Delicate

Chapter Seventeen: The Beauty







What a heartache, what a heartache

Love ain\'t always what it appears to be

What a heartache you turned out to be

















The first weeks of school had been terrible. At the end of the day Hermione was so exhausted that she often fell into bed on top of the covers because she was just too damned tired to climb beneath them. She always awoke neatly tucked in and curled up against Severus and that was turning out to be the best part of her day. Severus was correct in his assessment that children were idiots. How had she not realized how difficult being a teacher really was? How had she not realized how stupid her classmates had really been?





The student body of Hogwarts ranged from pre-pubescent first years away from Mummy and Daddy for the first time, nervous and scared of their own shadows to horny know it all seventh years who thought of nothing but finding a dark corner in which to screw. In between could be found the over emotional tweens in mid-puberty and unfortunately for her, the hero worshipping potential stalkers who followed her around in constant awe over being in the presence of a bona fide war heroine.





Her day couldn’t have been worse. There were four explosions, two over flows; one accidental poisoning and a seventh year N.E.W.T student actually made a pass at her by asking if she was a cougar and if not would she like to be. In three weeks time she had become almost as snarky as the man she loved. As she sat on the floor of the classroom, surrounded by dirty cauldrons and the mangled remains of the days lessons she wondered where the man who held her heart had gotten off to. He had been called to the headmistress’s office just after dinner but she hadn’t seen him since, it was almost time for them to go home.





She cast a cleansing spell on the dirty cauldrons and carried the bucket of ruined potions to the sink, casting a diluting spell as she dumped it down the drain. She wanted a shower, some ice cream and a cuddle with Severus, if he ever showed up. She smelled like a campfire and hours of leaning over cauldrons with amateur potion makers had done nothing for her curls which struggled to escape her carefully pinned bun. She was a mess, plain and simple. The classroom door opened and she looked over her shoulder ready to chastise a wayward student out after curfew.





It wasn’t a student that glided through the door, but a beautiful woman with long auburn hair and ivory skin, resplendent in gold colored robes. She was tall, willowy and elegant, everything that Hermione was not. It took a moment for her to register the face that Severus had entered right behind her.





“Gretchen, this is my assistant, Hermione Granger.” Severus said, gesturing towards Hermione. The woman tilted her head to the side and smiled, her ruby lips lifting to reveal perfect white teeth. “Ms.Granger, this is Gretchen Sinclair, headmistress for the American Institute for The Magically Inclined.” The fact that he introduced her as his assistant Ms. Granger was not lost on her.





“Hello, Hermione,” she smiled and extended her hand. Hermione reached out to shake it then noticed her fingers, stained with ink and soot and gave her a chagrined smile before withdrawing and hiding her dirty hands.





“Excuse my appearance, Ms. Sinclair, I was just cleaning up.” Hermione said, feeling more than a little frumpy in the presence of such a beautiful woman.





“Oh no, call me Gretchen, please,” she said, smiling. “Forgive me; I insisted that Severus bring me over for an introduction. I just had to meet the witch that aided Harry Potter in his victory.”





“Oh, well, I only did what any other friend would have done in the same situation,” she said modestly.





“Oh, do not down play your courage, dear. Severus tells me that you intend to become a potions mistress,” she said, folding her hands in front of her. She was exceptionally kind, which made Hermione feel incredibly guilty for the jealous rage that was coursing through her.





“That is the goal. Assisting Professor Snape is quite an honor,” she said with a tight smile.





“He tells me that your assistance is invaluable, he said that you were flat mates.” Hermione felt pressure in her chest, uncomfortable pressure accompanied by the urge to cry.





“Y-yes, he was kind enough to give me a room in his home after university,” she said, trying to keep her emotions in check. She couldn’t look at him. Her confusion and disappointment made her want to run away and if she looked at him she would cry.





“I don’t want to take you away from your work, we were going to the Three Broomsticks for a drink, would you care to join us?” Gretchen asked.





“No…no thank you, I think I will just finish up here and go,” she said hoarsely.





“Maybe another time?” Gretchen looked genuinely disappointed at her refusal.





“Maybe, excuse me.” Hermione turned and began moving quickly towards Severus’s office, she wanted to get home as quickly as possible.





“Hermione, stop.” Severus said firmly from behind her as soon as she stepped into his office. She stopped, her hands fisted at her sides as she struggled to keep her breathing even.





“Yes, Severus,” she didn’t turn around; she couldn’t look at him, not with her emotions churning so wildly out of control.





“Are you feeling alright?” He asked.







“I’m tired, it’s been a long day,” she answered, swallowing hard to keep herself from saying any more.





“Yes, you have worked very hard today, you should go home and get some sleep,” he said. He knew that she was upset. He wanted to comfort her, to reassure her but something stopped him. Some dark part of him that wanted to see her distressed over him, that wanted to push her and test her commitment to him.





“Yes, a shower and some sleep is just what I need,” she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. “Good night, Severus.” She said, moving towards the fireplace.







“I’ll overlook your failure to adhere to our rules because I know you are tired, Hermione. I expect to find you sleeping in my bed when I get home, understood?” His voice was stern and commanding.





“Yes, Severus,” she answered just before she stepped into the hearth and vanished into swirling green flames.









~ @ ~







“You didn’t mention the fact that you were involved with your little assistant,” Gretchen said quietly in her bland American accent as she twirled the stem of her wine glass between her fingers. She stared at the man across from her, slumped over the table staring unseeing into a glass of whiskey.





“I didn’t see where it was relevant,” Severus lifted the glass to his lips and closed his eyes as the amber liquid burned his throat. As he placed it back on the table and continued his examination of the libation he couldn’t help but notice that the color of the liquid matched her eyes.





“How could you not think it relevant, Severus, the girl’s heart was breaking in front of us,” she said, feeling sorry for the young witch.





“My relationship with Hermione is of no concern to you,” he said, scowling. “You always were a nosy witch.”





“I think it’s an American trait, we like to know the details, we thrive on the story behind the heartbreak,” she chuckled. “She loves you.”





“I know,” he said quietly.





“Then why did you flaunt me in front of her and not reassure her that I was no threat,” she asked. She hadn’t said anything at the time because it wasn’t her place and she didn’t fully understand what was happening between the couple until Hermione walked away. As a woman she recognized that walk, that need to keep it together until you were out of sight so that no one could see you break. No doubt the girl was crying herself to sleep, confused and imagining the worst scenarios possible. She definitely felt sorry for her.





“I did no such thing,” he claimed even though he knew it to be a lie.





“Yes, you did,” she said quietly. “I didn’t understand the situation at first, it wasn’t until you followed her into the office that I figured it out. Why did you want to hurt her?”





“I don’t want to hurt her, “he frowned and raked his fingers through his hair. “I don’t want to hurt her.”





“Yet you did, why?” Gretchen watched him, watched the pain shadow his face mixed with the confusion. “I know we aren’t close, Severus, I don’t know that I would even call us friends, but I am a willing ear, an objective observer, talking about it might help, you know.”





Severus looked decidedly uncomfortable as he sat back in the chair and drummed his fingers on the rugged table top. Gretchen was a beautiful, compassionate witch, not prone to gossip or passing judgment, she was someone he could trust because she didn’t really know him. No one other than Hermione knew him.





“I was in love with a witch once,” he nearly strangled on the confession. He never spoke of Lily and it felt strange for him to be doing so with a passing acquaintance. “We were young, best friends for years and I suppose you could say that she was my first love. She was a muggle-born witch. I was there for her when she needed someone to help settle her into the magical world; I protected her and stood by her. When I began socializing with a group of dark wizards she turned her back on me and fell into the arms of my enemy. I trusted her to be there for me like I was there for her and she failed me.”





“Just because one witch broke your heart does not mean that every witch will,” Gretchen said with a sad smile.





“I am not a man who trusts easily, Gretchen,” he said, picking up his glass for another swig of whiskey.





“I can tell,” she said. “How did you end up involved with one so young?”





“That is a complicated tale,” he snorted. “She was a student of mine, stubborn as a mule; she refused to let me die after I was injured. She took care of me, still does. She lifted me up from my lowest point and has stood by me ever since.”





“How did you fall in love with her?” Gretchen asked, her brows arched, daring him to deny it when he started at her question.





“We became friends. She is my only true friend, the only person in the world who gives a damn about me. She understands me and who I am. And she…”





“Loves you?” Gretchen offered.





“Yes, she loves me and when we moved in together it evolved into something more,” he said, sliding his glass to the edge of the table when a server appeared with a bottle to refill it.





“She loves you, you love her—whether you are willing to admit to it or not you DO love her, yet you deliberately hurt her, and you still haven’t told me why,” she said.





“I don’t know why,” he answered. “I don’t want to hurt her yet I can’t seem to stop myself from doing so. I want to pull her closer and I want to shove her away. It makes no sense and I do not like things that make no sense.”





“I think that some part of you wants to hurt her before she has the chance to hurt you,” Gretchen said, still twirling her glass between her fingers. “Only a coward runs away from love when it is offered freely, Severus.”





“I’ve been called coward before,” he said.





“You and I both know that isn’t the case,” she smiled. “What are you going to do about your love?”





“I haven’t a clue,” he said. “I am no good for her, I don’t deserve her. Yet, I can’t seem to let her go. It’s not logical.”





“Love never is,” Gretchen smiled and raised her drink. “To love, if it’s easy, it isn’t true.”













~ @ ~









Severus crept across his bedroom, discarding his clothing piece by piece as he went until he was able to climb into the bed beside the witch sleeping soundly. She lay on her stomach, her face turned towards him, her fist tucked beneath her chin with a wadded up tissue still held tight in her grip. Gretchen was right; he had hurt her with his failure to define what Gretchen was to him. He had flaunted a beautiful witch in front of a woman, who though she might deny it, had wounded self esteem. He had been spiteful and mean and because of it she had cried herself to sleep.





He touched her cheek and she whimpered softly, whispering his name in a strangled voice.





“I’m home now,” he whispered, sliding across the sheets and pulling her into his arms. She stirred, seeking his lips in her sleep and kissing him softly.





“W’come home,” she murmured as she snuggled into the pillow and burrowed into his chest.





“I’m sorry,” he mouthed the words, unable to put any sound behind them even though he meant it with his whole heart.





What a Heartache – Dolly parton



I thought I saw the promise of forever in your eyes

I thought that I was sure of what I saw

You led me to believe that I was special in your life

So I left my heart wide open for the fall

What a heartache you turned out to be



[Chorus:]

What a heartache, what a heartache

Love ain\'t always what it appears to be

What a heartache you turned out to be



I thought I\'d found a safe and lovin\' place inside your heart

And I was warm and willing anytime

The same soft lips that kissed me sweet

Were lyin\' from the start

But I swear I thought your love was genuine

What a heartache you turned out to be



[Chorus:]

What a heartache, what a heartache:

Like a switchblade that cuts quick and deep

Ooo, what a heartache you turned out to be



It just goes to show that you never can tell

I really thought that I knew you well

I still can\'t believe I could be deceived so easily

Are all these wishes I\'m wishin\' to myself

Like rusty coins in a wishin\' well

Wishes come true, they come false as well

It\'s too late for you and me

Oh, what a heartache, ooo, what a heart break

Love is two-faced and easy to believe



[Chorus:]

What a heartache, ooo, what a heartache

What a mistake to think I could believe

Ooo, what a heartache you turned out to be

Oh, what a heartache you turned out to be









~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~



Yup, I went there. I used a Dolly Parton song in a Sev/mione fic LMAO..AND its from that wonderful movie Rhinestone where Dolly tried to turn Sylvester Stallone into a country singer….Its a good song actually….So…Gretchen is a problem where she doesn’t mean to be….dont hate her yet, you’ll understand more about Ms. Sinclair soon =)







You guys are awesome and thank you for keeping up on the blog! I love being able to chat with you all in between stories!!!