All That You Leave Behind

Q here. I made Angst update the last couple of times, so now it\'s my turn! Thanks to our reviewers, especially Tribebohemia. This wouldn\'t have been updated so quickly if not for your incredibly supportive comments!



As a hint to everyone else - that\'s the power of a review!



January 1st - I figured, what with how much is going on in my life, that I should keep a diary. Obviously, I\'ll still write to Ginny, but I can also show her this, to show her how VERY much I miss her. Ok, so, other resolutions? Start looking for a place for me and Ginny; study hard (hmm, get Snape to make me study hard!); talk to Snape more about Mum; and Dad; Clear Snape’s name; Clear Sirius’ name; Practice with Ginny – so it’s perfect.



In invisible ink he added: Stop wanking off so much, leave some for Ginny.



January 6th. Can’t believe I’ve only been training for two days – it feels like forever! My head is just spinning! I always thought I was good at DADA, but I realise all that was just child’s stuff – this is the real thing. I’ve seen things I never would have believed even six months ago! What Aurors have to be able to do is incredible!



I’m glad I waited til now. Ginny is back at school, and she’s got a lot on now, what with her exams coming up. I still feel awful about what happened when I proposed, but Snape was actually surprisingly helpful, even if he did make my ears bleed! He seems a lot better, even though I still see him every night. I don’t know when he became a habit, but he is one!



Never thought I’d say that about Snape!





Harry stood in the Ministry of Magic, feeling decidedly out of place in his damaged robes. He had, after all, come straight from Auror Training. Still, it was worth it, as this was the only slot that Kingsley and the Minister of Magic were both available for without having to wait for at least another two months. And this was too important to let hang.



Harry waited for Kingsley before the door that lead to the Minister\'s outer office, ignoring the passers by who looked at him, smiled, and then turned to whisper to their companions.



"Ah, Harry, there you are," the deep voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt boomed down the corridor to Harry. "A word before we go in?"



Harry followed the tall man who was his boss into a small alcove off the main corridor. "Thanks for helping with this and coming in with me, Kingsley," he said gratefully, “they\'ll have to pardon them, won\'t they?" he added hopefully.



"The Minister has the power to pardon Sirius without a trial, Harry," Kingsley nodded, "but as Severus Snape is still alive, I believe he\'ll have to stand trial to be cleared."



“That’s ridiculous! Stand trial for what?!" Harry said, a bit indignantly, "He saved my life! Hundreds of times! If it hadn\'t been for him, I wouldn\'t have been there to defeat Voldemort, and then where would everybody else be?!"



"Harry, Harry, calm down," Kingsley said putting a large paw-like hand on his shoulder, "Severus Snape killed Albus Dumbledore and..." Kingsley stopped and raised his hand when Harry made to protest, "yes, he did it because of a promise made to Dumbledore, but the fact is, he murdered, and whether or not he had the blessing of Dumbledore, he\'ll have to stand trial for the crime he committed. Now, the Wizengamot may very well vote in favour of Snape serving no time in Azkaban, especially in light of his role as spy for the Order, and I will be more than happy to testify to that, as well as give my recommendation as Head of the Auror Office that Snape not be sentenced. But the one thing you have to remember, Harry, is that there are proper channels to follow, and losing your temper over following them won\'t help Snape, and, I feel compelled, as your boss, to say, is unbecoming of potentially the best Auror I have ever seen.”



Harry nodded, telling himself sternly to keep calm, no matter what was said. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at his boss and said in a calmer tone, "Yes, you\'re right, Kingsley. I\'m sorry.”



The Head of the Auror Office laid a heavy arm across Harry\'s shoulders and steered him towards the Minister\'s office.



They were soon inside the Minister\'s inner sanctum, and Harry tried to swallow down his nervousness. The man didn\'t frighten him, but so much depended on this going well.



Kingsley spoke first. "Minister, thank you for granting this meeting."



The other waved away his largess and settled himself in the attitude of a listener.



Harry reminded himself to let Kingsley speak. The older man carried more weight in this world of politics.



"We wish you to consider the cases of Sirius Black and Severus Snape," Kingsley said, getting straight to the heart of the matter. He had the satisfaction of seeing the other man\'s jaw fall open.



The Minister stammered, "B-Black? Sn-Snape? Those two traitors?"



Harry clenched his jaw, his anger building.



Kingsley shot Harry a warning glance then turned back to the Minister. "Minister, we have evidence that will clear Sirius Black of the murders of Peter Pettigrew and the 12 Muggles he allegedly murdered; as well as evidence that he was in no way connected to the betrayal of James and Lily Potter that led to their murder by Voldemort.” His calm voice went on, “Furthermore, we have evidence to prove Severus Snape was on the Side of Light, and that he was in fact a spy for The Order of The Phoenix, working under Albus Dumbledore\'s direction. We have a witness who can testify to this fact."



"And who might this witness be, Shacklebolt?" the Minister inquired with a frown.



Kingsley glanced at Harry before again facing the Minister. "Severus Snape himself, Minister"



The Minister\'s face had such a comical look of surprise that Harry nearly laughed out loud. However, what happened next wiped the smile from his face. The Minister shot to his feet. "He\'s ALIVE! WHERE?!" He pointed a stubby digit at Harry’s boss. "Kingsley, I hold you personally responsible for this, you are Head of the Auror office, you should know the whereabouts of all dangerous wizards!”



Harry opened his mouth, but Kingsley spoke hurriedly to cover the invective he knew the younger man would start spewing. "Minister, he is not dangerous. And he is not a traitor. Surely, you can arrange a trial? If he is found guilty, you can stick him in Azkaban until he rots."



Harry looked angry and hurt at the other\'s words, and felt sick at the smug smile that spread across the minister\'s face.



"But of course, Kingsley, a trial, by all means." He sat down and drew a piece of parchment towards him.



"And Black?" Kingsley asked.



Apparently the thought of sentencing Dumbledore\'s murderer had cheered up the Minister for he nodded. "You bring me the proof, and I will pardon him." He agreed.



Kingsley looked at Harry and nodded his head, signalling him he could speak.



"I have the evidence here with me, Minister," Harry said, swallowing his anger at the man\'s previous words.



"Well, Harry, let\'s see it then," the Minister said in a condescending tone.



"I need a pensive, sir," Harry said, stiffly. He didn\'t appreciate being talked down to as if he were still a child, or as if he were a temperamental celebrity.



The Minister\'s own pensieve was fetched, and Harry brought the memory of his third year and the events in the Shrieking Shack to the forefront of his mind. Concentrating on Peter Pettigrew\'s confession to Sirius and Remus, Harry carefully pulled the silvery strand of memory from his mind and deposited it into the pensieve.



All three men stepped into the memory, and Harry watched again as Remus Lupin moved closer to Ron and he and Sirius told them all that Ron\'s rat Scabbers was really the animagus Peter Pettigrew.



Harry felt his throat constrict as tears welled up in his eyes. Seeing them like this made his loss that much keener. This was the only way he would ever be able to see these men again – in memories. Never again could he fire call Sirius, or enjoy comfortable silence with Remus. They were gone.



The memory shifted, and they watched Sirius\' explanation of what had happened on the street that Halloween night so long ago after Harry\'s parents had been betrayed and killed, and Pettigrew had framed Sirius. The memory shifted again, and they watched as, at last, Ron handed Scabbers over to Remus and he and Sirius forced him to transform back into his human form and confess. When they\'d left the memory and returned to the Minister\'s office, Kingsley spoke up again.



"As you know, Minister, Sirius Black was murdered by Bellatrix Lestrange here in the Hall of Mysteries the night Voldemort returned. Peter Pettigrew was found dead later, by his own hand, after the Battle of Hogwarts, and Remus Lupin was also killed in that battle," Kingsley said solemnly, "however, clearly this memory has not been tampered with in any way, and is enough to clear the name of Sirius Black. You have the full confession of Peter Pettigrew contained therein."



The Minister sat silent behind his desk for so long that Harry was about to speak up when the man himself finally spoke. "Very well, Shacklebolt.....Harry....I will issue a full pardon posthumously to Sirius Black, and prepare a press release for the papers. But Shacklebolt.."



"Yes, Minister?" Kingsley replied, taking the piece of parchment the Minister shoved across his desk at him.



"That\'s a writ of arrest for Severus Snape charging him with the murder of Albus Dumbledore," the Minister said with a gleam in his eye that Harry took a distinct disliking to. "I expect the Aurors’ office, indeed, you yourself, Shacklebolt, to apprehend Snape. I\'ll petition the Wizengamot for an immediate hearing of the charges. The Aurors’ office will be notified of the date. I\'m sure the Wizengamot will have no objection to setting a trial date for the immediate future. The public has been clamouring for avengement for Dumbledore\'s death for over a year now. Everybody knows Snape did it. We simply weren\'t able to touch him while he was under Voldemort\'s protection. The same as with all these other blasted Death Eaters."



Unable to stand anymore, Harry suddenly burst out, "Voldemort\'s protection?! Voldemort murdered Severus Snape in cold blood! He set his great filthy snake on him and she ripped his throat out! Voldemort stepped over him like he was no more than a piece of rubbish! He just walked away and left him there to bleed to death, alone, without even a glance back! Severus Snape is a hero! If it hadn\'t been for him, I never would have lived to vanquish Voldemort! You wouldn\'t be Minister right now if it hadn\'t been for Severus Snape!! He..." Harry stopped in horror at what he\'d just said and gazed wide eyed at Kingsley who was glaring at him dangerously. Harry turned to look at the Minister fearfully.



"Voldemort murdered Snape?" The Minister frowned, "but I thought you said....." and trailed off abruptly, a still and vacant look suddenly coming over his face.



It seemed to Harry that the next few moments hung in the air for an eternity, as if the world had suddenly stopped, and then Kingsley was nodding at a confused looking Minister and saying, "You have my word, Minister. I\'ll personally see to the matter of Severus Snape myself."



"Oh...erm....right, right, Shacklebolt," the Minister said faintly, "...be sure you do."



Kingsley nodded again, said "Good day, Minister," glared pointedly at Harry again, and ushered them from the office.



Kingsley Shacklebolt was a big man, with a long stride, and Harry had to hurry after him as he strode down the corridor, every muscle in his body tense with what Harry knew was anger. He knew he\'d made a fatal mistake, and he knew that he was about to face the music over it. Bracing himself he followed his boss into the same alcove they\'d talked in earlier.



"I\'m sorry, Kings..sir," Harry began immediately, but Kingsley cut him off abruptly.



"You don\'t have permission to speak, Potter!" The man said with a thunderous look, and Harry immediately shut his mouth.



"If you were a full Auror, Potter, you\'d be suspended as of this instant for that little display back there, and when I did decide to reinstate you, you\'d be stuck behind a desk for so long your arse and your chair would become one!" Kingsley growled menacingly.



"Yes, sir," Harry said, and something told him it would be wise to face the man as he did, rather than hang his head in shame.



"I don\'t have room in my office for an Auror who can\'t follow orders and can\'t control his temper, Potter," Kingsley continued, "and I especially don\'t have room for one who doesn\'t stop and think before opening his mouth. This isn\'t a game, Potter, it isn\'t Hogwarts where the only consequence your actions bring is detention. This is your career, this is real life, this is danger, and the consequence is your life. I shouldn\'t have to tell you, of all people, this Potter!"



"Yes, sir," Harry repeated, swallowing hard. He was unaccustomed to being spoken to like this by anyone other than Snape.



"I asked you to join the Aurors for a reason, Potter, because I thought you had what it took, but I\'ll tell you right now, I\'m not Dumbledore," Kingsley continued, "I\'m not going to coddle you and cover up your mistakes for you and pat you on the back and tell you everything will be all right. Aurors can\'t afford stupid mistakes like the one you just made, so unless you want to spend your career rescuing kneazles from trees for Squibs, I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself, Potter, and learn to think before you act."



And wasn\'t that what Snape had been telling him for years? "Yes, sir," Harry said, "it won\'t happen again."



"See that it doesn\'t," Kingsley said in his normal tone of voice. He let out a heavy sigh, and let his body slump against the wall. "Go ahead and speak freely, Harry," he added.



"You aren\'t going to get in trouble, are you?" Harry asked tentatively, still stinging from his dressing down.



"For obliviating the Minister of Magic?" Kingsley said and gave a harsh laugh. "No, probably not. I\'m Head Auror, I obliviate people all the time, it\'s part of the job, although usually not my own boss."



"I\'m sorry, Kingsley," Harry said and this time did hang his head.



"Remember what Dumbledore said?" Kingsley reminded him, "We\'re to keep Hermione Granger\'s part in this out of it. We don\'t want her charged with theft and illegal use of a Time Turner, even though between you and me, I agree with what she did. I did it for that reason, Harry, not to save your skin. If you\'re going to be an Auror, you\'re going to have to take responsibility for your own actions. And mouth."



"Yes, Sir," Harry said.



"You\'re the youngest person ever to join the Aurors, Harry, and the only one ever invited to. Everyone else has to apply and then pass a load of tests just to be accepted into the training program. I fought for you to be allowed to do so, the Minister and the Wizengamot all thought you were too young, even though you defeated Voldemort," Kingsley told him.



"I had a lot of help with that, Kingsley," Harry said, "you know that. You were there."



"I didn\'t ask you to join because you\'re The Boy Who Lived, Harry, and I didn\'t ask you to join simply because you defeated Voldemort, because while it definitely took courage to do what you did, you and I both know it was Voldemort who ultimately defeated himself through his own...."



"Stupid mistakes," said Harry, "I do know that."



"You\'re a powerful wizard, Harry, you have skills and experience that nobody else does, you have good instincts that mean you usually make the right choices," Kingsley said, "that\'s why I invited you to join the Aurors. I hope I didn\'t make the wrong choice."



"No, sir," Harry said with resolve, "you didn\'t."



"Then we\'ll look on this as a learning experience," Kingsley said, clamping a hand down on Harry\'s shoulder and squeezing, "you are after all still in training, and you\'re allowed to make mistakes there. The question is, will you learn from them?"



"I think I have," Harry said, grateful not to be asked to leave. He didn\'t think he could have faced telling Snape and Ginny that.



"Good," Kingsley said, "now you can go to where ever you\'re keeping Severus and tell him that I\'ll be coming round tomorrow to arrest him and bring him before the Wizengamot to face murder charges. I expect you to secure his wand, and to keep him from running. This is a test, Auror Potter."



"Yes, sir," Harry said, although he couldn\'t help but think it was a punishment for not reigning in his big mouth more than it was a test of his skills as an Auror. He wrote down the location of Spinner\'s End for Kingsley on a scrap of parchment and handed it over to the man.





Then he went home to face Severus Snape and tell him what he\'d done.







*************************************************************





"You. Did. WHAT?!" The man exploded when Harry told him, "Did I ask you to clear my name, Potter?! Did I ask you to help me at all?! Ever?!"



"But Severus," Harry countered, "you don\'t deserve to have to hide for the rest of your life! That is no life! And you don\'t deserve to be known as a criminal, as a traitor...."



"I never wanted this life in the first place!" Snape shouted, "I was perfectly happy where I was until Granger had to interfere! Granger and Dumbledore and the blasted Boy Hero!!"



"But I\'m not the hero!" Harry protested, "You\'re the real hero, Severus! You..."



"Silence!!!" The other thundered, reminding Harry unpleasantly of his school days. "Do you have any idea of what you\'ve done?! So the Side of Light proclaims me a hero! Do you think that will matter to the Death Eaters when they come round?! Do you think they\'ll be calling me a hero?! Did you ever think of that?! You\'ve just signed my death warrant, you stupid boy!! Did you think of that?! Do you ever think at all?!"



"I won\'t let the Death Eaters get you," Harry tried again, but the man turned on him, laughing harshly.



"You won\'t let the Death Eaters get me," he sneered venomously, "what are you going to do? Spend the rest of your life with Granger\'s Time Turner, bringing me back to life again and again just so you can ease your own conscience? So you can continue playing the hero over and over? So you can torture me for several more lifetimes as you\'ve done in both so far?! You Gryffindors and your pathetic need to "make things right". Your constant meddling! Well it\'s only your convoluted sense of what\'s right! I\'ve told you again and again, Potter, life isn\'t fair!! Accept it and move on, but no, you never learn!"



Suddenly, Severus ran out of rage and energy, slumping into his chair in exhaustion. He rubbed his hands over his face and said in a dull voice, "You can\'t save me, Harry. For your own sake, face up to that, I beg you. You have your whole life ahead of you; you\'re engaged to be married to a beautiful and talented young woman. You\'ve got a dream career with Shacklebolt and his Auror office. You\'ve got the Weasleys; people who love and care about you. You\'ve made all the right choices, and you deserve the life they\'ll lead you to. Concentrate on that, please. Marry Ginny Weasley, have lots of ginger haired, green eyed children and live for them and yourself. Don\'t throw it away in the futile attempt to save that which cannot be saved.....doesn\'t want to be saved."



"Don\'t talk like that!" Harry said, his voice choked with emotion, "How can you say you want to be dead?! Voldemort is gone, you\'re free! You have a whole new life ahead of you as well! You can do all the things you just told me to do! You can get married and have children, you can have a career too! I\'m sure McGonagall would give you your old job back at Hogwarts! That wouldn\'t be so bad, would it? Or...if..if you don\'t want to teach anymore, you could open your own shop. People always need potions and you\'re a Potions Master! And as for the Death Eaters....I won\'t let them get to you, Severus. I\'m going to be an Auror, but until I am, Kingsley and the other Aurors are on the job. And…and anyway, what about me? They haven\'t come after me yet and I killed their boss!"



The older man just shook his head, a wry smile on his face and said quietly, "Ever the idealistic Gryffindor. Don\'t make me your noble cause, Harry, you don\'t owe me anything."



"Yes, I do," Harry said stubbornly, "no matter what you say. You spent your whole other life keeping me alive, right up until the moment Voldemort killed you, all because Dumbledore held my mother\'s memory over your head. You say I have a convoluted sense of what\'s right? Then you\'re being a hypocrite, aren\'t you? What makes it okay for you to want to help me because you think you somehow owed it to my mother, but it\'s not okay for me to help you when I actually do owe you? I owe you my life."



Harry stopped speaking, as two more words were hovering on his tongue, and he knew the other wouldn\'t react well to them. But in his mind he added: So there!