Shades of Truth

Shades of Truth

Chapter 17

*****

The next morning, Draco wouldn’t see him.

He spent his day writing letters. He wrote one to Draco, apologizing for making up stories which meandered off into a maze of half-finished explanations as he tried to justify the truth without telling Draco about Snape. He gave up and crumpled it up.

Then he wrote a series of letters to Snape to ask advice, or how he was, or if he needed anything. Those he crumpled up after they reached the second sentence.

Next, he tried a letter to Ron, to explain he didn’t want to make him angry, but it really wasn’t fair, what he was doing to Hermione. That one he tore in half then crumpled up.

After that, he tried writing to Draco again, this time saying how he missed him and wanted to see him. He started crying, which smudged the ink, and he couldn’t bear anyone seeing it, so he crumpled it up as well.

Finally, he wrote Hermione to say that he needed to talk to someone because he was lonely and miserable. He’d nearly sent it when he realized he sounded fifteen, felt foolish, and let it join the detritus on the study floor.

He cleaned up and went back to Azkaban, ready to be turned away. He wasn’t.

He nearly flew to the interview room, full of anticipation and worry. After what seemed hours, Draco entered, from the opposite door.

“Hello.” The blonde was the first to speak. Harry felt his heart was racing, and his chest ached with it. He was short of breath, and he could think of nothing to say.

“I’m sorry.” That seemed a good start.

“Hermione told me about Snape.” Was the delayed response.

“Sh—she wasn’t supposed to.” Harry was clearly surprised, but he didn’t bother trying to lie again.

“I know.”

“I had to swear, or I would have told you.” He continued. “I asked him, but he wouldn’t let me.”

“I know.”

“I got a letter from him, so he’s alright. If you were wondering.” Harry wanted to close the small distance between them, to embrace Draco, to kiss him, to feel his heat, but he felt sure he could not do anything until Draco gave him some sign that all was well.

“I know.” He replied again. “Hermione told me.”

“Oh.” Harry felt a bit lame.

“She came here yesterday.” Draco spoke again, “She thinks I should forgive you. Because you were just keeping your word.”

“What do you think?” Harry asked, his nervous anticipation building.

“I think it’s a rotten excuse to lie to me. If you think about it, you’re basically saying you care about him more than me. Sacrificing honesty to me for a promise to him. Plus, you made me think you were sleeping with someone else, which was probably the worst part. Bill Weasley. Honestly, if you have to lie about who’s living with you, you could at least have the courtesy to pretend you’re living with someone unappealing, like McGonagall or Cornelius Fudge.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not a very good liar, and I panicked.” Harry tried not to smile at Draco’s petulant tone as he gave this advice.

“Yes, well, it’s a good thing you weren’t a spy in the war. You would’ve been found out right away.” Draco crossed his arms over his chest. “And I expected more from Granger. She’s an Unspeakable, but she didn’t even hear me come in, just kept talking about your roommate. And you’re an Auror! Did they just automatically give you that job because you defeated the Dark Lord? Because I find it hard to believe you passed all those stealth tests on your own merit.”

“Probably they gave me the benefit of the doubt.” Harry shrugged, not disputing Draco’s suspicions.

“So I’ll probably be angry with you for quite a while. So you know.” Draco explained haughtily. “But I’m not supposed to make up with you so we can do the last retrieval and go to trial already. I don’t want you to think what you did was okay. I don’t appreciate being kept in the dark on something that directly relates to me. So in the future, as much as your goody-goody Gryffindor friends admire your noble sense of obligation to others, I admire your nobility only when it favors me. Keep that in mind, and be prepared for the consequences if you ever do something like this again.”

“I will be.” Harry nodded, still repressing a smile that kept twitching at the corners of his mouth.

“Well, then. Was there anything you had to say in your defense?” Draco shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He had clearly been expecting an argument.

“No, not really.” Harry shrugged.

“Okay then.” Draco let his arms unfold, his hands falling to his sides. “Well, you can go.” He turned, but quick as lightning, Harry snatched his wrist and pulled him back around, using the momentum to bring him close and crush their lips together in a hard, desperate kiss.

There was only a moment before Draco was returning his attention just as enthusiastically, his fingers finding flesh under robes and pressing into it forcefully as Harry’s mouth wandered down from his own to triumphantly claim his throat, then the junction of his shoulder and neck, tugging at the collar of the prison robes so forcefully that he felt it tear under his hand, but did not bother to relent. His questing mouth moved over Draco’s collarbone to the hollow of his throat, fascinated with the changing texture and curve of skin pulled taut over his form. He wanted more, to see how light would fall over the entirety of him, all his curves and angles and planes, the way they met and the contrast between each area, and the color of his skin, how some areas would be paler than others, the way all of it felt, which places were softest and roughest, and wonder at all of him.

But he knew that he would be coming to a precipice he was not ready to fall into if he gave in to these desires. Not here. Not now. He could imagine how Draco’s skin would look against his stark-white bed sheets, and only by concentrating on that image, and how much he would prefer that to seeing Draco against the cold stone floor of Azkaban’s interview room, could he find it in him to control himself. Draco clearly still remembered their decision from before, because he kept all his groping from edging any lower than Harry’s hips.

“I missed you so much.” Harry whimpered, his voice quivering and breathless. “I kept waking up at night, thinking of you, wondering if I’d ever get to be with you, and then I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and it was too late to come and try to see you.”

“Mmm,” Draco signaled his understanding as he meticulously nibbled every bit of Harry’s jaw line, from his left ear down and over, back up to his right ear, where he began edging down his neck.

“I thought I’d go crazy waiting for you to just…speak to me, even.” Harry continued, his fingers digging greedily into the soft skin that was covering Draco’s jutting hips. “I couldn’t bear it, if I had to go so long without ever seeing you again.”

“It was only five days.” Draco broke off his investigation of Harry’s disappointingly snug collar to scoff at his complaint.

“You…didn’t miss me?” his response was plaintive.

“I didn’t say that.” Draco grinned triumphantly as he found the top fastening for Harry’s robes and popped it open, revealing a tantalizing triangle of flesh he eagerly attacked.

“I…after you got out; were you…Did you plan to live with your mother?” Harry managed to ask, causing Draco to look up in confusion, his brow furrowed.

“Okay, can we make it a rule not to mention my parents while I’m trying to have a good snog?” Draco asked.

“I’m sorry…I was just trying…” Harry could feel the blood rushing to his face. It was as though his cheeks were on fire. Draco heaved a sigh.

“Well…I don’t know. I guess so. It’s Malfoy Manor, and I am a Malfoy. It may be odd, though. I may just get my own flat. I guess I hadn’t thought that far.” Draco answered finally. “Why?”

“Nothing, no reason.” Harry was still too terribly embarrassed, and he could hardly look Draco in the eye.

“Were you…going to ask me to live with you?” Harry didn’t answer, but his brilliant complexion was all the answer Draco needed. “Oh Merlin, you’re so enamored you want me all to yourself?” he asked teasingly. “Well, I’m sorry, but I think it’d be awkward when my many lovers kept coming to visit. I have to be free, you see.”

“It was a stupid idea,” Harry’s voice cracked slightly, “I’m sorry.”

“Harry, I was only teasing!” Draco tried to turn Harry’s face so their eyes would meet, but he kept turning away. “Harry, are you crying?”

“No,” Harry replied feebly as he tried desperately to marshal his emotions.

“Harry, please, there’s no one else, I was only joking. It wasn’t even that funny. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Draco explained in a rush.

“I know.” His voice was scarcely above a whisper.

“Then what’s wrong?” Draco demanded. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“Nothing, I’m just…tired. I should go.” Harry forced a smile, but still wouldn’t meet Draco’s eyes.

“No you don’t!” Draco grabbed both of Harry’s arms. “Just tell me. Please, we were happy a second ago. If you want me to live with you so much, we could try it. Don’t be mad at me, it isn’t fair. We only just made up.”

“You don’t have to live with me.” Harry tried to escape, but with no success.

“I could stay with you while I look for a flat. Don’t you live in London, anyway? It’d be convenient, really, and if I just decide to stay, or…I mean, if we decide, we could do that, or I could live on my own a while, see what we want to do. Just take things as they come.” Draco suggested. “Plus, it’d be hard to have time alone if I lived with my mother. It would be fun.”

“No, really, it wasn’t that.” Harry assured him, “We don’t have to move in together when you get out. You’re welcome, of course, and I think it’d be great…I just…”

“Just tell me,” Draco’s tone was gentle as he stroked the side of Harry’s face. “No more secrets. They cause too many problems.”

“Well, I guess…I just realized,” Harry took a deep breath, steeling his nerves. “I realized, I want you to be around all the time, and I want you to be happy, and it’s all I think about, making sure this all works out, and you get freed, but almost more than that…”

“Harry?” Draco prompted after the other fell into a long silence.

“I think…well, no, that isn’t right. I’m messing this up.” Harry raked a hand through his hair, desperate to make himself understood. Trembling with nerves, he looked up, meeting the concerned silver gaze. His tongue was frozen, he couldn’t say what he needed to say, so he grabbed Draco’s shoulders, gently leaned forward, and kissed him softly on the lips. The kiss was sweet, and lingering, and as he broke away, Draco leaned in, his eyelids fluttering over flushed cheeks, his lips parted slightly. Harry tilted his head, bringing his lips to Draco’s ear, and he finally found his voice again. “I love you.”

Draco stayed as he was, leaning toward Harry with his whole body, and he let out his breath in one long, shuddering sigh. There was silence between them for a long time, and he finally turned his face slowly into Harry’s neck.

“Say it again,” he breathed huskily, “Please.”

“I love you.” It was easier the second time, somehow, but he suddenly realized that his fingers had tightened their grip on Draco’s shoulders so that he might now feel a sharp ache, and would probably have bruises to show for it later. Draco seemed oblivious to any of this; he sighed blissfully and wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist snugly.

“When you say it,” he whispered into Harry’s jaw, tilting his face to be heard, “I believe you.”

“Well, I do.” Harry wasn’t sure what the proper response was when someone said something like that, and he couldn’t help feeling a bit awkward.

“I love you, too.” Draco’s voice washed over him like warm satin, and his hesitation evaporated instantly. They kissed and clutched frantically for a while before Harry broke away for a moment.

“Now would be a good time to be out of here.” He told the other man. “Do you think, being who I am, the guards would stop me if I took you home with me?” he was obviously kidding, but he said it so seriously, Draco couldn’t help laughing.

“Maybe you could spend the night here. Tell them that you’re going to need to keep me under extremely tight surveillance, and you just can’t trust anyone else to put in the dedication required to monitor such a hardened criminal.” Draco suggested, and Harry couldn’t stop himself laughing as well.

“Well, there’s nowhere else I need to be.” Harry shrugged. “I’d rather hide out here than be home when Hermione finds out my attempt to help her with Ron was likely a complete backfire.”

“Why’d she get you to help? We’ve already established your lack of stealth.” Draco teased. “Don’t get me started on your relationship savvy.”

“I tried to warn her.” Harry replied, shaking his head.

*****

To be Continued…