saw that several young faces were turned upwards and surveying my movements. To my surprise (and I almost dropped my bag a second time in my astonishment), it was not the Headmaster who was waiting for me on the ground. Severus had walked closer to the trap window, from near the Great Hall doors, and stood in the middle of the aisleway amongst a dramatic heap of black robes. His face was the most attentive of all those I saw underneath me.

“Just drop your luggage bag, I will catch it,” he said, in my mind.

I did as he requested and saw him agilely grab it with his healthy hand. He tucked it under his left arm. Taking a few steps back, he held out his healthy hand again and looked back up.

“Antanasia, you can fly in circles above our heads until Hagrid starts giving us an ornithology lesson, but I would much prefer returning to my plate before my meal gets too cold, if you do not mind,” he urged, in a sarcastic tone.

Completing a last circle to regain my composure and display a neutral expression when I came back to my cainite form, I plunged down from the ceiling and, slowing my descent with large flaps of my wings, I Transfigured a few feet above the ground, at the approximate level of Severus’ head. The tips of my feathers brushed slightly against his hand before my hand reached its usual shape and delicately took his. He offered steady support and my feet touched the ground safely and almost noiselessly. I noticed that his fingers were cold, just as I expected them to be. It brought a faint smile to my lips as I looked in his eyes and nodded back to his silent salute.

I heard the students murmur excitedly at the sight of my Transfiguration, but the murmurs grew even louder when Severus unexpectedly let go of my hand to offer me his arm, in a pure British politeness I had rarely seen him display. I obviously took it, feeling very grateful to have a physical support and something to keep my hands busy as I walked with him along the aisleway between the students’ tables.

“Thank you for welcoming me, Severus,” I whispered, in his mind. “I really needed a friendly arm to lean on. Literally.”

“I am merely playing the game… you are supposed to be my assistant, it is normal that I should be the one welcoming you here.”

“Normal or not, I am happy you did,” I insisted, squeezing his arm discreetly.

We said nothing more until we reached the staff table, but I saw Neville’s eyes sparkle with recognition when we walked past him. Two seconds later, he was bent over the table and chatting excitedly with Ron, Harry and Hermione, explaining something with large gestures. I tried to react as if I were seeing them for the first time in my afterlife, but it was great to see them again.

Once we were properly seated, Dumbledore first aimed to tap his crystal goblet with his knife, but stopped his gesture at the last second. He turned a puzzled glance towards Severus and me and finally chose to get up and come to us. He bent forward between our heads, holding his long white beard so it would not fall on anybody’s lap and whispered, “We have a little problem, here…”

“What is it, Headmaster?” asked Severus.

“I cannot introduce her as Antanasia… without any family name! A kindred teaching at Hogwarts would make people talk and gossip… and we want you to be as discreet as possible.”

“I understand… I would prefer my first name to be kept as it is, but you can add the family name I had in my previous life, if you want. Would that do?” I replied.

“Most certainly! What was it?” Dumbledore asked.

“Sheridan,” said Severus, before I could even answer.

Dumbledore’s eyes smiled as much as his mouth when he walked back to his seat and, still standing, asked Minerva to quiet the students.

“As you have witnessed, we have just welcomed a new staff member in the person of Antanasia Sheridan. She was sent as a collaborator by a research centre in Austria where Professor Snape worked with potions researchers last fall. I am very pleased to announce that our Potions Master has decided to use the Hogwarts Excellence Funds he has been awarded each year for the past ten years and devote it to the advance of science. Miss Sheridan will work here as Professor Snape’s research and teaching assistant. Therefore, some of you should not be surprised if you find a new Potions teacher in front of the classroom this Monday. In the name of the staff and students, I give my congratulations to Professor Snape and a warm welcome to Miss Sheridan!”

The students applauded politely and, following Severus’ example, I got up and slightly bowed my head in recognition of their salute. It might have been my imagination, but I felt Mrs Snape’s shawl, wrapped around my shoulders as always, squeeze me softly. When we sat back down on our seats, Severus took a bite of what looked like shepherd’s pie. From the look on his face, I knew at once that it was probably as cold as ice.

“Antanasia Sheridan… I have not heard those words since my Durmstrang years!” I whispered, bending towards Severus. “Except that I was called Professor, then!”

“There was a Professor Sheridan at Durmstrang? What year?”

“Oh, a long time ago… I last taught there in 1889…”

“Well, you will soon realise that things may have changed a lot since 1889… and Hogwarts is by no means Durmstrang.”

“It seems a bit less strict, for one thing. Dumbledore does not look like a tyrannical Headmaster,” I commented.

“Not tyrannical enough, when it comes to certain school rules… or students,” he enigmatically replied.

“By the way, Severus--”

“Now, now… are you already on the first name basis with your employer?” he interrupted, raising a critical eyebrow.

“Professor Snape,” I retorted, in an ironically formal tone, “how come you knew my family name?”

“I recognised your school portrait and checked your records… but only after I knew you had accepted Dumbledore’s offer, of course. I knew you left Hogwarts in 1731, so figuring the rest was easy.”

“And why on earth did you check my records?” I insisted, not being intimidated by his apparently logical justification.

“I wanted to have an idea of your qualifications, obviously. How can I assign you with tasks if I do not know them?”

“I thought it was something we would discuss together… my qualifications have changed quite a bit since 1731, you know.”

“I guess your knowledge in Defence Against the Dark Arts has improved since your last exam… it was not what I would call brilliant, especially by today’s standards!” he commented, taking another cold bite.

“I hope they have! But it has always been my Achilles’ heel, in a manner of speaking.”

“I also saw you were a Ravenclaw… That would not have been my first guess at all.”

“And what would it have been?”

“Gryffindor. Rules seem to be such an optional thing, in your mind…” he ominously purred.

“Oh, no! That came much later!” I chuckled. “When I first walked through those doors, I was still daddy’s little witch! Far too eager to bury myself in books and gain knowledge and science rather then messing around and playing pranks on my fellow students. One of my dearest wishes was to go unnoticed as much as possible, on the contrary.”

“Go unnoticed…” he murmured, with a little sneer.

We remained silent for a while and it allowed me to really take a look around. We were sitting at the right end of the staff table, so I did not have any neighbour to talk to other than Severus. The Great Hall had not changed that much since the last time I walked in it. This school, like most private boarding schools, was keen on tradition. My glance drifted to the Ravenclaw table. I smiled, looking at the place I usually sat, and the few students who saw me stare even returned my smile, thinking I was saluting them. I acknowledged them with a quick nod.

Other students seemed curious about me, but they were at the Slytherin table. When Severus noticed their interest, he started telling me about them. To my surprise, he knew all of them by name and he told me a few comments about every single student he pointed out to me, during the time the dinner lasted. Most of them were overly positive and some even had a touch of warmth. I began to understand a bit better why Severus had earned the Head of House position; I did not need any Legilimency probe to feel that he was proud of his Slytherins.

All of a sudden, becoming Professor Snape’s assistant sounded even better.

After dinner, Severus accompanied me to the dungeons and showed me where my chamber would be. It was conveniently located at the end of a long corridor, many doors away from the Slytherin dormitories, which provided me with a lot of privacy. Severus opened the door for me, snapped his fingers and a large candelabra, hanging from the ceiling lit up magically. When I passed through the door, I gasped in surprise. Given the location of my quarters, I expected to find a gloomy and dusty room, filled with spider webs and old remains of the last Potions lesson that had been taught in there. What I saw in front of me could not have been further away from that description.

The walls were made of pale stones that were of a rich creamy colour. A luxurious vine covered several areas on each of them, giving the room a feel of nature that seduced me at first sight. Thick burgundy velvet curtains were drawn in front of the only window, reminding me of the Hall in Zaharia. In the back of the room, strategically placed away from the window, was a splendid black marble pedestal, veined with white and accessible by three steps that went all around its rectangular shape. The furniture was simple, but chosen with a clear sense of taste. I saw a large desk with a chair that looked very comfortable and, in front of the fireplace (in which a fire was crackling joyfully), a black leather armchair that reminded me very much of the similar one I had seen in an office located a few doors up in the corridor. A fountain emerged from the stones in a corner of the room, recreating the stream we had seen in the Forbidden Forest, and completed the décor. Its discreet but crystalline and merry sound reached my heart instantly.

I was still contemplating the room, slightly open-mouthed, when a silky voice resounded next to my ear.

“You can walk in, you know, those are your apartments…”

“Seve-Professor Snape! This room is splendid!” I exclaimed, making a few steps forward. “Did you do this?”

“Of course not, I worked all day. A house-elf did the cleaning this morning. I merely gave a few decoration hints…” he answered, closing the door behind me.

“Your memory is impressive!” I said, smiling widely. “And I guess I am lucky you did not base your choices on what you saw in Zaharia’s dungeons…”

“I could have reproduced it in detail, stone by stone, you know… but then I decided it would take too long to Transfigure everything…” he said, with a serious expression. “So… the bathroom is there, you access it through that door. Due to space restrictions, you have to Transfigure the shower into a bathtub if you prefer taking baths instead. A house-elf by the name of Smirky has been assigned to clean your chambers; she was employed in a kindred manor in Ireland before she started working here. That is why Dumbledore picked her in particular and informed her of your condition. You can count on her discretion, of course. She will be the only one allowed here, so please mention her name when you order something by internal Floo.”

“This is far, far more than I expected…” I murmured, still hesitant to walk around.

“I can imagine that it is indeed far superior to the living conditions you were in at Grimmauld Place,” he commented, with a satisfied expression. “Our lab will be located on the other side of the corridor. Given the fact that you arrived on such short notice, we only had time to prepare your chambers before you arrived. Most of your tasks for the first week or two will mostly revolve around making that room suitable for research. A few house-elves will be able to help you, once they are done with the regular maintenance routine in the castle.”

“Agreed,” I simply said.

“Speaking of working spaces, however, I would ask you not to meet any student here. The sight of the pedestal and coffin would obviously start rumours. You may use my office space, just like we did when we marked papers together before Christmas.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“So for now, I guess you would like to unpack and make yourself at home. Do you need help with anything? Moving the coffin, maybe?”

“I think I will be fine, Severus. But thank you very much for everything.”

“As you wish. Floo me if you need anything. I would like to meet you in my office at 5:00 tomorrow afternoon. We have many things to discuss and you still have not formally met the teachers… and you might want to get a tour, so you do not get lost.”

“Ok, boss!” I ironically said, giving him a Muggle military salute. “I will see you tomorrow.”

“Good evening, then,” he said, walking towards the door.

“Severus!” I softly said.

“Yes?” he answered, turning back in an impressive swirl of black robes.

“I hope you are not too disappointed that I chose to accept Dumbledore’s offer, after all…”

“Time will tell if I shall be disappointed or not,” he simply answered, plunging his dark glance into mine and making me feel very small, all of a sudden.

And with this, he left the room without adding a word. I got a last glimpse of his bandaged hand and realised a second too late that I had not taken the time to inquire about his injury. I almost joined him in the corridor to correct my mistake, but I decided to take things slow and give him space… and give me space for the whole night.

I went to my desk and saw that a welcome basket had been left on it. It had thoughtfully been filled with a variety of sweets and delicacies that only my kind enjoyed. To my delight, I found a box of plasma truffles, another box of Honeydukes’ famous blood-flavoured candies and even a whole new bottle of Leukoscotch. And on the top of all this, I found a beautiful bouquet of colourful flowers. Lotus flowers, Spanish jasmines, lots of odoriferous rosemary, red and yellow roses, red poppy flowers…

Severus had really outdone himself, once again.

I Transfigured one of the glasses I found in a small cupboard near the desk into a vase and filled it with water. The bouquet gave a wonderful touch of colour to the room and gave me some energy to start unpacking right away. I first took care of my coffin, which looked even more stunning on its marble pedestal. As there was not much to unpack other than my robes, a few blouses and pants (most of them had been lent to me by Minerva and Poppy), I was done in barely one hour and decided to pay Minerva and Poppy a little visit.

Poppy seemed happy to see me and we chatted for some time together. It was very refreshing for me to spend some time with another woman for a change, and Poppy was probably grateful to have a healthy person passing her office doorstep. I asked her for a few supplies to help me remove particularly resistant stains (carefully omitting to mention how I would use them) and I went back to my quarters, stopping by Minerva’s office on my way down for a quick chat and to return her clothes.

I think I must have spent over two hours rubbing those stubborn orange stains that just refused to let go and wash away from the fabric. My fingers were sore from all the rubbing, the wringing, the throwing of all the cleansing spells I knew… nothing would do and the stains remained insultingly bright and orange against the dark robes.

Huffing in exasperation, I threw them into the bottom of the Transfigured bathtub, where they landed with a dull splashing sound. I first thought of reimbursing Severus and made a mental note to myself that I had to ask him to take it off my pay… and then my own stubbornness overcame me. I walked to the fireplace and threw a handful of Floo powder in the fire.

“House-elves quarters!” I called, sticking my head into the flames.

Several pairs of large round eyes stared at me when I materialised in their fireplace. Some seemed curious, other suspicious. They did not have any idea who I was.

“Is… what is her name again…” I hesitated. “Smirky! Is Smirky among you?”

“Smirky is here, Miss. What is Miss wanting Smirky to do for her?” asked a tiny house-elf with brown eyes that were far too large for her head.

“I would like to know where I can find black embroidery thread in the castle,” I stated, smiling at her.

“Smirky could get some from the student supplies, Miss,” she squeaked.

“No, no… I do not want to steal from the students! I will buy some tomorrow in Hogsmeade, then.”

“But Smirky can get some for Miss there tonight!” she insisted.

“Are the stores not closed at this time of the evening?” I remarked, looking at a clock that indicated a quarter before eleven.

“Smirky is got contacts, Miss!” she said, very proudly. “Smirky is used to buying supplies in the middle of the night!”

“It is true, I had forgotten that! Well, if you could get me some tonight, it would make my night,” I said, smiling again.

“Smirky is going to bring the threads to your chambers, Miss. How much is Miss wanting Smirky to buy?”

“Ten Sickles worth of it… and add a couple of green and silver thread packs as well, I need to do a lot of stitching… come to my chambers and I will give you the money.”

“Yes, Miss, right away,” she replied.

She emerged from my fireplace seconds later, with a warm winter cloak wrapped around her frail shoulders. I thanked and congratulated her for my resting room and she looked rather embarrassed, but smiled nevertheless. She left a few minutes later, promising me that she would be back in no time. I almost asked to accompany her to Hogsmeade. Not that I particularly wanted to be in her company, but I did need some fresh air. I grabbed my cloak and, after locking my door with a few spells, walked through the corridor and reached the staircase leading to the front doors. I did not hear the door that discreetly closed behind me in the corridor after I passed.

I had a pleasant walk on the school grounds. The stillness of nature in the winter cold had its charms, despite the temperature. It was not raining and I could fully enjoy the various shadows of the night as they were reflected on the frozen surface of the lake. I loved the vibrant presence of the Forbidden Forest nearby; it was filled with hundreds of creatures and plants, just like the Carpathian Mountains. It revived a part of the feelings my heart had lost for a very long time.

Home.

I came back a couple of hours later, frozen to the bone, but with a very peaceful and much clearer mind. The castle was completely silent; everybody was probably asleep. The front doors were locked and I had to make my way through the owl\'s trap window once again to come back inside. Smirky had left the embroidery threads on my desk, so I hastily removed my cloak and took Severus’ robes out of the bathtub. I dried them with a couple of useful spells, and then brought them next to the fireplace. I Transfigured one of my hairpins into a needle and was about to start embroidering when I realised I had no idea of the pattern I wanted to make. I put my needle down and leaned back in my armchair.

Severus was not the type of wizard who would appreciate cute frills and delicate patterns, even if they were black against a black fabric. In addition, I wanted to stitch something that represented who he was, something he could identify with. Stitching large Slytherin armouries anywhere on his robes was out of the question. Severus was someone far more subtle than that.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift away randomly. The wind was blowing hard outside, but I loved its sound as it furiously whistled against the castle’s windows. My thoughts drifted to Remus, at a certain point. I worried about what he had had for dinner... I wondered what he was doing at that time. He was surely asleep. Remus was a good sleeper; he had never had any trouble falling asleep, as far as I knew. That thought brought me some comfort.

Mrs Snape’s shawl slowly slid down one of my shoulders, in a discreet caress. I opened my eyes and smiled.

“Of course... his mother’s shawl!” I thought. “Here are your patterns, Tasia!”

I removed the shawl and lay it flat on the floor. I had never really paid attention to the meaning of the ancient runes that were embroidered on that shawl, so I began by kneeling down in front of it and figured out the shawl’s message.

It was a beautiful one. The shawl had probably belonged to Mrs Snape’s family for generations, because I recognised sacred verses from diverse pagan celebration rites and even a poem talking about all kinds of love that I once read in a book that had belonged to a Priestess of Avalon. The sacred love for the Goddess and the God... the love between a mother and her child, between siblings... the love between two friends... the love between two soul mates... I was not surprised anymore that this shawl brought happiness to Severus’ mother; it was vibrant with some of the most powerful positive forces of nature!

I deployed Severus’ robes next to the shawl and planned the patterns I would reproduce. I decided that the poem would go on the left side, closer to his heart. The pagan rites would go on the right. I started stitching each symbol with black thread in several long columns that went from his shoulders to the bottom of the robes, repeating the verses that made my heart vibrate the most. Those robes were awfully long and completing the runes took me over three weeks and nearly a hundred hours of patience. But once I was done embroidering the runes, the orange stains had completely disappeared.

I added a final touch to the work by embroidering a small exemplar of the Slytherin armouries on each cuff, with silver and green threads, and then I added a discreet silver and green pattern all around his cuffs and on the hem-line on each side of the opening, on the front. I was very satisfied with the result, despite the time it had taken me. My mother, who had taught me the art of magical embroidering at a very young age (it was one of women’s main leisure activities at that time, even in the Magical world), would have been very proud of me.

She would have been a bit less proud of me had she known that the wizard for whom I was working so hard kept the eyes of his soul constantly turned towards his office door... just in case I would come knocking.

~*~

Severus and I met the following evening in his office as planned. I inquired about the state of his hand and he even let me take a look, spread some ointment on it and replace the bandages. We first discussed the student-related points. Severus seemed quite satisfied to put the remedial Potions under my responsibility. One fifth-year, four third-year and two first-year students had to take extra lessons once a week, and from the sinister sound of his voice, they seemed like rather desperate cases, at least from Severus’ point of view. I suggested to him right away that I could replace him in the double Potions lesson for the sixth year level, which was a lesson he particularly loathed, but he categorically refused, to my surprise. He did not really give me any other reason than his own personal endeavour; he did not want to give them the pleasurable relief of having a new Potions teacher. Not after all the years they had spent together, he said.

We agreed that I would take the first and second year students, plus the Hufflepuff fourth years, who really asked of him miracles of patience each week. He handed me a copy of the lessons program he had developed over the years and I was immediately impressed by the meticulous precision in which every single lesson was detailed. Planning a whole week of work was an easy business, with that precious little book.

After a brief encounter with the staff, who greeted me with a polite reserve, except for Minerva and Poppy, who came to talk to me a bit longer than the others, we headed for the Great Hall. After an uneventful dinner during which I simulated the enjoyment of a frugal portion of roast beef and carrots (which took quite a few acting skills, let me tell you), Severus and I came back to his office and sat by the fire.

We discussed, for a while, the type of research we would do together. Like a great gentleman, Severus suggested that we should try to fix the Counter-Photodermatitis potion. I was greatly tempted by the idea until we both came to the conclusion that it would not be easily justifiable for us to suddenly start doing research to improve kindreds’ quality of life. I suggested working on improving the Wolfsbane potion, but the dark look I got stopped me from arguing any further.

“To summarize, we cannot work on any kindred-related potions, because it would look suspicious. We cannot work on any potion that could be used as a weapon either; the Ministry of Magic is keeping a very close eye on my activities and that would look suspicious, too.”

“There are still many possibilities left,” I commented. “Is there a field that triggers your interest in particular?”

“Anything that falls into the Defence Against the Dark Arts field,” he began, and then paused for a few minutes. “There... could be something I would like to work on. But it is rather ambitious...”

“Tell me,” I eagerly asked, with an engaging smile.

“As you know, there are only a few potions available to soothe the after-effects of the Cruciatus curse... and those we know have a rather superficial effect. Imagine the reaction in the scientific population if we found a very efficient potion that would wipe away the after-effects... and maybe even lessen the impact of the curse itself?”

“Wow... that is ambitious indeed!” I declared.

“Would you be ready to take on the challenge with me?” he asked, staring at me with a hint of excitement in his eyes.

“I would be honoured to,” I answered, smiling at him as a shiver of excited enthusiasm flooded my mind. “And I would ask when can we begin!”

“Let us take it one step at a time, Antanasia. First of all, we have to get the lab cleaned and equipped. That should take most of this week, if not more. Then, we have to review what has been done so far in that particular field. We should do that even before we order any potion supplies.”

“Of course,” I said. “Is Hogwarts’ library well-equipped and up to date with recent publications?”

“Since I began teaching here, I had the librarian order a few good Potions journals, but it might not suffice. We might need to check the British Wizarding Library in London to have access to a greater range of publications.”

“I can go, if you want,” I immediately suggested. “I need to meet someone there anyway.”

“If you say so… I would not want to deprive you of that… pleasure,” he slowly but sinisterly said.

I thought about Charles when I said that. I had moved so fast from London to Hogwarts that I had not taken the time to inform him of my new address. Severus thought I wanted to visit Remus and to a certain extent, he was absolutely right. I wanted to, but the Great Hall ceiling had remained completely empty of any owl for me, which was not surprising. I did not expect Remus to be ready to see me again that soon. Nevertheless, the sparkle of warmth I had seen in Severus’ eyes as we slowly built a research project together vanished instantly after my remark. He brought the conversation back to the lessons I would teach the following day to two groups of first years, respectively from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Severus went through the potion instructions with me, making sure I was familiar with it (it was only a ridiculously simple cleansing potion… I think he really wanted to reassure himself that everything would go well), and then went on and on with countless recommendations about not disturbing anything that belonged to him in the classroom.

“And by all means, keep your composure,” he finally concluded. “Those creatures can smell fear and insecurity better than a dog…”

“I believe I will manage, Severus; they are surely not that terrible…” I replied, with a mocking smile.

“If you want to indulge yourself in wishful thinking, Antanasia, go ahead! You might be bitterly surprised after your first lesson...”

“It is not as if I have never given any lessons before, you know. That was far more frightening!”

Our meeting ended shortly after, in a polite but definitely not warm atmosphere. I went to my chambers to put on my cloak and left for another walk along the lakeshore, thinking of how I would introduce myself to my students the following day and how I would explain the subtleties of the cleansing potion. I came back to my resting room towards one in the morning and read the chapter Severus had asked them to read for the lesson. The rest of the night was spent by the fireplace, stitching Severus’ robes.

~*~

The following afternoon, I forced myself to wake up at noon, which was awfully early, even for me who usually had a very light and short sleep anyway. The first lesson of the afternoon was at one, so I took a shower, put on my green robes (the dark ones would definitely have made me look too pale) and took additional time to do my hair in a way that would look professional. I went in the classroom through Severus’ office, hoping that I would get to chat with him a few minutes before the lesson began. He was not there. I assumed, with a certain disappointment, that he was either still in the Great Hall or in the teachers’ lounge. I took a deep breath and came in with my warmest smile.

The room was completely empty. I started to wonder if I had entered the wrong classroom when a timid-looking girl wearing the Ravenclaw tie passed her head through the doorframe. I invited her in with a smile and she sat at the back of the classroom. Students slowly arrived, one by one or in little groups, during the very last minutes before the bell rang, as if they wanted to postpone the moment as much as possible. My smile faded a little. Potions was indeed placed very low on the list of a student’s preferred lessons, no matter in which century they were born.

When the bell rang, I got to my feet and introduced myself (I almost got it right, this time… it only sounded as S’Professor Snape’s assistant) and then called the roll, which started to familiarise me with the students’ names. Severus was right, in part, when he talked about students’ well-trained senses. They were certainly probing me from head to toe, and I had the disagreeable impression of being scanned by two dozens of Legilimency-driven pairs of eyes, during the first minutes of the lesson. I discreetly returned them the honour and I felt that some of them were relieved to have a new teacher. Many others, however, were rather on guard and waited for me to prove to them that I was not a tyrannical teacher. The latter softened slightly when I told them I was sorted in Ravenclaw during my Hogwarts years.

My first lesson went very smoothly. The Ravenclaw students were as quiet and polite as I expected them to be. To my pleasure, they had read the assigned chapter and were ready to answer my questions. Most of them succeeded in brewing the potion properly and nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was still enjoying the thrill of my first accomplishment of the day when the Hufflepuff students entered the classroom after the break. I had prepared myself to give more detailed instructions, adapting to the level of that group if necessary, and I was mentally reviewing the questions I wanted to ask the class when I caught a glimpse of a moving shadow between the students. Something black… something billowing behind a pair of long legs.

“Severus?” I tentatively asked, searching for him in the classroom.

“It is me indeed. I first thought that I would spy on you like you did to me last Friday,” he answered in my mind, “which is exactly what I have been doing for the last hour and a half. But then I thought it would only be fair to let you know of my presence here during the second lesson, so I lifted the Disillusionment Charm for a brief moment.”

“And what would the purpose of your presence be?” I teasingly asked. “Moral support?”

“Call it whatever you want, but something tells me I am in for quite a show,” he only said, with a hint of irony in his voice.

The bell rang shortly after that, so I did not really have time to argue or question him more. I began the lesson the very same way I had begun with the Ravenclaws. I questioned them on the chapter they had read, which was about rare plants that can be found across Scandinavia, but the students’ answers were rather disappointing. I decided to impress Severus by prompting them more and have them give me more complete answers, thinking that my teaching abilities would make me shine, but the result was not really any better. I think my attempts to make them elaborate more drove me into giving explanations that were far too complex for them to understand and ten minutes later, the group seemed somewhat lost. When I was teaching in Durmstrang, students usually had a broader culture, having been tutored at home for many years, for most of them. They could rely on that knowledge to give satisfying answers, but that was not the case with these students. As a result, I had a slightly cooler response from the group afterwards.

The worst part came later, however. That cleansing potion had only one tricky step in the whole brewing process, but it could be a dangerous one when handled by novices. I spent some time explaining to them how, when they reached a certain step in the instructions, it was important to maintain a contention spell on their cauldrons for it not to melt from the high acidity of the compound. I also repeated, three times, that it was important not to drop the last two ingredients in at the same time, because the reaction would produce a small explosion.

I should have repeated it once more, to counteract my own absent-mindedness.

I started a demonstration potion of my own in the front of the classroom and I told the students they could ask me for help if they had any question during the process. I wanted to put them at ease and I did not want them to refrain from calling me to their table if they needed me. And they did. One after the other they started raising their hands when they reached the critical step of the instructions, feeling too insecure to do it by themselves. I helped one student, a second one, a third one… minutes later, I was not able to answer all their requests. In addition, they were getting impatient and nervous, because they did not want their compound to simmer for too long, which would have threatened its efficacy. The room was filled with insistent, “Miss Sheridan, please?” and some “Can you come here, Miss Sheridan?” which made me more and more nervous, especially since I knew that Severus was witnessing all of this. And was probably laughing hard at me as he did. I went to the front of the classroom, determined to have these students get the potion right by the end of the lesson.

“Students,” I began, trying to quiet the group who were murmuring at an increased intensity. “Students, quiet, please!” I continued in the same calm tone, expecting them to politely obey me.

I did not want to scream. Screaming is something I had never had to do during my Durmstrang years and I was certainly not about to begin that at Hogwarts. Some students had stopped talking, but many others were gathered in small groups around cauldrons and were arguing nervously about the best way to hold the spell. I was about to slap my hand a few times on the desk to re-establish a proper silence when an invisible hand grabbed my wrist and stopped me just in time.

“I assumed you remembered the lesson I gave you about oral presentations, Miss Sheridan,” purred the smooth low voice, right next to my ear. “Unless you breathe properly, your voice will not have the wanted impact. Send the air down here, it will greatly help you,” he added, placing his hand over mine, against my stomach.

I was completely frozen; he wanted me to breathe better and I had stopped breathing instead. I believed him to be at the back of the classroom, not right behind me! I tried to feel how his body was positioned and, from the way his arm gently brushed against mine, I deduced he was indeed standing right behind me. Very close. His body did not touch me, but I did not dare to move at all.

To summarise, it would have been my turn to have a heart attack if I had not technically died from heart failure in 1739…

“Quiet, please!” I declared, after taking a few seconds to calm down. “Look, guys, this is really an easy step,” I firmly said, trying to smile despite my own nervousness. “You will have to get used to it; potion making requires you to manipulate dangerous ingredients or to take the risk of provoking hazardous reactions from time to time. This is just a part of the game! If accidents happen, it is not the end of the world; you are here to learn and I do not expect you to get everything right on the first attempt. Now watch me and do exactly as I do.”

I noticed that Severus’ hand had vanished when I moved to the side to get the two last ingredients for the potion. I was about to start speaking again while adding the ingredients when Severus hurriedly re-established the Legilimency link between us.

“Antanasia! You did not put the contention charm around the cauldron! Remember what I said about you not touching my belongings; that includes not melting my desk…”

“Silly me… thank you for the hint, Severus,” I answered, cursing myself for my lack of attention.

It was not the only one I had that afternoon. I put the proper charm around the cauldron and started adding the first ingredient very slowly, explaining the reaction it produced while the students who had not completed the steps did the same, in front of me. My mistake, at that precise moment (and I admit it without shame), was that I did not set an example of one of the most basic rules any potions maker should observe: never hold a potentially dangerous ingredient in your other hand while you are working on your compound. Though I believed the spoon containing the second ingredient was securely held in my left hand, I was proven wrong the minute Severus started talking to me again.

“There is a student in the second row who did not set her charm properly… her cauldron will melt in no time…” he whispered, so close to my ear that I could feel his soft lips brushing against my lobe.

Maybe it was the thousands of shivers it sent down my back, the tickling sensation of the tip of his hair against my neck, the smell of his skin so close to me or the very unexpected urge to just take a step back and let him wrap me in a warm embrace, but I suddenly dropped the second ingredient, along with the spoon and the first ingredient (which I was still carefully adding), right into the potion. Severus barely had time to grab my waist and pull me back before the compound exploded, throwing the yellow liquid everywhere on the desk, on the nearest walls, on the floor… which obviously started to melt everything it touched because of its high acidity at that point.

Severus, still holding me firmly by the waist, walked back so fast that he did not think of the small step that was between the teaching platform and the classroom floor. He ungracefully fell to the floor, dragging me with him, and I vaguely felt that the back of my head hit something when we touched the floor. Before the students could wonder why I was lying about half a foot over the ground, I heard a couple of other explosions. They spared Severus the series of insults I wanted to throw in his face and, leaning my knee heavily on something I believed to be his crotch (it was his stomach, to my disappointment) I hurriedly got to my feet and looked for the source of the noise. Fortunately for me, the two students who provoked the explosion were not injured. One had to remove her robes as they had been splashed with the acidic solution and both of their tables’ surfaces were damaged, but other than that, the students were safe. Totally frightened, but safe. I ran to their cauldrons and vanished their potions, and only then, did I think of vanishing mine. Severus’ desk was half melted.

I took some time to comfort the students, apologising for my own mistake that had startled them and had provoked the unfortunate chemical reaction. I even tried to joke about it, telling them that they had a perfect example of how to handle tricky situations when mishaps occur. It certainly did not involve lying over a wizard’s body on the classroom floor, but I thoughtfully omitted that tiny detail, obviously.

The lesson ended half an hour later, uneventfully. The students brought me their samples in silence, still quite impressed by the explosions and probably a little scared of the fury that pierced through my eyes despite my efforts. The students whose potions had exploded offered to wash their working space, but I declined their offer with a genuine but tense smile, telling them that I would take care of that myself.

“Are you still here, Severus?” I snapped, as soon as I closed the door behind the last student, with a voice that was probably more acidic than the spilled potion.

Nobody replied.

“Good,” I uttered, through clenched teeth. “It is better for your safety not to show me your face anyway.”

I unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeves of my robe and found a bucket and a mop in a closet at the back of the classroom. I filled the bucket with water and angrily added some of my cleansing potion to it. By the time I stopped murmuring insults at myself, blinking away a few tears, I had washed the entire classroom floor. I rubbed it so hard in my fury that it shone bright in the candlelight. I attacked the students’ tables afterwards, which were left equally clean and shining after I was done. Working like that, in the old Muggle way, gave me the chance to let off some steam and let most of my anger out. It also helped me ease a little of the shame I felt, after having messed Severus’ classroom so brilliantly.

The students’ tables were not damaged too severely; I was able to fix them with a repairing charm. Severus’ desk was beyond a repairable state, however. I sat on a student’s chair and ran two helpless hands in my hair.

“You… are… so… stupid, Tasia!” I articulated, marking each word with a shameful nod.

I could only imagine what it would be like for him to teach the following day with half a desk. I also thought of the way he would certainly explain to his students how his careless and headless little assistant had managed to damage it. I had no doubt he would have some evil fun in doing it, in addition. I got to my feet and walked to the desk, deciding to just take the sample potions and bring them back to my quarters, where I would be able to hide in peace… and in shame. Had I stayed one more second on my seat, I would have felt a comforting hand touching my back.

I brought the samples to my resting room and decided to ask Severus to remove the desk’s value from my pay until I could reimburse the school completely. The thought occurred to me, however, that my absence at dinner in the Great Hall would surely be noticed… and taken as a display of feebleness. After a rather short inner debate, I finally decided to summon up my courage and walk through the Great Hall doors with the most composed gait I could adopt. Which meant that I kept my eyes fixed on Dumbledore, at the back of the room, and walked straight in front of me, trying to ignore the students’ whispers coming from the Ravenclaw and the Hufflepuff tables as I passed. When my eyes drifted to Severus’ place and saw his face, everything froze inside of me.

His right eye was disgracefully adorned with a dark and purple bruise that went from the base of his nose, almost to the opposite corner of his eye, in one large crescent. It was partially hidden behind his hair, but clashed so much against his pale skin that I could not help but notice. I understood at once that the thing I had hit with the back of my head was probably his cheekbone. I blushed furiously and almost gave in to the temptation of turning back on my steps and follow my original hiding plan, but the sight of an empty chair on Poppy’s left made me change my mind. I practically ran to her.

She patiently listened to the tale of my second lesson and merely chuckled when I reached the explosion parts. To my surprise, she did not politely make her way out of the conversation by telling me some cliché comforting sentences about how I would do better next time. Her answer was most fascinating to hear.

“Do not fret about that, Antanasia,” she said, waving her hand as if she wanted to chase my bad feelings away from me. “And please, do not let him lecture you about it! When he started teaching here, he kept overestimating his students’ skills. He finally adapted, but I had more patients during those few months than I had had two years before that!”

“Really?” I asked, in disbelief.

“Really. When they did not come in with transfigured limbs or features, they could not speak anymore or were simply injured! One of them even got stuck with a dog’s voice for three weeks before the effects of the potion wore off; he had made it too strong,” she explained, bringing a faint smile on my lips. “So do not let him preach at you too much… just manage to control yourself when you do. If you add another injury to the lot, people will start thinking that his new assistant is beating him up!”

The rest of the dinner was more agreeable than I had expected. Severus did not let me escape when I made my way out, however. He walked behind me, along with many Slytherin students who were going to their study room, and followed me to the dungeons. I was unlocking my resting room door when he finally reached me.

“May I have a word with you about today’s lessons?” he asked, with an air of superior coldness.

“Of course. I expected you to,” I answered, inviting him in.

“I prefer to discuss the matter in my office, if you do not mind,” he said, staying in the corridor. “Students might come knocking on my door and I need to be there to answer them if they do.”

As soon as we were seated at his desk, I saw him lean back in his chair and cross his arms and legs. It looked more evaluative than ever. I chose to break the silence first.

“I see that I inadvertently hit you in the face… I apologise.”

“I am not sure that inadvertently is the appropriate word here,” he sneered.

“I think inadvertently is very appropriate when it describes actions beyond one’s control… such as being pulled back without warning and thrown on the floor.”

“Your head hit my face with quite a lot of enthusiasm…”

“Well, what did you expect? I have accumulated quite a lot of things in this head over the years!” I replied, raising an argumentative eyebrow. “Had you not fallen that way, I would not have hit you so hard.”

“Sorry if my gesture was not as graceful as you expected,” he murmured, in a very low voice. “I was busy trying to protect you from harm… for which I do not remember having been thanked. Quite the contrary, actually.”

I snorted, but did not keep arguing. This conversation was leading us nowhere and he had a point. He had indeed saved me from being splashed with acid, which would have disfigured me.

“Thank you for your gesture, Severus,” I finally articulated, looking reluctantly into his eyes. “I guess I was lucky you were there.”

“You are welcome,” he answered, with a satisfied smile. “Now, about the two lessons I saw…. There is definitely room for improvement and I thought it would be best for you to receive an evaluation tonight to prevent you from making the same mistakes tomorrow.”

And he went on and on about all the little details he noticed during his observation in the afternoon. He said I had given the Ravenclaws a much too advanced lesson, despite my protest that they were fully able to understand it. To which he only answered that he hoped I would show the same care for his Slytherins the following day. He also criticised me for not having removed any points from the Hufflepuff house for the students’ mishaps, which I found totally undeserved. He completed with general observations about my lack of authority and vulgarisation skills.

I argued at first, and then completely abandoned the fight, knowing that he would not let me have the last word. I was a bit intimidated by the fact that those students were under his guidance before I came to Hogwarts and I wanted to take that in consideration. By the time he finished the never-ending list of improvement points I had to work on, all my irritability had come back.

“Well at least I am not called the “dungeons’ bat” behind my back,” I angrily thought, trying to cheer myself up.

“Indeed. I heard you are being unofficially baptised the “dungeons’ walking corpse” by a pair of Hufflepuffs during dinner, which is far less undeserved than the nicknames I personally own, as you will agree. Congratulations; welcome to Hell!” he hissed, in my mind.

“If that is all, Professor Snape,” I sneered, “I will go to my quarters and mark the students’ samples. I do not like to accumulate work.”

“I thought we had agreed that we would use the same office space,” he commented, frowning slightly.

“I just want some time alone… ok?” I answered, rising to my feet hoping he would get the hint.

“Why? I thought you felt lonely at the Headquarters?”

“Well… I did, at times… it was really nice to find myself surrounded by people again,” I admitted.

“Do you think hiding in your quarters will make you feel better, then?” he asked, in a smoother tone.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Here is what I suggest,” he continued, with a friendlier voice. “Go to your resting room, pick up the samples, along with your bottle of Leukoscotch, and come back here. I prepared tomorrow’s lessons this morning; I can even help you with the marking if you want.”

“I am not sure I feel like receiving any more evaluations, Severus,” I defensively answered.

“I am not talking about evaluating you, Antanasia… the evaluation is over. We can mark those samples together and then do something else… a game of chess, maybe?”

There was no trace of sneer on his lips as he said this. The offer was genuine. So genuine that I swallowed my hurting pride and went to my quarters to retrieve the samples and Leukoscotch. We spent an agreeable evening; even marking samples felt nice, as we chatted about many other things, just like we did when I visited him in Zaharia. I lamentably lost against him when we played chess… twice, but the comments he made on my strategy were only intelligent and not derisive. I gave him a much harder victory during our third game.

“I should get going, now, Severus,” I declared, when his clock rang eleven times. “You probably need to rest and I want to start cleaning the lab tonight.”

“From what I saw in my classroom, the lab will shine in no time,” he commented, taking the chessboard table away from the fireplace.

“What do you mean?” I asked, taken aback.

“I saw what you did in the classroom after the lessons… Anger seems to have a fascinating effect on you; I do not remember the last time my classroom looked so clean,” he taunted.

“Were you still in the room after the lesson?”

“No,” he lied.

“Good… you would have become the “dungeons’ racoon” if I had caught you in there,” I teased back with an evil grin. “I will see you tomorrow, then. No spying, this time?”

“No spying, I promise,” he lied again, with the same kind of grin dancing in his eyes.

~*~

AUTHOR’S NOTE
I hope you are enjoying the story! I would really appreciate some reviews. It does not take much of your time and it tells me if you like where the story is going or not! It’s in your best interest, in a way! Writing so much every week represents a lot of work; your comments are a valuable reward! :o) I am still writing every day and chapter 14 part 2 is in editing right now! Just be patient; your encouragement is always precious!