Situational Ethics

Situational Ethics

By Mizzfreestyle/Zega

Edited by Missy Padfoot

Chapter Seventeen:

“Persistence to the Sweetest End”

Your vows you've broken, like my heart
Oh, why did you so enrapture me?
Now I remain in a world apart
But my heart remains in captivity
-Greensleeves

The photographers readied their cameras as Harry reached out to shake the Minister’s awaiting hand, who then passed on Harry’s hand to a dark fellow to his left who Harry believed had no business being at their graduation. Valair, Headmaster of King Arthur’s Academy, smiled. “T’is an ‘onor, Mr. Potter,” Valair shook Harry’s hand firmly, and Harry noted that Valair’s voice carried a heavy, foreign accent.

“Please. The honor is mine,” Harry replied with confidence. Valair’s face was long and thin, ending with a hooked chin. A little black beard hung off and curled backwards. His skin was almost yellow, much like his eyes, and his pupils were long and thin. Harry wished to conclude that this thing was not human.

Quickly, Valair noted Harry’s scrutiny and commented, “You ‘ave a keen eye, Mr. Potter.” Valair released Harry’s hand. “T’is a shame you will not be attending my academy.” Valair then dismissed himself before Harry could say anything in his defense.

The Minister followed Valair like a right hand man and soon after, the ghostly figures dressed in black followed after. Their presence sent wave like chills up Harry’s spine. He wished to thank Dumbledore again for not allowing them the privilege of tormenting him.

“I do not like them.” Ginny said distastefully. “Or Valair’s eyes.”

“Who are they anyways?” asked Ron as the trio plus Ginny watched the men in dark robes disappear into the crowd.

“They’re from the Academy. That was Headmaster Valair and the Mentors.”

“Sounds kinky.” Ginny commented.

“That’s disgusting, Ginny! I bet they’re not even human!” Ron wanted to slap Ginny’s rosy cheeks.

“Who invited them to our graduation anyways?” asked Hermione.

“Reckon they invited themselves.” Ron rolled his eyes.

“I think so too.”

“The nerve.” Hermione scowled.

“Well, if they’re friendly with the Minister, they can’t be good people.” Ginny crossed her arms and frowned.

“Harry, is that you?” Two thin hands reached out of the crowd, then forcefully pushed its way through. The person struggling to get to Harry was none other than Caitlin with her bouncy, red curls. Once freed from the mad rush of the crowd, she reached out towards Harry and held him tightly, much like a mother would. “Congratulations, Harry. I’m so proud of you. I never knew your parents, but Severus has told me much about your mother and I just know she would be proud of you too.” Caitlin smiled and squeezed Harry’s cheek. “I want to wish you the best of luck in your future studies.”

Harry’s heart sank as he recalled her husband’s hasty proposal. Feeling suddenly nauseous and unstable, Harry quickly thanked Caitlin before he heeded Ron’s anxious tugging on his arm. “Please excuse me. I have to find some friends.”

“Of course. Go on.” Caitlin passed a smile towards Harry’s friend as they left slipped away.

“We don’t really have to look for mum and dad. I just rather get away from the crowd,” said Ron. “I mean, they have all the rest of my life to see me. It’s not like today is anything special.”

“Rubbish, Ron. You know mum and dad want to congratulate you, just like all the others.”

“I just want the money they’re going to pass on. Couldn’t care less about the hugs and kisses. And they had to bring the entire family as if they aren’t enough.”

“At least you have a family to be there for you.” Harry commented as they strayed away into the halls of Hogwarts.

“Come on, Harry! I thought you were beyond that.”

“Bugger off. I know that. I just wish that when the war’s over, I would have someone there to go home to.”

“But wouldn’t you worry that you-know-who would get them?” Ginny asked.

“See, at least you don’t have that constant fear about your family being held captive!” Ron pointed out.

Harry turned around sharply and said, “Alright! I get it.” He then turned back around and headed off on his own.

“Come on, Harry! You know that we’re only looking out for you!” Ron tried to explain.

“Let me alone! I need some time to think!” Harry hurried off before Ginny, Ron, or Hermione could chase after him and only the thumping echoes of his shoes could be heard once he turned the corner.

Just wait. You’ll all see someday. I’ll have a family and they’ll be safe. Harry slumped up against the cool wall and placed his hands against his abdomen. I’m doing this for you, little one. I’m going to war for you so that we’ll be safe later. Or at least… you’ll be safe later. Harry didn’t think that he ever had crazy mood swings, but there were days that would set off his attitude towards life.

The young man hadn’t a clue that he was being followed since leaving the grassy area outside of the Hogwarts’ walls. “Potter! What are you doing here?” Snape noted where Harry had situated his hands. “Feeling pessimistic about your diet plan?”

“Not in the least bit.” Harry dropped his hands suddenly to place his palms up against the wall and stared intently at Snape. They haven’t had a moment to themselves since that day a few weeks ago and Harry secretly wondered if Snape was still waiting for an answer. Silly Harry. He must’ve been joking. And now Harry was so far along in his pregnancy that the baby was able to sense Harry’s uneasiness and responded with soft kicks and movement. Harry parted his lips in response and swallowed. To Snape, the young lad looked parched.

Snape thought he knew very well what was causing Harry’s displeasure, and in response, Snape changed the subject. “There are fine refreshments outside. Care to join me?”

“I’ll pass.”

“Will you? Would you still pass my offer if you knew you would not be attending the graduation party?”

“What are you babbling about? You wouldn’t…”

“But I am not. Your beloved Headmaster is convinced that the Ministry will be sending spies to the party and if your behaviour falls out of line, they will see a need to haul your bloody arse off. Does that not sound promising?” Snape shook his head for Harry. “All the more reason to keep you here.”

“Rubbish!”

“Believe what you like, Potter.”

Harry turned and was about to storm off before he heard someone skipping towards him. Just a little ways down the hall Harry saw April coming towards him.

“Harry!” She cried out and began to run while her blue robes flaring out.

Harry stood stiff until April reached him, “Um, hello.”

“Harry, d’you want to get some refreshments with me? My parents would like to meet you.”

“I… ah…,” Harry looked over his shoulder. “Professor Snape beat you to the offer. Maybe later? I have some things I need to talk about with Professor Snape.”

“Oh really? Boo…,” April then stood there wondering why Snape would ask Harry to get some drinks with him and then why Harry would choose that snarky bastard over her. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. He is sure.” Snape responded coldly in place of Harry, knowing that his voice would have more of an effect than Harry’s insecure one.

And it worked quickly, for April fled the scene before Snape had to get nasty.

Snape approached Harry from behind and without any sympathy for April, effortlessly dragged Harry along with him. “Next time you refuse my offer like that, I will not save your sorry arse.”

“Please. I know you don’t like to see me with her either.”

“Do not pretend that you know what nettles me, you arrogant child,” Snape said as he pulled Harry off towards a smaller hall, away from the area where everyone was gathered. After Snape lightly pushed Harry against a wall, he continued, “If you really knew me, you would take advantage of me for what it is worth. Or maybe… you favour letting me have the upper hand.”

“You think too much. Has anyone ever told you that?” asked Harry as he impulsively cupped Snape’s cheeks.

“I am making up for where you have been lagging.”

“Maybe I haven’t been lagging. Maybe I’ve just been action upon instinct or been taking the initiative.”

“Hmm, the latter seems to be working.” Snape whispered.

“Is it? Judging from your exteriors, I’d say you like it when I act without giving it much thought.”

Snape leaned in with a devious smirk. “You would not be Harry if you were to act otherwise.” Snape nuzzled Harry’s nose affectionately then pressed their foreheads together. This way, they were able to ignore the insignificant world around them so that they may focus on each other. Why does Snape keep doing this? Such intimacy stirred Harry’s abdomen and eventually his little baby responded to Harry’s feelings by kicking him.

Harry opened his eyes and stared forwards. This was such a rare and special occurrence. He couldn’t express his overwhelming feelings of joy without exaggerating. And at the moment, Harry wanted nothing more than to take Snape’s still hand and press it to his stomach, let the man feel the little he could of their child.

But at the same time, he wanted to push Snape away. They could not be with each other and be in peace. Once Harry left, they could not afford the same intimacy that they’ve been sharing in trysts these last two years. Wantonly, Harry turned his head at an angle so that he may reach for Snape’s awaiting lips, but then they heard his fellow classmates calling out for him.

Harry could not even afford the slightest brush from Snape’s lips, otherwise he’ll be red till nightfall. Snape pulled away from Harry altogether and strode down the hall, away from the boy and further temptation. “Harry!” Hermione turned the corner and saw Harry leaning with his back against the wall. “What are you doing here? The celebration is outside!”

“I just needed some fresh air…”

“In here? It’s humid and gross. Come outside,” Hermione led Harry away, in the opposite direction Snape had gone.

Harry lacked any interest in the festivities outside. He didn’t want to be ambushed by photographers and writers from the local newspapers. He didn’t want to take pictures with each and every student in his graduating class. He didn’t want to share his experiences at Hogwarts with the world. Everything and everyone was making him nauseous. His only wish now was to take a nap where no one would find him.

HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER

Harry watched with envy as his fellow mates shaved their faces, pressed their shirts, sprayed cologne on themselves, and prepared themselves for the night. “I am so getting some later tonight!” Dean screamed as he aligned his clothes out on his bed. “The ladies won’t be able to resist this!”

Harry chuckled as he leaned his head against the wooden post on his bed. Only Ron noticed his sudden disinterest and asked, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Their Golden Boy sighed and shook his head. He didn’t really want to draw attention to himself and spoil their evening, but since Ron was asking…, “I’m not allowed to attend the party, so says Snape.”

Ron dropped his comb and everyone in the room turned around to pass their gaping countenance. “That’s bloody bull.” said Dean.

“You’re kidding, right, mate? No one’s ever missed the bloody graduation party!” Ron stood there in utter disbelief.

“Yeah. Except me.” Harry laid down on his bed with his hands cupping the backside of his head.

“No. This cannot happen!” said Neville. “Now I’m not the kind of bloke that would encourage you to break any rules, but we can’t let you miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“Well, what are you going to do about it then?” asked Harry, feeling rather pessimistic about there being a thread of chance for him.

“We’re going to sneak you out, of course. What’s the worst that can happen? You already have your diploma.”

“I get taken away by the Minister.”

Nothing but stunned faces met Harry’s eyes. “Why would he do that? He’s not going to be there.” Said Neville.

“No, but Dumbledore has his theories that he’s going to send some spies or something.”

“To do what? Make sure you aren’t grinding your hips against some girl’s arse?” asked Ron. “I’m sure he’s done way worse than that.”

“Either way, some professors are going to be there, and they know I’m not supposed to be there. It’s pointless even trying to sneak me out.”

“Whatever happened to the daring and rule breaking Harry?” asked Neville.

“We are Gryffindors!” said Ron. “We arise when there is a challenge. We have no fear!”

“Until McGonagall stares us down, then we run away like dogs with our tails between our legs.” added Harry.

“Stop being such a wuss and put something on. We’re getting you to that party if it’s the last thing we do.” said Ron.

Harry only chuckled as he moved himself to his trunk. So long as they didn’t run into Dumbledore, McGonagall, or Snape, he should be fine.

It was approaching twenty two hundred hours and students were required to meet the professors at the gates. “Come on, Harry, keep your hat on and don’t look anyone in the eyes.” Said the boys as they circled around Harry, hoping to keep everyone’s eyes off of him.

It was easy enough passing through the halls, as there was nothing but eager graduates walking through, yelling and talking about everything they could possibly think of. Most people traveled in packs, thus there was nothing suspicious about Harry being in the very center of a mess of Gryffindor boys. They reached the gates and were greeted by McGonagall, who was standing at the very front with a list that slowly checked off the names of each and every person that showed up. Alongside her was Sprout, who was busy making sure that no underclassmen had tried to sneak out pass hours. “Good. The git isn’t here,” Ron said quietly as they got in closely together.

They all hoped that the darkness and limited light would help to cover up Harry’s presence.

Alas, luck would not be on Harry’s side today. Just when they were about to leave, Snape was sighted walking through the groups of students, obviously looking for someone. “Shit!” Dean cried out as he turned around. “Harry, don’t look up. Act normal.”

McGonagall’s voice was then projected so that everyone could hear her. “Only one at a time will pass through the gates and I will finish checking everyone off. Please followed Professor Sprout to Hogsmeade and do not wonder off on your own. If you fail to follow the rules, we will bring you back here and you will have to sit in your room alone.”

“Harry, you are so screwed,” said Dean. “There’s no way we’re going to get you pass those gates unidentified.”

“Yeah, I know.” Harry looked over his shoulders. Snape was approaching the front of the line. Perhaps Harry could make it pass McGonagall, but definitely not Snape.

“No. We’ll try another way,” Ron pulled Harry’s arm and the rest of the boys followed until they were back within Hogwarts’ doors. “We’ll go around the back and through the forest. There isn’t an actual gate blocking us from the road to Hogsmeade.” Ron said quietly to his friends.

The boy nodded then motioned for Ron to lead the way. He stood silent for a second then said, “This way.”

Back the gates, the last few students were passing through and Snape failed to recognize any of them as Harry. He watched them pass then turned to McGonagall who shook her head. “Harry did not pass through, but neither did a portion of the graduating Gryffindors… Hmm. How odd. Maybe they didn’t want to attend.”

Something is not right. Snape looked out towards the forest then said, “I will be back shortly.”

Harry was the only one stepping carefully over the fallen branches. He felt that any noise would alert Snape, otherwise McGonagall. His fellow friends, on the other hand, didn’t bother trying to sneak through quietly. They kicked stones, jumped on branches, pushed each other into trees and pretend to make outlines of animals from the light at the tip of their wands.

“Hey, don’t get so loud,” Harry whispered to them. In response, they only chuckled and continued to act like a bunch of fools.

“I see the road ahead! And no teachers! Woo!” Ron jumped forwards onto the road and pointed down. “We’re free!”

Harry smiled. They were going to make it. He could already hear the loud music, taste the Butterbeers, and smell the smuggled in tobacco.

He, however, didn’t take another step forward once he felt a strong arm restraining him. “Shit!” Ron then covered his mouth and gaped silently.

“Language, Mr. Weasley,” said Snape as he restrained Harry from taking any further steps. “I will not hold this against any of you, but I cannot allow you to pass, Potter.” Snape looked down at Harry; something in his eyes suggested anger, and at the same time, satisfaction.

Harry’s friends didn’t wait a moment longer in fear that their night would be ruined if they stuck up for their friend. They turned and continued down the path. Once they were far enough off, Snape focused his attention on Harry. Harry could practically feel Snape’s angry eyes burrowing into him. But why? He hadn’t done anything wrong.

“I…”

“You deliberately disobeyed me.”

“I haven’t done anything wrong!”

“The graduation party is a school sponsored event. Thus we still have a say in whether or not you attend.”

Harry shook Snape’s hand off his shoulder then turned around to look the man in the eyes with just as much hostility as Snape had moments before. Why would Dumbledore order such a thing? Did he have no faith in Harry? “You probably convinced Dumbledore to not let me attend!” Yes… that must be it! “You’re worried that I’ll rub up against some girl’s behind and maybe, just maybe find someone at the party! Then you won’t be able to sleep at night!” That’s it Harry, throw it back in his face! “‘You’ll know that I have someone else, someone who will do more for me than you ever have!” Harry turned and walked back towards the castle. He didn’t care if he pissed off Snape. The man needed to hear it and Harry needed to be alone for a bit.

SEVERUSSNAPESEVERUSSNAPESEVERUSSNAPE

Snape gave the appearance of staring into the fire, but his eyes were glazed over and his thoughts were obviously anywhere but on the present place. Caitlin walked into the room with her arms crossed and while Snape ruminated, she observed him carefully and enumerated a number of things that could be disturbing her husband. “Are you thinking about him?” asked Caitlin.

Snape passed a blank expression at Caitlin, suggesting that he needed specifics.

“Harry. Are you thinking about him?”

“What brought you to such a conclusion?”

“You two have been spending a lot of time together. I thought that maybe you’d miss him once he graduated.”

“You assumed Potter and I are on good terms?”

“If not by now, you should be. It wouldn’t hurt to come to terms before he left. As I’ve heard, he’ll be fighting beside you during the war.”

“No. We need not settle anything.”

“Pish,” Caitlin looked off for a second then continued. “Harry’s a sweet dear, Severus. Please make amends. I don’t know what happened between you and him, but there’s no room for resentment.” She took her husband by the hand and led him away from the couch and to the door. “Go to him and keep him company. He needs it, seeing that he was unable to attend his graduation party.”

With that said, Caitlin shoved Snape out the door then closed it softly.

Harry was lying on his bed in the dim light, running coco butter over his swollen stomach and feeling his infant delight move around relentlessly, keeping his mother figure from getting an ounce of sleep. “Would he have cast me off so impudently if he knew about you?”

His long, slender fingers covered in cuts and lotion continued to sooth over the massive lump. Harry then rested his hand on his stomach and breathed in deeply. It had been a while since he was last able to do this so carelessly, and even though it felt pleasant, it also felt shameful. Behold, our adulterous Golden Boy. Harry thought silently. Harry knew he was pregnant, but seeing it had a different, more tangible impact. One that forced him to acknowledge the sins he was guilty of, the sins he wouldn’t take back, even if he could.

Then there was an intruding knock at the door and the exposed young man quickly tightened his Band over his stomach before he pulled the sheets over him and fixed his shirt. “Yes?” Harry called out as he finished making himself presentable.

The door opened slowly and Snape walked through, his head down at first, then raising it high as he closed the door behind him. “What are you dong here?” Harry asked in a monotone voice, though Snape needn’t hear a vociferous tone to recognize Harry’s unease. Harry was not surprised that Snape paid him a visit, but Snape seemed very out of place. Never, not even in his most reckless dreams, did Harry dare to fantasize Snape seeking him out here. Harry pulled the covers closely against his body, slightly convinced that the intruder was not his beloved Snape, but someone disguised as him in order to be granted entrance.

“Caitlin coerced me into this. How could I decline?”

“I thought you had to attend the party.”

“Not this year. Not while you are here.” Then Snape allowed his more sentimental side to speak. “I would like nothing more than to stay with you.”

“Rubbish. You’re here for only one thing,” Harry shot back, with a touch of resentment dripping from his voice.

“And what do you think that one thing is?”

“The one thing you came to me for before.”

Snape slowly narrowed his eyes. He was used to Harry’s bitter statements, but this one ate at him. He shook his head then approached Harry’s bed. “I could not ask for such obscenity on a night like this, otherwise parting will leave me woebegone. I ask only for your companionship, and maybe, a parting kiss.”

Harry’s tenacious grip on the cotton sheets loosen and then his arms reached out to the taller man. His hands combed through Snape’s loose hair and then held his head while Snape sat down beside his young lover. While the night was tender with time, Snape set aside a few gracious minutes to behold the brilliant green eyes that held a fiery passion reserved only for him. An inexorable passion that had never hid itself, even when Snape publicly vowed to love another. “Caitlin will worry if you are away too long.”

You stupid fool… But Harry wasn’t sure who he was calling the fool. It could’ve been Snape for wanting to pursue Harry even after they both clearly stated that this had to end. Or maybe he was calling himself the fool for wanting to continue these series of trysts and for currently making the first move. Harry reached out to Snape and Snape pressed a finger to Harry’s lips, whispering, “Do not say out anyone’s name other than mine.”

This night, Snape laid with his back shaped into the bed and Harry atop, kissing him softly with one arm supporting him and the other holding onto Snape’s face. They exchanged no more words, only fond and painful glances. And it was this night that Snape understood that the most eloquent silence, is that of two mouths meeting in a kiss.

Abruptly though, just when Snape thought the night was going to be peaceful, he felt hot liquid run down his face. He opened his eyes and reached over to touch the tears dripping from Harry’s closed eyes. Harry then quickly kissed Snape with sorrowful grief. Alas, Snape could only closed his eyes and feel his lover’s heart beat painfully fast against his side. Harry, why won’t you marry me?

A/N: If you want to be alerted each time I update, tell me so in a review.