Undesirable - COMPLETE
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
43,514
Reviews:
301
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
43,514
Reviews:
301
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Submerged
Chapter Number/Total: 17/31
Chapter Title: Submerged
Words: 2299 Words
That night Draco lay in the bed, arms around the sleeping man snuggled against his chest. He replayed the night of Harry's birthday over and over again in his mind, remembering the taste of Harry. He realised it had become his favourite memory and one that comforted him as well as aroused.
Despite going to bed in a somewhat good mood, snuggled up with Draco, Harry found himself in the middle of a nightmare. He was back in the dungeons where he was being kept, his arms chained to the walls. He screamed to be let free, but they never ever listened.
Draco felt Harry's body tense and his hands clutching at him, digging into his arms. "Harry," he gasped, "wake up."
Harry shuddered, but couldn't pull himself out of the dream, trying to push himself away from Draco once he heard his voice.
"Harry, it's me, Draco," the blond continued, letting Harry push him away, but staying close.
Harry rolled over and curled up into a ball, trembling hard as he gasped.
Draco laid a hand on Harry's back rubbing it in soft circles. He just kept repeating that he was there and hoped Harry would hear him.
Harry jerked, his eyes snapping open in fear. "Don't," he whispered, moving away; he was so close to the edge that he almost fell off the bed.
Draco removed his hand from Harry, fingers curling in frustration. He hated seeing the man suffer and wanted to do something to help. "Are you awake now?"
Harry felt bad on days like this, when he woke up with Draco having to calm him down. What made it worse was that his pyjamas were soiled. Again. "I'm sorry, Draco," he said softly, turning over to look at him.
"I am here to take care of you," Draco said. Harry had wet both himself and the bed. "Do you want to take a bath while I clean up?"
Harry bit his lip and nodded, quickly getting off of the bed and hurrying out of the room, not looking at Draco again. In the bathroom, Harry closed the door behind him and stood there for a moment, swallowing hard and glancing at the bath. He pulled his clothes off and left them in a pile by the door before he walked over to the bath and put in the plug, glancing back at the door quickly. He turned the tap on and let the tub fill with warm water, stepping inside and laying down while continuing to let it fill up.
Draco used Cleaning Charms on the bed and then got a new pair of pyjamas out for Harry. He went to the bathroom door and knocked. "Harry? Mind if I come in?"
Harry shivered, sinking down into the water so that it reached his chin. He looked at the door when he heard Draco and reached to turn off the tap. Taking a deep breath and squeezing his nose shut, Harry began sinking down into the water.
Draco knocked again, but frowned when he didn't hear an answer, so he opened the door. Harry was still under the water, his eyes closed. Draco came in, put the lid down and sat down on the toilet, watching the man in the bath.
Harry didn't come up when Draco walked into the room, but he finally let go of his nose, his hand sinking more along with his body.
Draco waited, watching the man under the water.
Harry's lungs burned for oxygen, but he didn't pull himself back up, even though his body began to fight against it.
Draco frowned. He didn't think Harry could actually drown himself this way, but it was still difficult to watch. "Harry, what are you doing?"
Harry heard Draco's voice and he waited another long moment before he reached up and gripped the side of the bath, using it to pull himself up. He breathed in deeply, his eyes closed as he caught his breath.
Draco knelt beside the bath and reached a hand out to cup Harry's chin. "Harry," he whispered.
Harry didn't open his eyes for Draco to show that he heard him, only reaching down to pull the plug out of the drain.
"Harry, you are okay. You are safe," Draco said softly, stroking Harry's cheek.
Harry nodded stiffly and stood up, stepping out of the tub. He wrapped his arms around himself, waiting for Draco to give him a towel.
Draco grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Harry, starting to dry him. He didn't know what the dream had been about, but he was worried about the extreme reaction. He wondered if it were related to what Harry had told him about McLaggen.
Harry looked off to the side as Draco dried his body, thinking of what Draco would've done if he had really managed to do what he was trying to do in the bath.
Draco finished drying Harry and then helped dress him in the clean pyjamas. He led him back to the room, still trying to think of a way to get Harry to talk about it.
Harry sat back down on the bed before lying down, reaching for the pillow and holding it close, squeezing it.
Draco sat beside him, gently caressing his hair. "Do you want to tell me?"
Harry shook his head, giving him a look that showed he wasn't even sure what Draco wanted to know.
Draco sighed and lay down beside him in the bed, head propped up on one hand. "The nightmare was a bad one," he said softly. "Do you remember what it was about?'
Harry squeezed his pillow tighter for a moment before he nodded, remembering.
"Do you feel up to talking about it?" Draco asked again.
Harry coughed and shook his head, his eyes closing. "I was in a dungeon," he said very quietly a moment later.
"Yes, from before?" Draco prompted.
"Yes," Harry whispered, squeezing the pillow again. "Alone."
Draco waited, nodding to him to encourage him.
"I was alone ... and it all hurt so much," Harry continued. "I think that's why they always left me alone ....”
"To make it hurt more," Draco whispered, nodding. His own body shivered and he pushed back his feelings to focus on Harry.
Harry nodded, sniffling a little. "To make me want them more."
"Yes, using Myrrha's Bane, that potion, to torment you," he said, "so you would do what they wanted. It's why they use it."
Harry sighed, slowly opening his eyes. They looked haunted. "Always ....” he whispered.
"It wasn't your fault, Harry," Draco reminded him. "You did what you needed to do to survive."
"I know," Harry replied softly, still not all that convinced.
Draco flushed looking down. "Even without a potion like that ... sometimes a person ... does whatever they have to," he admitted.
"Just to live," Harry whispered, glancing at Draco.
"Yes, or ... because they don't know differently," he added, remembering his own youth. "I am glad you survived, Harry. I am glad that no matter what they did, you didn't let them destroy you."
"But they did," Harry said, biting down on his lip and beginning to shake again. "They did."
Draco reached a trembling hand to gently stroke Harry's face. "No, you killed most of them and you are here," he whispered. "Here, with me," he added, unprofessional as it was. But then, this case had never been about work for him.
Harry just shook his head, blinking as yet another tear ran down his cheek. "But I'll never be the same."
"No, you won't," Draco agreed, wiping the tear away with his thumb. "But no one is ever the same, Harry. You can still heal and move on with your life."
"I hate being like this," Harry whimpered, finally moving closer and curling up against Draco. "So weak."
"You are hurt and need care until you are well again," Draco soothed, petting him as he did. "But you are not weak. Weak would have meant you gave up and died. You didn't."
Harry sniffled, leaning in to rub his face against Draco's chest. He was weak. He was nothing like he was before, and there was probably no way that he ever could be.
Draco kissed the top of the man's head, petting and murmuring soothing sounds to him. It felt so very good to hold Harry, to comfort him, and that almost made Draco feel guilty. He wanted to be here with Harry, he felt like he needed him as well.
Eventually Harry calmed down, feeling as though his tears had all just dried up and no more could come out. He continued to lie against Draco, though, not feeling tired, but not wanting to move just yet. "Draco?"
"Yes, Harry," Draco encouraged, holding him close, face pressed against the man's dark hair.
"Can I get a kiss?" he asked softly, needing the small show of affection.
"Yes," Draco whispered, his heart speeding up as he lowered his mouth to Harry's, lips caressing the other man's gently.
Harry kissed back softly for a few moments, reaching up to touch Draco's cheek. It was times like these that Harry thought of how life would've been different if he were normal, and he and Draco were ... together. He pulled away and shook his head, quietly telling himself that that would never happen. "Thanks."
Draco wanted more, of course, and was disappointed when Harry pulled away. "Harry," he whispered, trembling a little at the soft touch that had caused such heat in his body.
Harry felt the tremble and he knew what Draco was feeling just from the change in his voice. "Let me," he whispered, reaching down to hook his fingers in Draco's pyjama bottoms and begin to tug them down.
"No," Draco said softly, "you don't have to do that." Thoughts of confessing his feelings tumbled in his mind but he knew it wasn't right to burden Harry with his own needs.
Harry felt he did need to, after everything he was putting Draco through already. It wasn't fair to him. "I want to," he said, moving down Draco's body.
Draco's body was willing, but after all the abuse Harry had suffered, he didn't want him to think that this was about sex for him. "I don't want you doing it because you think you owe me something," Draco said, tugging the bottoms back up.
"But I want to," Harry begged, swallowing and looking up at Draco. "Please."
There was something strange about the way Harry was begging. "Harry, look at me," Draco insisted.
Harry slowly looked up at Draco, blinking at him. "I just want to make you feel good."
"I feel good being with you," Draco said. "And yes, I do find you attractive. But it is important to me that if I do have sex with someone that it be because they want me, care about me, not because they think they owe me or something like that."
Harry licked his dry lips and blushed. "You think I'm attractive?" he asked abruptly, as if he didn't hear another word that Draco had said.
Draco blinked in surprise. He would have thought his erection implied that, but then he remembered that the Death Eaters had been aroused by Harry's pain, not necessarily by him. "Yes, I do," he admitted, his own face slowly turning pink.
Harry blushed harder, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion at the same time. "Why?"
Draco tried to think of how to describe why he found Harry attractive and his cock twitched as if to have a say as well. The blond looked into those wide green eyes and was at a loss for where to begin. "Which part?" he asked lamely.
"There are ... different parts?" Harry asked, sounding surprised.
Draco closed his eyes, realising he had strayed way into dangerous territory. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Well, there are the purely physical parts and there is, well, you."
"Me ....” Harry repeated, trying to understand exactly how this was possible. The purely physical parts he could understand ... like his mouth and other places that were good for sex. Or so he understood.
Draco opened his eyes and smiled warmly as he looked into Harry's. "Yes, you," he whispered. "Like your eyes. That was one of the first things I ever noticed about you. They are so bright and clear and beautiful."
Harry looked away when he said that, feeling a little embarrassed. "They're just green."
Draco smiled fondly at him. "And that thick, soft, dark hair," he continued, reaching to touch it.
"I like your hair," Harry admitted quietly, reaching out to touch Draco's. "I'd always wondered if it was soft or not."
Draco loved that gentle caress, breath catching a bit. "Your body is gorgeous, too, and will be even more so once you start taking care of yourself again," he continued.
"I'm trying," Harry whispered, pulling his hand back and feeling as though Draco's words were a bit of criticism.
"You are so beautiful, Harry," Draco insisted, reaching to stroke his cheek again.
"I just don't see how, Draco," Harry whispered, shrugging. "Maybe one day I will."
"I hope so," Draco answered, leaning in to kiss his forehead. He lay back holding Harry and thinking about all the other things that had drawn him to the other man, even when they were boys. He had hated Harry at times, but he had never been able to ignore him, always strove to get his attention in a way that perplexed everyone around them. It wasn't just a physical attraction, but he didn't know how to explain that, or if it was appropriate to do so when Harry didn't return his feelings.
Chapter Title: Submerged
Words: 2299 Words
That night Draco lay in the bed, arms around the sleeping man snuggled against his chest. He replayed the night of Harry's birthday over and over again in his mind, remembering the taste of Harry. He realised it had become his favourite memory and one that comforted him as well as aroused.
Despite going to bed in a somewhat good mood, snuggled up with Draco, Harry found himself in the middle of a nightmare. He was back in the dungeons where he was being kept, his arms chained to the walls. He screamed to be let free, but they never ever listened.
Draco felt Harry's body tense and his hands clutching at him, digging into his arms. "Harry," he gasped, "wake up."
Harry shuddered, but couldn't pull himself out of the dream, trying to push himself away from Draco once he heard his voice.
"Harry, it's me, Draco," the blond continued, letting Harry push him away, but staying close.
Harry rolled over and curled up into a ball, trembling hard as he gasped.
Draco laid a hand on Harry's back rubbing it in soft circles. He just kept repeating that he was there and hoped Harry would hear him.
Harry jerked, his eyes snapping open in fear. "Don't," he whispered, moving away; he was so close to the edge that he almost fell off the bed.
Draco removed his hand from Harry, fingers curling in frustration. He hated seeing the man suffer and wanted to do something to help. "Are you awake now?"
Harry felt bad on days like this, when he woke up with Draco having to calm him down. What made it worse was that his pyjamas were soiled. Again. "I'm sorry, Draco," he said softly, turning over to look at him.
"I am here to take care of you," Draco said. Harry had wet both himself and the bed. "Do you want to take a bath while I clean up?"
Harry bit his lip and nodded, quickly getting off of the bed and hurrying out of the room, not looking at Draco again. In the bathroom, Harry closed the door behind him and stood there for a moment, swallowing hard and glancing at the bath. He pulled his clothes off and left them in a pile by the door before he walked over to the bath and put in the plug, glancing back at the door quickly. He turned the tap on and let the tub fill with warm water, stepping inside and laying down while continuing to let it fill up.
Draco used Cleaning Charms on the bed and then got a new pair of pyjamas out for Harry. He went to the bathroom door and knocked. "Harry? Mind if I come in?"
Harry shivered, sinking down into the water so that it reached his chin. He looked at the door when he heard Draco and reached to turn off the tap. Taking a deep breath and squeezing his nose shut, Harry began sinking down into the water.
Draco knocked again, but frowned when he didn't hear an answer, so he opened the door. Harry was still under the water, his eyes closed. Draco came in, put the lid down and sat down on the toilet, watching the man in the bath.
Harry didn't come up when Draco walked into the room, but he finally let go of his nose, his hand sinking more along with his body.
Draco waited, watching the man under the water.
Harry's lungs burned for oxygen, but he didn't pull himself back up, even though his body began to fight against it.
Draco frowned. He didn't think Harry could actually drown himself this way, but it was still difficult to watch. "Harry, what are you doing?"
Harry heard Draco's voice and he waited another long moment before he reached up and gripped the side of the bath, using it to pull himself up. He breathed in deeply, his eyes closed as he caught his breath.
Draco knelt beside the bath and reached a hand out to cup Harry's chin. "Harry," he whispered.
Harry didn't open his eyes for Draco to show that he heard him, only reaching down to pull the plug out of the drain.
"Harry, you are okay. You are safe," Draco said softly, stroking Harry's cheek.
Harry nodded stiffly and stood up, stepping out of the tub. He wrapped his arms around himself, waiting for Draco to give him a towel.
Draco grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Harry, starting to dry him. He didn't know what the dream had been about, but he was worried about the extreme reaction. He wondered if it were related to what Harry had told him about McLaggen.
Harry looked off to the side as Draco dried his body, thinking of what Draco would've done if he had really managed to do what he was trying to do in the bath.
Draco finished drying Harry and then helped dress him in the clean pyjamas. He led him back to the room, still trying to think of a way to get Harry to talk about it.
Harry sat back down on the bed before lying down, reaching for the pillow and holding it close, squeezing it.
Draco sat beside him, gently caressing his hair. "Do you want to tell me?"
Harry shook his head, giving him a look that showed he wasn't even sure what Draco wanted to know.
Draco sighed and lay down beside him in the bed, head propped up on one hand. "The nightmare was a bad one," he said softly. "Do you remember what it was about?'
Harry squeezed his pillow tighter for a moment before he nodded, remembering.
"Do you feel up to talking about it?" Draco asked again.
Harry coughed and shook his head, his eyes closing. "I was in a dungeon," he said very quietly a moment later.
"Yes, from before?" Draco prompted.
"Yes," Harry whispered, squeezing the pillow again. "Alone."
Draco waited, nodding to him to encourage him.
"I was alone ... and it all hurt so much," Harry continued. "I think that's why they always left me alone ....”
"To make it hurt more," Draco whispered, nodding. His own body shivered and he pushed back his feelings to focus on Harry.
Harry nodded, sniffling a little. "To make me want them more."
"Yes, using Myrrha's Bane, that potion, to torment you," he said, "so you would do what they wanted. It's why they use it."
Harry sighed, slowly opening his eyes. They looked haunted. "Always ....” he whispered.
"It wasn't your fault, Harry," Draco reminded him. "You did what you needed to do to survive."
"I know," Harry replied softly, still not all that convinced.
Draco flushed looking down. "Even without a potion like that ... sometimes a person ... does whatever they have to," he admitted.
"Just to live," Harry whispered, glancing at Draco.
"Yes, or ... because they don't know differently," he added, remembering his own youth. "I am glad you survived, Harry. I am glad that no matter what they did, you didn't let them destroy you."
"But they did," Harry said, biting down on his lip and beginning to shake again. "They did."
Draco reached a trembling hand to gently stroke Harry's face. "No, you killed most of them and you are here," he whispered. "Here, with me," he added, unprofessional as it was. But then, this case had never been about work for him.
Harry just shook his head, blinking as yet another tear ran down his cheek. "But I'll never be the same."
"No, you won't," Draco agreed, wiping the tear away with his thumb. "But no one is ever the same, Harry. You can still heal and move on with your life."
"I hate being like this," Harry whimpered, finally moving closer and curling up against Draco. "So weak."
"You are hurt and need care until you are well again," Draco soothed, petting him as he did. "But you are not weak. Weak would have meant you gave up and died. You didn't."
Harry sniffled, leaning in to rub his face against Draco's chest. He was weak. He was nothing like he was before, and there was probably no way that he ever could be.
Draco kissed the top of the man's head, petting and murmuring soothing sounds to him. It felt so very good to hold Harry, to comfort him, and that almost made Draco feel guilty. He wanted to be here with Harry, he felt like he needed him as well.
Eventually Harry calmed down, feeling as though his tears had all just dried up and no more could come out. He continued to lie against Draco, though, not feeling tired, but not wanting to move just yet. "Draco?"
"Yes, Harry," Draco encouraged, holding him close, face pressed against the man's dark hair.
"Can I get a kiss?" he asked softly, needing the small show of affection.
"Yes," Draco whispered, his heart speeding up as he lowered his mouth to Harry's, lips caressing the other man's gently.
Harry kissed back softly for a few moments, reaching up to touch Draco's cheek. It was times like these that Harry thought of how life would've been different if he were normal, and he and Draco were ... together. He pulled away and shook his head, quietly telling himself that that would never happen. "Thanks."
Draco wanted more, of course, and was disappointed when Harry pulled away. "Harry," he whispered, trembling a little at the soft touch that had caused such heat in his body.
Harry felt the tremble and he knew what Draco was feeling just from the change in his voice. "Let me," he whispered, reaching down to hook his fingers in Draco's pyjama bottoms and begin to tug them down.
"No," Draco said softly, "you don't have to do that." Thoughts of confessing his feelings tumbled in his mind but he knew it wasn't right to burden Harry with his own needs.
Harry felt he did need to, after everything he was putting Draco through already. It wasn't fair to him. "I want to," he said, moving down Draco's body.
Draco's body was willing, but after all the abuse Harry had suffered, he didn't want him to think that this was about sex for him. "I don't want you doing it because you think you owe me something," Draco said, tugging the bottoms back up.
"But I want to," Harry begged, swallowing and looking up at Draco. "Please."
There was something strange about the way Harry was begging. "Harry, look at me," Draco insisted.
Harry slowly looked up at Draco, blinking at him. "I just want to make you feel good."
"I feel good being with you," Draco said. "And yes, I do find you attractive. But it is important to me that if I do have sex with someone that it be because they want me, care about me, not because they think they owe me or something like that."
Harry licked his dry lips and blushed. "You think I'm attractive?" he asked abruptly, as if he didn't hear another word that Draco had said.
Draco blinked in surprise. He would have thought his erection implied that, but then he remembered that the Death Eaters had been aroused by Harry's pain, not necessarily by him. "Yes, I do," he admitted, his own face slowly turning pink.
Harry blushed harder, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion at the same time. "Why?"
Draco tried to think of how to describe why he found Harry attractive and his cock twitched as if to have a say as well. The blond looked into those wide green eyes and was at a loss for where to begin. "Which part?" he asked lamely.
"There are ... different parts?" Harry asked, sounding surprised.
Draco closed his eyes, realising he had strayed way into dangerous territory. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Well, there are the purely physical parts and there is, well, you."
"Me ....” Harry repeated, trying to understand exactly how this was possible. The purely physical parts he could understand ... like his mouth and other places that were good for sex. Or so he understood.
Draco opened his eyes and smiled warmly as he looked into Harry's. "Yes, you," he whispered. "Like your eyes. That was one of the first things I ever noticed about you. They are so bright and clear and beautiful."
Harry looked away when he said that, feeling a little embarrassed. "They're just green."
Draco smiled fondly at him. "And that thick, soft, dark hair," he continued, reaching to touch it.
"I like your hair," Harry admitted quietly, reaching out to touch Draco's. "I'd always wondered if it was soft or not."
Draco loved that gentle caress, breath catching a bit. "Your body is gorgeous, too, and will be even more so once you start taking care of yourself again," he continued.
"I'm trying," Harry whispered, pulling his hand back and feeling as though Draco's words were a bit of criticism.
"You are so beautiful, Harry," Draco insisted, reaching to stroke his cheek again.
"I just don't see how, Draco," Harry whispered, shrugging. "Maybe one day I will."
"I hope so," Draco answered, leaning in to kiss his forehead. He lay back holding Harry and thinking about all the other things that had drawn him to the other man, even when they were boys. He had hated Harry at times, but he had never been able to ignore him, always strove to get his attention in a way that perplexed everyone around them. It wasn't just a physical attraction, but he didn't know how to explain that, or if it was appropriate to do so when Harry didn't return his feelings.