Dear Lily *COMPLETE*

Dear Lily



I am sitting against a cold, damp stonewall, water is dripping through some slight crack, the storm outside is horrendous, and it kept me awake. A small bolt of lightning flashed which lent the dark cell some light for a small second. I am chained and am just about managing to write this. The wind howled and whistled like a lonesome wolf does at the moon.



I was about to put the diary aside and go to sleep when the hatch door opened clumsily and some indescribable slop came through the door, but it was welcome. I scrambled and lay flat on the floor stretching to the bowl. I picked it up and ravaged the food with my dirty fingers, the muck tasted like a poor resemblance of porridge, it had bits of meat and vegetables in it, an all in one meal, not appetizing but heavenly considering the amount we get to eat here in this god forsaken place.



After my hands became greasy with the food I wiped them on my robes. It was not nice but I realised what I must be looking like now, I scratched at my chin where a beard was beginning to grow, I felt the whiskers, they were course and rough, I touched my hair, or what was my hair now it had turned into it's own life form, I knew my purple robes were looking a little worse for wear. I wrinkled my nose; the smell surrounding the cell made me reach and I went to the corner to throw up.



With sick dribbling down my chin I had an added thing to make me feel less happy. I actually began to grudgingly admire Black for putting up with this for twelve years but I didn't have twelve years, I knew I could get out of this any time I wanted to but it never seemed the right time. The Dementors patrolled the corridors like no tomorrow and when I thought I could swap forms someone from the Ministry visited me, but it never was Arthur or Kingsley; it was always Umbridge, or Rufus, or someone else who thought like them. I even had that brat Percy come to visit me, his attitude irked me, and I didn't understand him at all. He had a loving family, he was in Gryffindor, he had, had friends and yet he turned out to be a real bastard. It’s true, Lily. Honestly if I had, had parents like Arthur and Molly I would have been nicer to them, treated them with the respect that they deserved.



Just to show what an idiot he is Lily, I will recount the entire incident to you.



I heard the cell door rattle on the outside; the Dementors were fiddling about with the lock. The heavy oak and iron door creaked open. In walked Percy Weasley, well walking is one way to describe it, it was more like strutted in the way a peacock struts around the ground.



"I had a feeling I'd see you in here someday," he said haughtily.



"You rat!" I hissed.



"Excuse me but it wasn't me who killed Dumbledore," he said calmly.



"Oh, really? The way you treated your mother and father wasn't exactly nice you know how heartbroken your mother was when you returned her Christmas present that year? She couldn't talk for days."



"A miracle happened then," he said. "I'm sure my father appreciated the silence. Honestly, it's embarrassing the way she screeches sometimes, like a fish wife!"



I was trying very hard not to whack him at this point. Okay so then I had little respect for Molly Weasley but I understood her pain. Her own son turning against her made her a tragic figure for a whole year and I must admit I did feel sorry for her.



"She does not screech like a fish wife," I snarled. "And she deserves more respect from you considering the sacrifices she made for you, you ungrateful twerp!"



He scoffed. "As far as I could tell it is not against the law to sever all ties with your family, I did so because I wanted to keep my job!"



"The way you did it you could have killed her and that would have been considered manslaughter," I came back with.



"I am not here to discuss my unworthy parents, I am here to ask if you plead guilty or not guilty to the charges laid against you?"



I studied him for a moment, this impudent smug boy, I wondered why he became a Gryffindor, he had all the hallmarks of a Slytherin, even down to the self-preservation. It made me go back to the time when I was sorted, the time when the hat didn't know where to put me; it was meandering between Ravenclaw or Slytherin for quite a while. I was snapped back to reality by some impatient clicking of fingers.



"Guilty!" I exclaimed. "I am after all a man not a mouse!"



He narrowed his eyes and walked up to me.



"Don't you even think about insulting me!" He hissed.



"Why? what do you think you can do about it Weasley?"



He punched me on the stomach. I doubled over on the floor in agony.



"I am more important than you will ever be, Snape!"



"You should have been a Slytherin for the good Gryffindor has done to you." I got up still wincing but not letting him realise he got me.



"Oh," he said as he opened the door again he turned back to me. "If what I hear about your feelings for Hermione Granger are true then you better be careful, she's a werewolf now; you really don't want her to end up in the shameful condition that Lupin is in, do you?"



I wished I were strong enough to yank the chains off the wall and pelt him with several Crucio's but that would not have bettered my position. I watched his retreating back and waited until the door clanged shut before I let out a sob.



************************************************** ***************



Another period of time in this horrible place Lily. I was going to get out again but as I was about to be Ebonium again I heard a voice that I wished never to hear again. It was still suave even in this place. It still had the silky smooth quality that I grew to hate.



The door creaked open again and in came Rufus.



"Minister," I greeted.



"Mr Snape," Rufus said flatly. "I know this isn't usual but I have bought over an old friend to visit you. He wouldn't let me leave until I granted his request."



I didn't have to be told who it was, he put in a foot and then crept around Rufus, I saw the shock of golden hair, matted now and he had a blonde beard covering his face. It was rather odd to see Malfoy all rough and patched. But his eyes were still like ice, and like I said, his voice was still confident and arrogant.



"I shall be waiting outside," Rufus said.



He sloped out the cell.



"Well, well, Severus," Lucius said. "I hear you have achieved the unachievable."



"What might that be Malfoy?" I asked coldly. His eyes sparkled frostily.



"You have managed to find a girl to actually like you, although that girl is also a werewolf, and you almost became one yourself. She's also a Mudblood, hmm, another one, Severus? I really thought that Evans cow was out of your system.”



"I love Hermione but I am not sure if the feelings mutual," I lied. "She has far too many friends to worry about me!"



"I also heard that you killed Dumbledore," he said walking up to me, his smile under the beard had no warmth to it; it was just because he could do it. If his eyes were any colder I would have died of hypothermia by now. He put his arms around my shoulder and smirked. "I thought when I heard that, that you had come back to us but it seems to have drawn you further in their circle."



"Some of us has a conscience, Malfoy," I said through gritted teeth. "Yes, I killed Albus but I'm not proud of doing it." I shrugged his arm away from my shoulder. His very presence disgusted me, to think I once looked up to this guy like a big brother and now I wanted him dead. Why hadn't the Dementors touched him? Come to think of it why hadn't they touched me? Of course, Severus, the answers obvious they're working for You Know Who and they think we support him.



"Hermione Granger," he mused putting his matted hair behind his ear. "Now that my wife is dead and our Master wants her to join us I suppose I could, I mean after all my last memory of her was as a young woman, and only she can stare me down, I think it would be fun to try to tame her, I’d love to chain her up against the bed and -"



"Take one step near her Malfoy!" I threatened.



He laughed a hollow, mirthless laugh.



"I'm not afraid of you, Snape, nor am I afraid of your new friend Potty boy!"



"You should be afraid of him Malfoy, he's more powerful than you think!"



"Is he now? Your trust in him is touching. But forgive me Snape, he's no more powerful than my dolt of a son."



"Besides Malfoy there's a flaw to your plans, You Know Who wants Hermione for Greyback!"



I saw Malfoy pale when I triumphantly announced that.



"G - Greyback?" he stammered.



I nodded. "Greyback!" I confirmed.



He backed away a little.



"Oh, well, perhaps I can think of someone else then," he said faintly, he knocked on the door.



Rufus came in and took Malfoy back, he then came back to me.



"Mr P Weasley has told me that you intend to plead guilty," he said.



"That's right, like I said I am a man and it's about time I took responsibility for my actions."



Rufus sighed and he limped up to me his stick thumping ominously the beat to my death tune.



"If you are truly serious, Severus, then taking the plea might mean a reduction in your sentence."



"Life time in Azkaban instead of the Dementors kiss."



"Might not be," Rufus said. "You could get out of here if you promise to co operate."



"What do you want me to co operate with?"



"I hear that there are several Death Eaters that are still roaming free and it would be nice to see them sealed back here where they belong. I have had Harry Potter banging on my door every day demanding your release; it is beginning to get tiresome. And I am getting a headache from it. Also that Granger has been showing me case files from the past proving past histories where people who have truly repented managed to get away, she is acting like your lawyer I believe. Looks like if she'll keep this up we might have to re-think that law concerning the issue of employment and werewolves. I must say she is rather impressive and dedicated to releasing you. I believe sometimes she even slips and calls you her husband! She won't let it rest either!"



I was stunned by this information. Hermione thinks of me as her husband. So does that mean then…



"You mean if I am willing to snitch on my former ah! Acquaintances, then I can walk away scott free?"



"Not entirely. You see, you have to keep up the good work, wouldn't you? You may not be useful as a spy any more but you can still act as an informant, we will be finding another more useful spy."



"Who might that be?" I asked warily.



"Well it seems that He Who Must Not Be Named has earmarked a new follower by turning her into an agent of the dark. Hermione Granger would do well enough, she is already a Werewolf, and she has already, um, mated, shall I say and she could go back tail between her legs and accept the mark!"



"No way!" I exclaimed. "If my getting free is going to jeopardize Hermione's life I won't do it!"



"Severus, this isn't the time for sentimentality," Rufus growled in his lion like way. "We will make sure Miss Granger won't come to any harm besides she has already agreed to this herself."



"She wouldn't!"



"Wouldn't she?" He put his hand inside his robes and then bought out a scroll with a ribbon wrapped around it. "Look at this if you don't believe me."



I snatched the scroll out of the Ministers hand and untied the ribbon and rolled it down to the end.



It read.



I, Hermione Jane Granger, agree to go back to You Know Who and do as he wills for to act as a spy for the Ministry of Magic and the Order, I will only agree to this action if Severus Christopher Snape agrees to these terms that he will act as an informant, that he will say all the names of his former acquaintances and renounce properly in front of the court the role of Death Eater, once he agrees to this action I will do as I, Hermione Jane Granger, promised I have signed already in full faith that Severus Christopher Snape will uphold the end of his bargain and will do as the Minister of Magic Rufus Leo Scrimgeour asks of him, Harry James Potter and Remus John Lupin are my witnesses to my signature and they have signed forthwith



.............



"That space is there for your signature," the Minister pointed at a row of dotted lines.



"Don't I need witnesses?"



"They are waiting for you at the Ministry," Rufus said grabbing back the scroll and rolling it up.



"Who are they?" I asked.



"Arthur Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt," Rufus put the scroll back in his robes. "I must actually say there is another reason that we need you out of here rather than in here, a body has been discovered and the Muggle Police forensics put the death at around a month ago, when you were actually with the Order."



"Whose body?" I asked, a sinking feeling went down my throat and into the deepest pit of my stomach making me feel nauseous.



"Sadly that of Minerva McGonagall! A Scots terrier discovered a piece of green tartan near a bush he picked it up and gave it to his owner, the owner asked the animal to show where he got it from, only to discover the rotting remains of Minerva McGonagall, I am afraid there will be no Hogwarts for the foreseeable future!"



"How?" I asked. Although I didn't really have to.



"AK, something I would think you were familiar with," he said back, he actually had a tear in his eye when he said the name. I sneaked in a look quickly; I knew he didn't feel anything, as it was only a gentle probing. The discovery shocked me rather. This man loved her in his youth. He was a Gryffindor, I saw it, poor man.



I looked at my shackles. I managed to extend my hand.



"Agreed Rufus."



"Thank you!"



"Now get me out!"



He got his wand out and released me with a spell. He kept the cuffs on my wrists and led me out of the cell. The day outside was muggy and I could tell the rain was going to come down again tonight.



"Do you want to have a good scrub first?" he asked.



"No take me to the offices, I will sign there, and then I’ll go back home to scrub up."



He nodded.



"Are you sure Hogwarts is closed? Can’t Flitwick or Sprout take over? Or what about Horace Slughorn?" I asked.



"Slughorn?" Rufus asked scornfully. "That cowardly scumbag!"



"What do you mean where is he?"



"Your guess is as good as mine!" His expression went flat and hard.



"I know Slughorn has his faults but surely you don't think there is a connection between his disappearance and McGonagall’s death?"



"Huh! Look at the way he acted before he got his job back, I believe he even faked his own death before he came back to Hogwarts. He is at the end of the day a Slytherin!"



"Meaning?" I asked.



"You know perfectly well what I mean!" He exclaimed.



We went back to the Ministers office where Arthur and Kingsley were standing there. Rufus rolled down the scroll flat on the desk he bought out a quill and dipped it in the ink, it was one specifically designed for legal affairs once you signed with this quill you were bound! It was more or less the unbreakable vow without the death bit, although the consequences of not seeing it through might make you wish you were dead!



I took the quill tentatively and signed my name, then I handed it to Arthur and he signed and then Kingsley sealed the deal.



"Welcome, Severus," the Minister smiled. "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic!"



"What the?" I asked.



"You can only do what you signed to do if you became an Auror. Nymphadora Tonks and Mad-Eye Moody have both agreed to take you under their wing."



The Ministry finally got their hooks into me, something that I had been trying to avoid for quite a while. And what was going to be more humiliating was the fact that a former pupil of mine was now going to teach me!



"Aren't I a little too old to begin training as an Auror?" I asked.



"No one's too old to learn new things, Severus," Rufus said coolly. "And with your skills you should be up and running in no time. You are already an animagus, illegal but we could grant you legal status now you are working for us, and your potion skills are second to none, also you have knowledge of other things, you my dear boy are just what we need."



There was no camaraderie in that speech, it was calculated and calm.



"You won't be calling me dear boy when I become Minister for Magic!" I threatened through gritted teeth.



Arthur and Kingsley exchanged a mischievous sparkle. They appreciated the joke.



"Splendid," Rufus said. "Now you can start tomorrow, make sure you're bright and early Severus!"



Great, Lily, this is just great!



Now I am Auror extraordinaire, if I hadn't killed Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts would still be open and I'd still be in there teaching potions, and none of this would ever have happened. I could still hate Harry Potter, I could still call Hermione Granger an interfering know-it-all, and I could still patrol the corridors and become what I always wanted to be.



The Headmaster of Hogwarts.



If He hadn't killed Narcissa Malfoy I'd have done it myself for getting me in this predicament. No, I smiled as I apparated back to Grimmauld Place; no Bellatrix Lestrange was still alive.



Thank Merlin for small mercies. I would kill her next! And for killing a Death Eater I'd be practically doing my job, wouldn't I?



I got back to Grimmauld Place and Hermione was waiting for me. One look at her frightened expression for what she had promised to do for me made me regret for wishing for it all to go back to normal. I ran up to her and embraced her. She hugged me back in return.



"Clean up and then Harry wants to see you. Then Mad Eye and Tonks. After that if you're still awake, we need to talk, and er? Well," she blushed. “Perhaps if we have time we could finish what we started in your home.”



I was startled. This girl was as stubborn as anything, as I was going to say no she kissed my cheek I suppose it might not be a bad idea.



"I missed you so much Mia," I said in her ear.



"Mia?" she asked.



"It's shorter to say and it's nice don't you think?"



She giggled girlishly.



"Thank you."



I went upstairs to take these disgusting robes off and have a good long soak in the bathtub. I took some shampoo it had Lynx on the label, I shrugged and used it, it took ages to get the tangles out of my hair even with the magic spell. I then shaved my beard off making me look more presentable then with a delicately placed towel I went to my room where my new burgundy robes were laid out, with a toy stuffed Lion, Miss Weasley's idea obviously.



I got dressed and sighed. I was back home, I was back amongst friends and now Lily I faced my sixth life - oh all right I will say it's my fourth.



Dark thoughts of revenge seeped my imagination, revenge on Bellatrix Lestrange, and all who are her friends. But most of all revenge on - on say it, Severus, you know you can - on Voldemort. That felt good.



Beware Bellatrix. Beware! I got your cousin I can get you!



Severus



A/N - Tee hee, not quite such an evil cliff hanger I hope. I hope you liked today's updates, the only way I'm going to know how is if you review... so please?