10 Years After

10 Years After
Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I own nothing of what you’re about to read, with the possible exception of the plot, although I’m sure it’s been done before. The places, characters, etc. belong to JK Rowling. Thanks.

Hogsmeade: June 28, 2008, early evening; Three Broomsticks.
Hermione sat at a table with Minerva McGonagall. Hermione was nursing an Ogden’s Olde Firewhisky and Minerva had her customary gillywater.

“When did you start drinking Firewhisky?” queried Minerva as she glanced at the glass in Hermione’s hand.

“Last March,” replied Hermione, “I was at a conference, I had a moment of social phobia, and someone pressed a glass of this stuff into my hand. Since then, I’ve been rather fond of it. It reminds me of that night…”

“Was that when you…ran into Severus?” asked Minerva delicately, sipping at her gillywater.

“Yes. Yes it was,” answered Hermione, her eyes taking on a far-away dreamy look, “when I rediscovered Severus Snape.”

“So it’s true, then?”

“What?” replied Hermione, looking quizzically at Minerva.

“About you and Severus being more than colleagues.”

“Yes, Minerva, it’s true. I don’t think Severus would mind if I told you. I don’t think it’s a secret or anything like that. I mean, Harry knows. Ron knows which means all of the Weasleys and then some know, Albus knows…”

“So you left Harry for Severus?” asked Minerva, picking up the menu and glancing at the bill of fare.

“You can stop hiding behind the menu, Minerva,” said Hermione with a smile, “we’ve already ordered our dinner. The answer to your question is no. I didn’t leave Harry for Severus. I left Harry for many reasons. Did having Severus enter my life have an effect on my decision to finally do what I should have done long ago? Absolutely. But no. I did not leave Harry for him.”

“Did you have an affair with him while you were married to Harry?”

“Nice job being subtle, Minerva,” replied Hermione, rolling her eyes, “I did have an affair with Severus. I’m not proud of it, but I’m not ashamed of it either. I doubt either of us expected what happened between us, it was not planned, but Severus fulfilled needs I didn’t know I even had. Once I was with Severus, I had to keep being with him. He was, and is, like a drug in my system. It wasn’t a tawdry affair. I truly fell in love with him. And I love him more and more every day. I wish that I didn’t have to hurt Harry in order for me to be happy, but there was no other choice. I couldn’t stay with Harry – in that sham that was our marriage – when I was falling in love with someone else. It wasn’t fair to anyone.”

Minerva nodded as her order was placed in front of her. She quietly took a small portion of her pasta on her fork. She ate a bit and smiled wistfully at Hermione.

“You know, Hermione,” she said, putting down her fork, “I once was in a similar situation. Unfortunately for me, I chose the safe route. I chose to maintain my marriage even though it wasn’t right for me and I knew it. I was afraid of the stigma of being a divorced witch back in those days. Wizarding divorces are such exacting things. If they are meant to be, the marriage is simply dissolved. It’s as simple as cutting the fasting cords used to be in days of old. But it’s so uncertain. One never knows if the split was meant to be and if it isn’t, it becomes such an ordeal. So I sat out a bad marriage until he passed on.”

“In the long run,” said Hermione, taking a bite of her chicken, “I don’t think I was as afraid of the consequences of the divorce as I was of the consequences of living without Severus.”

“I do apologize,” said Minerva, sipping her gillywater, “I just can’t imagine what you saw in Severus. I know him, and I adore him, but I can’t understand why a young woman like yourself would be interested in a future with someone as dark as he can be.”

Hermione looked at Minerva, her eyes shining in the lamplight of the Three Broomsticks. She smiled at her former professor and answered without a second thought.

“He’s beautiful,” she smiled, “he’s like some dark fallen angel. He’s brilliant, bold, has a sharp wit… When he smiles it’s like a gift. He treats me like a woman but never seems to forget that I’m also a scholar. He talks to me on so many different levels. He challenges me. He wants me to achieve my goals. He wants me to succeed. He’s romantic in his own way, he’s devastatingly handsome, and he is amazing in bed. He completes me, Minerva. I know that sounds trite and like some line from a Muggle movie, but it’s true. He’s like the second half of my soul. He’s not perfect. I hold no illusion that he is. He was a Death Eater, he’s surly, cranky, stubborn, sarcastic, often cruel. He rules his classroom with an iron fist and deserves the reputation he has with his students. I know that. But that’s only part of him. He’s also a man who has seen the errors of his youth and has sought to correct them in the only way he knows how. He has risked his life time and again because he believes that only through great sacrifice can he ever possibly receive any atonement for the things he’s done as a Death Eater. He wears the Dark Mark, though it’s faint now. And it will forever be a reminder of the mistakes that he made. He isolates himself because he knows no other way. He’s been shunned for so long by society that now he feels that he deserves it. He’s Severus. He’s the man I love, faults and all. And he loves me, even with my faults.”

Minerva looked at Hermione with surprise. The young Gryffindor had grown into a beautiful self possessed woman who knew precisely what she wanted and how to get it. It appeared to the older witch that what Hermione wanted was a man who challenged her on many levels. And there was no doubt in the mind of Minerva McGonagall that Severus Snape was challenging. Minerva smiled slightly and took another bite of her dinner before speaking again.

“How did Harry take your leaving him?” she asked.

“Fine at first. Then not so well,” admitted Hermione.

“Took some time to sink him, did it?”

“I suppose. I know that Harry and Severus had a discussion last month. Severus hasn’t told me what was said and I haven’t heard from Harry since. Severus promises that he kept his wand in his pocket the entire time,” said Hermione, “and Molly Weasley told me that Harry has been in sporadic contact since, so I know that hexes were probably not fired.”

“Knowing Severus, he probably hit Harry with a large dose of the truth. That’s usually worse than a hex.”

“I do feel horrible for what I did to Harry,” said Hermione, toying with her food, “but Minerva, it wasn’t working. Our marriage was wrong on so many levels. I kept saying over and over that Harry didn’t know me. You know what? I didn’t know Harry all that well, either. Severus told me once that I had to take some of the blame for the condition of my marriage. I went along with it in the first place and lived with my decision. I should have never married him and I know that now. I was just as guilty for things being wrong as Harry was.”

“And now you’ve rectified the situation and have found what you’ve been looking for with our Potions Master,” stated Minerva, “do you ever think it happened all too quickly?”

“Absolutely,” said Hermione, nodding her head, “I definitely thought things moved fast. Severus tried to slow them down, I think, but you can’t slow down what’s meant to be.”

Minerva pushed her half eaten plate aside, glancing at the dessert menu, “They really give you far too much food here, don’t they?”

Hermione looked at her plate of food, realizing that she ate nearly the whole thing and smiled sheepishly, “Guess I was hungry.”

Hermione laughed, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. Minerva was proud of the woman that Hermione had become. And while she was concerned about the relationship between her once prized pupil and the cranky Potions Master, she had to admit that neither was the type to blindly enter into a relationship, especially not Severus. Minerva had to admit to herself that Hermione and Severus certainly seemed well matched in intellect.

“So, where is Severus tonight?” asked Minerva, looking over at the door to the pub, her eyes following someone to the bar.

“He’s grading exams. He suggested I ‘get out and have some fun’.”

“Did he know where you were going?”

“I don’t think I mentioned it, why?”

Minerva tilted her head to the bar where Hermione spied her lover, leaning against the mahogany surface and glowering around the room. Clearly he hadn’t seen Hermione and Minerva yet. Minerva saw Hermione’s eyes light up, then saw the same look in Severus’ dark eyes as they locked gazes. She swore she even saw a hint of a smile cross his stern face. Hermione beckoned him over, standing up to receive a rather public and tasteful kiss on the lips.

“Good evening Minerva,” he said, acknowledging his coworker.

“Can you join, us, Severus?” asked Hermione, hopefully.

“If you don’t mind,” he replied, “I finished that serum for you, Hermione.”

“You have? That’s wonderful. Thank you so much,” she said, her eyes shining brightly, “Have you eaten?” she queried, a note of concern entering her voice.

“Yes. But I was going rather stir crazy in the castle. I thought I’d come out for a whisky and possibly a game of darts. But I must admit, the company is much better than I anticipated,” replied Severus, that same small smile crossing his face. Minerva noticed it was a smile that was centered in his eyes.

The trio ordered dessert, with Severus ordering a lovely bottle of dessert wine for them to share. Minerva was surprised to find she was enjoying Severus’ company more than she had in years. He still had that sarcastic edge, but it was tempered somewhat by genuine good humor. She carefully watched the interplay between Severus and Hermione, noting the chivalrous manner in which he treated the younger witch. She noted the softness in his eyes when he looked at Hermione. And she noted the way he stood up when Hermione excused herself to use the ladies’ room and to say hello to a former classmate. Minerva watched the way his eyes followed Hermione to her destination. She smiled.

“You truly love that girl, don’t you?” she stated more than asked, taking a sip of her wine.

“Is it obvious?”

“Only if one knows what to look for, Severus.”

“Yes, Minerva,” he said, pouring them both more wine, “but if you divulge what I am about to tell you, I will hex you within an inch of your life. Regardless of your stature as Albus Dumbledore’s right hand.”

Minerva chuckled, “I won’t divulge a morsel.”

“Hermione is what I was looking for all my life but never dreamed I’d find. I never thought I deserved someone like her. I still don’t think I deserve her.”

“You deserve every happiness that the rest of us do, Severus. I’ve honestly had enough of you flogging yourself over your past,” said Minerva.

“It is time to move on, Minerva. You are correct,” admitted Severus, “If I’ve learned one thing from Hermione, it’s that time moves forward, not backward, and the time for regrets is long past.”

“She’s very wise, our Hermione,” smiled Minerva, taking another sip of her wine.

“She’s more than wise. For one so young, she has such a grasp on reality. I’ll admit, though, I was quite surprised when we first talked again in New York. I wasn’t expecting her to be what she is. I guess part of me was still thinking of her as that Gryffindor Know-it-All who drove me insane the first 5 and a half years of dealing with her at Hogwarts.”

“What of her last year and a half at school?”

“She stopped raising her hand so much,” he answered dryly.

“Hermione told me of your relationship and its impact on her decision to divorce Harry Potter…”

“I never intended to have an affair with her, Minerva, please believe that. It was just that being in her company did something to me. I didn’t care that she was married. I didn’t care that I was her ex-professor. I didn’t care about any of that. All I cared about was being with her, drinking her in, being filled with the light she emits from her very soul. I was captivated. Totally and completely. It’s not like I awoke one day and decided that Hermione Granger was my fantasy woman,” he shuddered a little at the thought, “I mean, yes, I followed her career and I knew that she had grown into a brilliant researcher and an attractive woman, but I never thought of her in any way other than as an ex-professor proud to see a promising student succeed.”

“It had nothing to do with her being Harry Potter’s wife?” asked Minerva, locking eyes with the Potions Master, “it had nothing to do with not letting go of the past?”

Severus met Minerva’s gaze, seeing what was unsaid in her eyes. He slowly shook his head.

“If you’re suggesting that I swept in and stole Harry Potter’s wife as a form of revenge for his father swooping in on Lily Evans, the answer is no. At the time I met Hermione in New York, I had long given up my petty hatred of all things Potter. Having our minds linked in the final battle against the Dark Lord effectively ended that nonsense. I still don’t particularly like Potter, but I hold him no serious ill will,” Severus answered, “No, Minerva, I saw Hermione in New York, witnessed her presentation, spoke with her after, and begin falling in love with her. Looking back, I don’t think it was ever anything but falling in love. I tried to tell myself it was seduction or some such tripe, but it wasn’t. Hermione is an angel. She is beautiful, kind, brilliant, warm, sweet, and has a way of bringing out the best in me. And if you ever tell anyone I said that, I meant what I said about the hex.”

Minerva sipped her wine, took a small spoonful of her lemon curd tart, and smiled at Severus as Hermione returned to the table. She took in the glances they shared, the subtle manner in which Severus brushed Hermione’s hand with his, the closeness between them that she could feel. She knew they were together for a reason, and after talking with them both, she was no longer concerned for Hermione. If anything, she was concerned for Severus. His heart was fragile and unused to love. But Minerva firmly believed his heart was in good hands.