Living in Darkness

Chapter 17: The Dagger

Harry was staring. Staring at Hermione like he had never seen her before.

"Hermione... are you telling me that... Malfoy?" She nodded at him without looking up. Harry shook his head trying to comprehend what she was saying...

"How... exactly, did that happen..."

"Harry, Malfoy was a very complicated person... The arrogant prick that we knew him as in school was just a façade... he was real when I was with him... He was just like us Harry, thrown into a world that we had no control over, we just had to accept it for what it was... Malfoy was born and raised a Death Eater and had no choice in his actions... He would have been killed had he denied it. I was there Harry... the night that he murdered Ginny... It was like he had died inside, he wasn't even human anymore... The pain had consumed him... and then it happened. I wasn't aware of what happened that night until very recently. But from that point on, he treated me differently, not knowing who I was of course... and... well... Harry I fell in love with him and he changed. He would have joined our side, I know it, but then you and Ron came in..." Harry was looking at her starting to become sick... "I murdered the father of your child..." Harry said, in a monotone voice. She just looked at Harry with large, dark eyes and stopped breathing. Hermione burst into tears and left the room, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts.
The next year seemed to pass by the survivors of the final battle like a cloud passing slowly in front of the sun. It was quick and dark. Hermione never accepted any job; her money from the ministry was plentiful for her small expenses. Her mind was often clouded with fantasies about what her life could have been like... She lived a lonely life, only seeing Harry and Ron who had come to check on her often. She had the child, a boy, who Harry had come to love very much. He was the only thing Hermione lived for... his features ghostly reminiscent of the man who controlled her thoughts... Harry visited often, just to visit... it seemed to be the only thing in the world that made him happy. He felt responsible for Hermione's misery even though she never blamed him and also felt responsible for the child not having its father.

Harry, Ron and Hermione often tried to find solutions for the current state of things, but it was just out of their hands now. None of them were happy, but they forced themselves to maintain normalcy in their lives, if only to please the wizarding population. The world was now facing horrors only the UK had experienced so far. The fact that these Death Eater organizations were decentralized only made it more difficult to fight. It seemed when one leader was taken down, three new ones replaced him. It was impossible to fight that kind of enemy. There were attacks daily reported from various cities, yet neither side had gained any ground. It was a constant bloodbath and no one knew what to do.
Draco sat alone in a dark room. He stared at his darkened silhouette in the cracked mirror. Cold wind numbed his skin as it whipped through the window, but he barely felt it. He barely felt anything. He barely heard anything, he barely saw anything. The only thing he could see was his pale, distant reflection in the dusty mirror. This had been his room at his family's estate in Scotland. It was in a rather poor state, having been neglected for over a year.

He continued to stare into the mirror. He could hardly recognize his face. It had been so long since he had last seen it. He tore his eyes away from the reflection and looked at his hands, making sure it wasn't a dream.

It had taken him a year... but he had finally done it. He had found a way to restore his body. He looked at the dagger he gripped tightly in his hand.

The same dagger he killed Ginny Weasley with.

His horcrux.

He set it down on the dresser. No reason to continue to look behind him. He had things to do.

Draco stood up and left the estate, walking into the city of Edinburgh. There was so much life in the city... something about it seemed to incense him. He watched people and their mannerisms as if trying to decide how he should be acting. It was cold out. He decided it must be winter. It was dark, but the Christmas trees and lights illuminated the city. It hurt his eyes.

Draco suddenly stopped. He looked around at the passerby's. No one was paying him any attention. Curious, he raised his hand. He had long lost his wand somewhere in a distant memory. He moved his gloved hand in flicking motion and the lights drained from the city.

Draco smirked in the darkness.

He was now superb at wandless magic.

The panic arising in the streets pleased him and he disapparated.

XXX

Hermione looked around her apartment. She had candles lit, scattered everywhere, just enough light to see. It seemed peaceful to her. She sat on her couch and looked out into the darkened sky and rested her head in her hand. She could faintly see herself in the glass... she looked horrible. Her eyes were dark with shadows around them. Her curls were limp and her lips never smiled. There was nothing to smile about.

She heard the door click and was unsurprised that Harry was back already. He was always here, not that she minded, but she knew it was because he felt guilty...

She closed her eyes. If only things were different...

She took a deep breath continuing to look out the window as she called to Harry behind her.

Draco watched her for several moments, the memories flooding back to him as if it had happened only yesterday...

She looked so sad... her hair was darker, nearly black and very different from how he remembered it. He could see her face in the reflection, not paying any attention to him. He didn't really want to disturb her. She most likely didn't even want to see him...

But she was so beautiful...

Draco looked around the apartment. She had hardly decorated since the last time he was here...except...

He shifted his gaze into the next room. It was separated from the living room, but had an opening. He went inside. There was a piano there... he sat down, studying the keys.

He could hardly believe it... it was his... so long ago... she had kept it...

He felt his pulse increase... and she hadn't cleaned it...

Draco brushed his fingertips across the keys, wiping the blood from them so they were perfectly white once more before he played.

Hermione felt her blood chill when she heard the music. Such eerily... depressingly... familiar music... She rose abruptly and turned around looking towards the other room... she felt her heart beat increase dramatically as tears leaked freely from her eyes. It burned her with each step she took, the hope that smoldered inside of her, the pain she knew was soon to come already rising steadily.

It simply can't be him...

She felt herself move closer to the opening to the room as her feet delicately traversed the wooden floor. She could see inside the room now... she took another step... she could see the edge of the piano... one more...she sucked her breath in painfully...

There's no way...

Right in front of her eyes, Draco sat clearly visible, playing the same song he had so long ago...

She felt hot, feverishly hot, as her eyes remained locked him, tears streaming down her face...she shook her head as she took another step closer...

She had to be hallucinating... he was dead. She watched him die... but he looked so alive...

Hermione froze...

Draco could feel her presence. It was soothing to him, to have her so near... He continued to play, postponing the inevitable just a little longer... It was the first time he had felt like this in a long time... that's when he heard it.

A child... he stopped playing abruptly. He had to have heard wrong... but no, he could still hear it.

A baby was crying. All the comfort he found previously vanished in an instant. He stood and turned to face her. She looked sick... and scared...

She turned around and left the room. After a few long moments of shock, Draco took a few hesitant steps out of the room and saw her... holding a child...

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him... he drug his eyes up to hers...

She was staring at him with pain... like she was trying to find a way that he wasn't really there...

After several long minutes, she whispered to him.

"Are... are you a ghost..." Her eyes were dark and tearful as Draco approached her and touched his ice cold hand to her cheek. She shuddered from the chill, but didn't back away.

"Can you feel a ghost..."

"No," she said, trembling, "what are you?" Draco looked at the child, seeing its silver eyes.

Hermione couldn't take her eyes off of him. It was like he was right there in front of her... it was so real, she was scared to look away for fear of not seeing him when she looked back. He was looking at his son... his hair gently falling across his forehead. He was so perfect... he looked like he hadn't aged a day, he was so close to her...

Without a word he reached out and took the child out of her arms. Surprisingly, she let him.

Draco looked at her, "This is... my child..." Hermione nodded.

"Your son."

"How old is he?"

"He's three and a half months."

"What's his name?"

"Ladon..." Draco looked up at her. She met his gaze and didn't look away.

"Malfoy... Draco... how is this possible... I watched you die," she finished with a fresh wave of tears.

Draco looked away and walked over to the window with Ladon.

"Hermione, the Dark Lord was aware that I was losing my passion for the dark arts... he did the only thing he could to ensure he was in control of me... he created a horcrux from Ginny's murder. I wasn't even aware until it was over... The curse is the only reason I was able to do it in the first place... it was what allowed me to take her life...From that moment on, I have only had a torn soul... unless I was with you."

He set his son down gently in his crib.

"You were the only thing that kept me sane..." Hermione looked like she was ready to hyperventilate. She sat down quickly, looking to the floor.

"So... your not dead..." Draco looked at her dryly... this wasn't going as quickly as he would have liked.

She suddenly looked up at him severely.

"So where have you been, it's been over a year... why haven't you come here sooner?" she said, her voice wavering on the brink of anger between the sobs.

He looked at her, realizing what she had went through. He looked around the apartment, truly realizing she was alone... with his child.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't have been here any sooner..." he said, wanting her to stop crying.

"Draco... do you have any idea what things have been like?" he looked at her, not believing she would turn to self-pity. He soon realized he knew her as well as he thought he did.

"Draco, your Death Eater clubs have revolted against the wizarding governments. The world is in a state of chaos. Everyone else is experiencing widespread terror only comparable to the war we just ended. There is nothing we can do though... the groups operate independently of one another and has no chain of command. There is no way to stop them... there is too much support for the dark arts now. It won't be long before the wizarding societies completely fail...and get to us... again..."

Draco looked out the window. Everything seemed so peaceful... he found it difficult to believe that what she said was true. But simply because their location was safe at the moment didn't mean it would be forever. He looked at her, noticing the distress she was in just from thinking about it too much.

Draco closed the space between them and pulled her face up to look at him with his gloved hands.

Without a word, he pressed his lips to hers with such passion she lost all prior thoughts. His bangs brushed her delicately while his lips bruised hers with nothing short of ecstasy. He slid his hands into her thick hair and gripped tightly as he kissed her. He finally pulled his lips away from hers, now red and swollen.

"Hermione... I'm sorry for what I did... I didn't want to... but I couldn't control it..." Hermione pressed her fingers to his lips.

"I've had too long to think about it... I don't want to think about it anymore, I just want you."

Draco couldn't help but love the desperate passion he saw in her eyes. He felt her release his cloak from his shoulders and pull open his shirt. Her motions were frantic and he wondered if she had been with anyone else...

When he finally pulled her pants off her rather shapely hips he had his answer. He leaned over her, her body shaking subtly, lying on the floor. Her skin was hot, so warm to Draco. He placed his hand under her head as she rested it against the floor.

He simply couldn't believe she had given birth to a child... his child... He looked at her in disbelief.... She was the mother of his child and she was his, only his... He pressed his lips to her soft skin, caressing her lovingly. Her breathing was erratic and he could feel her heart beating frantically while she closed her eyes tightly. He pulled his lips from her and tugged her panties down to lie forgotten around one ankle. She opened her eyes, staring deeply into his, trying to warn him.

But he seemed to understand, because when he pressed into her, he was slow and gentle, forcing all sense of instinct from his mind. She was so fucking tight he could hardly stand it, but he knew she was in pain.

So he kissed her as he pushed harder into her, feeling her moan into his mouth. He kissed her harder, not allowing her to focus on the pain, pressing his fingers through her dark hair, holding her still. She looked into his eyes as he pulled out of the kiss and felt such intensity with him so near, that she pressed her hips up suddenly, forcing him the rest of the way inside of her. A small gasp left her lips, but the look of pain on her face soon dissipated as she adjusted to accommodate him. Draco smirked.

"Mad at me for knocking you up yet?" Hermione laughed despite herself and wrapped herself tightly around his body.

"Never," she whispered, running her hands across his chest. She moaned loudly as he pulled out of her and thrust back in, making her breathing become unsteady again.

She felt so good Draco didn't think he would allow himself to climax... he never wanted to leave her warmth again, she felt too bloody good...

"You are so fucking beautiful..."

Draco had abandoned all caution... She was in total bliss anyway, the pain long forgotten, as he rammed his cock into her depths forcefully, his hands gripping her hips tightly. It was taking all she could to stop herelf from climaxing ridiculously early, but when she did, Draco never thought she looked so beautiful. Her muscles clenched around him so tightly he didn't think he could handle it,, but he held out for a few more moments, letting her enjoy the extreme high as long as she could before his cum filled her. It was Draco's turn to breath hard as she looked at him with his eyes closed. Sweat lined his brow as she licked her lips. Nothing was as intoxicating as he was. Nothing.
Draco watched her sleeping form in a trance for several minutes before he set the letter on the bedside table. He knew he couldn't stay here... he would surly go to Azkaban... and there was no way he would be a burden to the only people he cared about in the world... and there was no way he would go on knowing all of this was his fault...

He held his son one last time before he put him back in his crib and left the apartment.

XXX

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

Yay!!! Are you guys happy now?? I read all the reviews after Draco died and laughed. I can't believe you guys think I would REALLY kill Draco!!!!! Me!!! Ya Right!!!$#!!! Lol :) Thanks for reviewing though, I love them all lots!!!

So did NOBODY realize he created a horcrux back in chapter 3?!?!?!?! Sheeh! lol I didn't make it too obvious on purpose though!

Not sure how much longer the story will be. We'll see.

Amanda