Up the Duff

:::::::::::::


“Well gentlemen,” Poppy Pomfrey crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at both Draco Malfoy-Potter and his husband, Harry Potter-Malfoy as they sat, side by side on the bed in their room. “Since neither of you could be bothered to read an important book concerning the health and well being of your babies; I suppose that I shall just have to explain things to you as simply as I can.” Poppy stared at them both as if she was of the opinion that they were too stupid to breed anyway.

“As you know, pure blood wizards have adapted over the centuries to allow procreation even in times of persecution and war. One of these adaptations is a pure blooded males ability to conceive.” She nodded at Draco. “However, it does little good for one to conceive a child unless there is a strong possibility of both parent and child surviving the birth.”

Severus Snape and Narcissa Malfoy shared the only other seat in the room. A small love seat that fit neatly on the other side of the bed, near to where Harry sat. They quietly observed as the matron strictly lectured the vampiric couple on the ways of the world.

Poppy Pomfrey stood at the foot of the bed to make sure they could all see her, and hear everything she said clearly. Unfortunately for her, that meant that she could hear everything they said too.

Severus leaned over and whispered to Narcissa. “I told you they’d never make it past the illustrations in that book.” He got an elbow in the side for his troubles. Narcissa was miffed about being lied to. It also earned him a filthy look from Madame Pomfrey.

“As you are well aware gentlemen....” Poppy started to continue, but halted as someone knocked at the door. “Come in.”

Argus Filch stepped into the room with Mrs. Norris hot on his heels. “Sorry to be a bother Missus....” Argus stuttered, while the cat started purring and rubbing against his leg. “But there were some ‘orrible screamin' comin’ from the Potions Classroom, and I thought Id better check wif the Professor..... Make sure nuthin’ hinky was goin‘ on.”

Everyone turned and looked at Snape. “Ummmm... Yes.” He said as he tugged nervously at his collar. “Everything is just fine Mr. Filch. Thank you.”

“Its ma job.” Filch nodded, tossing his lengthy, luxurious mane of black hair over his shoulder. It was done up in rather a fetching long braid today.

“Why was someone screaming in your classroom Severus?” Draco asked curiously.

“It was..*cough*.. nothing.” Snape lied, and squirmed under Narcissa’s accusing gaze.

Draco had known his Godfather long enough to tell when the man was lying. He nudged Harry in the ribs, but got little response from his husband.

Harry was too busy goggling at Filch’s cat to notice much of anything to do with Snape. The Duff had certainly left its mark on the feline just as much as it had on Draco. The cat was enormous now, almost as large as a house elf; and it flicked two tails as it circled Filch’s knobby ankles. The second tail had started sprouting the very day after Harry had rescued her from the Duff’s icky clutch. It was now fully as long and furry as its twin.

Filch turned to leave, and the cat gave them all a dismissive glance before turning and following her master from the room.

“Professor...” Harry said.

Snape glanced at him. Potter looked thoughtful. That was never a good sign.

“What?” Severus said warily.

“I was just wondering…” Harry cocked his head to the side and looked him up and down. Oh no. Severus experienced a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. This could not end well. “Everyone that came into contact with the Duff has been changed in some shape or fashion. Except you…”

Snape just stared at him. “What?”

“I was just wondering Professor....” Harry studied him closely. “Have you noticed any changes since you got slimed? I mean.... has anything maybe.... grown.... since you came in contact with the Duff, or were you somehow immune to the effects?”

Severus opened his mouth to tell Potter-Malfoy to mind his own damned business, but before he could get the words out Narcissa leaned over and gave Harry the boldest, most lascivious wink she could manage. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She said in a voice that dripped pure sex.

Harry’s mouth fell open. Draco’s eyes went wide, then he snapped his eyes shut and clapped his hands over his
ears. “EWWWWWWWWWW!!! NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!” The blond vampire furiously, and loudly chanted. “NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!”

Narcissa leaned even closer to a shocked Harry, and whispered conspiratorially. “He has to tuck it in his sock to keep from stepping on it now.”

“NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!” Draco pleaded to anyone that would listen.

Severus felt his face flame hot with embarrassment. When would he ever learn? Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Malfoy.

Harry was staring at his professor with a horrified look plastered on his face. Clearly he was very sorry that he had ever asked. Severus comforted himself a little with the thought that Harry would also be stuck with a Malfoy for the rest of eternity. At least he wouldn’t be suffering alone.

“Ahem!” Poppy Pomfrey came to their rescue, and Harry and Severus were both nearly faint with joy. “If I may have your attention?” She motioned to the still chanting Draco.

Gently, Harry gave his husband a tiny nudge.

Reluctantly, Draco opened his eyes. He slowly lowered his hands from his ears and blinked at Harry. “Is it over? Please say its over.”

Harry nodded. “I think so.”

“Thank Merlin.” Draco sighed with relief.

“Gentlemen.” Madame Pomfrey said sternly, but Harry thought he saw her lips twitch. “I need your undivided attention if you please.”

Draco and Harry nodded. They were both quite happy to give Poppy their full and undivided attention at the moment.

“As I was saying,” The matron continued. “conception is just a small part of the story. A live birth requires that both parent and child are able to survive labor and delivery.” Poppy motioned to Draco. “For that to take place naturally, you must have a birth canal for the child to pass through.”

Draco nodded hesitantly. “So... you mean....” The blond sat back with a stunned expression on his face. “Bloody fuck! I’m going to have to squeeze these things out, aren’t I?!

Poppy crossed her arms over her chest. “Well Mr. Malfoy-Potter, exactly how did you think they were going to come out?”

“Surely there has to be spell for that!” Draco sputtered. “People cant just go around squeezing tiny human beings out of their bodily orifices on a regular basis! Its barbaric!”

"It's the facts of life." A slow, almost evil smile spread across the face of the Medi-Nurse. “I assure you Mr. Malfoy-Potter....” She said with no little satisfaction. “They DO.”

Draco blinked rapidly several times. Harry started edging away from him on the bed.

“And you WILL.” The nurse continued with relish. “Your body is already preparing itself. That’s why you woke up this morning transformed into a female.”

“But...” Draco grabbed Harry by the belt before he could flee. “Even in a female body, wont that be painful?”

Poppy nodded with a gleeful twinkle in her eyes. “Excruciating.” She smiled.

Harry was quite sure that Draco would choose a lovely jar to house his testicles in after this was all over. He tried to scoot off the bed, but his husband had an iron grip on his belt.

“Of course....” Poppy looked pensive. “It is quite early for you to be transforming just yet. Generally, a wizard doesn’t start changing until they are close to delivering. Usually, around the end of the ninth month.”

“I feel so special.” Draco glared daggers at Harry.

Poppy grinned. “I’m assuming the change has been triggered by the overabundance of hormones you have, because you’re expecting twins. The huge dose of Duff probably is partially to blame as well.” She pursed her lips. “When you figure in how powerful both these babies might be magically.... its really not surprising that things are happening a little quickly in your case.”

Draco rubbed his swollen tummy with one hand, while still keeping a death grip on Harry with the other. He felt his babies kick inside him in response to his touch. His babies. His and Harry’s.

Draco let go of Harry so abruptly that he nearly tumbled right off the bed. The blond nodded. He could do this. Women did it every day right? How hard could it really be? These were his babies, and whatever it took to bring them into the world safe and healthy; he would do it.

Harry would be with him. They could do this. After all, women were the weaker sex, and they somehow managed it. It should be a piece of cake for a male Malfoy-Potter.

But you’ll be a woman when it happens; a tiny voice in his head nagged.

Ill still be the same on the inside, Draco assured himself. That’s what counts.

If a frail female could survive giving birth, then surely so could he.

Draco gave his nervous looking husband a tentative smile. “We can do this Harry.” He said with conviction.

Harry hesitantly smiled back. “I-I believe you.”

The blond vampire gave his tummy a small reassuring pat. They could do this. They would do this. Whatever it took.... and if the pain got too bad... Well.... Draco already had the perfect testicle jar all picked out.


TBC….

A/N: Narcissa was just exaggerating to embarrass Severus because she was rightly pissed with him for lying, and hiding the fact that Lucius was in the castle. It was a fib about the six foot pecker. Severus' socks are perfectly safe. I promise. O_O
:::::::